Day 54: Self conscious living words of Mediocrity

 

 Feeling self conscious about giving advice and not doing it myself?

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when I am giving advice and being a philosopher as if I am filling a loss ever more further and not realising that I am not acting on what I am reading and saying to others and especially to myself. Especially if it is coming from me, and how I am reading information from books, listening to audios and if I am not able to act on the information then I am truly ever more dishonest. In fact this happened all the time, because I don’t know how to apply the information, it’s just giving me insight, and how I don’t even know what truly the living word is, when in fact, I understand that I am living words that are not best for me, for that which i was programmed with and within living the predetermined life, and how I as well, made it to be a life of it’s own and how the backchat and internal conversations are not serving me best to live this life, and how I don’t know why and what that is truly for me to live something that I have no idea about and have no true context to apply in my life. Because I don’t know how to do anything truly for the better at all whatsoever, even when it came out personal development, and how I consume so much of it and not take any proper efficient an faultless action, as if I know the information already, but in fact, if I am not doing it, then I don’t know it, nor do i know how to even properly live it, at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to say something that I am not living and do the exact opposite of what I am telling my son and how I am not doing what I am saying. Therefore, I have contradicted and lied to myself in complete dishonesty and mediocrity to the point of stupidity as if I am not understanding my own abusive message and how I am not able to convey and live what I am saying. Because in fact, what I am saying is pure abuse and theory, and theoretical bullshit that is not real, and that is not what’s best for all, nor is it best for me, nor for my parents, nor for heirs and then theirs and then theirs again and theirs again and then theirs again. And how I was not able to live anything and how I completely contradicted myself being the ultimate hypocrite of all time and how I am projecting that bullshit onto my son and especially to myself as I am witnessing the bullshit to myself as well in the biggest joke I am. And how I am nothing but an abuser that is not doing what’s best for anyone, nor for myself, nor my son, nor for my wife and/or anyone at all. That I am truly nothing but a dishonest deadbeat fool, who knows nothing. And after I do give my advice, I feel so self conscious about it and to never act upon it, knowing deep down that I am dishonest and I don’t know what I am talking about it and that I am not living the living words of what I am saying. I am only living the opposite and abuse of my information that I am saying and how my son will do the same in mediocrity and how he will never achieve what he aspires and inspires to do in his life because of what i had projected onto him and how many things he is living as breath will not manifest in real physical life, and same for me as well. Within that, I am nothing but a dishonest abusive philosopher, saying good things, but not doing it and how good it sounds, but if I am not doing it, then what is the point of my say and expression, it has no purpose, it has no meaning, therefore, it meaningless, with no purpose at all, whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I was sharing my advice and saying in front of a group and how I was expressing myself to the whole group and eventually, my advice came out to be embarrassing, because i was not living it. And then eventually I went into comparison and cried to myself and in front of everyone proving myself wrong that I am struggling and not living the information, and how I was abusing myself so dishonestly. Not being true and authentic, because I am learning and saying that I am not living and how I don’t know how to apply it and live it, therefore, I am nothing as well but a deadbeat loser as well, and self loser, who does know how to self direct himself and to truly have self possession over myself. But I never could do that, because I never knew what the true meaning ever was, even when I did see other people succeed and how IT was comparing myself to others and how others were doing better. When in fact, I was doing nothing, because i never knew, making money, requires action, and it requires effort, leadership, teamwork, and focusing on the physical breath to do what is best. That in fact, I never could do that, because I didn’t know the true meaning to my words, and how my words were meaningless, and therefore, I was going to be trapped forever, being nothing but a slave, living words, that i don’t know and don’t have the authentic and true meaning that i want to live that is best for me. Within the proper definitions that i don’t even know and how I am just speaking just to speak and just to say, just to say, but not do anything about it, in the physical but feed my mind with information as if I know a damn thing, but I don’t. And how dishonest and embarrassing it was that day for me to cry in front of everyone, and how dishonest I am, showing my philosophy that wasn't working in my life, how in fact, i was in reality, filling a loss on E as empty meaning to my life, and empty meaning to my words that i am not living. Filling a loss ever more further, as the starting point was and is as the starting point of mediocrity and inferiority for the worst. And how each and every word that I would say and express and share, I was always somewhat apt to share, but i wasn’t living it, I was only getting mere realizations and never really acting on what i was saying, therefore, I was only living meaningless words and how there was no life and action and sound words and sound action to my life. And how my father never had the same either, and how I never knew that action was ever to be required and along with my effort to make money in the physical, instead of imagining in my mind all day, for even a second that turns into reruns in minutes and hours and hours on end. And nothing gets done in the physical, therefore, I was always in my mind, and got angry so easily and exploded on myself and to and in front of others, and lost relationships and business forever. Not ever considering why I would do those things, because I was so frustrated with my life, that I never knew what to do ever, no matter how hard I tried at anything, everything was so hard for me because I