Day 28: Resistance to reading?, I THINK OTHERWISE!

Resistance to reading?

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have resistance to reading even a single book or something just so simple and how I feel as if i might read too much and waste too much time not realising that it will affect me in some way or some how. And how I will never be able to have time to ever read a book ever again, nor an article, nor anything at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a friend to tell my friend from myself to tell him to stop reading and to stop educating himself just because we’re in business together, and how I deliberately did that, just so we can not be in competition together, and how I will be the one to overtake him. And how he is just reading all the time, and how it was helping him, but for me to tell him to stop reading, I was only ever damaging him, just because at the time he wasn’t taking action and being a physical participant in business and not doing anything in the business that we were both in at the time. And how I was telling him to become more stupid and not pick up on anything and be able to read and understand and to be able to apply the information either, and how in reality, I was only crippling hm intellectually and how I was doing that to him, to make him stop and not do what he should be doing to get smarter and become to know the information. When in reality, if he ever were to keep reading books and listening audios and not applying, then I’ll just tell him to stop and not do anything with it, and not get any type of motivation from it as if I wanted him as unconsciously and subconsciously I only wanted him to stop reading and do nothing with his life. While he was doing nothing in the business at the time and didn’t even know how to apply the information for the business that we were in at the time either, and how i never realised that I wasn’t improving either to get effective results, and how i was only trying to stop my friend and also to stop myself just because I wanted to become better and not have my own friend become at all whatsoever. And how in reality, I am just trying to diminish someone else’s efforts to become better, and how in reality, I am only sabotaging him and making him sabotage himself into not getting the benefits of what he is even doing at the time. And how i can’t believe he stupid he was to listen to me, because i don’t even know what I’m talking about to be telling someone to stop doing something to become better and how I’m not even doing anything either, I’m only a student at a college and doing some type of network marketing business. And how I was doing the same thing as well, as my friend, and he is getting better to be able to collect information and someday to be able to use it, but that would be an impossible, if he didn’t understand what he was even reading, it was only in my self interested ambition to stop someone from doing something that was benefiting him. But I didn’t realise that I was stopping him and making him much more worse off, because I knew he wouldn’t succeed in the business anyway, so that’s why i stopped him for my own self interest and secret mind of doing things. Just because my parents told me the same thing to stop doing something that’s benefiting and fueling my curiosity to do something that was good for me, and how I am now doing the same thing to my friend and how much of a disgrace I was to be doing that to my friend and how he is not even doing much and wasn’t much at all whatsoever. And how he is probably doing nothing with his life now, when in fact, it is only to my own assumption and self dishonesty, and how I found myself wanting to stop someone else and be so controlling and that was how i lost my girlfriend and how she wanted to stop talking with me. Just because I was so controlling and wanted her to stop doing what she was doing and how she wasn’t with me to do the things I Wanted, and not what she wanted. Even if she did say what she wanted to do, I still denied it and made her look for doing something that wasn’t best for her, in my own opinion and assumption that wasn’t best. I only did it because I wanted to manipulate and make her feel bad and that was what caused her to be pushed further and further away from me just because I only wanted to manipulate my friend and now my girlfriend who is now with someone else. Just because of my manipulation tactic for the worst to make others feel as if they are not worthy and should not be doing what they are doing so I make someone not benefit from whatever they want to do in life. And how I am nothing but a liar and a scammer into making people believe what I want them to believe and accept and allow without questioning me and my own tactics and how I am doing to make others worse off than they are. Just because I want to be ahead and make others be less fortunate and how I will gain all the power and the fortunate recognition that I deserve and how no one else deserves anything just because I have this great smile and demeanor and everything which causes me to get great business and everything. But it’s only my attitude and ultimately, my ulterior motive, to make others feel