Day 50: Sabotaging my opportunity to make money

 

Sabotaging my opportunity to make money

(Read Aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am not actually worthy of making money, how I am so apt to be spiteful towards others, when and if something does not go my way. As if I need to be insulting another by the fact that I need to be of a higher positionable man that is deemed to be within and on the pedestal that is, for myself to think that I am someone lower or higher than another in contradiction. When in fact, I do not know what it is like to make money, therefore, I sabotage my opportunity to do so, as if i haven’t made enough already and how I am merely just getting by. And how I am not even bothering to realise it, even though i am making the efforts to conjure money, but within that, there is a caveat to me, that I am not realising that, I am not truly self honest and truly self sufficient for myself. No wonder I am not able to make anything of worthiness for me and to me, of any kind of merit. And how things seem to be taking so long and how I have so many things that never dawned on me to why I have never made a dollar ever since 4 years ago and even my whole life, that I never knew what it was truly like to make money. While I was being held captive by other slaves within the home of America. And how I never truly realised that I am nothing but a slave that is intended to be broken and poor and delusional of and in my ways and expression and breath. And how I am not in true realisation that I am in actuality, truly hiding myself from myself in pain and anger and resentment, as if I am afraid of a the dollar sign and the money and it’s symbol and cymbal to the world as in greed, scarcity, lack, limitation, power, threat, and so much more beyond belief. To take so much power and control and to be hidden from the underworld of the hide grid line that is mismatched and mis-weaved and misconstructed and devised and revised over and over in a same recycling patterns as if I haven’t gotten a clue quite yet of what it is like to be free and to be financially free and emotionally free for the better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and self sabotage myself in frustration and pain and struggling for so many years on end, due to my own instability and no matter what I did and tried and attempted at. There was no true chance and opportunity for me to be making any sort of money, and how it takes so much of my time to be struggling and not be able to make a single dollar into a thousand or more, without trying to apply myself to manual labor that isn’t even best for me and how it’s so slow and painstaking to the point where i don’t even know where my self expression is becoming to be at a standing still halt. With nothing in my path to be of possession and actual achievement, and how it was so hard for me, beyond my own belief, and comprehension to even know who i could’ve become if this family and myself weren’t so unstable, but the fact is, it was that way, and it felt like I couldn’t even do anything about it, until realising it now and how i haven't made anything that could’ve been possibly true and substantial for me. Instead I was broken and unstable for many years on end and never had the true stable help and support and encouragement to the point where I could’ve made something actual real, but instead it was made for fake and artificial means that were never best for actual life, even if I was resisting in ease and automatic patterns that were me as my breath. And how I never knew that i was actually misdirecting myself into oblivion and delusion of pain and frustration, and how I never thought of what i truly would have become, if I had truly realised my resistance to not being so much of a philosopher, as if i am somewhat filling a loss much more further into no man’s land, and nothing to be of accumulation and achievement within the necessary actions and skills acquired and honed in. but in fact most and majority of them were of lack and limitation, therefore, I never made anything substantial and how it has been so much of an upheaval ever since I did want to strike out on my own and not be a slave to someone else. When in fact and reality, I am still a slave to myself and to my mind as if I don’t know what true making money really is and stability really is and how i am as the individual have been so dishonest for so long, that I am not even aware of who I should’ve been becoming if i knew what’s best for me and for all, and how i don’t know what’s best for all. I only know what’s best for me, and how in fact, I show my genuine care, but it is not enough, if i am not truly genuine with myself, and how it hurts me and pains me to realise that I am dishonest and not worthy of actual wealth and opportunity and creation, I literally don’t know what it is like to be financially free. In fact, I was never taught, my programming and pre-designed systems as the mind within me, are only ever holding me back for so much at a time that I am not in true actual realisation of what i am doing and how i am not even getting far at all whatsoever. No matter how hard and effective and fast I try at something, even if it does feel somewhat effective, but even that, it is still not enough. Even if I am wasting my time, and how i am not being self honest within that, that I am truly being dishonest to the point where life is not meant for me, life and abundance is not for me, limitation and lack is for me, frustration and sadness and depression is for me. Because i never knew my father and mother had that as well, and self sabotage themselves and how they would spend all of their money, in delusion to feel good and put out their own fires as if it was too intense to handle, when in fact, they have been truly broke and broken and poor their w(hole) lives and how I am emulated that and haven’t realised no matter how hard i am trying to make and create money and value along the way. I have no absolute chance at doing so, because I am not aware of what it is like to be out of my own way and not be so frustrated and sad and depressed as if I am trying so hard and not amounting to anything and how I was torn down verbally and physically by people and even myself as i have copied their automatic mechanisms that have never truly benefited me, therefore, it was always ever so harsh for me, and hard and difficult beyond my own belief, to actually make something real and of success. And how i realised that making money is not within me and in my DNA, no matter what i do, everything will be hard, it will be painful, as if my efforts have gone down the drain and been there and done and performed for nothing with wasted time and wasted effort and fortitude along the way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as mother and father to self sabotage ourselves to make ourselves feel good after something is presented as pain and disheartening decisions of our own detrimental results that have yet to amount. No matter what we do to make money, we have not truly earned to live this life, therefore, life felt as if it was always