Day 64: Spiting myself because I have no money

 Spiting myself because I have no money

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I do not have enough money, I tend to automatically go into spiteful mode and having to worry about money and worry about job security and having to look for the next certain amount of money to get to where I want to go. Just looking to get by and having the next $1000 bucks or more or less, depending on what is needed  and within the innate contradiction and hypocrisy that that isn’t best for me to experience. And how I am only spiting myself just because I don’t have enough money and how I am not in real realisation of doing what’s best for myself, no wonder I  am not whereI want to be and how dishonest my efforts and actions and actual commitments are, and how I try to threaten another, when and as I do not have much money and have to worry and panic and have to steal just because I am doing this to myself, and not even bothering and realising that I should be considering to take 100% responsibility for myself, and how I am not even in actual true awareness of what it is best to do for myself, and how I am not in actuality committing myself and putting the self trust in myself to make whatever I want to happen. And how this has been going on for years, ever since I  had my first job, and never had made any sort of true actual money and capital to  be real to support myself and invest it into the right areas of my life, no wonder there isn’t much in my life. Because I have accepted and allowed it to be this way, when in fact and reality, life has always been here and nowhere,  else, I was just not in actual true realisation of what is here for real, no wonder I am not able to make anything of true actual abundance for  the better. Because I didn’t even bother to reach out for support, nor was in actual realisation to what is best for myself, so I Can be able to get out of my situation. And how even at times, in the past, I would actually spend way more than what i had and sometimes I would be so tempted to wipe my own income out to the things that I “Think” I need, when in fact, it is not making me money, nor is it helping me for my health, even if I am not in true actual consideration for myself, and having to make an excuse of oh if I spend as much as i have right now, as meaning all of it, I wouldn’t have anything else to spend on. When my starting point was fucked, and how I wasn’t in actual true awareness of what it is to truly create money, not just make money, making is just earring, not creating, there’s a difference in that and how I’ve never realised that up until  right now, as I am realising this. And how simple it was, because I was not able to process the information, no wonder I am not able to see more than I should be actually seeing  to be able to achieve much more than what I would usually do and go after for. And how I would have some type of ulterior resistance to not making the correct right amount of money that I’ve always  wanted. But even when I do get to a point of making almost two grand or three grand, it feels as if I have so much, but I do not, because it is  just nothing, it is only me still getting by, thinking that i am what I am now and how I have become to see what seems like a lot to me. Because I’ve never had that amount of money before, because I never had the resonance of stability to be able to handle that, and even higher amounts of money, in the high 5 figures and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9, 11, 12 and so on. And that was never a reality for me, because I was just not in actual realisation of what it is to do what is best to do. And how my parents around me, never had more than enough money to make anything a true reality in their life, they were always just getting by and never making truly ever enough, no wonder I am making assumptions to what is enough or more than enough or a lot and how I thought I had made it. But I never truly ever made the actual effort to make anything to truly be real in abundance and prosperity of true actual wealth. And even if I lost most of my money, I would spite myself and how my body would overheat and get itchy and how I never knew why that was ever there, when and as I would lose a lot of money that was only a couple hundreds of dollars. And how I only had that programming that was only allowing me to make a certain amount and to still be a slave within the system still and nerve to realise what I should’ve been doing for my life for real. Because in reality, no one was truly there to support me, nor were my parents either, and how I was never able to achieve as much as I could have. And how I could handle so much, because  it was what I was giving off and feeling as the resonance of the energetic ways of what my life was in actual reality and internally and externally as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support my son and my wife and my husband, no matter if we have a lot of money or not, and when we did lose most of our money on bills, or other unnecessary things, and how my son would ask us. We would spite him and be resentful towards him and be so nasty about the actual question and topic of money, when we complain and have to pay bills and how we are doing this to ourselves, not ever realising that we were abusing our own opportunities and abusing ourselves and threatening ourselves to not ever have enough. And how no wonder our son would have the same in return to the point of not ever having enough to the point when and as he would see us not ever have enough money, we would spite ourselves and be nasty and complaining in a very ugly manner, to the point of return, and possessing ourselves to where we wouldn’t even know what to do but abuse ourselves, and how we would project that onto our child. And how no wonder, he will act the same way to some varying degree, no matter how much money he makes in his lifetime, to our own assumption as it will be predictable for him to not ever be able to make more than enough than he should have. And how if he loses a substantial amount of money that he is not used to losing, he will eventually spite himself and his body will overheat and itch and feel as if his world is coming to an end, when in fact and reality it is only a forever