Day 19: What a liar

 

 Lying?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that lying to myself and not others is just another form and reality of deluding myself and others and how I am not being self honest with myself and with others. Just because I am denying the fact that I think I know what I am talking about, when in fact, I do not, it’s another just coping mechanism to protect my lies and insecurities and to hurt one another and myself and how I feel good and normal, when this trembling feeling is within me. And if I don’t know a certain piece of information when a question is asked to me and with me, I get anxious and troubled as if I need to lie to get my way, when I am clearly bullshitting through my teeth and mouth and how I don't know what I am trying to say and to try in attempt to insult another, just because they are complaining about something and if I don’t know anything. Then why am I trying to show someone up and put on a front as if this is me?, it’s just pure ego, and that’s not me, I don’t need to be lying to someone just to get my way, but evidently, I am just trying to feed more fuel to the fire into oblivion and then end up putting myself in the fire, thinking I’m okay. When in fact, nothing is actually actually working for me, if I don’t intend to try it on myself in self honesty, or whatever a person is recommending me and I try to bicker back and hurt another by biting their hand verbally and making another person feel off. And have this trembling feeling as if I haven't a clue of what else is within me either and how I have yet to notice that I am a psychopathic and sociopathic liar and how I have been lying to myself that things are getting better when they aren’t, it’s just me who holding onto these lies that I think is true, but I’m not really doing anything about, because I’m so comfortable in what I’ve created for myself and my environment and the way it is, and if I am not doing that, then I am just living in my own ILLusion and DElusion for the worst. And how I am so comfortable being in a shit environment, no matter where I am, and how I am not even bothering to seek for more and going out to do for more, instead of just trying to stay home and be so quick to deny unconsciously and subconsciously to the conscious of my environment and how nothing has changed for me in reality. I don’t have the particular drive for something that I want to do, it’s just me being complacent and being so comfortable unconsciously and subconsciously the conscious act. And going out there trying to insult one another as if I haven’t a clue of what is and what isn’t. And how I am just nothing but a living lie, I haven’t noticed how my finances have yet to change, and make things really work out for my ultimate advantage, but instead I want to do nothing with it and let it be at my ultimate disadvantage. And have nothing to manifest within my possession and view. As if my life is a living lie, like how my parents lives are as well, that they are also a living lie as well, they are not them, they are accepting and allowing the atrocity that they have given to themselves, and even their parents as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as mother and father, to be lying to ourselves and to our son, just to get what we wanted and manipulate him and LIE to him about EVERYTHING, and hold nothing back, and just purely lie to him and never give him the truth. And to literally hide everything from him, and never tell him a single thing of truth, just because we are so inept to telling the truth, because we are afraid of our mistakes and insecurities that we don’t need to be admitting to ourselves that we have messed up and fucked up and didn’t know how to fix it right then, and then eventually to make it much more worse with no proper actual solution for life, instead there is nothing to be sought after, it’s left for dead and to continue to make things much inadequate than it already is, and to figure that we should and ought to be so much more comfortable than just trying to change, and even when he asked us to consider something to make a change. We would bite back and even lie so comfortably not even realising that we are lying to ourselves and being dishonest fools and morons to our son and to ourselves as well, and how we have yet to realise what the meaning of truth even is. Because we have lived being deceivers our whole lives and were never even bothered to be self honest about anything, not even our life, our finances, our health, our communications, our emotional stability is still shit and fucked up. And how we have yet to realise all of those things to think that we have a say that is of truth, when in fact it is not, and how we have to move on and not figure out why we did such a thing to forgive ourselves, because therefore, we could not, we had to lie to everyone and everything we did. Just to get an edge over everything and not realise that we have been deceivers to ourselves and to our son, and our parents and then their parents and then theirs and then theirs again and their parents, have lied to them and then the previous ones and then more and more and more. Have continue to lie and to never tell the truth and to always live and be as the flesh as a deceiver, and not realise that lying is just another reality and form of truth in one's own and biting the hand in verbal dispute and having to make another feel that they are nothing and worth nothing and not even bothering to realise that the lies we have realised right now and at this instant, is that we nothing but deceivers and how we are pure dishonesty. We will never make it far in any case at all whatsoever, no matter what it is, if we cannot make it far into any place, if we are not truthful with ourselves, nor for anyone as well, to get our way into anything with honesty. And how hard that is for us, and how we have never learned the actual truth, ad instead to manipulate it for our son to do what we wanted and to be of anger and bickering back and forth and having to bite the hand who we are taking care of and how he is doing the same thing to us in the very past, and how we have both bitten each others’ hands in the worst ways possible in verbal disputes and made it even worse. To the point where we had to call law enforcement to kick our son our, just because we wanted to protect our laws and how we couldn’t back off and wanted to call someone else, just because we couldn’t handle ourselves, nor our son, and how we couldn’t give up our deceiving lies and how we are so comfortable living this way and never bothered to even change. Nothing of our health had changed, our finances hadn't increased, nor did my son’s finances increased, only because he’s not making anything, nor does he have a job, and he doesn’t need a job. And how I think that he needs a job, when being creative and being an entrepreneur doesn’t need a job, and how I am trying to impose upon my son as parents as mother and