against us, when in fact and reality, we were the ones who were against us and ourselves, standing in the pathway of pain and delusion and letting it happen, to accept and allow such atrocity and frustration to the point where lack and limitation is of the actual norm. And how our son as our child will be doing the same thing, without even knowing he is doing the same thing, no matter how hard and fast and smart he tries to make money, it will never amount, it will never be of true creative achievement. Therefore, things will be in misalignment and Dis-alignment, and how life has been so hard and not aligned fully to be engineered to make money and be of true financial stability, but the emotional stability and the poor drive environment was never to be of actual true value to be amounted and manifested. As man as infested as a past like pest, and will never amount to anything, and how all that man ever does, was to eat, shit, drink water, have sex, reproduce, and make and bring in supplies and weapons. That was all eve man ever did and have done, therefore, nothing ever was for the the best, but to pest on things that were of self interest and evil for life, where no one gets the benefit and if one comes by, they will be scolded and threatened, and never welcomed, always due to fear and over protective to the point where nothing will be for what is best for all life, no matter how hard one tries to do anything to achieve anything at all whatsoever. Even if it does require frustration to be deluded ever more, but never much of the fact that fortitude and ability and creativity and innovation and skills and education is to be of making money and adding value along the way. However, we never did that, we only took, we never knew how to sell, and/or make anything, therefore life was always hard and difficult, and complained so much about the bills and how nothing will ever truly amount, because of what we do in our lives to fuck with our opportunity, when we never had the opportunity, the chance, the creative ability, it was nothing but a lacking ability and limitation and limited of ability. Therefore, it was least to none, resistance to ratio of 1:0 or either at majority 0:0 cancelling out, to poverty. With that, no one will ever have anything, and no one will ever have their basic needs met, everyone will worry about money, everyone will be of poverty, and even below the poverty line of nothing and having to beg and be of survival below the depths of least resistance to beg and self sabotage ourselves with our own detrimental emotions and feelings that never mattered and how they only mattered to us. Because that was all we ever cared for, but nothing ever here in reality and missed out on life so much to the point where we made our son miss out on life and the opportunity to make money, however the genes and DNA were tarnished and abused, and even when he was  growing up, we also abused his ability to make something valuable. Therefore, we had to devalue him, as we have also devalued ourselves, and how nothing in our lives will ever work, no matter what we do and try, it will only be of frustration and worry and lack, limitation. Nothing will ever be of true creation and manifestation, as we were pests and still are, that fact will never go away, unless we know what it is like to truly change for ourselves and for our son. That moment and fact, will never be of a  true solution, because we have nothing, therefore, we are nothing, and have abused life, and it’s opportunities, and how life was already here, we only missed out on it, to be depressed and have to accept and allow the backchat and internal conversations that are fo entities that we have lived as the flesh and how it messing with us, because we are it and we think it is the so called life that we live and how that is life. And when in fact, it is not life, it is limitation, it is lack, that’s not how life goes, if you allow, as we have allowed it to be limited and lacking for the worst of all, of the atrocity that we have deemed and redeemed again and again and over and over to the point of beating blindness to death of opportunity never seen, never realised, always abused and abused our son the same way, we did to ourselves and how our parents did the same thing to us. And that it felt as if we could do nothing about it, because we couldn't, it wasn't common sense that we could’ve been self honest with ourselves, that we have been nothing but dishonest pests and abusers our whole lives and even to our own son. And how he will also be poor and  not have much in our lives at all whatsoever. Even when I did check my ancestry, my whole past was poor and how i am poor, my son and wife are poor, except my other kids that I never talk to anymore, and how they will ever be more, ever poor, for the gore of life, life of limitation and lack will never be anything at all whatsoever. What bloody abusers we are!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want what’s best for all, not even for myself, I accepted and allowed abuse even from myself, from others, and how I was projected with abuse. And not a true care in the world about myself and about others, because I was never truly aware of wanting what’s best for one another, Ii always had to abuse it for myself, even if I was gaining a bit of cash, but even if it was from a job, the money would’ve never lasted for me and for no one at all whatsoever. Not a cent, not a nickel, not a dime, not a quarter, not a dollar at all whatsoever. Nothing made and multiplied, it was always added and sooner than later, it was decreased multiple times beyond belief in automatic patterns that were never released in its existence, therefore, nothing ever amounted for me, ever since, my inception and being conceived, way before I was born. I would’ve never amounted for and to anything for myself, no wonder things are so hard and difficult for me to achieve, and how wasting time is my worst and best contradictory virtue that isn’t even truly worth a true virtue to solve for, because I was so blinded to the fact, that I could make big money and make big business. But I never knew that my programming was holding me back, no matter how hard I tried at all at anything, even my DNA, was also holding me back, with no one doing it to me but me and how it was transferred onto me and within me. And how i have never realised it, up until this very moment and time in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and now to realise that I am aligned as myself and to others as one and equal in detrimental quality, aligned as poor and labeled and to believe that i will never amount to anything, nor make anything true of actual creation and value in this life, and how other people that I know in comparison have it all better, when in fact, and reality, it was a process for them, even if they did and were able to make it, as if I am comparing myself in blame and spite as if I was not able to do the  same, when my pre-programmed design is within forever more holding me back, until i have realised this point of that realization up until right now, as we speak.