more detrimental coding program that was set into within him. To make him lose that certain amount of money and spite himself as a gapped that the code was corrupted and how we were the ones who had placed the corrupted program and inserted that by the environment and visual circumstance and event that would perceive to be as a challenge and how detrimental it will be for his operating system. As the body and mind, to take in strings and strands to not be able to handle making more than enough money in abundance. And how no matter what he does to gain way more than enough money or even to a certain amount of 1700 or 1,500 - 1,600 USD, he would easily spend it and not be able to make anymore than that, and how he will not be able to make any intelligent decisions to make anything of actual true reality. And to be able to keep his money and make something to be for real, and how nothing in his life has ever manifested. Due to him witnessing the projection that we have created and made for ourselves, no wonder he is acting the same way, as a detrimental copy to never have enough money or even way more than enough money. And it is not ever able to handle it. And to spite himself, when and as he spends a substantial amount of his own truth and capability.  And how we would eventually do the same each and every  time, that he would get something from us or we would spend the money to help him and how we would complain and spite him that we’re not able to have more money to make ends meet. And to be able to never make ends meet and to never have more than enough and to want to threaten our son and make him feel as if he is nothing and will not be able to make more than enough in his life. Even if he does start a business from seeing me as a father making my own business and creating money for it, although I only had a job from it. It never was an actual true business, to scale, nor did i ever hire anyone, because I never trusted myself for real, and to think that people would steal from me. In fact and reality I was only ever so busy creating and making money, no wonder I never thought of ever hiring anyone, because I was forever more stealing from myself and wasn’t able to make way more than enough to do something for actual true validity for the better. And how we never knew that this would affect each and every decision and advancement of any type of money he would create and make from jobs and/or his business, as if he will ever make anything due to the corrupted projection and how bad it was for him to see us spite him and yourself just because we don’t have enough money to make anything of actual validity for real for the better. And how it was never for the better ever since, it only got worse, and no one in the family was ever able to make more than $2,000 or $3,000 and majority of the time, not even maintaining and growing up to $2,000 and how it was never surpassed by anyone. Because everyone in the family ruined their own financial situation, and how it was all a culmination due to the struggle of me as the father and as a mother to project spitefulness when it came to making money and not even bothering to create it. We only ever had jobs, even if it was a business, no matter what it was. We never made a true profit and how we had to close our businesses, after a 1 or 2 and even when we didn’t know what to do right after to get back up and go within getting the momentum going. And how ever since after 15 years as a father, I had to close my job as a business down and never had anyone hired to my business, to help me and to expand to other places, but I was only ever so comfortable with only keeping one place and never expanding to bigger business and expanding to bigger shops. But I was only burning money and spending more on supplies instead of hiring and training other jewelry repairs and how no one was wanting to do this type of occupation and how i would be so afraid that if they mess up. I would lose a lot of my profits and how I would end up spitting on my employee(s), and even myself for the worst. And how it was already there and how I didn’t even bother to know why I had to sell off my assets and everything else. No wonder I wasn’t able to make way more than enough money to be able to make something of true actual validity. Ad how I felt so confident, just making $400 a day from the profits and thought I actually made it. When in fact and reality, I never actually made it. I was only getting by on ulterior confidence, soon to not ever know when everything will start crashing down and how I have to dissect my business and eventually close down and sell off everything. And eventually another bigger store took over my place and knocked down the walls and took over my space and everyones’ else’s. And how no shop in that particular area of shepherd was ever able to make it out alive, because of it’s heredity area, that has been there since the 80’s and 90’s. That’s when a lot of people wanted to fix their watches because smart phones weren’t out at the time, and the internet was up and running. But no one ever knew if it ever had existed for real. So no one ever since ever used it for real, even I didn’t. And in the early 2000s, life was getting better and as well as my income, and my business was getting better, eventually I took the shop to new heights. But it was still small, and how my profits weren’t that great. And when it came to 2008, the economy started to shatter, and then into 2011, and 2013, and 2015, and now to 2018 and 2019 and now 2020. Things started to slow down and business stopped and people stopped coming to get their jewelry fixed, and how no one ever wanted to come ever since. Because the rest of the customers that used to come, or even brand new customers never came ever since, they only went to my competitors who bigger and better and effective and efficient than I. and how I only had outdated equipment and never realised how far i was falling behind, no wonder I was not able to create a true scalable business and how my life was forever more spiteful detrimental, even when i lost money and never made back more than enough to pay the bills and rent. And how I was never able to make anything true of validity and how  I am just playing out the retarded blind ways of operating a business and just never wanted to