I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am afraid of dying, and wanting to suicide in my own assumption and feeding this lie like a freight train with no brakes, not knowing when to stop as the driver.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that suicide is the answer to all life and be happy and lose all my bodily pain and assumptions to put myself into a loopy loop rope and tie it up and put it on the roof of my room or any place that is stable and sturdy. And jumping off from the chair was already set up to begin with and how I am just in reality a slave to the conscious of my mind. And how i jump from thing to another and think that suicide is around the corner to what i was already doing at hand. And how I have come to waste my own opportunity and valuable breath that could've been redirected into what is best, and instead i suppose myself into assumptions of what i am not doing right now and how I should favoring my breath and physical space time onto the things that are seemed and deemed to be redeemed again and against as automatic patterns. As if they aren’t being realised by my own blindness what is here and going on an automatic pattern that is already there within me and how I’ve done it so many darn times that I can barely even realise what the hell i was doing that turned into a shit hole, where there is no way out. Unless i wake up and say, and question, “Hey you!, what the fuck are you doing?!” and stop and realise and come back to breath and realise what is here instead of suiciding on what i was doing and immediately abandon it, as if it didn’t even mean anything of the distraction and for what I was doing at the very starting point that was helping me go further instead of feeding my attention and wasted breath and focus on something that isn’t even producing me in any type of growth whatsoever at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to kill my attention and focus intentionally without even realising the automatic pattern of what is here at hand and immediately going from one thing to another. And realise that 20 minutes to an hour or more, turns out to be the whole day, and how when it comes to the end of the day, I’ve wasted so many hours and didn’t even bother to go outside and get fresh air and instead I waste my attention and kill it intentionally without realising what I had done this whole time and that whole day prolifically in the wrong direction that is up to no man’s land and nowhere land, in the middle of nowhere in my mind, instead of what is here at breath for other things that are of importance to be taken care of and for what I am at hand and task for myself and for with others as well.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to think of suicide and predicting my own death just because I am out of the war now, or anywhere else that I’ve been thinking about lately. And just participating more and more in my mind as if reality is not even here and how I am continuously moping and hurting myself emotionally like a deadbeat father who doesn’t know any better but to be in my mind. Where it’s cozy and dark and treacherous of false assumptions and memories that aren't even real to my own assumption, it is only what I have given my responsibility to what is here and how here as breath doesn’t matter and how I have given so much value to the assumptions and lies that have yet to be stopped through self forgiveness of my own and how it is best for me to forgive myself one time. And then totally give up and go onto something else as if it were to be the case to be so. Because I have been so complacent in predicting my own death to wipe myself out, because of the false lies and assumptions that I have given so much value to, that now it is me, and who I am and who I am further to become. When in fact, I am becoming more and more of my lies that are just pure assumptions that aren't even real, I am just trying to reassure myself of the lies that I think are real when in fact it is the biggest outcry for help from myself to feel bad and feel sorry for myself. When in reality, I have yet to question how I have been living in the way I’ve been living, and wake up everyday and do nothing in the morning and just cook and do nothing else and say life is boring and nothing is to be done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father and mother and parents, media, tv shows, advertisements, movies, tv shows as shows movies, cartoons, horror movies, action movies, and much more. And how we have allowed ourselves to suicide into oblivion and think that we are not quite ready to realise what true reality is and was for the better. We only saw it as a gloomy experience, that we’ll continue slaving away with what we’re doing and how we have yet to come to what life can really offer to become better people for ourselves and to show ourselves as the best role models there are. And how we have yet to come to that point, we have been stuck in our own ways and have yet to realise what life really is and what it can offer from our input and output of effective results. Instead we did things that weren’t what was best for all, and even for ourselves, sabotaging ourselves from our own thinking and how we have yet to realise the ways of thinking and operating for ourselves. That we have yet to even question why we do what we do and how we do it on a consistent and daily basis of inconsistency and operation. And how we can go from one thing to another, instead of focusing on what is here at hand, and then eventually getting a quick explosive anger out of nowhere, just because I didn’t myself do what I want and contradicted my own decision making and emotional bias of what i thought was the right thing to do. When in reality, the logic and emotion was a lie to no