Day 54: Self conscious living words of Mediocrity

 

 Feeling self conscious about giving advice and not doing it myself?

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when I am giving advice and being a philosopher as if I am filling a loss ever more further and not realising that I am not acting on what I am reading and saying to others and especially to myself. Especially if it is coming from me, and how I am reading information from books, listening to audios and if I am not able to act on the information then I am truly ever more dishonest. In fact this happened all the time, because I don’t know how to apply the information, it’s just giving me insight, and how I don’t even know what truly the living word is, when in fact, I understand that I am living words that are not best for me, for that which i was programmed with and within living the predetermined life, and how I as well, made it to be a life of it’s own and how the backchat and internal conversations are not serving me best to live this life, and how I don’t know why and what that is truly for me to live something that I have no idea about and have no true context to apply in my life. Because I don’t know how to do anything truly for the better at all whatsoever, even when it came out personal development, and how I consume so much of it and not take any proper efficient an faultless action, as if I know the information already, but in fact, if I am not doing it, then I don’t know it, nor do i know how to even properly live it, at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to say something that I am not living and do the exact opposite of what I am telling my son and how I am not doing what I am saying. Therefore, I have contradicted and lied to myself in complete dishonesty and mediocrity to the point of stupidity as if I am not understanding my own abusive message and how I am not able to convey and live what I am saying. Because in fact, what I am saying is pure abuse and theory, and theoretical bullshit that is not real, and that is not what’s best for all, nor is it best for me, nor for my parents, nor for heirs and then theirs and then theirs again and theirs again and then theirs again. And how I was not able to live anything and how I completely contradicted myself being the ultimate hypocrite of all time and how I am projecting that bullshit onto my son and especially to myself as I am witnessing the bullshit to myself as well in the biggest joke I am. And how I am nothing but an abuser that is not doing what’s best for anyone, nor for myself, nor my son, nor for my wife and/or anyone at all. That I am truly nothing but a dishonest deadbeat fool, who knows nothing. And after I do give my advice, I feel so self conscious about it and to never act upon it, knowing deep down that I am dishonest and I don’t know what I am talking about it and that I am not living the living words of what I am saying. I am only living the opposite and abuse of my information that I am saying and how my son will do the same in mediocrity and how he will never achieve what he aspires and inspires to do in his life because of what i had projected onto him and how many things he is living as breath will not manifest in real physical life, and same for me as well. Within that, I am nothing but a dishonest abusive philosopher, saying good things, but not doing it and how good it sounds, but if I am not doing it, then what is the point of my say and expression, it has no purpose, it has no meaning, therefore, it meaningless, with no purpose at all, whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I was sharing my advice and saying in front of a group and how I was expressing myself to the whole group and eventually, my advice came out to be embarrassing, because i was not living it. And then eventually I went into comparison and cried to myself and in front of everyone proving myself wrong that I am struggling and not living the information, and how I was abusing myself so dishonestly. Not being true and authentic, because I am learning and saying that I am not living and how I don’t know how to apply it and live it, therefore, I am nothing as well but a deadbeat loser as well, and self loser, who does know how to self direct himself and to truly have self possession over myself. But I never could do that, because I never knew what the true meaning ever was, even when I did see other people succeed and how IT was comparing myself to others and how others were doing better. When in fact, I was doing nothing, because i never knew, making money, requires action, and it requires effort, leadership, teamwork, and focusing on the physical breath to do what is best. That in fact, I never could do that, because I didn’t know the true meaning to my words, and how my words were meaningless, and therefore, I was going to be trapped forever, being nothing but a slave, living words, that i don’t know and don’t have the authentic and true meaning that i want to live that is best for me. Within the proper definitions that i don’t even know and how I am just speaking just to speak and just to say, just to say, but not do anything about it, in the physical but feed my mind with information as if I know a damn thing, but I don’t. And how dishonest and embarrassing it was that day for me to cry in front of everyone, and how dishonest I am, showing my philosophy that wasn't working in my life, how in fact, i was in reality, filling a loss on E as empty meaning to my life, and empty meaning to my words that i am not living. Filling a loss ever more further, as the starting point was and is as the starting point of mediocrity and inferiority for the worst. And how each and every word that I would say and express and share, I was always somewhat apt to share, but i wasn’t living it, I was only getting mere realizations and never really acting on what i was saying, therefore, I was only living meaningless words and how there was no life and action and sound words and sound action to my life. And how my father never had the same either, and how I never knew that action was ever to be required and along with my effort to make money in the physical, instead of imagining in my mind all day, for even a second that turns into reruns in minutes and hours and hours on end. And nothing gets done in the physical, therefore, I was always in my mind, and got angry so easily and exploded on myself and to and in front of others, and lost relationships and business forever. Not ever considering why I would do those things, because I was so frustrated with my life, that I never knew what to do ever, no matter how hard I tried at anything, everything was so hard for me because I never knew how to do anything with meaning and purpose. And when i do express my philosopher and philosophy with others, I would feel self conscious deep down, and deep down I was feeling very dishonest and empty inside, and then when I would say I was going to go talk with 10 people to do my business. I didn't do it, because I was only operating out empty meaning and no purpose, just expression of the starting point as filling a loss on E as empty, and filling a loss further and ever more, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I truly have no self direction and self possession over myself and how my mind has taken over me and how i am not able to operate in the physical like I want to be and create a life that i want. And how I am fantasizing about it in my mind, over and over. But i don’t know how to do anything in my life, therefore, everything was somewhat difficult, because it was me as the mind who was making it difficult to act on what i say and do it regardless of how I feel and trust myself in the physical to do things. But no matter how I tried at everything and anything, nothing was ever going to truly amount for me. Because i would always trust my mind to do things that are not best for me and how I never truly had self trust, self direction, self possession at all whatsoever, nor was it the case for me to realise that I was nothing but a copy like my father. And how he never had self possession, and self direction, and was a piece of shit just like me and how other people have sabotaged themselves to say those things to themselves and how i am living the words being of a piece of shit and not doing anything worthy and of merit with my life. Therefore, things will not be inevitable to foresee anything that could’ve been the light at the end of the tunnel, and how i stood in the middle of the tunnel, going back and forth on both ends and how I never went out of the tunnel and always stayed and never exited. Because i thought once a train comes, I can truly make it out, but the train never came, and if does come, I’ll get annihilated, because i am not aware of how I may abuse myself into oblivion and to get out, before it's too late being in the tunnel way too long. Sleeping and sleeping walking throughout my life and not living the information and getting so many insights to share and do with and for myself and with others. But sooner or later, it was never going to happen, because I never knew what it is like to live information as the flesh and be in the physical and to create here as breath and not in the mind all the time. Because nothing in my mind is of worthiness, because of the predetermined preprogramming that is not supporting me, because I am and was and still living the words of mediocrity and hypocrisy, as an inferior deadbeat loser who knows nothing but to philosophize about anything and everything. And getting so many different insights, but I am not getting any results, because I am not even knowing and understanding how to apply myself, no wonder I contemplate and waste time even before and even at the last minute to make things not of actual physical reality, therefore, nothing has ever happened for me ever since. No matter what i do and don’t do, majority of the time and most of the time, I am not doing anything about the words and living information for and into my life, I am only filling a loss further, and on empty as the starting that was deemed to be and redeemed again to be the ending point, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I am looking to do something, I am not in actual realisation that i should be doing what I am saying and meaning to and how I am contradicting myself at the last minute. Even if the action is good for me, but in fact, i contemplate in complacency and not do anything as if it is too hard for me when in fact, and reality, I am only ever in fact, being dishonest with myself and willing to be here in the physical and will myself and will myself to forgive and do what’s best for me and  for others around me in reality to do what is best for all. That in fact, when I say I and set out myself to do something, I end up doing something of watching a video, and/or multiple videos, articles, looking to buy something that I am so self conscious about and how it costs more than my own budget and how much i have left, even though I am not even making any money at all whatsoever, and just participating as a consumer slave, advocating myself in contradiction as if I have enough to buy what I want, when in fact, I have done nothing, and how if I do buy something that I don’t need quite yet. And how it is not essential to me quite yet, and if I do buy it, then I will end up going down the rabbit hole and not knowing what happened and how i got here. And how I will end up ruining my financial stability that I never truly had at all whatsoever in my life, and how  i seen my mother and father do the same thing, not ever realising what they’re buying and wanting to buy is what they don’t need and that it is not even essential to their life and how they don’t even use what they buy. And sooner or later, it takes up space and no action is made to make anything real and true to the physical life, but cluttering the mind, and as well as, cluttering the physical life possession, as self in directive irresponsibility for absolute delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and not realise that when i do something and feel embarrassed and self conscious that what i am doing and saying is not matching and aligning with what I am saying and expressing. Therefore, I am just being a lecturer, and philosopher and expressing my philosophy, filling a loss on E, as empty with no meaning and no purpose and no self direction and self possession of living my words truly as the flesh and in the physical acting and creating and making value to others and begetting money. But in fact, I was not doing that, because i didn’t know what true living words truly is, I am only living true losses that I am filling within myself and outside of myself in the physical, therefore, I am not doing anything about it, when it is clear and evident that my opportunity was there all along. And how i never realised to see, realise and understand that m opportunity was already there right in front me, just be predetermined preprogramming was stopping me, and how i was accepting and allowing it to stop me, and therefore, I was living mediocrity and inferiority in each and everything that I breathed, no matter what I did and wanted to do, everything was always at a loss being fulfilled and emptied out, forever more, further down the cliff into no man’s land for the worst.