like they should give up and be nothing but a loser, just like i am still and still am today, not doing anything that is of worthiness within my life and how I am doing what I am doing specifically, and how it is not even best from me. And how I never questioned my starting point of why and what and how and when and where and whatever I was trying to specifically to manipulate another just for my own benefit and success. And how i told him literally, if you stopped reading books and stopped listening to audios, and take more action, then do that, just stop it for a week. And then as he stopped his growth started to slow down, and as weeks and months went by, and almost a year going by. Almost a fucking year, can you believe that?, and he’s gotten nowhere, due to me saying that and how he accepted and allowed that from me and how I tried to manipulate him and snarled and laughed at how stupid he was becoming just because of my secret mind and how i was doing what I was doing specifically. Not realising that I made him and influenced him to derail himself and how I made him accept and allow himself to stop reading and take in information to be able to apply. Because in reality, i couldn’t do either, I just so happen to want to impose an imprint upon him to stop doing what he is doing, because i don’t like what he’s doing and how he is growing and i am not, just because I think i am doing better. And how I am seeing someone not doing so well, and what he is doing to read books and listen to audios and how i want him to get worse from his own situation and what he’s doing and not take action, as he wasn’t doing anything even at the time. And how later as he came to the meetings more and more, his life started to get worse, even though he cried at one of the meetings and events every Tuesday that we had for the organization. Nothing was improving for him, he was basically becoming this type of philosopher and it was in reality for him to fill a loss further and do nothing with his life. Even though information would soon click for him, I never knew that he would eventually stop reading and doing things to better himself, because that would derail him for the worst. And how if I did the same thing, I would be in the same position and how he stopped improving himself for the past few months and he’s never read a book ever since, and was so resistant to reading and stopped doing so. Just because i told him that and how I noticed he was doing such a thing to better himself, but at that time, I didn’t realise that I was stopping him from improving just because he wasn’t in a good situation financially at the time, he must be doing better now. And how I was only in reality trying to push my self interest and ulterior motive to stop my own friend from doing what he is doing to improve himself. And how I would never have done that, it was just something of an automatic ulterior motive pattern and decision of how my parents and my girlfriend at the time, manipulated me as well and how I never said anything, nor did we even have the proper principles and agreements to fall back on and stabilize, it was never that way. It was always only on manipulation for meaning and feeling for life and how it was always all for competition and how no one will ever benefit and how I just only want all the money and all the power and recognition and the significance of it. And how no one else should be having the benefit and recognition like me and how I want it to be for myself and for no one else. That’s what I wanted the whole time and for me to tell my friend something like that, is me telling him to if you stop drinking water, you won’t die, when in reality, I am making him suffer and not benefit from the actual water itself. Making him believe that it is to be so, when in fact, and reality, I was only telling him my lies and ulterior motives in action to derail him by confiding in him by saying such a  thing to make someone fall off his way to growth. When he was already preparing himself to grow and do the business along the way, I was only stopping him, not realising that information is very important to use, if you understand it, then good, if not, then try to understand it somehow and if you don’t know, then I’ll just tell you to stop. Because there’s no way in hell you’re gonna win and benefit from these books and information, if you don’t have the life and money like I do right now, when in fact and reality, I am only stopping someone just because I saw it randomly and what he was doing clearly to help himself. And how I was in blame and manipulation to make someone stop themselves from doing something that brought his curiosity to some type of actual growth and processing of information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have accepted and allowed such a saying from my friend and actually believe it from him. To stop reading and to stop listening to audios for a week, and then I did that without even questioning the person, not realising that he was derailing me. And how i came to obey him and soon after  a week passed, another week, another and another, then months and then ALMOST A YEAR!, a fucking year, I never read any book, jut only