expand. Even though I had the infrastructure all in set in line, and never thought of ever making anything big and better and effective and efficient. No wonder I do not know anything, and having to tell my son to get a job, just like my own business was a job and how I had to be there everyday and never to have anyone there to help me and expand the business. Because I was afraid someone would be stealing from me. And how it was only me stealing from me, stealing realisations, opportunities, expansion. And when I brought my son to the shop, he would eventually steal from me as well, because I never taught him to have way more than enough money. And how ever since, no one in the family and even my wife and husband ever since, had more than enough money and how nothing was ever truly sustainable and scalable for the better. And how now life is not the best, we are both barely getting by and how our son is barely getting by as well in our own assumptions to the point of no return to make anything truly real for the better. And how no one will ever have abundance in this family ever at all whatsoever. All due to us spiting ourselves to us not having any money, due to our responsibilities when it did actually come to not being able to have more than enough, and always having to complain about bills and how it is too much. Not even realising that we were compromising ourselves to the point we would spite ourselves for the worst, and how our son would as well, spite himself as well, when as he would not be able to have enough money to make anything truly real for the better, at all whatsoever. No matter how much he is able to create and make for the better, everyone in this family will be a forever more slave, with no true actual change, as if there will ever be one, only if we actually reached out to get true help for real. And how I have neglected that for the worst, and never ever since made anything truly real for the better, no wonder this was always within the family, even as a mother I would always do this and how I would get very nasty about it. And never to make anything truly real for the better. Because this was all as well coming from our parents and the people who we grew up around as well, and not even bothering to get any true help to learn and be effective in who we ought to become for real, as we make our money. But we were only against ourselves, even when it came to spending and doing things on our own, thinking we could actually make it truly become real for the better. But ever since, nothing ever truly came to be of a real reality for the better, no wonder life was never for the better for us, because we made it so, and wanted to become better. But never knew how when things came crashing down and eventually tumbled to soon of the final result, nonexistence and regret, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother to destroy my own income and money that I’ve made and wanted to get a loan, as I did not have enough to create my own business. And how I projected onto him as I had to close my own doors of my own potential business and easily gave up to the point where I wanted to close my own doors to the business of the nail shop that I wanted to open. But in fact, I had no actual clue of how to even create a business, nor could I even read actual English to make my business truly thrive and speak the Vietnamese language articulately, without having to always sound like I’m speaking slang and not speaking with true brevity and confidence in myself, no wonder things were not able to be of a true result and manifestation due to my own efforts that were realised that I was not able and capable of making anything of true scale and validity to a big enterprise that i dreamed and fantasized in my mind. Therefore, I never had the true ability to truly make anything to be real for the better at all whatsoever. No wonder my son had seen that from me, and how ever since, he was not able to make anything true and how everything eventually shut down and was not able to be scaled, because he never had the capital to save up to make anything true to be capable to make a real enterprise to be created in this economy and world itself. And how I was never able to make anything big for the better, it always crashed easily, because I wasn’t able to learn effectively and efficiently to be able to apply and make my business truly scalable in momentum to make something actually true for the better. But ever since that day, as I had closed my doors, things will never change for the better, no matter how much I try. And how my son will never be able to make anything truly big, because of this projection and how if he doesn’t learn and from a very young age, as he was only 8 or 9 or 10 when he saw this from me. And how I was thinking that my business would be thriving like everyone else’s, but I was only forever more fantasizing that it would become big without any effort on my part, and thinking things will come to me, when in fact and reality, reality and practicality and pragmatic efforts and results do not actually work that way. I was only being so delusional to think that I would have a flood of customers coming in, especially the business establishment to rent and make money was never able to driving in customers, nor was I able to do any leading, marketing, understanding and knowing how to train others to know how to do nails and how to clean and understand and follow the regulations of what chemicals to use and not to use. And how I never knew any of that, nor of the accounting, law, and so much more that i was not able to realise that was needed, and how I instantly gave up and close my doors of my own nail shop business, and how things were never able to come to actual true fruition for the better, at all whatsoever. Our failure would project onto our son, and soon, as if my son will ever create a business someday, he will fail just like me, and my husband, and how we were not able to be knowledgeable of our industries truly, and even the economics within it, and tactics and strategies to hire others and become effective and better within ourselves. No wonder we were and still are delusional and illusional to the point that we in actuality, know nothing about business and economics, we were only working it as a slave to ourselves