When and as I see myself feeling so self conscious as if I am not following my own sayings and meaning to my advice and expression and being ever so mediocre about it, I stop and breathe and realise what the hell I am doing to and for myself and take self directive principle as within the physical and life itself to do and take care of what is here in reality.

When and as I see myself not acting and living the information and being self conscious about it and comparing myself to and against others as if I haven’t made it already, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself resisting my own change to live the information and words that I want to live, I stop and breathe, and do what I set myself out to do for my super success.

When and as I see myself contemplating on what I should do and experiencing myself as having no self possession and self direction in my purpose and what i am doing for my business and life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not taking action and making the required effort to make something real in my life and with others for business and along with acquiring and bringing in money and revenue, I stop and breathe.


When and as I see myself not being teachable to myself and to and with others who are credible and of where and who has the results and what I want to achieve in my life in a sense, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not being here in reality, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself expressing information that I am not acting on and living, I stop and breathe, and realise and figure out what I need to do to be one and equal to achieve what I want to attract into my life for the better.


I realised that when I was expressing the words and philosophy to others and how in fact and reality when I was expressing, I did not know the true meaning of living words and how I am in fact was and still living mediocrity and inferiority. Because I didn’t know what the meaning of words were and how to communicate them and get my ideas across and my message across clearly and in a compelling way. Therefore, nothing was ever to be achieved in that very time all my life, no matter what I was doing and wasn’t doing, majority of the time, because nothing was ever being created for the better. It was always some type contemplation going on, and how nothing was going and but in my mind, and how i was showing up to other people’s meetings and not doing anything for myself, as if i needed t delude myself that there was already proof and being other people’s chauffeur and not doing anything about it for myself to build my own business. And to waste my own time and other peoples’ time, just because they don’t have a ride to go anywhere either, so no wonder I never had any true meaning for my life and alway did things on empty with no meaning and purpose, and had no self possession and self direction over myself and in my life. Within that, nothing was ever a true success for me, because i had no true meaning to my words to have a meaningful life to live the living words to what is best for me. And my parents and other people around me, were not living the the living words that were best for them, they were only and always living mediocrity and complacency and contemplation on each and everything they did, even the excuses as well, that they’re too tired, they don’t want to do anything today, it’s early, it’s too late, a whole myriad of bullshit excuses that weren’t even true. They were only ever so comfortable with the lies that they were expressing to me and to themselves and even others, with no one ever realising that they should’ve challenged this person on their bullshit that wasn’t even real. But in fact no one ever did, because other people had the same shit qualities as well, being a loser, making the same excuses, as if they were true, but they were not, they were living lies, and mediocrity, and inferiority, for the ultimate delusion as if things are not absolutely here in reality. And how I was as well, and was taught to deny my reality and others reality and to accept and allow that others have also denied their reality and if they don’t want to do anything then I was accepting and allowing them to also deny their own reality. And how i was not ever challenging anyone on it, because i was also living as a self loser as well for the worst and not ever doing anything real and true with my life, therefore, nothing was ever real, at all whatsoever.

I realised that my parents never lived what they were saying either and how my friends and relatives were also doing the same thing without even questioning themselves either, because they were as well, living a life of the blind leading the blind. And sooner or later, everyone will become oblivious to the fact that reality was never here, when in and fact and reality, it was always here and nowhere else. And how many people were and are still experiencing this atrocity and atrocious bullshit that no one knows about, and how people LOVE to Deny reality and deny what life is and only accept and allow excuses that he/she cannot do something or anything because of priorities and TV and movies and dates, women, money, self interested atrocious bullshit that isn’t even best for anyone, nor for themselves at all whatsoever. Because they hate the fact that they have to be aware of how shitty their life is and how I was the same way, and was not willing to do it, in full self honesty, instead it was always in self dishonesty for absolute delusion and for the worst for the very wrong reasons for everything and anything I’ve ever done in my life.

I realised that my parents do not care about life, nor do they about themselves, nor anyone and how they do not have any meaning and purpose to life, and how i have come to realise that they did not do what was best for me. They only wanted me to get by, as they only got by in life, and to never have the developed of the best, everything was always developed into what was not the best and always into some type of atrocious failure that isn’t even cool to see. It’s so cringeful to see and experience why anyone would want to destroy their life, and they will never know, when and if one day, they will be so mad at themselves, that they’ve wasted a life that wasn’t even worth living. And how there was always some type of distraction and coping mechanisms to live and do things that are of mediocrity and not focusing on what is best, because doing what was best was never there at all. It was never realised, it was never of a recognition of anything, no one knew anything, and even myself as well. Because it was the blind leading the blind to nowhere and recycling into a forever down spiral, unless something changes, whether that could’ve been some type of catastrophic event that would happen in their life to change. But nevertheless, nothing will ever change, because it's so hardwired in them and within the electric strings and strands are flowing so slowly and in mediocre ways and disrupting the charges that aren’t even flowing in the right direction. And how people fear and how I fear that it is too difficult to go through and investigate. When in fact and reality, once i do go through it, and make the decision and multiple decisions over time, it will be well worth it to freedom into a whole new reality, where everything is available for the better.

I realised that I was so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do with information and words, therefore I never did anything and just sat there for hours and hours and hours on end. Not doing what is tough and what I am not even aware of, and how this happened to my whole life, no matter what i did and wanted to do, it was never to be taken seriously from myself, because I never took myself seriously with meaning and purpose. And how I saw my parents as well, not ever having the proper meaning and purpose to their life. And how I had done and did the same without ever questioning to realise and challenging why I would ever want to live like the people who never had their own best interest in themselves, nor did they have it in me at all whatsoever. And how my mother and father were always spiteful and ugly towards themselves and even towards me. Each and every time they did that, they were only projecting their insecurities and atrocious attitude patterns onto me and even reinforcing it upon themselves over and over and over and over again within years on end, with no actual true stop and realisation. And how their life is shit and worthless, just like mine, with no emotional and financial stability, and how I am having the same consequences that they are also as well experiencing, just at a different and varying degree for the worst. 

I realised that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of meaningless mediocrity and meaningless purpose, where there was nothing ever available for me, no good education, no good nutrition, no good of anything, nor were there any books at home to read and do anything about. And how that was never the case, nor could I even read properly and effectively and efficiently at all either, so vivid and distraught. And how I would ever so irrationally and how my parents would also do the same thing and how I am nothing but an irrational copy of losers who never had actual true meaning to their lives and how poor and broke and stupid and ugly they are, just like I turned out, no matter what I do and try at and go to inspire myself to achieve for and at. It will never work, no matter how hard I try, the words i was living and still living, are not what’s best for me. Nothing at all, whatsoever. And how no one cared about themselves, and how i came out to never care, truly and authentically for myself, either, and how my life has ended up nowhere I wanted it to be and what i aspired to want to have and achieve for. And how I never got it ever since. And how I was never apt to do it, ever at all whatsoever.

