I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I let someone ask me a question and let the situation be with them and feel as if it is an equal exchange. When in fact it was not, and I was blown out of the water as if my chance wasn’t even controlled and how I didn’t even know what I was doing at the time and was so blind to the fact, that I should have the court as well, when speaking and not just other people and only by themselves ass if they’ve got control too, when in fact, they don’t. Because they’ve never seen me as one and equal. Other people have seen me as unequal to the contrary of what they saw in themselves and saw within me, whether for business or not. And how I didn’t realise that everytime i let someone be so quick to deny me because of what I say and how it is not best or whatever and how I'm probably not taking control of the interview or interview or any question or conversation. I have to feel as if i need to be in control over the other person and lose my self respect for myself and for the other person who is naive, stupid, an idiot, a moron, in my own assumption and ho wi need to have the actual over power to make someone feel much more less than themselves. And eventually when the argument or whatever conversation is over, I end up being so self conscious and start arguing in my own head as if this other person is still here and how i’m trying to prepare again and go back to talk with the other person. When in fact, I felt so self conscious to be participating in mind, I didn't bother to call back because I had such low self esteem at the time and am still with it today, for some odd reason. And when that odd, is in fact, an insecurity, and how this will not end so well, if I call the person back in assumption and accusation for what i don’t even know and haven’t even offered to ask for the person what it was, that made them deny me so quick as if I Haven't a clue what just happened. When in reality, I only made myself be set up for failure and it made me upset as if I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, because in fact, I didn’t, it was hard, because I did’t know how to do it at the time. So it made me self conscious and insecure, but I still kept pushing, however the point within me was still coming up and no matter what I said was always coming up in objection from myself and for the other person. And how I was not being so genuine and standing my ground and being assertive, yet stable as well, however, at the time I just wasn’t at that quality stage quite yet, because there was a lot of things that were yet to be investigated within me, although they are the same like every other point. I just so happen to make them a big deal as if it were to be, when in fact, it was not, I just didn't have the right mentality and processing ability to rekindle that situation and circumstance to realise this and investigate it. Instead I only abdicated it and moved on and never investigated the thing, so i will was basically running on instability and be so quick to have myself denied as if I don’t know how to run a conversation and ask the right questions, and how also too be so self conscious within myself of this atrocity that I have created for myself for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that i was so quick to deny as if I haven’t a clue of what type of interview I was letting myself into and how heart reckoning it was for the person that I was talking to and with. And how when he asked me a question to interview me for a position for a board position and how I didn’t realise that I was only in it for myself to be at another job and assumed that it would be that way. Instead I never asked any other questions to investigate, yet I was so quick to deny as if I haven’t a clue of what I wanted to do at all whatsoever, and gone back to my own little so called “humble abode” self interested means and have to do it that way, instead of wanting to help another. And actually ask to give advice, instead of being so quick to deny as if this kid and I didn’t and haven’t a clue of what was at hand to realise. And how one question will solve this situation so I don’t have to waste my time on this loser. As I am the loser myself as well, and how I have yet to realise what I have done to lose my own opportunity and to make this person lose their own opportunity as well, and how i was only in it for my self interest. And did not realise, that before and all this whole time, that my self interest from the starting point was fucked, and so was that so called “kid”, that i thought in my assumption would never make it asking me a question like that. To be asking each other questions, when he is the interviewer asking me questions to get my input and ways of views and point of views, instead he let me but and ask a question and then end. And not waste my time, because I know my time is much more valuable as it is, and how my ego is always fucking with me as if I haven’t a clue fo what is going on, but I still do it in fear and make myself lose an opportunity and also for the other person who was feeding me questions, but only choked up at the last minute and didn’t know what to do at all. And how he never made it ever since, because that was only what I had assumed, because how I thought he quit if he asked that question and wasted more of my time, and how I value my own self interest, over the life of another person and never saw anyone as an one and equal. I always felt superior, and not inferior, and always saw others as slaves