listened to audios and how none of the books I have ever read, were left unread and still on the shelf as if there is no reason to ever read and live a normal life. With entertainment from social media platforms and just only audio that’s it. And how I came to believe him, and how my growth immediately stopped and how I never did anything right after that, everything stopped me, my growth stopped and my reading skills went down the drain and how i couldn’t process information anymore just because I stopped reading and understanding information and always was so resistant to reading any type of book, any type of article, any type of business book, the vocabulary for it and anything else pertaining to personal development and business development at all whatsoever. And how I never came to the conclusion of ever reading again and truly enjoying the book and reading it thoroughly and understanding where the author is coming from and how I can apply this information to my life and discern what is within my life and how I am living it. And ever since, I never questioned why the way I lived and the way I processed information. It was never a clue for me to ever question anything, it was only to accept and allow the bullshit that was given to me and how I never did anything after that to question why I didn’t want to ever read ever again. I only bought and collected books that were of old age and how valuable the information was, but it was just obvious that i was just resistant to reading and never read ever again, and only left my chance to failure for the worst. Soon enough I became truly resistant to reading and how I could never, and I mean never pick up a book and truly enjoy what I am reading and actually understand and apply the information that I have within my preview and personal possession. And how I was taking notes and not doing anything with the actual information for myself, as if fear had set in and stop taking the real actual participation in the real world, when in fact, I was just in my mind the whole time not wanting to do anything for my life but reel in complacency and latency in my efforts and how nothing was even surfacing for an actual tangible result for me to see and how I can actual confidence from it. And how i never questioned what my friend ever said and how it just stuck with me subconsciously and unconsciously to the point. That reading is just a fad and a facade, that was never to be sought after and to truly become an ignorant fool and never pick up information from a book and actually read something and enjoy it truly. But man, it just never came out to be at that point ever again, for so long, since it occurred over 2 years ago for someone to tell me stop reading and listening to audios for just a week and try that and just go take action for the business. When in reality, when i accepted and allowed that saying and command from him, I only made it worse for myself and preceded to stop and do what was benefiting me in the first place and how I never knew how bad it would’ve compounded on me and how i never knew how bad my life would be int urn for the worst as if reading was just nothing and how I was just so so so soooo resistant to reading. Although I’ve picked up a few books here and there, but never really enjoyed reading them and understanding them and applying the information and improving and adapting along the way if I were to make some type of little mistake or whatever it was. But things never seemed to be out for that way, it was only just pure resistance, I just never knew where my life could’ve been if i just enjoyed reading and wasn’t so resistant to reading and so called of a ‘bad’ idea it was to even read. When it was just a lie I have accepted and allowed from someone who never had my best interest at heart, he only wanted to stop me and have me stop improving myself, he never gave me any more context after that. Ever since then my life went to shit, who knows where my life could’ve gone with reading and understanding and applying the information, but now I haven’t gotten very far, so no wonder I was so resistant to reading and nothing ever has improved in my life. I just couldn’t process it even before, this person was saying such a thing to even stop me. When in fact, I was only stopping myself majority, not just him, and never questioned to ever improve myself, not knowing how much of an impact of what someone’s saying is, if I didn’t have the effective vocabulary and understanding to question someone and their ulterior motive and why they were saying what they were saying and their objective as well. And to even challenge someone who doesn’t know me, nor does even have my best interest at heart, I just never knew what to do. So nothing ever changed truly at all for actual real living change at all whatsoever. Nothing at all, nothing ever changed, because I couldn’t understand the information, nor could I even process it at all whatsoever, NONE AT ALL, it was just something that I have accepted and allowed and never did challenge him ever since. It was just deep and embedded as an acceptance and allowance from someone in my psyche as the unconscious mind, and subconscious mind for the worst.