I commit myself to live the living words as the flesh and reprogram myself into what is best for me and as for equality and to take on more responsibility to become much more effective in my reality, no matter what it is for the better. To take more responsibility in my life and business, and to live and breathe the living words as pragmatic and practicality and simplicity within common sense for my ultimate perseverance and super success. Within the proper patience and effectiveness in all that I do in the best ways possible for my ultimate and super success. For as I see myself as the flesh and life resonance in reality and in awareness as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to take responsibility and more responsibility in every way and trust myself in every way to do whatever it takes to become stable emotionally and stable financially and to scale that financial stability to new heights with the help and support of myself and from others and for others as well. And to keep going and scaling and improving and adapting faster, than ever. Increasing processing abilities of information and living the living words for my ultimate super success in my industry and education itself directive principle here in the physical reality for the better. For as i see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh in reality and in awareness as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to act and take the required action as my breathing is like taking action each and every time, being aware of what is here in reality and taking care of what is here, and to get myself into an emotionally stable position and along with the major financial stability as well. And to achieve and aspire myself to keep going in understanding and applying myself in reality and in a awareness to apply myself in the physical reality. And to always keep going, to do what's best for  all and for myself especially. For as i see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh and as life and self directive principle for my ultimate super success!

I commit myself to show myself and others and get help and support others and myself that it is much more effective and efficient to live the living words instead of merely just saying them and challenge those, who are not in alignment with their words and actions and for what is here in reality. And to do it with respect and dignity and integrity for the individual, and if they abuse, I will abuse them back with respect and if necessary to do so, then I will. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness as the flesh as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to living the living words and information in my life and in business to lead myself and others who work with me, and alongside me, to create the biggest company and corporation of monopoly there is. To do what is best for the world, one step at the time and breath by breath each and every time, taking care of what is here in reality. And to improve and adapt our organization skills, and all departments, in a sequence and orderly process that is pragmatic and of common sense to do so and keeping score of everything, no matter what it is. Scale things gradually and understand and know when to pull the trigger to scale things in business and in life with purpose and actual meaning to our words and our deeds in actual physical productive purposeful and meaningful life for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness, as self directive principle to become a Captain of Industry as LIFE!

Day 53: Low Quality

  Low quality

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am in actuality a very low quality person in the way i talk, express, and convey and present myself resonantly with myself only and not with anyone else. And how I’ve never realised that I thought in delusional and fantasy that I was a high quality person, but in fact, I am not, in the way I explain and express myself to not getting to the point and matter of things and how i am not able to express myself effectively, therefore, I go off into some world of Pluto and how i am not  saying anything that is of intelligence to get anything done, whether it’s a business deal or not and how i felt like I was saying the wrong thing, in which I was and was truly not aware of what I was doing and how my preprogrammed designed was not going to let me express myself in the way i wanted it to be, where i am effective in my ways and how i articulate myself, instead of talking in the confusing language that I speak that is not accurate in the way to where people can understand me and the way i can understand others, and how I am going off and explaining different things and stupid things that don’t even matter. And how it doesn’t even matter at all, and how I have to explain about something else that is not pertaining to what I am doing that matters most and that will potentially give me a result that I’m looking for. And when I don't communicate my ways to be in the best ways possible and to make it effective, I am not able to be clear of myself and how other people are not seeing anything clear within me, even if I am going off about a story that doesn’t even matter, and how I am not even noticing that I am not getting to the point of what matters here as now within a deal or not at all, within life of anything and how whatever I express, people usually react in a negative way, because I am not clear within myself. And they see that I am not clear with me.

Therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be clear within myself and how I am not eloquent and educated enough to be expressing myself ini the best ways possible to see what I can do for the better. And when I am not clear within myself, I am so called and so to speak low quality, and not able to rationalize about me and who I am and who I have become in great confusion and disrespect for my own self. Not even realizing that whoever I extensively deal with, who are also low quality and are not able to negotiate, stay on topic, and be able to persuade and of course this all entails in effective communication. And if that is not so, then it will be merely impossible to convey my message across simply and as is, and no other way, but a waste of time to make another moron react to the point where they want to disrespect me and then say I’m about to be in a meeting, and how that is not the way business should be done. And how I’ve never realised there’s so much disrespect in the business world, where no one wants to respect each other and see one another as is, and have to size me up to them in comparison and judgement to the point where nothing will eventually happen for real, as soon as I open up my mouth within the few words or more, the conversation is done. And how this has been going on for my whole entire life and how nothing I’ve been conveying and expressing was ever clear within me, and how I was not able to be on topic and to be able to express myself in the best ways possible, instead I was practically not able to how communicate effectively, no matter how good I am getting in my eloquence. That if I am not able to speak and communicate my message, my words, my sentences and my ideas and how they are not clear and to the point where another person will be able to understand me. When in fact, I am not able to communicate at higher levels of communication and for it to be effective and simple and straight to the point of simple influence at a higher level, and that I realise that I am not able to do that. And how no wonder people disrespect me, to varying degrees and/or either sometimes politely decline me, because I am not able to communicate and convey my message clearly, just because I am in actuality, wasting my time and the other person’s time, when something deep down within me, is going to be of a consequence of something to be wasted and that is not worthy of anyone, nor for me, or any other person of defamatory ways of expression and disrespect beyond belief and imagination to get their own way, when reality does not work that way in disrespect and comparison for the worst of the most glorified way of expression, self interest. And how self interest has been beyond belief, that no one ever wants to help anyone but to disrespect another and force another to do what they want to do and have, instead of helping each other to do what is best for all, but in fact, that was never the case for me, and how I never realised that I was never able to do any of those things. I was only taught to be another slave and copy of my parents in words and heredity of my experience and the meaning to those words of my own experience that is not even best for all, nor was it even best for me, because no one around me was of high quality, they were all low quality people. Therefore, no one really cared about me to help me become a high quality, therefore, they were also of low quality people as well. Because their words, sentences and ideas were not of real meaning and quality to the point where their words could’ve been well understood and made of with real meaning. For something to be truly done, when in fact, everyone is suppressing their low quality status, no matter who it may be and how I’ve never realised that the whole entire time that my life was one and equal to other low quality people and no wonder I am not able to  do business with scalability with others, because I was always surrounded by family and friends, and other people that were of low quality in my environment. My food was low quality, my clothes, my life, my expression, my health, my communication and articulation was and is of low quality still and how I am not able to convey my message in a clear way that is so confusing to the point where another moron would react to me in a very negative disrespectful way. Not even realising that i am not able to communicate at higher levels, because I am nothing but a low quality person and resonating that low quality of resonance and meaning to my words and express in the way I express and present and reveal myself in the business world. Where no one cares but their own self interest and profit for themselves and how no one cares about anyone but their money to make. And how I have never realised that for such a long time, even tot he point where in the best I’ve dealt with stupid low quality people with no common sense and always wanted to express themselves in a very threatening way and misunderstanding way. To the point where no one even is bothering to understand each other, because of different definitions to what words means simply to someone else, and how if that were the case all the time, with no explanation and proper effective context, business matters and proactive ways of business operations, will never happen effectively in order to be able to get an effective result that would be best. And how i was doing that the whole time, not ever knowing why I was not able to communicate effectively, because no one else ever taught me how to communicate, therefore, they never knew either, and it was already predetermined anyway. No one knew anything, and no one knew anyone who could’ve been better for themselves and is becoming better, because in fact, they never knew either, no wonder my friends, my parents, relatives, and other people and even myself is still poor and broke and still one and equal to them and for what I am attracting that s of equal to me. No wonder I don’t have the things that I want in my life, for fame, wealth, and greatness and power and control, that I am not able to do those things, because my parents and the people I was surrounded within my environment was not going to let me, because no one else had meaning to their life, therefore, I was also taught unconsciously and subconsciously as well and also on my own to have no meaning to my life. Where i will always be surrounded by low quality people, therefore, i will also be the very next low quality person in the average of 5 or more, but the average number is 5 of the people that I surround myself with if they are of high quality, then I will be the next one. And if they are of low quality and stupid and rude and disrespectful and cannot communicate effectively, and intelligently, then I will be that next person. No matter what may be that I am with and who is not able to get to the point and know information and to be able to use it effectively without any ulterior motive of anger that isn’t best and acting out of irrationality and back and forth bickering that doesn’t even show any sort of results and then going back into our own self interests that are not best for anyone, nor is it best for ourselves at all, whatsoever, under any circumstance and event and opportunity. And if i keep this on going, I will never make it and truly struggle and have no purpose into the way  I speak and express myself, and how I have been doing everything with no purpose  and  accuracy in my life, everything was always random and all over the place with no true completely accuracy and purpose to get something done, instead of going off into some other planet, explaining bullshit that doesn’t even make sense to the average person, nor is it best to the other of high quality people as well. Where no one will be of harmony with each other. And how that has been like that for a long time for me, and I was that average person and I still am, to and till this day since the age of 2 and on the way up to 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and up to 16 that I truly had ambition for myself, but I was only suppressing the low quality features of me for a very very very long time. And how I was not able to do anything special and effective in this world, therefore, my programmed design will never let me do what it is that I aspire and inspire myself to do in my life to get super wealth and super fame and power and control. It is not with me, therefore,  I am not able to do it and to be able to control and do business and lead myself and others. And how no one else was able to do that for themselves, therefore, I could not do that for myself because no one was able to do it, because they were poor and will always be poor. Because they have poor meaning to their words and the way they treat themselves and how they have a poor meaning life and life that is poor and has no meaning at all whatsoever. Where no one will understand what it is that they need to do in this world to do what is best for all, instead to do what is not best and to go along with the flow and and how I have been doing that for a long time, no matter what I do and try in my life, things will never work out, unless i do and change myself to be something different and gradually come up to the higher levels each and every time of high quality resonance and expression and in my ideas. But however, within that right now, I am not able to do anything that is best and of worthiness and high level merit, because I don’t know how to truly communicate and how I am a low quality person. And persona, therefore,  I will always be attracting nothing but low quality people into my life, whether they are disrespectful, rude, ugly, cannot communicate, irrational, is a loser, and so much more. Then I will be attracting nothing but those people into my possession and environment and communication and connection. And how things will never be for the better but to be around low quality losers just like myself all the time and how others are doing the same thing in all poor and middle class, and even high class people are of low quality people as well, they just don’t know it and don’t want to admit that they are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that i am one and equal to low quality people and how I am not able to communicate at higher developing effective levels, no matter how hard I try the people around my environment and how I am as well. Can and will never escape, no matter what due to our programmed design and how it is in fact that I am not able to create and make anything real and of value, because no one around was making anything purposeful and meaningful, therefore, I would be doing the same thing with no meaning and no purpose. Everything will be of low quality for me, and I am  not able to persuade and communicate my message across to and to other people and how it feels as if people are just trying to take my money, when in fact, that is all they care about. And how they are taking the life out of me, to the point where i will have no life and no meaning and no purpose because no one else knows how to think for themselves, within that, I was the one to not be able to think for myself at all either, because no one cares, because they never cared for themselves, and how me and my programmed life and environment and design never will be able to help, unless I forgive myself truly and self honestly in full disclosure that this is me and who I am and who I have become so far. And to what I have accepted and allowed that is not what’s best for me, no matter how hard I try at something, life and reality and nutrition and education will be of true actual superiority for me. It will always be me attracting mediocrity and inferiority in the way I speak, express myself, and live and walk in my life. How many things in my life have and had been so harsh and hard for me to go about and do anything that I’ve ever wanted to do was within me and how I was never going to be able to do that. Because my resonance was ever holding me back because I had no meaning and purpose to the word and the way I express myself is pure inadequacy and so adept and apt to acquiesce so easily when things get hard and difficult to any varying degree and level. It was never a matter of opportunity for me, it was always a matter of chance, with no purpose, guessing and saying things that are not best, and out of this world with nothing making sense and being on topic and being totally random and off topic. No matter what I say and not to be on topic about, it is going to ruin my opportunity and another’s opportunity as well to be able to make something actually real of value and to be able to create and make millions and billions of dollars in wealth. But that was never in me, unfortunately.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have been surrounding myself with low quality mediocre people all my life and for those who have no purpose and meaning to their life. And wasted so much time and valuable time that could’ve been used and how  I was never able to communicate and surround myself to be with other high quality people that were wealthy and are actually going places and moving and shaking things to be of actual true creation that will be best. And how  I was only and always around complacent people and poor like mentality people who know no better but to do things that are not best for their health, the way they speak and express themselves the way they live and the way do things without even bothering to questions why they are wearing what they are wearing, the way they speak, the way they eat, and the way they live and drive and how in reality, none of the people I knew and know were and still not aware of themselves, no wonder their life is not the way they’ve always wanted it to be. Because of their inner greed and deep down they don’t like their poor state of mind and state of living BUT they accept and allow it anyway, because they don’t care about anything  and themselves, and how I had picked that up and was evidently being another copy just like them, without even knowing why I am living this way, the food I eat, the way i express myself, the people I am associated with and connect on a daily basis or regular basis from to every now and then to never. And sometimes every blue moon or some shit, and how I am living the way I am living, and it is not of actual high quality of anything. Everything in my life and all the people in my life that I’ve ever met were of low quality and probably still are and is, no matter where they are in their life, doing whatever they’re doing, it is a matter of fact, even if they are struggling for air in life or not at all. And how I am also doing the same thing in disrespect and dishonoring my lief constantly, without even bothering to change to do what is best for all, no wonder it  has been so hard for me, and how I am not able to create anything of actual value and creation in this world and even in my world that is not best. Because I have no true self possession and self direction in my life. No wonder I am not able to  trust myself truly to do whatever it takes and to do things in self honesty that is best for me and my growth and for others as well. And how I would always deviate to something that is not best so easily, because I don't have a purpose for anything that I do, I only do it on the cusp of reaction and no plan action at all whatsoever. It’s been my natural  state for so many years, beyond my own belief and imagination, that I am nothing but a low quality person and of no true actual value. And how others will tend to disrespect me and how I will also disrespect  them in return, no matter what, and if  I am not  able to do what is best and to be on topic and make my message simple and conveyed easily, and practically in common sense. I will not be able to do what is best and to make something actually real and of value in this world, and even for myself, of no equal value which cancels out to 0 each and every time to my own secretive laws and equations and mathematics that I am living without even knowing that I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I was never taught to be able to know how to bring value into my life, I always have and have always and have been devaluing my life, beyond my own comprehension  and belief and imagination. To the point where nothing  was of actual reality and of value and along with begetting money as well for my value and how I was not able to do anything that was best for me, it was always what was not best for me, therefore, I could never create it. Because I have been in my natural state of limitation and lack and mediocrity and inferiority that is not helping me get anything that I want and aspire to achieve in my life, because even everyone around me, were also of low quality and mediocre as well, therefore, I was bound to be the next person as well in that  sequence, no matter what, I was going to be, and it was predetermined this whole entire time, even before I was born, and being born out of the womb and there I am with other low quality people who will never amount and to live what they’ve always wanted to do truly in their life. But a preprogrammed design of a slave of its environment, for nothing to ever be amounted, ever, at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become and to live with and be with more low quality people without even realizing that I am attracting what I am equal to, and how I am a low quality person as well, and how I am dishonestly not admitting that. No matter what I do and say, I am of a low quality person, in full honesty, and how i was not able to admit that for years on end, that i am a low quality individual and in the way I speak and express, eat and live, and even in my knowledge is inferior and mediocre. Nothing is of value, because no one around me ever brought value to the table, nothing was ever created for the better, and how family never cared about me, so eventually i never cared about family either, and everyone always separated me in some type and way of varying degree that was going to hold me back, without my true actual realisation of what is going and how I am accepting and allowing such an inferiority atrocity for the worst.

When and as I see myself hanging around too many low quality people for long periods of time, even for a couple minutes or more, I stop and breathe, and go do something that’s best of creation and value for my life and to others.

When and as I see myself about to eat anything of low quality, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself doing things and expressing myself in communication that is of low quality, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself about to say stupid things that are not getting to the point of the matter int he situation, i stop and breathe.

When and as iI see myself mixing my message up and haphazardly, and no ini order, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not conveying my message clearly and across and to the point, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself organizing myself in a very low quality way and how I am not doing things effectively and efficiently, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not wanting to do anything to create a life for myself to be of high quality, and/or with others as well, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself getting off topic with what is not of high quality with others, I stop and breathe and gradually change the subject.

When and as I see myself talking like I’ve always been talking and how it is not best, not efficient and effective, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself speaking something that is not aligned with my actions and how I am not creating anything of value and money, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being disrespectful and just to be off topic, and not do what is best, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself witnessing someone disrespecting me, I stop and breathe, and stop them and challenge them with respect and dignity and integrity.

When and as I see myself not doing what’ best to add value and create to make money, I stop and breathe, and realise what it is that I need to do to get myself moving to the direction of where I want to go in my life for the better

When and as I see myself getting off track with my routine that was helping me, I stop and breathe.