When and as I see myself being and becoming frustrated as if I haven’t made any value and money quite yet, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself feeling and urging myself to feel as if my efforts are a waste of time and effort within the sweat of my brow to make money, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself getting sad and depressed due to the efforts of mine feeling as if they are a waste to making money of any kind and in any industry, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself attempting myself to have a poor mediocre lifestyle, and to not realise that it is what I am about to attempt to do and think to do, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting and urging myself to copy another poor person’s mediocre poor lifestyle, and somewhat try to want to join them, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself wanting and urging myself to waste money on useless things that I don’t need and how they’re not essential to my life and use, I stop and breathe.

When and as  I see myself not looking to want to change my lifestyle and be different than the others, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to move back in attempt into my poor parents house and/or want to visit them for they are, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being around poor mediocre people that aren’t moving in their lives to create something and are not of high quality people, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing in attempt to accept a poor person to be with me off any kind, poor minded and emotionally and self esteem and finances including, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself going back to the pattern of poverty and lifestyle of poverty, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself lacking and limiting myself improving my skills and persuasion and negotiation and expression, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself limiting myself in lifestyle and not moving myself to apply myself to make money, and value as well, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself that money comes first before value, I stop and breathe, when in fact and reality, it is value first before money, always.

When and as I see myself feeling sorry for the poverty line of others and wishing I was in good hands to not be there as well either and from where I am right now, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not being in direct control to make value and creative value for money and also be in control of my own money, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself frustrated and not  able to make money, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not creating value and to beget money along the way within that, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not wanting and considering not doing what's best and to not even bother to understand how to do what’s best for all, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not applying myself to make and create value and money and instead make excuses to think I am wasting my time In dishonesty, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself showing sympathy and weakness to myself to not create value and money and not apply myself to create, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself panicking and frustrated in the moment about what I am not able to create for the better,  I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself feeling bad and sympathy for myself and being in my own mind and participating in my mind and not here in reality, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not improving and adapting and not getting help to make value and create value to beget money and cashflow coming in, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being complacent and contemplating on making money and not looking to do anything about my situation, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself hiding myself from myself from making money in contemplation and complacency of any amount and money by itself, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself assuming what I am not able to make for my life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not making up my mind to do something about my situation and where I am financially and emotionally, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself pushing myself and others away to get support of any kind and sort, for making and creating money and becoming emotionally stable, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself urging me to become spiteful to push away others and seclude myself from support and money itself, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself urging myself to become in so much pain about money and its sorts and amounts and how nothing has amounted for me quite yet, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself hiding myself away from making money, I stop and breathe, and realise what i need to do to make money and create it.