and pawns and how no one is one and equal to me. No one should be an equal like me, because I don’t care about people. I just don’t, and how stupid they are and how I’m smarter than everyone else, and sooner or later I might as well, want to destroy the population as if I don’t even know how my inferiority complex and superiority complex as a contradiction in diction of a meaning of fiction, because mixing two points, never out to the truth, if it lie as truth, and/or truth as lie. And how nothing will ever come out to be real for the better. And how I want the nation to be much more stupid and lose their sight of education and what it is truly supposed to be at all whatsoever. And how I have yet to realise this that I would be doing the same thing, and then be so quick to deny that I wouldn’t be the person destroying the population more and more. And accepting and allowing much more of the bullshit that I have yet to investigate as another person, who never saw the true light of day for anything at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent and father and mother, and a so called deadbeat as I am and how I have yet to realise that it is to be so. And within that, whenever my child be wanting to ask me for something and would try to ask me a little further, I would be so quick to deny and say no in an ugly way and turn away with a distorted face and have to deny myself and how I don’t need to look another person and deny them in their face. And how I never seen my child be like this and how I have to be that person to say no and say it in a loud yelling way, when in reality, it is just me raising my face to say no automatically and have this shitty little pattern that I have yet to investigate for myself just because I am nothing but a deadbeat. Not looking to see what another would say and question why it is so, that for what they’re asking is what they’re asking, and how I have yet to realise that i am not that good of a parent and not qualified, unless my child wouldn’t have been here if I hadn’t met my wife. And how within that, for me to not see another as an one an equal, is me also disrespecting myself and others and especially my child, and how I am not treating him/her as an one and equal. I just know what I was even doing and coming to about in the first place as if seeking the truth was a lie, and seeking the lie was better for my own truth, when in fact, I have been lying to myself this whole time. Not releasing the ramifications of my lies and how manipulating I am and how I still try to talk behind my child’s back in a ugly manner and how broke my child and how stupid my child is. When in reality, I am just another spiteful human being who is self interested and how I am as a father and mother who is also self interested and have yet to realise what life is even about. Because in fact, i fucking know nothing, but the detrimental life and bickering and spitefulness that I have withnin myself and my mind and from and towards others as well as if they are talking to me. When in fact I am only using their face as my voice and talking to me and AT me as if I am talking to and with that other person that’s right in front of me. And for me to further the participation in my mind, I am in actuality, getting nowhere to no man’s land and nothing of true value of anything at all whatsoever, no wonder I am a deadbeat spiteful parent and person. I have no real moral values, I have no values, I have no principles, I am just living my day to day as if life doesn’t matter to me. Because it doesn’t, and how I have been so self dishonest and never truthful with myself at all whatsoever. Even when I wanted to be truthful, the lies would always come ini ambushing me, therefore, I have been just accepting and allowing the lies, and if I keep this up, I am truly fucked forever. No matter what I do as a parent, I just won’t make it, and if I never learn, it is for me to never get the benefit, but only benefitting from and with the doubt as contradiction and stupidity as it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a cartoon and disney picture and cartoon to be so quick to deny, instead my creators didn’t have me to be able to speak fluently and articulately. It was always in unintentional speaking and how I was always acting like a naive little animal, or person or whatever, I was only to be created by my ruthless creators who never knew any better. But to hurt me and to hurt my viewers, when I was only to be shown to the younger views and target them, because the parents don’t know any better either and have myself to be shown. And therefore, others will be a nation of so quick to deny and never question anything at all whatsoever, no matter what it is, no matter the truth or not, no matter the lie or not, we never question anything as if weren’t even to be questioned and investigated just because of how the cartoon was such a good thing to watch. But no one, and not even me myself would even dare to see what the true carnage was being presented at stake to burn and for everyone to see and blinded to the fact, that they are being brainwashed for hours and hours and and/or even a certain amount of minutes as it is right then and there. And how no one else decided to even notice what I was doing and then came back to realise that I needed to apologise, but I didn’t, I only went about my day and never did anything else but do my own self interested deeds that were to be so. Within that, it made and my viewers be so quick to deny anything, and how a whole