I realise that having a low quality life in fact has no meaning to anything and everything because when things in life have no meaning, it  is of low quality. No matter what it is and what anyone does and or anything of  the say and expression and how that’s the way i was since the age of 2-8 and then onto 16, releasing that I was forever suppressing what was not best for me, therefore, nothing ever amounted for me truly and for the better to me help me get to where I wanted to go. Nor did my parents have any sort of realisation to why that ever was for me, nor did I ever figure it out right until now, releasing this whole scheme, I’ve been living my whole entire life. and how things have been so inconsistent within low quality of organization, sequence of decisions and how things are supposed to be in order and not so much of a chastised quality and abused quality at every corner and turn of my life, to the point where things have not been working out for me for the better, my preprogrammed design has been working against me for a very long. No matter how hard I try at something, things seem to never work out, because I don’t have the proper words that are within that are best to live a high quality life, therefore, I have and had low quality meaning to the words that I know and how I have been accepting and allowing the meaning of those words to have no true meaning and articulation in the order that they are supposed to be perceived with their actual meaning to do what is best and to live the definition of those words to be for what is best for me, therefore, the meaning to the words that have are not best for me. Within that, I will not be able to have a true meaningful and creative life to where I can truly become and to have a better life, instead of a mediocre life and inferior life like my parents, former friends, other people I used to do business with in the past, relatives and other family members who were of just plain division and never of acting together as a cohesive and responding unit. Instead it was always some type of division going on and never together. It was more like 2+1=3, instead of 1+1 and so on to become together. And how no one had any sort of common sense and actual practicality to life, therefore, there was no meaning and purpose to anything, and how  all and each of everyone’s decisions and expressions were of low quality and articulation and full of inadequacy at every corner and turn, and breath. No matter what time and day it was, it was always some type of mediocrity and inferiority going on. Nothing of true value, therefore, nothing real.

 I realise that my life has been of low quality since I was 2 and even before I was born, not ever realising that I am not truly capable of what i want to do in my life, especially my parents as well, even when my father wanted to check on his ancestry, that his whole family was poor and nothing but farmers, and how that was the absolute truth, with no one ever being rich, because in fact and reality, everyone  was illiterate and too stupid to know anything, and therefore, couldn’t even speak up for themselves, no could do it for others, even when others were saying and doing things that were not best for all. Therefore, no one ever made it  out to riches and prosperity, and how my life has come to be where it is, because no one has ever realised this in the family but me. And how my life has not turned out to be what i wanted t to be, in fact it was already predetermined for me, by people who never knew what to do with their lives but to be nothing but a slave like everyone  else, and never even bothering to question why their life is the way it is to be at all whatsoever.

I realised that I have lived a life of lies and mediocre meaning in my words and how I live and express and  articulate myself to varying degrees and levels that is  not best. And how I was not able to suffice my actual efforts to show something real because it was not within me, and how I have lived such a low quality that will get me nowhere, unless I change for real, in my expression, my words, the way I articulate and express myself  in power and liveliness, then things will  truly change, though  I will need to change myself for the better, and not for the other around for a life of mediocrity. 

I realise that my parents don’t know what it’s like to go have a good life, nor good education, life, nutrition, education, excursions, and much more, and how everyone never had enough money, therefore, i thought not having enough money was the actual norm and just  to  get  by and never actually enough for anything, nor food, nor books, nor of support, nor of  education, nor of anything. And how  everyone I ever knew had and always had lived a life of inferiority and mediocrity for the worst, no wonder no  one has what they want in life, and how i don’t have what i want in my life either, especially the basic needs of water, food, shelter and education and much other things to learn and to  be able to apply in our  real lives  for the better, evidently, unfortunately, it   was never that way a t all whatsoever. Everything was always  settled for mediocrity and inferiority, nothing  was of high quality, no one knew how to speak, and express rationally, everyone always spoke  irrationally, and always in anger and spitefulness and resentfulness to the point where no one ever  got along and understood each other. They were always seeking to be understood, instead of seeking to understand one another, and how it was my parents and myself being delirious not knowing what to do with our lives, and to live in contemplation and security, and stupidity inferiority. Of The west. 

I realise that I have lived a life of never having  enough money and never enough food on the table, we never went to places, we never did anything together, everyone was  soon and e eventually divided into their own vices and own little bubble, to where no one ever knew when it will ever explode on them. If they so happen to let it.

I realise that I am back square one, where I first started, and how things are not what’s best for me and the things that I am doing for business is not getting me far at all, no matter how much  I persist and persevere, nothing will ever amount, ever.

I commit myself to build a life of a high quality environment, my self expression, my articulation and communication, the way I talk and express and do business. What I do drive, what I do on a daily basis, and routine and as well, what I do to persist and persevere, no matter  what is going on and to create and to beget a life that is best for me. And to do what is best for all in business, to learn and apply myself and understand and apply ways of negotiations at gradually higher levels of skill and to rank up in the business world. And as along with ranking up in my life, and to keep scaling bit by bit, observing what I do and don’t do, and do what I should do and always find something to do and perfect my routine for my ultimate super success. To model and reprogram myself for super success, integrating vocabulary and learning how to become the best version of myself each and every day with purpose and meaning for LIFE! For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh in reality and awareness as to improve and adapt for the better as LIFE!

I commit myself to become to live a life and get help and support others and get feedback to whom that are credible and of high quality to help me with feedback and so I will know what to do better next time if I cannot see it myself. Therefore, I commit myself to Trust Thyself in ‘Every-’Way’ no matter what, and observe what I do and not doing in attempt and to do what I am resisting myself to not do, and to reverse into self directive principle and self possession as LIFE!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!


I commit myself to Will myself to do whatever it takes and trust myself in every way and to master myself, so nothing outside of me masters me, and therefore, I master myself, know thyself, and I shall Master Thyself as the flesh and self directive principle as the individual as LIFE, the will to forgive, the will to trust myself in every way, the will to trust myself to mean what I say and do what I mean to say that’s best for me to grow to new heights than ever before. And to help and lead others to do the same practically and not theoretically, in the best ways possible for my ultimate and our ultimate super success! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to challenge those who try to deter me with a shit purpose and I will give them no mercy, with respect and dignity for those who try to abuse for what is not best as life, and to show the abuse on earth and what and why and how people are not doing anything to help themselves, because they know deep down, that they are hopeless losers. For as I see myself as self directive principle as the resonance and the flesh as life!

I commit myself to truly to know and understand how to give relentless meaning to life and my life and to create and make things in life valuable and meaningful and simple at higher levels of understanding each and every time for the better. To become to read more books, one at a time, and doing things no matter what I do, it is always One More, and then one more and then one more, the Principle of 1+1 and so on, adding more and more along the way to achieve much more than ever! To keep persevering and improving and adapting along the way, supporting myself, receiving feedback and support from others, and to give support to others who deserve it and are worthy of it,  if they would like to participate and to win together for the better! I will influence them and persuade them to do what is best and consider and recommend options, in the best compelling ways possible the individual and/or I myself to do what is best and great for the better!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in resonance to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to Will myself, Will myself to forgive, Will myself to do create value and lots and lots of money, and Will myself to create more and more productivity than ever before, and connecting with my colleagues that are doing what’s best, and reading upon biographies and other books that are good and great, and to apply the information and work with others and to see what their feedback is, although I know the answer for me. I would like to know a different insight to those who are doing what’s best and disregard those who are not out of respect and integrity and dignity. To will myself to become to communicate and articulate and convey my message across simply and directly and straight to the point effectively with self directive principle as LIFE, as the Principal of my Life, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better, for my ultimate super success!

I commit myself to be patient with others, as when needed in the best moment and time, and to take control and self directive principle of the situation and lead together, and if they are not willing to do so, then that is okay, the person will need time to and for themselves to realise to work as a team and not just alone as the lone ranger going nowhere, to no man’s land. For as I see myself as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to understand and to only eat healthy foods that are best for me and only the best, and to encourage myself with healthy juices and water, and along with supplements, and to encourage my wife and kids and employees and directors, senior partners, all general partners of the firm and who work with the firm to become to have a high quality life. To explain and keep things simple in stability, practicality, in order of sequence, common sense, to do what is best for all, in the best ways possible. And to understand and know how to create an environment at the firm and at home for super success and fun to be at and do sorts of fun things in creation and at the business, to dominate and rule the market with help and cooperation and coalition and collaboration from all and everyone of the firm, suppliers, vendors and much more for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words, as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to forgive myself of what is not best within me and what I see within others that if I haven’t investigated within me, and to write breathing statements to stop and breathe that when and if a reaction that is not best, I will stop and breath and take self directive principle in the moment and will myself to lead. Then to realisation statements to realise what I had and have reacted to and what was not best for me, to realise what happened within the timeline and gridline of my life. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements and along within self corrective physical self application, as life to recorrect myself into what is best for me and how I can improve and adapt to and live the living change to improve and adapt for the better. Within using the tools of TechnoTutor, Desteni I Process, self forgiveness and self corrective application and the Desteni blogs heavens and creations journey’s to life and to rebirth myself back to life for my ultimate and super success!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better as the flesh, as self directive principle and self possession as LIFE!