as it was our own job that we were recreating just as we were on the farms and poor and slaves just like everyone else. And how we are doing that in a very different way to modern day. Just in a different sense, and how we were not able to truly perform and network and connect with others, no wonder we had nothing and knew no one to truly make a business grow and become big for real. And how our son will also do the same thing and same ways, to some type of varying degree, not even realising that he will be the same slave to himself and never truly ever become to create anything to be of real actual value. As we have never created anything to be of true actual value and how when he did want to create a business, we would tear him down, especially my husband and how he would do that, as a father, I would never want my son to do better than me. I wanted him to fail, because he was competing with me. I never wanted him to become better than me, nor as I am a mother either, no wonder we are not able to make anything to be of true validity. Due to our own irrational competition like spitefulness and irrationality, being so argumentative and ugly and nasty about it, to the point, where there was always an argument about money and wanting to be free. And how no one, not even I as a mother and father, was ever truly free, nor were we ever able to become free for the better, at all whatsoever, ever since. And how we now, have nothing but ourselves and being a slave to the blind and working for other people, and how we will never be able to make it truly, having that regret in the back of our minds closing our own businesses. And if anyone were to ever arise and rise in the family to make something big, we will tear them down and become just like us, poor broke fucking losers, idiots, poor DNA heredity information as the corrupted code as words, and meanings and as energy itself to the words. For the absolute fucking worst, forever. And how our son will never make it, due to our own assumptions, that we fucked him up and fucked up ourselves, to never make it, no wonder no one ever in this family has a great relationship and of support. And how no one has ever truly made anything real and big, because there was no support, it was nothing but self-interested delusion for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that whatever I witnessed from my parents and how they experienced all the ego and how they were trying to create businesses as their own, but no one ever knew how to build and develop and scale something meaningful. As it was only self interested and never actually for the better, no wonder no one ever knew how to do what was best for anyone, they only did it, because that’s what they knew how, and how no one ever knew how to create anything to be of validity and what things are necessary for the actual business, and how my mom was never able to do that. No wonder she was expecting a lot of customers, and how she was not even making the actions and effort to keep going and make something truly real and as a result for real. The result was negative, it was detrimental, devastating to a certain extent and how my father had the same and how he was afraid that people would steal from him, when in fact reality, I was also as well stealing from him. Because in reality, I never had enough, nor was I ever taught to truly ever have enough for the better at all whatsoever. And how I was never able to create and make any sort of abundance real in my life at all whatsoever, and never did ever since, I wanted to go out and do things of business and to create an enterprise of my own and see and fantasize about what other people did. But I never knew anything, nor could I be able to communicate and make something truly to be of validity and real for the better at all whatsoever. And how each and everything that I’ve ever done, always had been easily given up on, and how everything of whatever I wanted to do and create, it all crashed and tumbled and fell apart, because I was not able to have the proper leadership to make anything of actual true validity and a real actual growing like growth result in the positive direction at all whatsoever. No one wonders, I do not have more than enough money in my life, and how I have been getting by and never been able to make more than enough and always had to spend it, when and as I would get comfortable to a certain amount of 1600 USD or 1700 close to 1800 and even 1900. And how I was always having to self sabotage myself and spite myself, when and as I would spend so much of money and how I seen my coworkers spite themselves when they spent all their money and how I would be doing the same thing as well, not even realising that i was giving tarnished and invalid advice that was contradicting to what I was doing as well. Spiting myself as well, as and when i didn’t have enough money and was spending it and having to do so much stupid bullshit that wasn’t even best for me, no wonder I was not able to create anything to be true ever since that day  or 8 or 9 or 10 or even 11 or 12 years old. However old I was, I just was never in actual realisation that my parents were fucking their lives up and how I would be predictable to be doing the same thing as well, and how if something were to fall apart on me, i would react and break down and have a nervous break down and never make anything truly real. Because I would always be operating on worrisome bullshit that isn’t even real, and even panic when money wouldn’t be enough and how we would be in potentiality to be losing it for the worst. And how my resonance as the DNA energetic code was corrupted and how much of the heavy lifting of the work of the business was compounding on top of my foundation as a person, was going to be sooner or later to fail, and how only a part of me was going to make it successful. But ever since, that part of me that was potentially going to make it successful, was never able to be able to make it and create something truly for the better. Nor did I ever get the support from anyone who knew how to build a business and buy and sell companies, real estate, network marketing, sales of any kind, door to door sales, whatever the fuck it was you know. Like nothing was ever going to be for real and an actual real result for the better, because