never knew how to do anything with meaning and purpose. And when i do express my philosopher and philosophy with others, I would feel self conscious deep down, and deep down I was feeling very dishonest and empty inside, and then when I would say I was going to go talk with 10 people to do my business. I didn't do it, because I was only operating out empty meaning and no purpose, just expression of the starting point as filling a loss on E as empty, and filling a loss further and ever more, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I truly have no self direction and self possession over myself and how my mind has taken over me and how i am not able to operate in the physical like I want to be and create a life that i want. And how I am fantasizing about it in my mind, over and over. But i don’t know how to do anything in my life, therefore, everything was somewhat difficult, because it was me as the mind who was making it difficult to act on what i say and do it regardless of how I feel and trust myself in the physical to do things. But no matter how I tried at everything and anything, nothing was ever going to truly amount for me. Because i would always trust my mind to do things that are not best for me and how I never truly had self trust, self direction, self possession at all whatsoever, nor was it the case for me to realise that I was nothing but a copy like my father. And how he never had self possession, and self direction, and was a piece of shit just like me and how other people have sabotaged themselves to say those things to themselves and how i am living the words being of a piece of shit and not doing anything worthy and of merit with my life. Therefore, things will not be inevitable to foresee anything that could’ve been the light at the end of the tunnel, and how i stood in the middle of the tunnel, going back and forth on both ends and how I never went out of the tunnel and always stayed and never exited. Because i thought once a train comes, I can truly make it out, but the train never came, and if does come, I’ll get annihilated, because i am not aware of how I may abuse myself into oblivion and to get out, before it's too late being in the tunnel way too long. Sleeping and sleeping walking throughout my life and not living the information and getting so many insights to share and do with and for myself and with others. But sooner or later, it was never going to happen, because I never knew what it is like to live information as the flesh and be in the physical and to create here as breath and not in the mind all the time. Because nothing in my mind is of worthiness, because of the predetermined preprogramming that is not supporting me, because I am and was and still living the words of mediocrity and hypocrisy, as an inferior deadbeat loser who knows nothing but to philosophize about anything and everything. And getting so many different insights, but I am not getting any results, because I am not even knowing and understanding how to apply myself, no wonder I contemplate and waste time even before and even at the last minute to make things not of actual physical reality, therefore, nothing has ever happened for me ever since. No matter what i do and don’t do, majority of the time and most of the time, I am not doing anything about the words and living information for and into my life, I am only filling a loss further, and on empty as the starting that was deemed to be and redeemed again to be the ending point, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I am looking to do something, I am not in actual realisation that i should be doing what I am saying and meaning to and how I am contradicting myself at the last minute. Even if the action is good for me, but in fact, i contemplate in complacency and not do anything as if it is too hard for me when in fact, and reality, I am only ever in fact, being dishonest with myself and willing to be here in the physical and will myself and will myself to forgive and do what’s best for me and  for others around me in reality to do what is best for all. That in fact, when I say I and set out myself to do something, I end up doing something of watching a video, and/or multiple videos, articles, looking to buy something that I am so self conscious about and how it costs more than my own budget and how much i have left, even though I am not even making any money at all whatsoever, and just participating as a consumer slave, advocating myself in contradiction as if I have enough to buy what I want, when in fact, I have done nothing, and how if I do buy something that I don’t need quite yet. And how it is not essential to me quite yet, and if I do buy it, then I will end up going down the rabbit hole and not knowing what happened and how i got here. And how I will end up ruining my financial stability that I never truly had at all whatsoever in my life, and how  i seen my mother and father do the same thing, not ever realising what they’re buying and wanting to buy is what they don’t need and that it is not even essential to their life and how they don’t even use what they buy. And sooner or later, it takes up space and no action is made to make anything real and true to the physical life, but cluttering the mind, and as well as, cluttering the physical life possession, as self in directive irresponsibility for absolute delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and not realise that when i do something and feel embarrassed and self conscious that what i am doing and saying is not matching and aligning with what I am saying and expressing. Therefore, I am just being a lecturer, and philosopher and expressing my philosophy, filling a loss on E, as empty with no meaning and no purpose and no self direction and self possession of living my words truly as the flesh and in the physical acting and creating and making value to others and begetting money. But in fact, I was not doing that, because i didn’t know what true living words truly is, I am only living true losses that I am filling within myself and outside of myself in the physical, therefore, I am not doing anything about it, when it is clear and evident that my opportunity was there all along. And how i never realised to see, realise and understand that m opportunity was already there right in front me, just be predetermined preprogramming was stopping me, and how i was accepting and allowing it to stop me, and therefore, I was living mediocrity and inferiority in each and everything that I breathed, no matter what I did and wanted to do, everything was always at a loss being fulfilled and emptied out, forever more, further down the cliff into no man’s land for the worst.