Day 52: Filling a loss further of a Philosopher!

 

 Philosopher

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fill a loss further, by jus saying things and not actually doing it and how i am saying and not living the actual words and meanings of the definitions that are best to live and how I am in fact living the words of a philosopher, filling a lose further. And not filling a win any further, and having some sort of true achievement, instead I proclaim and procure and conjure my words in contemplation and of no real value, in actual self dishonesty. Not realising that I am not living my words, I am only not living them, and how I have lived these words all my life, and have done nothing with my life, because my parents never lived what they did either, they only lived scarcity, lack and limitation and a ugly personality that would never amount to anything. And how I would also be in the same boat as well, seeing each and everything that they do, so many capsules of energy that are together and contradicting each other and constricting and restricting each other in many strands and improper lined up grid lines that are messed up and were messed with from the very get go and beginning. To many difficult equations and laws and missed steps and misspelled words and unexplained energy that was never truly lived with traumatic events that are holding them back, as they were also holding me back from living the actual words that are best for me and how I am in fact living the words of a fool and a loser who will never amount to anything, no matter how hard I try at anything, nothing will seem to amount and how I wondered why, I’ve gone so far  to do the things I’ve been wanting to do and I do it, but the results don’t show. And then I usually get frustrated when nothing has happened for me, and now that i realise it, that the words that I am living are not best for me, and how DNA and heredity and characteristics is all words and information, it’s just pre-programmed into me and how I am a predesigned program from my parents and others, media, news, tv shows, cartoons, movies, and all kinds of cartoon movies, real life movies. How other people were actually doing things and how I saw my parents not do those things, and how they were not able to achieve anything substantial and great in their life, because in fact, they were not living the actual words in full expression as for what is best for all in movement and creation, instead of creation and going nowhere with it, and contemplating what to do and being so spiteful about something so simple, even when it is something just simple and how the person just acts in mediocrity and inferiority and acting in full of lies beyond belief. And how it is so cringeful to see, and even from myself as well, and how i was not in true actual realisation, even when I was 4 or 5, I wasn’t taught the actual words of anything and how to speak, I was only ever acting like untrained animal, and just merely making noises and sounds and sounding so stupid and illiterate. To the point where i couldn’t even process my own environment, I just took it all in like a retard and never knew what was actually going, being so oblivious and how my parents and my cousins and uncles and aunts were just laughing and how I couldn’t and was not able to speak proficiently and extensively in the best articulated ways. But it was always inarticulate and never ini the best ways of specificity of any kind at all whatsoever. And how i was never able to live the words of actually truly creating what is best for me and what is best for all, i only imitated others who never lived what the living words of what is best for all and how I never was able to do anything for myself and how I had to be dependent on my parents, my uncles, aunts, cousins to do things for me and how I was never taught to do anything for myself, no wonder I was not self sufficient, and noticed when i went to other people’s houses, I was not able to do anything for myself and make anything for myself. I always asked another person to do something for me, and how I realised this person told me to make myself and I immediately got up and did it, but it never continued in the best ways possible, because i never knew how to do anything. Because I couldn't ask for myself, I didn’t know how to do anything, I wasn’t expressive, I was always self reserved and self consumed within myself in the worst ways possible or beyond belief inferior and exclusive to myself. Not ever saying anything, because I felt as if I was some nervous guy or something, not ever saying anything, because if I did, I would be afraid if I would’ve gotten yelled at. When in fact and reality, it was just my environment and how everything in my environment was always based on abuse and it was never for the better of stability and explanation and context. I always misunderstood my parents and other people, no wonder i was never able to make money, because I never knew how to express myself without getting emotional, whether it be sad, depressed, being sorrow, or angered, resentful and spiteful and waiting for judgement to kick in at any moment. Not even realizing that I was just nothing but an organic robot and brainwashed to be a philosopher and be a great thinker and not a doer, and how I am not actually living and creating something to be real and for what is best for me and to do what is best to help others as well. And how I never knew how to help myself, therefore, nothing in my life ever truly amounted. Because I thought that being a philosopher was the way of life and to say things just to say things and never do anything about it, and just say it just to say it. Without ever living the words and actually performing the act to create value and money and to sell and to be able to do things efficiently and effectively to gain something actually real. And it was never that way for me at all whatsoever, nor did I know how to do anything, it was always abused and at a stand still halt, even when it came to sales, selling, persuading, door knocking in the past and recently, whatever it was. I just never could do it. Even in to high corporate finance, so many points within me were holding me back, no matter how much I persisted and persevered, I would always not know what to do and say anything, therefore, I would end up saying the wrong thing and absolutely sabotage my way and opportunity to lead, because I never could lead myself. Nor could I lead anyone else, and how everything was always some type of barrier and stand still halt, and how I could never do anything that would've been substantial for me to achieve. It was always some type of mediocre performance, and it always was, it was never for actual true superior performance, I never knew how to do anything. No wonder my life is the way it is since, I was 2-3 and then 4-5, that’s when things got worse and how I got more and more abused within my environment and saw my parents and how they were never capable of achieving anything, no matter what it is and what it was. They never actually lived the true living words that were best for all and for themselves, therefore, it was always some type of detriment going on and misunderstanding, no context, people always being quiet, not speaking up, not persuading me, but it was always me being manipulated in the worst ways possible that was negative, I was never guided into the right direction for myself. Because my parents never knew the best direction for themselves nor could they do it anyone at all, and how I was the person not guided proficiently, and effectively. And how I am and where I am in my life, is only ever more, filling a loss further, nothing ever abundant at all whatsoever, under any circumstance, opportunity, or anything at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as mother and father, and relatives, to not know how to and not realise that I was self deluding myself and ourselves to the point where no matter what we did, it was always being quiet and not doing anything real and substantial, and how we never knew how to do anything, we always lectured this little person and how we never cared for him. We always misunderstood ourselves and how we could never make money ourselves, but to be a slave like everyone else on the planet, who are working hour to hour and never making anything, no matter what it is and was, business or not. And how we ruined the environment for him and that we never knew what it was like to create something to be real, because we only lectured him and beat him and manipulated him in such a negative abusive way. To the point where his own reality was never going to be truly amounting of anything, no matter how hard he tries at anything, whether if it’s a new hobby, business, work, sport, o anything, he will complain and say things and make excuses and how we would do the same thing and explain his excuses to another person. And how we never realised that we never truly gave him the encouragement and to say something, instead we laughed at him and made him feel inferior and not encourage him to keep going and instead we always yelled at him in pain and anguish for not doing what we expected him to do. Because in reality and fact, we could never do the things we expected him to do, even though we thought it was easy for  us, but this little person could never understand, nor could we ever understand what it was. So ever since, we left him alone and never helped him and never did anything for him, therefore, it was the fact and real reality of ever more filling a loss much more further than ever before. Nothing real, just all fake, fake parents, fake teaching, fake life, fake reality, fake understanding within misunderstanding, fake environment, fake everything. And how everything for us and to us and at us was always at some type of standing halt and nothing ever was persisted and created for the better, it was always for tell and show, it was never for say and do and perform and create as the result of what is best and how to be encouraged to do anything to be real instead, it was all fake. For the fucking worst of all, abuse, beyond imagination and belief, and how no one could get away and how abuse was at each and every corner of life for us and for this little boy that lives with us. And how we don’t even know what to do with our lives, so we show the same thing to this little boy who lives with us, and how we never made anything better for him. It was always abuse, going out to play and being stupid and not doing anything real to create, but to go outside and play and majority of the time to watch tv and do things that are not best and of no true, and actual REAL creation. Everything was all a facade and fake and fad from us and how we taught it him and how we lived it, we never expressed t in words at times, although it was misunderstood in the environment and everything was ever more a loss being filled further and further, with no wins, being filled and created, it how saying things just to say it and when something isn’t right, abuse it and manipulate it and do what is not best and destroy his self esteem our environment what we say and do that is not best to hold ourselves back especially and most importantly the environment and unknown laws and equations to be expressed to to this little boy who we abused and dumbed down to the point where he will never be able to think for himself and to be of actually capability to create something real and practical. Instead we made a  theory out of everything and made it all worse upon and for everyone, no matter who it was and is, we only made things worse, and it was all misunderstood, for every little point and mechanism, turn, opportunity, situation, and circumstance with other people themselves and ourselves as well. And nothing was ever of actual true creation, it was only ever, filling a loss further. Just saying things as they are and just to say it and not do it, is nothing but a detrimental act and how this little boy picked it up and how we never imagined what would happened later on in his life, no matter what he would do of anything, that we didn’t care if he understood what we said or not, we only said it and just said it anyway. And even if it as something that he wasn't supposed to hear, we would go to some other place to talk and lace out things for ourselves and make him feel misunderstood and left out and to be of something to be hidden behind closed doors, and for him to not ever know that we were doing, even it was just talking with ourselves and even talking behind his back and talking about him. And how he is stupid and mediocre and inferior, and how the way s he acting and behaving and expressing, is of inferiority and not of true ways of life. Because we in fact have taught him to do the same thing to his own vices and own conclusion that were not what best for all, it was always detrimental at every turn and corner, no matter what it was and is. Everything was always some type of loss of no creation, it was always somehow held back and destroyed and/or taken away by force and to put something so high up to the point where he could never play and have fun to do anything of what he ever wanted to do out life for the better, it was always not for the better, it was always for the worst, at each and every corner and turn. Coming up upon the timeline that was not best at all whatsoever, for anyone, nor him at all whatsoever, and even for ourselves as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i can be the greatest thinker of the world and help others, when i realised I couldn’t even help myself, to create something to be truly real and do it. And how I was only taught to say things just to say, but never actually to understand and know how to apply it and live it, as for what I could’ve been taught, but no one ever knew how to do anything so I never since ever knew how to do anything and make anything real. Therefore, I was able to do anything of actual real creation in reality, and how it was just being philosophized and being distributed as just a message and not of true actual movement and creation to make something real and to live those living words of actual true creation of whatever endeavor that I wanted to do. I would always say something but my words were not matching up to my actions and how and what I was doing in my real life and what was going on my mind, as if I was just remembering the information just to remember it and look cool for remembering things but not to be cool to be of creation and to create something real. Instead I was performing mediocrity and inferiority at it’s finest for the worst way possible, and how I wasn't able to create something real, it was always a fake and fad and facade. Nothing was of actual real creation, and how I was being taught in school and even at home, nothing was ever real, nothing was ever done and created by movement and self application to have my words match up within the definitions of what I say and do and how I apply myself in real physical life. And how it was so strange that I could never actually do what I was saying and doing, I was only saying things just to look cool and be a public mediator to people and how I never had the real results when telling other people what I know. When in fact, I have created nothing to what I have been saying and learning this whole entire time, and even as well as my whole entire life. Nothing was ever created to be real, therefore, I never knew what and how to live the living words that are best for me, instead I am living words that are not best for me, from my environment and school, and whoever was around me and whatever was occurring to me and for what i was doing and was ordered to do by authority, who never explained to me anything. And how i immediately followed what they said, but sometimes and all the time instantly rebelled and never wanted to do anything what what someone was saying to me, because I thought it was invalid and how my life and creation of what I have been saying my whole entire life, has been invalid, on the inside, and not on the outside. As my inner workings and words of the definitions to be shown in action of living the word as by going out to do it, was not working for me, and how I was never able to influence anyone, nor could I influence myself to do what was best at all whatsoever. Nor could anyone influence me in the best and right ways possible, it was always filling a loss further and halting back further and further ever more into oblivion. Delusional and illusional ways for a detrimental life, and how I was taught to be nothing but a philosopher who never does and actually says what he does and creates it and does it as real meaning and expression in real life. As the inner and outer change was never in the best ways possible, it was recycling and re-evolution in ways of going nowhere, and just saying the same things over and over and over and over and over and again and again. No matter what I was saying, I was not able to apply it, because I didn’t know how to do it, therefore, everything in my environment, people or not, were not able to help me, therefore, they could not explain it to me, because they thought i couldn’t understand, so they never did, ever since. And how my life is left to my own vices, and how no matter what I do and try and attempt at, nothing was ever working in my life, I never could create the life I’ve always wanted. Because everyone around me, lived a mediocre life and inferior life for the worst.

