Sunday, November 15, 2020

Day 11: Your home is not your home, it was only given to you

 

Not my home?!?!!?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am living at this home and my home and only home so far, to be so comfortable living in a place that isn’t even my own home. And for what doesn’t belong to me, but what was given to me and how I created abuse within it and was imprisoned and imposed with abuse from my parents and others and how I came out to be doing the same thing and never even bothered to change myself and be able to move out. As it felt so impossible to do so, because I never knew the best way but was only given a home and was kicked out and was threatened to be kicked out multiple times as if it were not my home in the first place. And how I was welcome here, and now I am being kicked out by someone who doesn’t even have my best interest, even though he thinks he does, when in reality he is nothing but a deadbeat father and doesn’t know any better. Same with my deadbeat mother to be doing the same thing to threaten me to be kicked out as it was not even my home in the first place. As it wasn’t at all, it was only give me, and I never earned it, I was never even allowed to be here, I never wanted to be here, it was never my desire to be here, therefore, it is not my home, it is an atrocity for what is not mine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother and father to give my son a home and now to kick him out and not realise that I am the abusers who welcomed my own son into our home, when in reality it is not his home. Therefore, he was only welcomed, and will soon leave one day, and now for me and both father and mother to be kicking out our son in the previous past as a threat and how we have yet to realise what we have done thus far. Not realising that we don’t truly know how to take care of a home properly, nor did we even bother to teach it to our son, and only made him nothing but a roaming feasant and peasant as we are. That we never knew the best way to take care of him and made him leave and be with other people just because we never could stand our own creation and how would rebel and be rebellious against us for the worst. And how we and he are nothing but  a copy of us, and we are just an exact copy and mannerisms just like him and to welcome him into our home. Was nothing but a big mistake. How we have yet to realise that we introduced a parasite into our home and we are parasites ourselves as well. We are nothing, and sited as nothing, as paranormal, of nothing to be here as normal, to what we thought as if it were to be real, when in reality it was. But nothing ever truly worked out to help our son be self sufficient, instead we made him be dependent and not so independent with us. Therefore he is still with us till and to this very day, as if he never even bothered to leave, as we even threatened him to leave in the past. We just never knew any better, because that was only the best way we knew how, because in reality, our parents, and their parents as well, and then their parents, and then their other parents, and so on, had kicked them out. And it was never their home in the first place, it was always given to them, and never was another way to see what our home could’ve been. It was never of truth, it was always a matter of fact and lie and fact as lie, and lie as fact, when in fact, we have contradicted ourselves and including our son to make him dependent, as we were dependent and soon to be kicked out and never welcomed back by threat. And was always told to leave and never to be dependent upon even bringing a human life into this world and now making the child leave and threatening the innocence of the child and our own very child. And how we never even bothered to really see what we did and the consequences and how we and our parents of parents and parents of parents and parents and much more, to how we even came to the point of  conning our own sequences and how they had conned our sequences as well. And no wonder we are fucked up and poor and not having enough as we thought to have, and how we have yet to realise how other parents and children in the world are experiencing this atrocity as well, and how no one has a home of their own, and is always dependent, no one is self sufficient in their own ways, how no one ever learned the true skills and education and vocabulary of life and nutrition as well. Going out to places, doing things, and how that was all restricted due to education, and including money, if we didn’t have education, nor the money along with it and along the way, we still wouldn’t have the right tools and ways to prosper. Because, we wouldn’t know how to do it anyway, because the starting point was ruined and fucked from the get go, as the starting point was the ending point for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the home that I was given and was never taught to be self sufficient, as I was never educated to begin with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as father and mother to be not self sufficient and to help our son be self sufficient and independent, instead we made him dependent and spoiled. Therefore, we never knew how to express ourselves to be able to teach him to be independent, because we were never taught the same at all either, instead we were kicked out and never knew how to be independent ourselves. We never knew any better, so we only did what we could and only knew how. And that is there and where we have rightfully and catastrophically ended up as we are and where we are right now as we speak and read this upon the voice and breath as it is. And how treacherous it is and how it is and why it is at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself being not welcome and self sufficient enough to be on my own, I stop and breathe. I realise that this is not my home and how I was only given a home and was never taught to be a self sufficient but dependent blind site of parasites that was never there in the first place. And how nothing was given to me in the best ways possible for me to truly ever become independent, I was always taught to be dependent and was kicked out and given away from my own home and never was ever welcome back to see upon what the light of day could ever be for me.

When and as I see myself not wanting to be at my own place and my parents place, I stop and breathe, and realise where I am, is where I am right now, and things will get better upon my input and support with others. I realise that wanting to move back to my parents and having to move back in and live here is my only place for now and of course i will be moving to where I want to go, no matter where it may be in the same state or different state or country and continent.

I commit myself to help my children become self sufficient and properly cared for and supported with effective affection for them. So they can truly become self sufficient and independent, while they are dependent for now, within the tools of what we use right now of TechnoTutor, and books and other materials to learn from within the vocabulary to truly learn much more effectively and realise what true learning really is for the bette. For as I see myself to be creative and innovative to help them become stable and with development and stability, and when there is development, we will always revolve back to stability within development as it is coming along the way as we teach them for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance awareness to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to become more and more self sufficient and independent of anyone and have no support from my own parents, as they only knew how and they did not know what was best but only what they did know for now.

I commit myself to become more and more independent and to help myself truly become able to support myself emotionally, financially, with the support of others and of myself to support myself and be there for myself. When and I am alone at times during business hours or off hours at any moment and time, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to challenge all those who say that this is my home, when in reality, it is not their home, it was given to them, therefore, they did not earn it, nor did they ever come to realize that they were given a home and then abused in it and within it. Because most do not realise how to teach another child to be of stability as the parent was never of stability, they were of majority, instability. That everyone home should be stable with stable parents and stable children, no one should ever be abused for anything or from anyone. And that we need to realise that this is our home for now for where we are, and realise our starting points of what is and what was to be given or not given at all whatsoever.

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me, and forgive myself of is not me and realise them through self realisation statements and breathing statements to realise what I had and have reacted to that wasn’t and was NOT in my best interest at all whatsoever. Therefore it was the starting point of greed and self interest upon one another, even if they know it is. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to re-correct myself into my best self and become my best self for the better, and to live the living change for my super super super super super super success! For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance awareness to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to move out and be on my own and become truly independent for the better!

No comments:

Post a Comment