When and as I see myself buying things just because I think I am making the effort that I am and how I am not making any money quite yet, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself hiding and not getting to the point of the matter in doing anything I do of making money and in my expression as life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not worthy of making any sort and amount of money, and feel as if my efforts are not enough to make any money, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being afraid and urging myself to not forward to do anything to make and create value and money and to change my situation for my life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself being resistant to work with someone else and/or for someone else for now to make money and not want to change my situation in the act of complacency, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not moving myself to do what it is to create results in my business and just to stay at home and not do anything, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself sabotaging myself to not make any money of any sort, and amount, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not doing the basics in business and in life of any sort and kind to get the results I should be getting, I stop and breathe.

I realise that I am not in actual truth and trust of myself to make any sort of money and amount, and how I never knew that no matter no matter how hard I try to make any business work, I will not be able to follow instructions because of what I was not truly capable of doing. No matter what I do, I was not able to make anything real, it was all for mediocrity, and just for show, and expecting another to pay me, but it didn’t work out that way at all whatsoever. No matter what I did and tried at and worked towards. It seemed as if things were never going to work for me and how I felt like I wanted to quit and not do anything with my life and change for the better, just because I was not truly aware of my pre-designed pre-programming that was not able to let me make any sort of money, and amount of money and whatever I say and do, was going to sabotage my opportunity and chance in doing so. It was a matter of fact, I just never knew why I was not able to do so, even when making money of any sort and amount, requires my effort, but my effort was self sabotaging me in anger and resentment of any kind and how subtle it is to be. Within the pain and sadness and anger that was from me and how I never knew why I wasn’t able to make anything without being afraid of what people might say to me, if I were not respectful to anyone, and even to myself.

I realise that my parents as mother and father, never had self respect for themselves, therefore, whatever they did to make money, it was a matter of fact that they would lose it easily, and how i saw them as they were, and how I never knew they ways and characteristics would make me lose what I had made. And evidently, it did happen, over and over and over again, no matter what I did and tried at and attempted at with persistence and perseverance, it was always had and struggling for me, it was like an upheaval hill, as it felt as it was never ending and how nothing was ever going to amount for me. I easily quit at certain industries and making money, just because I felt and thought to myself in assumption that this is too hard to be making any sort of money from this and how I am not able to articulate myself and do what’s best for all. Because I never truly cared at all for one another, and how I truly never cared and trusted myself to do what’s best for all for one another, nor could I even do it for myself. Because I also saw and witnessed my parents not do this for themselves, therefore, they always self sabotage themselves, and how whatever amount of money and sort of, they would always end up spending it and not investing it and making any money to make it grow and become bigger in scale. It was never that way, it was always complaining about bills, being complacent and contemplating what they should do to make money and how they never did come up to not wanting to do anything with their lives, and how I never knew that my habits and characteristics of the information would be passed down onto me, even before I was born. It was there all along, and how they never amounted to anything, money was a come and go for them, it was money in and garbage out with the money they’ve made. No matter what it is, even when they did spend most of their money on me with toys and food and useless other things that never mattered and were not essential. Especially my mom, she was always things that were never essential to her, she always did things the other way around and always self sabotaged herself and spent money as if there was tomorrow for anyone and just going after constant energy just to feel good about something. And even since, she’s never worn any of the clothes that she’s ever bought, food, and etc, most of it is either just gaining dust and getting spoiled in the fridge. No one in the family of my parents of father and mother, never knew how to make anything valuable, it was always for show, and presentation, it was never for actual making money, and how I realised that, whatever business, I went into, direct sales, network marketing, real estate, sales for gym memberships, working in a taco truck, working any job that also consisted of hourly wages. I always worked hard, but never knew how to keep my money, never knew how to make money, never how to create value to beget money. It was always me spending on things that I don’t even need, and how I “thought” I needed it, and therefore, each and every time, I would fuck myself into oblivion and delusion and illusion of this is what I want and need. And this is who I will become and how I am already right now, in complacency and delusion, just because I never knew what it was like to deal with problems, challenges, and opportunities and circumstances in order to truly make something real, and not just for show and presentation. I Just never knew how to make and create something of value and to beget money for real, everything I’ve ever done was in an attempt to show and present, it was never to help, because I never knew what true help truly was.

I commit myself to learn and be tactful in how I make and create value to make money. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to do what and understand I want to do what's best for all to make money, and value along the way, and be kind and persistent and learn to trust myself in all ways, no matter what. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh, to improve and adapt for the better..