When and as I see myself saying things and not doing it, and not creating anything, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself trying to be some type of philosopher, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not doing and creating what I am saying, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being clueless to what something is trying to say to me without any proper context, I stop and breathe, and ask for them to do so, and I can figure it out and do what is best, and not the other way around.

When and as I see myself not being teachable and not doing what I am saying and creating, even though it sounds good, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself trying to one up someone in being a philosopher, and not doing anything about it to back up what I say in physical self application, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being oblivious and just accepting and allowing what someone is saying that isn’t even real for what they are saying and how they’re not doing it and creating anything real, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being oblivious to what I am saying and how if I am not creating what I saying and actually applying myself to do it and make it real, and with a result, I stop and breathe, and seek out help and self forgive myself if anything is left.
When and as I see myself not being able to think for myself and to do anything to get help for what I am not able to do, I stop and breathe, and seek help for who has the actual results and is actually doing it.

I realise that my environment was not set up for success, it was set up for failure and how no one ever knew anything, nor did I ever know anything was not understood of what people were doing as they say they were doing. And sometimes it was just in fact detrimental and how their words and actions were not lining up and aligned with hat and who they are, it was just some fad and facade. And how no one around me ever knew how to do thing, they always made me go do things on my own and to never teach me how to do anything, and ever since, my actions and words, never lined up within my expression and behavior and how I was not actually doing what was best, it was always for some type mediocre performance and inferior performance of nothing actually being created for REAL in real reality. It was only ever filling a loss further, nothing of real substance and action and self application in the physical. It was just said in the mind and just to express it just to say it without any action. And just to sound cool, but sounding cool without living the living words, is just nothing but a fad, facade structure for failure and mediocrity. And how I never realised that I was so delusional to everything and anything that I have ever said and how I was not able to make and create something to be real in my words that I was not able to live, because of who was around me and who never explained anything to me and how I was not able to learn and do anything and things for myself, therefore, my life, was not of anything of actual real value to have real possession and self directive will of myself. In fact, I never did have self possession and self direction in myself, I never could actually make anything real, therefore, I would always want to say things just to sound cool and confident. But I never could apply it, because I never understood, and what to do with it, at all whatsoever.

I realise that my parents and relatives never knew how to do anything to what they were saying and how I saw them and they never could apply what they were saying and sometimes when they did walk somewhere else to talk and called another person to talk with them. And to tell me to stay away, just because they thought I couldn’t understand and to have any sort of context, because they were afraid of the things they were talking about would not be best for me, because all they were doing were just complaining and  crying and doing stupid shit that wan’t even best. And how I  could not understand what was going on, so I just played with my toys and did my own thing and never talked with anyone, therefore, I never interacted with anyone and knew of anything and never understood anything. There were no books, just a tv, and just go outside and play, in a big backyard and big living room, but there was not enough for me, it was never enough, it wasn’t good enough, because I wasn’t getting the context and understanding words and how to apply them. Therefore, I never knew anything and how I would always be clueless and just to say things just to say it and never do anything about it, therefore, I never created anything real in my life. Within that, I was not able to live the living words of what I am learning and doing. And how my whole life is the way it is and where it is, due to no one giving me understanding and context, and how I had to do everything on my own and never ask for help, nor could I even help myself. So no wonder, I was always so self reserved and isolated myself from everyone, even if i wanted help, but never wanted to do anything, even when a little thought came into my mind that to do this, but I completely disregarded it at times and never did it, either if i felt oblivious and/or either depressed of what is even going on, because i didn’t know what to do truly  at all whatsoever. Nobody taught me, so I never knew ever since, and how I never truly created anything to be real and of actual real value and physical results in real life and to be able to make something of it that I was doing. But it was never that way, I was only filling a loss ever more further, not ever abundance and results that were physical and not just the mind, itself, at all whatsoever.