my programming was not going to be able to make anything true and how I had to give up and fire my own directors as I was creating a board of directors/advisors for my company. That wasn’t even incorporated, no wonder my life is not in actual true abundance, because I was only ever so delusional to always want to do my own way of doing something beyond my programming, and how I was never able to make anything to be truly real and as a result at all whatsoever. Because I was only operating on my foundation for the worst, and how it was detrimental for me to be creating anything and how no wonder everything that I’ve ever wanted to create, all of it fell apart, and how I self sabotaged myself and master-bated when things got tough and wanted to let go of the stress and how I never knew even where to put it. So all I had to do was to fuck with myself and fuck myself over, to the point where nothing ever came back to any true creation and true foundation for super success and abundance of an enterprise to be truly created into a great success for real. And that I never did ask for true help, I was only doing it myself and was never able to create anything and make it a true actual success, it all eventually fell apart and crumbled mathematically and in equation at some point, not knowing when things would fall apart for me. Because I only thought that I would do things by myself, and that i would never ask for help, because I thought I knew it all, when in fact and reality i knew nothing, nor did my parents either, at all, whatsoever. No wonder the genetic code as words and the energy was attached to it, was detrimental to what it was encoded as, and how no wonder the whole family was encoded for failure and to destroy things in spitefulness and abuse and threats, emotionally and physically, for the worse. And how nothing ever since that day, of the foundation of projection exposure, nothing was ever going to be created for real for any sort of success at all whatsoever. Failure was forever more a conduit and mantra within the family, not even knowing if anyone would ever support each other, nor the growth of being teachable, nor the growth of anything within themselves and myself. Because no one was ever able to apply the information and to make it be real and effective and efficient, because no one ever knew how to process information, nor did I at all. No one knew how to read, no one knew how to do anything, everyone as my parents always were so spiteful and resentful and nasty about it and jealous and ugly and stupid about it, and how I became the same towards them, when and as they would impede my ambition and for what i wanted to do for my owns self interest and never wanted to create anything to be real for the better. And how in actuality, I am not truly effective, therefore, i retarded my own efforts when things got tough, and how i only knew what I knew, therefore I was not able to create anything to be real for the better, at all, ever since I wanted to strike out on my own. And with no support with that for the worst. Nor was i even able to apply any type of information in business, therefore, nothing ever came to real fruition for whatever i attempted to learn, it was never going to be a real reality, therefore, I was only ever since, doing more slave work than actually being a true entrepreneur for real, ever since that day, nothing to be created at all whatsoever. Nothing ever a true success for the better at all, it was always some type of failure and nothing to be real and true of validity at all, nothing, ever since, I wanted to go into business for myself. As I was already a slave and never knew how to get out, because my parents encouraged me to be a slave just like them, and how no wonder they are stupid, idiots, broke, poor, unstable, irrational, ugly, dumb as fuck, knows nothing, and how I am just like them, just to a different degree and component. And how I got all of their qualities and how I have turned myself into my own opponent, instead of a true ally to myself and for myself, and always seen others as competition and never found anyone to help me, because I thought I knew I could do it all on my own. Therefore, I never did actually make anything to be real and for the better at all, ever since.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother to teach my son to be a slave and an idiot as I was already one before I tried to give him any sort of advice, no wonder no one has what they want in their life and have regret to some variable degree.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to teach my son to be a slave and an idiot just like myself, as I was already one, and even before I tried to give him my detrimental davice, and how no one in the family has ever made anything to be true and a real evidence like success at all whatsoever, ever since.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a son and child to my parents, to accept and allow and take my parents advice, not knowing that they don’t know anything and how I thought they were trusted authorities. When in fact and reality, they were untrustworthy and stupid, and dumbasses, just like me, and how I was naive to listen to them, when I was listening and obeying to people who never had my best interest in mind and at heart at all, whatsoever. No wonder ever since I would express my philosophy and being a philosopher, filling a loss ever more further, filling a loss for my own fee, that had me losing my own money, because I was only filling a loss forever more for my own fee as my own guarantee to be of a failure, not even knowing how to create anything to be real, nor was i stable, and how I was never able to make anything to be true and real in this reality, because of what I was operating on as my foundation as a person here in the physical right now, and not just my past. And how i never knew how to process and understand any sort of information to make anything to be real for the better, therefore, I was never able to make anything real, and how I would always spite myself  just because I never actually had any true real money, ever, at all, whatsoever. Within that, and that I was never an actual true real Entrepreneur ever since I wanted to go out and do big things on my own. My foundation and pre-programming wasn’t going to