When and as I see myself feeling so self conscious as if I am not following my own sayings and meaning to my advice and expression and being ever so mediocre about it, I stop and breathe and realise what the hell I am doing to and for myself and take self directive principle as within the physical and life itself to do and take care of what is here in reality.

When and as I see myself not acting and living the information and being self conscious about it and comparing myself to and against others as if I haven’t made it already, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself resisting my own change to live the information and words that I want to live, I stop and breathe, and do what I set myself out to do for my super success.

When and as I see myself contemplating on what I should do and experiencing myself as having no self possession and self direction in my purpose and what i am doing for my business and life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not taking action and making the required effort to make something real in my life and with others for business and along with acquiring and bringing in money and revenue, I stop and breathe.


When and as I see myself not being teachable to myself and to and with others who are credible and of where and who has the results and what I want to achieve in my life in a sense, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not being here in reality, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself expressing information that I am not acting on and living, I stop and breathe, and realise and figure out what I need to do to be one and equal to achieve what I want to attract into my life for the better.


I realised that when I was expressing the words and philosophy to others and how in fact and reality when I was expressing, I did not know the true meaning of living words and how I am in fact was and still living mediocrity and inferiority. Because I didn’t know what the meaning of words were and how to communicate them and get my ideas across and my message across clearly and in a compelling way. Therefore, nothing was ever to be achieved in that very time all my life, no matter what I was doing and wasn’t doing, majority of the time, because nothing was ever being created for the better. It was always some type contemplation going on, and how nothing was going and but in my mind, and how i was showing up to other people’s meetings and not doing anything for myself, as if i needed t delude myself that there was already proof and being other people’s chauffeur and not doing anything about it for myself to build my own business. And to waste my own time and other peoples’ time, just because they don’t have a ride to go anywhere either, so no wonder I never had any true meaning for my life and alway did things on empty with no meaning and purpose, and had no self possession and self direction over myself and in my life. Within that, nothing was ever a true success for me, because i had no true meaning to my words to have a meaningful life to live the living words to what is best for me. And my parents and other people around me, were not living the the living words that were best for them, they were only and always living mediocrity and complacency and contemplation on each and everything they did, even the excuses as well, that they’re too tired, they don’t want to do anything today, it’s early, it’s too late, a whole myriad of bullshit excuses that weren’t even true. They were only ever so comfortable with the lies that they were expressing to me and to themselves and even others, with no one ever realising that they should’ve challenged this person on their bullshit that wasn’t even real. But in fact no one ever did, because other people had the same shit qualities as well, being a loser, making the same excuses, as if they were true, but they were not, they were living lies, and mediocrity, and inferiority, for the ultimate delusion as if things are not absolutely here in reality. And how I was as well, and was taught to deny my reality and others reality and to accept and allow that others have also denied their reality and if they don’t want to do anything then I was accepting and allowing them to also deny their own reality. And how i was not ever challenging anyone on it, because i was also living as a self loser as well for the worst and not ever doing anything real and true with my life, therefore, nothing was ever real, at all whatsoever.

I realised that my parents never lived what they were saying either and how my friends and relatives were also doing the same thing without even questioning themselves either, because they were as well, living a life of the blind leading the blind. And sooner or later, everyone will become oblivious to the fact that reality was never here, when in and fact and reality, it was always here and nowhere else. And how many people were and are still experiencing this atrocity and atrocious bullshit that no one knows about, and how people LOVE to Deny reality and deny what life is and only accept and allow excuses that he/she cannot do something or anything because of priorities and TV and movies and dates, women, money, self interested atrocious bullshit that isn’t even best for anyone, nor for themselves at all whatsoever. Because they hate the fact that they have to be aware of how shitty their life is and how I was the same way, and was not willing to do it, in full self honesty, instead it was always in self dishonesty for absolute delusion and for the worst for the very wrong reasons for everything and anything I’ve ever done in my life.