I realise that I was never able to create something real, it was all a fad and facade in my life, everything was fake, nothing real for me to create and have and show to others and how they could do the same. But in fact, no one will ever know either, if I do not know how to do anything for real and live the living words as the flesh and as myself, and how I never understand how to live the living words as life, up until now to realise what I could do with it and be able to do and create something for real, and how I never knew that I was suppressing this from my childhood, at age of 2-3 and 4-5, those key years held me back and even when I came to be 6 and 7 and 8. It was all over for me, ever since, I never knew how to create and understand anything and to make something real, from that day on my life was never the same, it was always recycling and revolving in the same direction just at a different degree and effort. That’s it.

I realise that my words have no meaning and are of not true actual real creation, therefore, I never could create, and never could influence another, because i was never influenced in the best ways possible, because no one ever knew the meaning to anything, therefore, everyone was a philosopher and just saying things just to say it and how if it was best or not. And event hat when they do recommend something to me that isn’t best and that if they are not doing it themselves, I would be oblivious and just go along with it and never question why things ever were to me, because I was not in true actual self realisation and aware of me and what was going to create for the better. And how I was never able to create anything real ever since in my life up until this very moment and time, because I don’t know how to live the living words to create what is best for me and what is best for  others, because no one else had their best interest in me, nor for themselves, and nor for anyone at all whatsoever. Nothing ever real, all fake, all bullshit.

I realise that with my friends even when we did wanted to call bullshit on things, we and I never realised that we could create and actually do something, even when we challenged each other but none of us could actually create something to be real and have a physical result that is pretty cool to have and how ever since. We never persisted to do what was best, because the inner workings from our parents and what we fed to by entrainment and abuse, and misunderstanding in our environment. And how nothing was ever to be made real, no books, just all metaphysical in the mind, and how everything was so theoretical and not real. How this whole entire time, I was taught theory my whole entire life, and how nothing was of real creation and result, it was never practical, it was all impractical, nothing ever real, nothing of true and actual real physical creation. Than just in the mind and realising the bullshit that will never be created and that I’ll be fucked forever, since that day of being 2-3 years old and 4-5 the 6-7 and then 8. That very day ruined my whole entire life, and affected each and every decision and thing that I wanted to do, and didn’t do. And how ever since, I was not able to do what could’ve been for the better, at all whatsoever.

I realised that i was never taught to actually understand and know how to do anything, and ever since, I never could create what I wanted to do, it was all being just said to be said and never play it out in my real life, therefore, my life was nothing but a mediocre living for the worst. Because everyone around me, never knew how to do anything, therefore, I was never taught, because I never knew how to ask and/or say anything properly and effectively and always got in trouble, and how no one ever appreciates me being around, therefore, I never appreciated myself  to be around others and even myself to do what I wanted to do. So ever since, nothing was of actual real understanding and and for real creation, at all whatsoever, fucking nothing, all filling a loss further, ever more into oblivion and delusion and illusion as how my life is the way it is right now as I speak and write this.

I realise that no one ever took an true genuine interest in me to learn and apply information and to live as the flesh physical living, because no one else, could do for it themselves, therefore, they never could explain it and know how to do it and live it as the being of who they were and who I am and was and is right now.

I commit myself to understand words and to apply and live the information and to do what's best for all and in my physical self application and become to have more and more of self possession and self direction to be, do and have anything and everything of any possession i want in my life. And to help others do the same to live the living words, for those who are worthy and to be teachable, as I am becoming more and more teachable and applying myself the information that I am learning and do so and to develop the vocabulary in TechnoTutor and go out and do what it is that I need to do the live the living words for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as the living words to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to investigate what may be further of what is not best within me and how  I can live the living words that are best for me and to forgive myself of what isn't best and for what I am not doing and don't understand quite yet. And If I do not understand, I will ask and get context and even support myself as well in the process to get further and further with better understanding and to be able to apply myself to make and create in real physical reality in front me and with others to make it  real and of real physical results for the better. For as i see myself as life and life as the flesh as my expression to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE

I commit myself to redefine how I am living my words and what is working and not working and how I can able to investigate that and put it through TechnoTutor and to be to understand to put myself in the situation again to have better context, depending on the situation that is best for me to confront it again and be able to push through and create and make value and money in what I am saying and do it, and express it in a different light and meaning, and to give my words meaning, so I can truly become to live a life that is truly meaningful. To become to create a life that I‘ve always wanted for what’s best for me and for what’s best for all to benefit and for whom are worthy of being welcomed to qualify within the quality of who the individual is, and we will help that person qualify and to become teachable and help to be influenced to get a real kick out of life to make something real and to become free within the mind and the body, and to recreate with support and for what is best for all. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh and real expression resonance, for what is best for all, and for LIFE!

I commit myself to help my kids and my wife to understand and how to live the living words as stability and for what is best for all, of common sense and actual practicality of having meaning to words, to have a meaningful life. For the better and to read to our kids and to each other and by ourselves when we are able to, and to help them read at least 30 minutes to and hour or more each day and explain to them how things work and what to do with it and how to do it, with understanding what it is of what a phrase in a book means or anything in real life means and what it is about and how it works and what is on there in simple practical terms of its use and its participation here in reality. And to encourage them and to become to learn and to be able to speak fluently each and every time with having the right meaning and explanation to them to how to say a certain word and explain for what they need and want and we will be able to provide with common sense and practicality in real life that can be used and to have a real result from for the better. And to keep improving and adapting with them and encourage them to keep learning and applying in real life and understanding whatever we do and want to do with interest in real life, to become more and more creative and innovative in all that we do in life, as living words, as real physical self application, for as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words, in physical living and expression as LIFE!

I commit myself to show that living words are the best way to go about anything, when the meaning is fully defined, and if no one is doing that, I will challenge them if necessary with respect and dignity and integrity. To help one another, and how if anyone tries to deceive another, they are nothing but an abuser who knows nothing and has no meaning to their words, therefore, they have no meaning to their life, no matter what they do in life at all whatsoever. Within that, I commit myself to encourage and understand how to lead myself and to lead others with better understanding each and every time and to  live and do what it is that I am saying and expressing. As I am building my company to more and more improved heights than ever before, in practical ways in the best ways possible with help from others and helping others for the better, as well, for as I see myself as life and life as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to become to be always creating and understanding what I am creating and to have and define what I am looking to create and make for the better for my life, and for others as well along the way, and to become super ultra wealthy, by starting off where I am and what I can do for the better with my life and help and  encourage and inspire others to do the same in my  business and my life with true actual meaning to my words and create a true meaningful life for my ultimate and super success. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better with meaning as LIFE!

I commit myself to back up what I say with actions and live the living words as the flesh with understanding and application and to understand and know it’s meaning, learn how to do it, and to go out  and apply it and lead myself in self possession, and self direction for the better each and every time for my ultimate and super success for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words as to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to see and become to understand to see others as one and equal individuals, and that of course we have different information and meanings to our words, and how we speak and present and express ourselves. Conveying our message across and making it clear with the right purpose and to understand it and do it, for real practical physical results for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better, as LIFE!

I commit myself to correct another if what they are saying is what they are doing, and question them if they are actually living that and doing what they are saying, and if it not matching up, then i bring notice to them, and challenge another if needed, and be rude if the situation warrants it with stability and practicality within common sense. For as I see myself as life and living words with integrity and self honesty for what is best for all life as the flesh as living words as LIFE!

I commit myself to understand how to do sales and persuasion, and the business for what it is that I am doing, in education, renewable energy, engineering, investments, and perform myself and understand and have the different meanings to those words and do them within that industry and for what i want to do in my life and of course to have the help of doing so in real physical practical reality for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh to achieve much more than ever before as living words and physical application and self direction and leadership for the better, and for LIFE!

I commit myself to forgive myself of what I am living that is not best for me and to write stop and breathing statements to when and if a reaction were to ever come up, and to take self directive principle in the moment, to stop myself when the consequence is about to occur and self direct myself  to what is best and of common sense and actual practical in my writings and in my actions and expressions a well. Then transitioning to realisation statement to realise what had happened to me and for me that wasn’t best for me and for what I was doing or not doing, that wasn’t best at all whatsoever. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements and self corrective application and to live the living words as life with real meaning to have meaningful expression and creation for physical actual results for the better. And to use the tools of TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self corrective application within the Desteni I Process and the Desteni material and videos and blogs to read and apply myself as. And to rebirth and live the meaningful words back to life for a meaningful life for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better in physical application and meaning for and as LIFE!