nation, a whole international world, would be so quick to deny anything, no matter if the situation ever comes up again, because in reality, and in fact, it has been suppressed, no matter who it is, any/or anyone to witness that memory once again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so quick to deny another as if another doesn’t have a clue of what they should be saying either, when in fact and reality, I am only not giving myself a chance to listen to another person. No matter who it is, as if i haven’t a clue of what it is to really communicate someone about of or anything at all whatsoever, no matter if stupid or not, within that, stupid doesn’t solve anything, and how I have yet to realise that I have been doing that this whole time and never tried to investigate anything and try to act ONLY in emotion and emotional logic, instead of practicality and common sense. Therefore, it was not within me, because I was so blind to the fact that I could barely even see it beyond the average person that was myself and still is today. And how it was never in my intention truly to ever question things, it was always left to be for chance and never realise for what it even was to see right through the lines and bullshit that i was being presented with and presenting myself to not even be able to see what is and what was here in the first place from the very starting point. As the starting point was fucked, and within that the ending point was never to be sought after for, because I never realised what I was trying to do and go after for without any true investigation and question why something is, instead of being so quick to deny and act in emotional logic, because it never works that way. It is only in reality, an assumption for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a teacher, friend, news, media, so called friend, so called associate, associate and friend, random people/person, society, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, whomever, to be so quick to deny. And never ask a question, and investigate right then and there of where the source or not even the source is at and how it could’ve been to find out the facts with the right question, when in fact, I was only seeking after an opinion of an inferior person to me and how I am much more superior, when in fact, I am only promoting inequality in my mind, and how it is coming to from the unconscious to the subconscious to the conscious act and how limited I am. Without even trying have an inclination to find out what it is to be at all whatsoever, to be of truth or lie, or truth as a lie, or lie as truth, in contradiction and to never question that either, as if things and all things of animals, all life, everything I’ve ever owned, and how and what I have bought it for was a starting point that was fucked in the first place, even before I bought it. And now it comes to that I don’t need it now, because I never saw a true use for it, within that, I was only so quick to deny and bought things anything, of anything I’ve ever wanted, a purse, a suit, a suit bag, or anything, more food, more drugs, more alcohol, more bad food, and pretty much anything at all really. And how I am so quick to deny the unconsciousness of what I have yet to realise that I am being so quick to deny to play with my money as if my time should be played, when in fact, as if I feel someone is up there playing strings on me, when I have accepted and allowed those strings as acceptances and allowances towards what I was so naive to about. From cartoons, other people, parents, society, friends, so called friends, so called associates, random people, background conversations in public, tv shows, news, media, tv shows movies, movies and sitcoms and much more of the bullshit that isn’t even good for me, nor for anyone at all for that matter. How playing with my money and playing with my time, is me in reality, playing with my life and being so quick to deny my own needs truly for what I ever needed at all to begin with, I never truly had my own best interest in myself, so I had to be so quick to deny and go materialism and be the so called modern day “slave” = “Consumer”, the consumer is the slave who is consuming as if they are eating and wasting their money and and my money and how i’m trying to blame one another, when I am the one who is to realise this and can not just blame myself. I just didn’t realise it up until now. How being so quick to deny my own ways and finances and health has come up to being so quick to deny that everything is going to be fine in my own assumptions and accusations, when in act, if I continue to be so much more quick to deny that fact and/or opinion to ever questioned, whether it is for business, my health, my finances my revenue for my company or whatever it is, I am truly fucked for the worst. Because everything will soon be neglected if I were to keep this up and be so quick to deny and play everything as if it didn’t even matter, no matter when it came to just spending to feel good or just feeling plainly bad. And feeling bad for myself as If i need to give myself “self pity”, putting myself at the pit with the “Y” as the condition of the pit, right at the bottom and being to myself as if no one ever mattered but myself and how “bad” I need to be feeling for myself. When in fact, I am just feeling nothing but a lie for myself to feel this comfortable feeling that I need to be so quick to deny in slowness or quickness of what has yet to even be realised for the better at all, whatsoever.