let me, because the information as DNA within me, was not going to be able to make anything of me a true success at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that No wonder i never actually made a true decision to create something to be for real, ever since I was conceived and onto up to where I am now in my life. Nothing was ever of actual true abundance for me at all whatsoever. Within my foundation from 1 month to 7 years was fucked and tarnished and destroyed and abused physically and emotionally and environmentally. To how my environment was always for failure and never for success, always loud arguments, yelling, instability at every corner and turn, within me and from my parents and how nothing was ever going to be of actual true validity at all, whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend money on things in the past and even recently on non-essential things that never made me actual true money, because even that, and if I did, spend on essential things that would help me, i would never be able to apply it truly, because I wasn’t truly committed and self trustworthy to myself to do whatever it takes to make something real and to become better for what i wanted to create. I was in actuality, untrustworthy and not be to trust, that I never did actually truly trust myself for real, because I never knew what true and real trust is, no wonder i was not able to create anything of actual real reality at all whatsoever, ever since, to even potentially be for the better at all. And how this had affected each and every decision that I’ve ever made in my life and always spited myself, and how I was doing the same abuse that my parents were doing to themselves and how they projected it onto me, and how I was never able to realise that I was abusing myself. As well as they were doing the same atrocious bullshit to themselves as well. Within that, I was never able to participate for what’s best for all, because I was never what was best for all, nor for myself. I only participated in delusion and what’s not best, and self interested pure bullshit that wasn’t even helping anyone truly and even if I had good intentions for it. I just never knew what I was doing effectively and efficiently at all, whatsoever. No matter how much money I’ve ever had, I never was able to handle any sort of amount of money, it was always spent and sabotaged, as I was only forever more, going after energy to fill my place outside of me that I didn’t need that wasn’t beneficial, nor did I even use it to do anything about it. Nor did I create any sort of money to be at substantial amounts for real, at all whatsoever, ever since. Nor was any true creation of abundance and wealth and opportunity ever there for me, because I was not truly stable and effective in my speech and articulation and expression of knowledge and its use, because I was not able to express it, because I never had it, within me. Nor was I even able to do it, because i never knew how, as if I was operating on theory, but I wasn’t, I just wasn’t able to create to make anything to be a success, because I wasn’t able to communicate effectively and efficiently, within negotiating and persuading and selling, was never within me. No wonder everything that I’ve ever done was 10 times the effort and the harsh struggle along the way. No wonder I was actually truly negative and how i don’t even have enough money for myself to create something to be real, nor are my efforts to be of match in alignment with what i want to do and knowledge and application as the resonance to be applied for real, at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself being lazy within my efforts to make something real and of validity of any kind, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself abusing myself and my own money for things that I don't need and will not even use, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself urging myself to not have enough money and spite myself for it, not realizing that my impulses got me there and I let it happen, I stop and breathe.

I realise that my parents were never able to teach me anything for real and how when they gave me their advice, it was never real and contradictory and hypocritical to their own actions and expressions were not in true alignment to what they were doing for real. It was detrimental to them and to me especially, because that would affect me and my whole life and decision making to make something actually real for my life. How they were giving me advice and I accepted and allowed it to be true because I thought they were doing what was best for me, but in fact, they were not, they were abusing me and making me see what a destroyed opportunity was and how to do it. And told not to do it, but ended up doing it, without even knowing that  I was living their actions and words and made it to my own detrimental ways that weren't even best for me. And how they were saying things that they were not aware of it and how it would delude me into failure my whole entire life, not creating anything to be actually of a real positive result and to keep the momentum going. It only stopped for me, because I never knew why things were always falling apart and people were rejecting me, and even if I did get a result, I wasn’t going further to make anything to be true and a real reality result for the better, at all whatsoever. No matter what I wanted to do, everything always fell apart and how I went back to slaving my way to create again, but it was never the same and no support was ever there for me, although it was this whole time. I was just only deluded in my own self interest and wasn’t even doing anything that was truly best, it was only for my own mere profit and deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to make it, and at some point as a predictable equation, I was going to fail and make my own creation fall apart due to me giving up so easily. Not being self aware, no self direction and possession over myself, nor could i even lead myself. I was only following the crowd to nowhere, and wanted to soon go out on my own, but I was not aware that I wasn't going to make it, wasting my time on things that were so out of my own reach and capability, sooner or later. Things in my creation were going to soon fall apart for the worst.