father. Just because we need to lie to him and be a slave just like us, when in reality, that doesn’t fucking work that way. And how we could never express ourselves in the best ways possible, therefore, we had to express ourselves in anger and strong upset bickering and having strong intense verbal disputes just so we can try to protect our lies and make our son beLIEve our lies and fuck everything up. As we have done to his childhood, and to ourselves this whole time, even before when we had him and brought him to the hospital and brought him, and did so many deceiving things that were not helping and not so helpful, therefore, we always made things worse. Because we could never explain ourselves, in the best ways possible, it was just our vocabulary as well, and how we were brought up and now live as deceivers and pure dishonest liars, we are never truthful to anything and anyone, no matter what it is. How we are so quick to deny anything, with our money, how we don’t have enough money, and making all of these excuses as if they are to be deemed and redeemed to be as truth, when in fact they are nothing but pure lies, to defecate the truth and suppress with pure bullshit as if we need to be suppressing the truth and hiding our truth, that we know nothing, and only did the best we could. Because in reality, we never knew any better, nor could we even teach our son anything and how we are just cowards and worst of the worst cowards of all, no matter what we do, nothing will ever change if we are yet to be self honest with ourselves and to and with our child and son. We have only made things much worse, into a failure like environment, nothing was set up for learning and learning from consequences without any exploding anger to be disputed. We always did and never realised that we had set up our environment into a failure like environment, where no one will make it out, not even ourselves, nor our son at all either. Everyone is dumb, including me myself as father and mother, we have failed you, and it was the only best we could do, because we were so naive, and just wanted a kid, and now we have you, and made you worse off, than us, and made you feel the worst in everything. Even when we wanted you home, and you didn't want to come home, how I wanted everyone to be home and how I had to yell at you, and make things much worse for you and hit you and spank you and hurt your feelings. And make you cry as if you had no right to not be damaged and punished with physical punishment and yelling. Therefore, we never had intentions of helping you survive, we only wanted you to die like we almost died, coming onto the boat and going to another country to and to be safe in America. And how we didn’t realise that all of our genes, and information and traumas and excuses and lies and pure dishonesty and greed and self interest beyond many levels of stupidity and distraught make us feel the same. And how we had impulsed you with our fears, insecurities, lacking in finances, and relationships and growth and nutrition. And how you will experience the same thing, because we will impose and imprint that upon you. If anyone and everything and anything that comes up in our lives, we will hurt you and yell at you and making you feel much more worse, not realising the consequences of that hindering you later on in your life, and how nothing will be overcome and learned for, because we never any better to teach you, because we didn’t have the words for it. Therefore, we only knew the best we could do, and no matter how hard we tried to stop ourselves from punishing you and hurting you, it would always come back, even if you tried to steal and make us feel disgraced because our copy of us has betrayed us. And now we need to punish this copy of us, for that which is two of us as one, when in reality, it was a formula of 1+1=0, not even a fucking 1 or 2. It is 0. Nothing else, that is it, nothing but a 0.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the media, movies, tv shows, tv shows as movies, advertisements, cartoons, disney, and everything, people, society, friends, so called friends, associates, so call associates, to lie to the viewers as if we need to lie to everyone and to OURSELVES. And we have yet to realise that and give it up, yet we will never do that because we desire our greed and self interest for everyone to be lied to and not get the truth, just because of a controversial topic, that is twisted and turned out and bent over and spanked. And fucked, for the worst, and no one will ever get the truth, but to stab and stomp down the lies of what we produce to tell the nation and to even to who is watching the news and/or any media outlet to tell another person to not tell the truth. Even cartoons and of disney and or any tv show or movie or anything. Is to lie and make others have the flashing mechanism that the truth should be distorted in order to get your way, and no one else should get a stab at the truth, because we never desired anyone to get the truth, we always wanted to distort it and make others stupid by the millions. No matter how smart of just plain stupid a person even. And to never question what they have seen on the television, or movie screen or any of that matter in public or not in public at all, no matter where we are in the home, and place of anywhere in the world. How no one deserves to see the light of day for the truth, because we know that no one will accept it, because they’re so comfortable in their lies and to continue to lie to themselves, that they don’t like something, but they stick to it and lie to themselves even more and never bother to event change. And to continue to complain more and more to corporate or any other place and to others and each other and importantly themselves. Because we never desired to tell anyone the truth, no matter what it is, because we didn’t want to be striked down by the public and they notice our scandals and how we have been enticing them in the public view, but no one ever questions why that is. Because why?, everyone is too stupid to realise what we are even saying and doing and portraying and presenting and manifesting for everyone to do the same and obey our commands to the nation and from the nation itself and all around the world. No matter where you are, you are fucked and under our command, no matter how hard we try, we will expose the lies and twist and turn and burn the truth and make it into a lie breathe it down everyone’s throat and neck and the flesh to beLIEve what is not true, and to suppress the truth. Because we know and assume and lie to ourselves that we know that no one will ever investigate the truth and try to sue us and make anything go down in flames. Because the corporations and government are along with us and how we will never be taken down, we are only getting stronger and stronger, no matter what. Therefore, no one ever bothers to even stop us, because we are only working ever hard to deceive the public