When and as I see myself wanting to be so quick to deny my health, my finances, my relationships, my sexual urges, my financial urges to just go after energy for my own self interest ways of its starting point, and how I’ve never tried to question it, I therefore, stop and breath and redirect to be here and question why and investigate what is, if it were to be truth or not at all. I realise that being so quick to deny is another form and and reality, of an excuse just so I won’t be able to deal with it and don’t want to deal with it, as if I have a obligation to distract myself a little more and little further as ifI haven’t a clue of what reality even is. When in fact, it is right now, and here, not an ILL(LOSE)usion, okay?! Okay. cool.
When and as I see myself not wanting to investigate anything and not want to question anything as if I feel so comfortable with what is being told to me as truth and I don’t realise that I am still a living lie, I stop and breathe and ask myself and/or that other person that I am interact with to see what is and why that is at hand with respect and dignity for myself and for one another as another. I realise that not questioning anything is all coming back to childhood and recent experiences and how they have put me on a large toll to be laughed at, while the other cars pass by doing their deed in emotional logic, that doesn’t even make any sense, because a lot of people are at their own self interest, therefore, I was there too, and how I can’t be so quick to deny such a thing and be so quick to judge as if nothing ever happened to me and for me, when i was the one just accepting and allowing things to be as is as if nothing ever matters for the better of all. It only mattered for me, and how self interested I really was and is at that very moment and time of realisation as for what it is and what it was, because the starting point, was the ending point for the worst, because it was never done for what was best for all. It was only done for the self interested starting point, to never care for another, but to care for profit of my advancement and how everyone will never see the light of day to realise anything. Even when it is the light of day, they will never question anything that is being presented and/or what they’re and I am being presented with either to begin with. Even if it came to being as a threat to want to fight another, just because I never questioned and have to fight another just because I wanted to defend my delusion and illusion to the right and opinion as fact and fact as opinion to see what I have even done to myself, because of my low inefficiency of vocabulary as it is at all whatsoever.
I commit myself to question more and more of things, and realise if they are true or not, and all of the lineups and what has connected to what and before for anything at all. And to realise that not everything is true, because sometimes it is just a masquerade of what people think is, when it is not, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to question things and whenever I see something of an article or whatever it is, a post or something or a video or whatever, to step back a bit and question if it is to be or not to be, and if it is true or not. And be persistent with respect and dignity to realise that things up at front, not so what it is seems to be and redeemed to be in quantum time, that things must be questioned, no matter what it is. And to do it for the better, genuinely and respectfully with dignity for the other person and for myself as well, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to challenge one another if they are so quick to deny anything, what I say, what I think, and they're doing that isn’t what’s best for all, and question why that is, and for what it is, as is. Even if others believe it is an assumption, when in fact, we can find out right now, we have time, there’s always a good time to question anything, no matter what it is, being assertive, yet stable within myself for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better of my super super super success!
I commit myself to help my employees, directors, senior partners, salespersons, customers, clients, to question things and to do it with common sense and practicality, and to help clothes understand why it is and the reason along with it, and to see if it is best and ask if it is best or not. And ask why, and help them ask why, with developing and developing my communication skills and stability as well for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better of my and our super super super super success!
I commit myself to ask the reason and breathe and why for my kids and wife and how we can all both learn how to sell and investigate things and truly understand why what is and for what it is. And to know how things work and all the intricacies of what is, with common sense and practicality, with and wherefore they are at, and to explain it simply and with and for my wife as well for the better. So we can all truly understand and come to the same conclusion with time and patience, as they do deserve the best, and nothing but the best for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better, to help my children and wife, to question things when they do not understand something, and learn to see what it could be for the better.
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