I realise that every time that I would make any type of money towards $1500 - $1900, not even over $2000 or even way more than all of this into the high 5 figures and 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 figures, because i could never fathom it. Because I was only so focused on my set ways of never being able to make more than enough money and even if I lost a couple hundred dollars, I would spite myself and how my whole body would get hot and my skin would feel like needles are poking at me. And how it feels a bit painful, that I wasn't used to losing that type of money, even if it was over 2000 dollars worth of payments on a course that I was never going to be able to apply and never did anything with it ever since. And how the person who I paid, took all of my money, and never helped me ever since, he just ran off with my money. And how i was just delusional about it, not even caring and letting the person run off as if my money was not actually valuable to me, nor was I even doing what was best to truly be free at all whatsoever. And how when I didn’t even have and ever have enough money at all, i would try to threaten others and make them feel worse than I, and how it is I, who has the problem and is looking to abuse others as i have abused myself, and how my parents programming is within me and how I am projecting as me as my own way as possession. Onto another person and abuse someone else, just because I was spiting myself because I didn’t have enough money and didn’t like my life and the way it is right now. No wonder things were never for the better ever since, and how I am actually truly a negative person with no money and how no one ever wants to talk to me. Because that is what i am giving off, and how I have never truly realised it ever since, that i was as well abusing another from what i had as me and what i took from my parents and how I truly became spiteful and nasty and ugly about it to myself and as well as the same to others. For the absolute fucking worst. No wonder my life has never gotten better, just because I never had any true money for real, and how my parents spited themselves and how I am doing the same thing to my own way and creation and what I have accepted and allowed as me. Being forever more delusional about it and not even truly aware of it, until right now. No matter how big the business deals were, no matter how small, to medium to large and giant, I never could be able to make them a success, and a reality, and a result for the better, I just never had the resonance to be able to make it happen. Nor the network and connections at all, because I never knew how to connect with others, therefore, I never knew how to connect with myself and have that true relationship with myself. Therefore, my parents never had it either, as i witnessed them and observed them as  i was growing up, there was always detrimental people around, negative, broke and ugly, irrational, retarded unstable people that came into my life and their lives as they always wanted to invite them over. Not knowing that those people were not best for me to be around, although they were my family and how my parents, nor did I even know if they were best to be around for me to observe and witness them. And their bad habits and drinking habits and smoking and language was foul and ugly. And how I was doing the same, not being a true gentleman ever since, I was only ever since acting like a boy, in a man’s body for the worst. And therefore, I never had a true focus for one thing and to create it into a true success at all, it was always different businesses and going from thing to thing, and never going all in on one thing that meant the most to me and meaningfully and purposefully. Nothing was ever for an actual true purpose, it was always a certain term of it, and then within a deviation to some else that was never going to benefit me, because I was always starting back at square one again, achieving truly nothing at all, whatsoever, not even for the better, it was always for the worst. No wonder my life is the way it is and how nothing has ever changed for real, at all.

I commit myself to deliver and to give myself 100% in everything that I do, and make it the best, no matter if I don’t want to do it or not. To create myself, to purify myself, to perfect myself in everything and every way of all that I do, to do it correctly and perfectly and improving and adapting my efforts and in the situation and place for wherever I am. To make it the best, by living by principles for what’s best for all, to have the best bloody cool experience in this reality for the better. For as i see myself as life and self awareness living, and as self directive principle as principled living, for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to understand and know how to apply information and to apply myself physically as I have interwoven and weaved the inner change and to recreate it and make it as the outer change as real reality. Taking care of what is here in reality and what is going and creating it and making it to be the best in all that I do, by principled living, for what’s best for all, to have the best experience of living by principles that are best for all, and are valid and true to pragmatic application for what’s best for all, for the better!. For as I see myself as life and life resonance, as self awareness living and self directive principle within principled living, for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to perfect and double the effective efforts to achieve much more than ever within asking for the support in the best ways possible and supporting myself as well in the best ways possible. And truly being teachable to make my life to be truly for the better, from people and from and to, and for myself to do what is best and double my efforts and the time in to keep the momentum going to achieve what i want to achieve with discipline and focus. And improving myself to be able to apply myself and achieve much more in the best ways possible to get the best results for the better. For as i see myself as life and life resonance self aware living within self directive principle living, for what’s Best for All!