I realised that my parents do not care about life, nor do they about themselves, nor anyone and how they do not have any meaning and purpose to life, and how i have come to realise that they did not do what was best for me. They only wanted me to get by, as they only got by in life, and to never have the developed of the best, everything was always developed into what was not the best and always into some type of atrocious failure that isn’t even cool to see. It’s so cringeful to see and experience why anyone would want to destroy their life, and they will never know, when and if one day, they will be so mad at themselves, that they’ve wasted a life that wasn’t even worth living. And how there was always some type of distraction and coping mechanisms to live and do things that are of mediocrity and not focusing on what is best, because doing what was best was never there at all. It was never realised, it was never of a recognition of anything, no one knew anything, and even myself as well. Because it was the blind leading the blind to nowhere and recycling into a forever down spiral, unless something changes, whether that could’ve been some type of catastrophic event that would happen in their life to change. But nevertheless, nothing will ever change, because it's so hardwired in them and within the electric strings and strands are flowing so slowly and in mediocre ways and disrupting the charges that aren’t even flowing in the right direction. And how people fear and how I fear that it is too difficult to go through and investigate. When in fact and reality, once i do go through it, and make the decision and multiple decisions over time, it will be well worth it to freedom into a whole new reality, where everything is available for the better.

I realised that I was so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do with information and words, therefore I never did anything and just sat there for hours and hours and hours on end. Not doing what is tough and what I am not even aware of, and how this happened to my whole life, no matter what i did and wanted to do, it was never to be taken seriously from myself, because I never took myself seriously with meaning and purpose. And how I saw my parents as well, not ever having the proper meaning and purpose to their life. And how I had done and did the same without ever questioning to realise and challenging why I would ever want to live like the people who never had their own best interest in themselves, nor did they have it in me at all whatsoever. And how my mother and father were always spiteful and ugly towards themselves and even towards me. Each and every time they did that, they were only projecting their insecurities and atrocious attitude patterns onto me and even reinforcing it upon themselves over and over and over and over again within years on end, with no actual true stop and realisation. And how their life is shit and worthless, just like mine, with no emotional and financial stability, and how I am having the same consequences that they are also as well experiencing, just at a different and varying degree for the worst. 

I realised that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of meaningless mediocrity and meaningless purpose, where there was nothing ever available for me, no good education, no good nutrition, no good of anything, nor were there any books at home to read and do anything about. And how that was never the case, nor could I even read properly and effectively and efficiently at all either, so vivid and distraught. And how I would ever so irrationally and how my parents would also do the same thing and how I am nothing but an irrational copy of losers who never had actual true meaning to their lives and how poor and broke and stupid and ugly they are, just like I turned out, no matter what I do and try at and go to inspire myself to achieve for and at. It will never work, no matter how hard I try, the words i was living and still living, are not what’s best for me. Nothing at all, whatsoever. And how no one cared about themselves, and how i came out to never care, truly and authentically for myself, either, and how my life has ended up nowhere I wanted it to be and what i aspired to want to have and achieve for. And how I never got it ever since. And how I was never apt to do it, ever at all whatsoever.

I commit myself to live the living words as the flesh and reprogram myself into what is best for me and as for equality and to take on more responsibility to become much more effective in my reality, no matter what it is for the better. To take more responsibility in my life and business, and to live and breathe the living words as pragmatic and practicality and simplicity within common sense for my ultimate perseverance and super success. Within the proper patience and effectiveness in all that I do in the best ways possible for my ultimate and super success. For as I see myself as the flesh and life resonance in reality and in awareness as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to take responsibility and more responsibility in every way and trust myself in every way to do whatever it takes to become stable emotionally and stable financially and to scale that financial stability to new heights with the help and support of myself and from others and for others as well. And to keep going and scaling and improving and adapting faster, than ever. Increasing processing abilities of information and living the living words for my ultimate super success in my industry and education itself directive principle here in the physical reality for the better. For as i see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh in reality and in awareness as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to act and take the required action as my breathing is like taking action each and every time, being aware of what is here in reality and taking care of what is here, and to get myself into an emotionally stable position and along with the major financial stability as well. And to achieve and aspire myself to keep going in understanding and applying myself in reality and in a awareness to apply myself in the physical reality. And to always keep going, to do what's best for  all and for myself especially. For as i see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh and as life and self directive principle for my ultimate super success!

I commit myself to show myself and others and get help and support others and myself that it is much more effective and efficient to live the living words instead of merely just saying them and challenge those, who are not in alignment with their words and actions and for what is here in reality. And to do it with respect and dignity and integrity for the individual, and if they abuse, I will abuse them back with respect and if necessary to do so, then I will. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness as the flesh as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to living the living words and information in my life and in business to lead myself and others who work with me, and alongside me, to create the biggest company and corporation of monopoly there is. To do what is best for the world, one step at the time and breath by breath each and every time, taking care of what is here in reality. And to improve and adapt our organization skills, and all departments, in a sequence and orderly process that is pragmatic and of common sense to do so and keeping score of everything, no matter what it is. Scale things gradually and understand and know when to pull the trigger to scale things in business and in life with purpose and actual meaning to our words and our deeds in actual physical productive purposeful and meaningful life for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness, as self directive principle to become a Captain of Industry as LIFE!