I commit myself to be here as breath to make myself in true actual realisation of what it is to be to make and create value and money, and not just for show and presentation, and how to create what I do for actual money and value to help one another to do what is best for all. And to understand and seek to understand so then I can become understood from myself and/or from others as well, when i am presenting and persuading someone to buy what I am selling and to always breathe and know what to say that will help the person, and be persistent and respectful and kind to get the sale of any sort and kind. Within that, to learn and understand what true negotiation is and to always get my way, but not just my way, to help one another figure out what they’re saying to themselves and also to me, and how we can make something of actual true value behind what the other person is expressing in their motive of any kind, and to qualify people who are able to afford what I am selling and help them do so, no matter what and gain the opportunity to do so, right in the moment gradually and gradually more and more to help one another to see what this true actual value creation and money along with and the benefits and features of what I have. And to communicate and convey my message and ideas across and clearly, and articulately, getting to the point, and always simplify it for everyone to understand and get the better idea of in the utmost respect for myself especially to persist in helping this person to do what I am selling and persuading them to do. For as I see myself as life and the flesh to improve and adapt for the better.

I commit myself to become better and better, and exquisite at making and creating value and money to gradual and new heights than ever before, each and every time, being consistent each and everyday, learning and applying the process of how to make money in my business, and to learn about it. And present it and persuade another to do and acquire what I have to sell for the individual, and how this can help the other person buy and acquire what I have to sell, being persistent and kind and respectful and persuade them in the best ways possible to make another see the value in what I am offering and presenting. To present it and make it compelling and intriguing to use and acquire and see its performance within the individual, whether it be sales, oil and gas, engineering, education, high ticket items to 4 figures to, 5, 6, to 7, 8 9, 10 11, 12 figures up and up. Gradually growing and performing better and better at higher levels along the way, and gaining the resonance to know how to do what I do better in the best effective ways for my business and with whom I am working with and who is working with me, in the company of mine. And how we can truly make this, A truly authentic super success. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh, to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to be persistent, respectfully, even if a person is resistant to doing something that I am presenting to sell and to help this person see what this is that I am selling. To help these people and/or individual to see what value I am offering and to help the other paint a picture in their mind and what examples that are best to show and to get to the point of the value and the money it brings along the way for its actual use and what it can do for the individual as it has done for me, and what I’ve tested and use to make something truly valuable in my own creation of creativity and innovation with the support along the way as well. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh to improve and adapt for the better.

I commit myself to increase my processing ability to make more and more and more money and become much more stable in my emotions and articulation and presentation of myself and how I present myself when persuading and making money with others. To use the tools of TechnoTutor, consistently each and every day, using it the right and correct way, that is proper and effective for the best results for myself and how I can and will be able to perform in business and sales itself, and to soon gradually sell and persuade and negotiate to higher levels gradually, and to start from where I am, right here, right now. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh, to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to get support and give support in how to do my business much more effectively and creatively for the better. And how to truly make something Real and of value from the creation, and not just for presentation, that I am here to bring value and Create and Make Money with others, and when things are of what I don’t see it to be quite yet or what I need help on, I will always ask for the help from people who are best credible of the results that they’ve gotten for themselves and helped others to do the same and simplify what they are doing and how effective and simple it is to create and make money as the result, in the gradual process for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh, to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to lead and influence myself and my people to do what we are creating the right and effective way for the product/service that we are using and presenting as a solution for the world. To simplify it, make it simple and easy to use and install in their plant and factory and/or their home or any kind and sort and within the value and its features that it benefits for the individual and the organization itself. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application to forgive myself of what is not best, and to write flag point station statements to stop and breathe, when and if a reaction were to ever come up again. I will stop and breathe and take self directive principle and realise that for myself and be creative within the situation, no matter what it is for my super success. Then onto realisation statements to realise what had affected me and what I did that wasn’t best and what  I haven’t noticed for a long time, and to now finally realise through the breath and the speaking word. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to apply self corrective application and recorrect myself, and to apply myself within what I say and mean what I say and do it. To become the best version of myself each and every day, for that person that I don’t know who is yet, but he is becoming a man of influence and power, and significance and does what’s best for all, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness, as the flesh to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to negotiate and improve my negotiation skills and persuasion skills to get what I want, and not just that, to help the other person get what they want and should have as a great benefit for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh, to improve and adapt for the better!