I commit myself to understand how to build a business, and know how to do it, by learning from others and what they did in the beginning and how I can be able to understand the advice from people who have built a successful business and have done what is best and are effective and efficient. As well as stable as well, within their expression and how they have created such an abundant life so far, and how we are still going to create much more than ever! To learn how my product/service works and to know how to use it and how to help others use it specifically for their life and their business, relationships, money, and much more. Simply giving them instructions that I have been instructed with and how I have been doing it myself and how it is being done correctly the first time to get effective and efficient results and to keep that process going and adapting and improving along the way. And supporting the person when and as if he/she is experiencing some type of emotional instability, and also even in their business and what they can do to make their life much more better and different for the better. Within that to also encourage myself and to direct my thoughts for what is best for me and how i can breathe and be here and direct myself to be aware and live here as principled living and to stick to the physical and live by the principles that are within the Self Perfected website and the Desteni principles for life and in business and relationships as well. And to understand them fully and referring back to them, always to do what is best, in my life and in my self aware living, to take care of what is here, in reality as the physical. For as I see myself as life and self aware living within and as self directive principle and principled living for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to help my kids and my wife become self-sufficient, as well as myself as well, supporting her and as well as supporting myself, and how she is supporting me as well. With agreements as our living principles together as a couple, living and expressing ourselves in a stable, and effective efficient manner, for what is best for life, for ourselves, for our kids, and for our environment. Creating and to make the environment for super success and fun, and making learning fun and understanding with the demanded context with stability to and with for our kids and for ourselves as well. Helping them understand what it is and how to create their reality, while supporting them step by step, and speaking with them pragmatically and with stability, understanding and expressing how things work and what to do with it, with common sense and practicality for what is best for the kids and my wife and the environment. For what we are doing for the better. To help them learn much more effective with the tool of TechnoTutor and when it is the right time to invite our colleagues over that are as well as table and effective and efficient in and within themselves as individuals and how the kids will only be exposed to stable effective people only and to be careful who they will be surrounded by and to be aware of what people say and help others understand what it is that being projected, whether if it is negative or positive, it must be what’s best, and not on something that isn’t best. Whether our kids understand or not, we will help them understand in the best ways possible with the best demanded context and understanding from us to help them to understand and realise what are people are talking about and what is best to be understood about, that is best. For as I see myself as self aware living, self directive principle living and as  expression for what is best for all, for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to understanding and applying myself, that when I need actual real pragmatic and practical help and support, I will only ask from people who understand and know how to do a specific thing for emotional support of anything. Business, creation of making money, leadership, communication, relationships, and all around directive principles are life living that is best for all. And to ask questions to see what their input is and what they did about what I have trouble with and how if something is not going in the best ways possible, I will see if they had the same problem in a sense if necessary depending on the situation of the challenge or whatever it may be. And to ask questions of what they’ve done that they’ve pushed through and made the decision for to make their lives much more better and effective and efficient and how i can commit myself as well to do what he/she is suggesting, and to apply the advice and apply myself to what I can and will myself to create for my objective to go as far as I can see and once I get there, i can truly see further and achieve much more, than ever. For as I see myself as life and self aware living resonance and self directive principles living, for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to persuade and ask effective and efficient questions and to be able to negotiate in the best ways possible to persuade and negotiate with another to help and support one another through being a friend, being truly genuine and authentic within and as my true creation of self expression that is best for all. To ask specific questions to help another person realise what they should do to what they are currently having as a problem in their own situation to get out of their own way and realise what is impeding them and holding them. And to mirror their responses when necessary of the last few specific words that they are mentioning and along with what and how questions. if/what, what/if, how/if, if/how questions, and when, why when necessary depending on the situation to understand what the person is saying. And to guide he/she to understand to what they can be doing to take true actual responsibility for themselves and to make a true decision that is best for them and how I can help he/she in the process and plan accordingly to what is best for the other person and as well as myself for the better as well. Within accusation audits, labels, and to never be limited by how I persuade and negotiate in the best ways possible and always improving my way to help the other person see and realize what he/she should do for themselves only for them to realise it. And to help them realise certain things when and if necessary to do so in the moment. And then how I can offer to help another realise what the solution is and what I can do for them for the better, for as I see myself as self awareness living and self directive principle living, for and as an authentic and genuine resonance expression as LIFE!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application, to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself of what is not best within me and how it is affecting my reality and my expression within me as the physical as me, internally and externally. Within writing stop and breathe statements to when and as if a reaction were to ever come up, and to stop myself and be here in the moment and take care of what is here in the physical as self directive principle as LIFE, being aware and careful of what I say in the best ways possible, no matter if it may be negative or positive, to express my message for what is best for all and of common sense and for practicality for the better. Within that to realisation statements to realize what I had been affected by and what I was doing and how and what I was living as living words that were not best for me to live. And also for who was involved as well and what actually happened in specific detail to what was happening and where we were and I myself were. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment corrective application statements in specific detail to correct myself to what I will do in specificity to what how i can direct myself and my environment and how i live my life and express myself, within creating and building my business, along with creating wealth and what I will do specifically different with my kids for that which is best for them and me and my wife. And as well as colleagues, and how I specifically will be operating for what is best, and expressing myself as effective and efficient in ALL that I do. Physically applying myself to Use the tools of TechnoTutor, Desteni I Process, within self forgiveness and self corrective application writing, and advancing myself and pushing myself with the support from others and as well as supporting myself as well. To truly be teachable and effective in my life and the application of taking care of what I am going to improve and adapt within and adapt and improve within my own reality and with others for the better. For as I see myself as resonance and life awareness living, self directive principles living, for and as LIFE!