When and as I see myself being resistant to reading and not wanting to pick up a book, listen to an audio and understand the information in order to do more and process more information in my life for actual real life physical results, I stop and breathe. I realise that nor reading information and understanding and applying it is a recipe for disaster and consequences of incompetence as a direct result of not reading and understanding something in order to apply it ini and within my life for the better. And how someone just told me to stop reading for a week and listening to audios for a week and see how my life goes, when in reality, I was abdicating my own growth for someone who never knew anything about me. Nor did this person have my own best interest at all whatsoever for me to improve as a person, nor was I even cognitively to challenge anyone on it, nor him as a person and why he even said such a thing for me to accept and allow as actual truth. When in fact, I accepted and allowed someone else’s lie and ulterior motive to also derail myself as someone was just trying to manipulate me, as he was manipulated as well and how he is doing it to other people not realising that he was doing that particular act to me and AT me as well. Without me even questioning why that is and how it came out to be so for the worst at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wanting to subtly so resistant to reading, I stop and breathe and pick up the book and read anyway, the article, whatever it is and truly understand the information and be able to apply it in physical space time as a physical reality participant to truly create something meaningful for myself and for all in this world for the better! I realise that being resistant to reading is almost just telling myself a lie, so I can just accept and allow my own lies as someone else has and has told me a lie as well. And wasn’t even doing the actual practice that he was doing himself and now for me to accept and allow that, is only me ever losing myself trust, and along with blame for the worst. Into an extreme direction that is not what’s best for me, nor for the other person, nor for anyone at all whatsoever, no matter how many books I have, if I don’t read of anything and actually look forward to understanding them and applying it in my life and improving and along the way. Then I am just in reality setting myself up for failure and not even bothering to improve myself for what i want in my life, in fact, if I do that, I am only leaving my future and success and present time for chance and failure, as i if haven’t gotten a clue of what books and information is supposed to be used for in actual real reality for the better. I only believed that being resistant to reading was only just a thing that I didn’t like ding and had t always and always be taking some type of action, and being afraid if i don’t have a book read or with me or whatever, then i’ll think that I won’t have enough time to read and be there and focus on it. When in fact, I am only making up assumptions and LIES to myself as if they were to be true, when assumptions to time, is just something that I am making up for myself and actually BeLIEving it deliberately. And not even bothering to question why i was doing what I was doing specifically as if i don’t even know why I was so resistant to even pick up a book and try to read something and truly understand it for the better. Instead I only abdicated it for an unknown assumptive fear.

I commit myself to become more and more interested and enjoy reading as it is and for what it is and how I can truly benefit and understand the information and apply it with understanding the vocabulary and where I stand. And what I can do better with others and within the support group as well, and not just by myself trying to improve as well, it’s as a collective effort, but of course, no one can do it for me and us, we have to do it ourselves as well. And how we Get to have the chance and ability to do so along with TechnoTutor and begin to understand the information and the words and then be able to apply it in real physical participation time. And nowhere else for it, but actual understanding and simple testing and participation on our part for us and with others for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance t improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to challenge those who try to derail others and how others have yet to question why someone is saying what they’re saying that isn’t even best, just because they don’t have enough context to see what is and what isn’t at all whatsoever. And those who try to say to not read and not listen to audios, and if they’re taking action, then I’ll be glad to light a fire under their ass, metaphorically speaking and to encourage others to take action and use the information for good. And for what’s best for them and for all, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to help my kids to understand how to read and help them build their vocabulary and understanding as well, and to explain things to them, so they are able to understand the information and how the world works and what is around and how things work as well. With the proper stable context, of no punishment, no yelling, no manipulation, just explanation and explaining the consequences of our certain decisions and why that is and certain agreements to hold and be able to trust ourselves for the better. And also I will encourage my wife to do the same and to walk our process much more effectively than ever before each and every time for the better. And to read to them 30 minutes to an hour a day or more, depending if they want to do so, then we will and I can encourage them to read and be able to apply information as well, along with the tools that we have at home and are able to use as simple as they for our super super super success! For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better! With stability and calmness to help them become truly self sufficient and able in life for the better!

I commit myself to help and encourage my salespersons, employees to read, directors, senior partners, even if they do know how to read, encourage others to do so, and how can truly become better within ourselves and so without as the real living change along with the tools that we recommend to our corporation and company as a family as we are. To truly become effective in the industry that we are in for the better. And to be able to discern and challenge information and people with respect and dignity for one another, with support, for each other as we grow bigger and bigger or the better. For as I see myself a life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me and realise them through breathing statements. As and when I see myself reacting to a resistance or whatever it may be or reaction, I will stop and breathe and redirect myself into what is best and stop the reaction before it happens and direct myself to become effective as here as breath for whatever and where I am and doing as well for the better. And within that to write self realisation statements to realise what I have and had reacted to that was not what was best for me, nor for the other person and realise that and breathe as well. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to re-correct myself into what is best for me and how I conduct myself and interact with others for the better. And how I can live the living change to improve and adapt for the better for my life and business for my and our super super super success! And within that to use the tools and recommend and encourage others to acquire them along with TechnoTutor, Desteni I Process of self forgiveness and self corrective application within the free course that is offered. And the Desteni blogs for creations to journey to life and heaven's journey to life blogs. To rebirth as here as life for the better, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better to live the living change as life!