simplicity, but of difficulty that was nowhere to be found and raised to realise for the better of our attention spans that were so out of it, to the point of nowhere to go. But being here and feeding our suicide of attention and valuable breath on something that isn’t best for all, nor for our child or any of our friends, and most importantly, who see’s us and all of our atrocities, is ourselves as the ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a woman and man to go from one thing to another, without focusing on one thing at a time and getting it done. And how we have yet to realise what focus truly is, and then when we vacate our task and be not here within ourselves, we are in actuality, being in another place, in quantum time thought and realisation of what we think is the physical, when in fact, it is not that way at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that life is here, and being here and not in the mind, is nowhere else but here, and how participating more and more in the mind will never get me anywhere to get any type of valuable results. And waste time more and more here in the physical time space that we and you and I, are in, and how we have to waste so much time and valuable breath on things that don’t matter and redirect and direct our and my attention onto something that isn’t of worthiness to what is even here instead of energy and substance as the mind juices flow into different directions instead of the focus of what is here as attention. Instead of being so spacey in the mind going around in circles and circles, going in no direction but pure in(interested)(inter)(rested)ex(expression) of quality within myself. And how inequality will never swerve to serve me best into oblivion and obvious redirection, for now I was blind, but now I see.
When and as I see myself wanting to suicide my attention and my life into oblivion onto something is bring my attention to no man’s land and nowhere, I stop and breath and realise what is here to be done. I realise that life is here, and not in the mind and thinking that I need to go from one thing to another and be my inter-rest-ed, in my own internal, rest of education of the mind of going nowhere and how life is here to create, instated of wanting to be cozy within the darkness and treacherous shit that goes in my mind and other people’s mind that is just plain irrelevant bullshit.
When and as I see myself deviating from what is here and here at hand, I stop and breathe. Therefore, I realise that life is meant to be here and not in the mind, where we and I think that we should forgive our mind and not even do it prolifically in the best ways possible, and instead just try to move on, when in reality, it does not work that way, self forgiveness and self correction application is the way to life and rebirth as to become our best selves and versions of ourselves, and not some loopy loop fool who is his/her’s mind all day and think that all these random assumptions to our current and automatic tasks and ways of doing and speaking on a daily basis is the best way to go about anything. When in reality that is just pure abuse and manipulation.
I commit myself to revive and be here as breath and awareness and realise that life is here and what life can truly offer from my input and realise how amazing and simple life really is, and to show others and validate that the mind is complicated, but life is simple and is meant to be simple for the better. And how things are here and focus on what is here at hand and nowhere else, and breathe and realise that we are here and nowhere else. And focus on what is here at hand and focus on it one at a time, with proficiency and efficiency within the help of others and myself, and to give myself the life that i deserve and will create here for the better for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better as the living the living change for the better!
I commit myself to challenge others with respect and dignity to who try to suicide their life into oblivion and their attention to within their mind and when in reality, it is not that way, that we are here and nowhere else. Life is here, life is meant to be created by us and myself, so we can truly be creative and innovative for business and life for what is here and meant to be lived for amazing opulence and wealth for all and for ourselves. And to eventually change the system one by one with the new and upcoming 1% of the 1% for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better, and to live the living change as life awareness as life.
I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me and to realise them through self realisation statements to what I have reacted to and breathe. And to write self commitment statements and re-correct to self application to what is best for me and for all, and how i conduct and interact with others on a daily basis and with myself as well for the better. And to live the living change as awareness and life for the better, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better for my and our super super super success!
I commit myself to help my kids and wife and/or my family already, to help them understand through effective understanding that life is here and how we can truly enjoy stability within development, and when there is development, we will live and become the stability for the better. And how life can truly be wonderful as it is, and that we will solve the problems here at hand, instead of trying to make up some other conclusion that is outside of us in another country, we will get to that when we can, and be here as breath and life awareness for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance awareness to improve and adapt for the better!
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