at large. And to tell the truth sometimes, and not ALL the time, and to always deceive the public at large, no matter where you are in the world, everyone will be of dishonesty, because we want them to be that way, so we can have much more power, when in reality, we are only slaves to what we project, because we are also living lies and perpetrators as well. So we will never even bother to expose the truth, because of what we are so comfortable doing and so ruthless within our acts and decisions and mindset and neural pathways and thoughts that will NEVER change, because we are just so comfortable in our set ways and bullshit lies that are not even true at all whatsoever, by any standard and degree. Nothing at all whatsoever. Nothing, NADA, okay?! Okay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a disney and cartoon character, or any cartoon character, of and for anyone, in the movie business, to lie to each other and not tell the truth. And have to distort it in ways to manipulate in the worst ways possible, in order to get my way and how I have to make others be deceived into what is even happening and how oil is an evil thing, when in reality it is not. It is just nothing but an imaginary thing running around deceiving others and the workers doing deforestation. And how we and I had no intention of ever telling the truth about anything but telling a story to make you and my viewers and my creators to make me deceive others when in reality, it was not my intention, but I was made this way and to be this way as I am. And therefore, I am only manipulated to tell a message to all of my viewers to be deceived and life is not the way it is and supposed to be this way and how it is being portrayed for what we are telling our children viewers and adult viewers as well, and how we are massive deceivers. We thought we had the best intentions, but in reality, and in fact, it was just to be the fact for to help others and deceive others in the worst ways possible to not let another human being question why what we’re doing and how we’re doing it, and too COMFORTABLE in the way our viewers will live, while we had failed to present our message, instead we only wanted others to be lied to and have the truth to be distorted for the worst. And therefore, my creators, never had the best intentions in me and how I was and were being portrayed and presented to the public at large, where no one will ever even bother to question the pedophilia and what lies that are being distorted, because no one was ever educated in the best and proper ways of understanding, instead we want them to be purely stupid and not question their environment, the way they live, and change it for themselves and get help doing so. Instead they will be so comfortable in doing what they are doing and never question, that it is only a “movie”, when in fact, it is more than a “movie”, it is telling a message to the nation that things will never last and will always be at a shortage, when in act and reality, nothing is ever at a shortage, it always a vote for something. To make more and make more money before take something off the shelves and be able to present it to the public and make it a limited edition, when in fact, they can make more, depending on supplies and manufacturing capabilities in order to make more for what we have and yet to have and just raise prices on things just to call it inflation. When in fact, there is no such thing as inflation, it’s raising the prices of everything, and how the public will view the dollar, when in fact, they have no idea of what the dollar value even is, it is only perceived as is and manipulated to be weaker and how things are becoming a little more expensive than the usual price as it is. And how no one ever is able to pay their employees, workers, taxes or anything. And sooner or later, people will go bankrupt, and lose their jobs, lose their home, lose their life, and their kids and everything, even their car. For the worst part, no travel off anything, bank accounts tarnished for the worst, no one ever survived anything for that matter, no matter how hard people try to survive, when things come to a last minute halt, nothing will ever work out as we thought it to be at all whatsoever. That there are things that meets more than the eye and it is not what it seems to be, there is always a hidden message and deceiving message behind EVERYTHING, and if you all and I accept it as it is, we are fucked, no matter how hard we try for anything, no matter what we do, fix things, it will always be as it is in complacency, because we never what is going to happen, nor do we know even what to do at all whatsoever, because of the inefficiency of our education and vocabulary is to make us be this way and be stupid for the worst, so no one will rise from the poverty slave state with so many slaves in the world, no one will ever make it out, you are all under control and under my command, and to make you and yourself only, a  slave to yourself, and how you will never question why you do what you do, and why you live the way you live. Therefore, you will never make it out for anything, nor for the better at all either, nothing at all whatsoever.

 When and as I see myself wanting to lie to another person and to myself and trying to be self dishonest for the worst, I stop and breathe and tell the truth, no matter how hard it is, with commonsense and practicality, and stability. I realise that telling others lies is not the best way to go about anything because if we keep doing so, how far are we even going to get just because we and I need to get our way and make others be manipulated in the wrong way. And to be deceived without even knowing it at times, just because we need to distort our truth and become lies, when that is not the best way to go about anything at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wanting to get comfortable where I am and lying to myself as if it were to be true, I stop and breathe and redirect and be honest with myself and move myself into a better direction for growth in the positive. I realize that being complacent and trying to lie to myself that everything is okay and how nothing is even the way I want it to be, when I know what I want to do and I don’t end up doing it. And how that is the way of another to lie to myself and lying to myself as if the truth is not even there and being so comfortable with everything and the way it is and how nothing is ever changing as I want it to be. And how that is not the best solution to realise that I was and still am living in my delusion as if things are okay, and best of where they are as they are. If there is something that I don’t like, then I need to do something about it, and not be so complacent as if I need to be distorting what the truth and what is in front of me as if it should accepted and allowed and how my finances have yet to change, my health, my relationships, my communications skills and others skills that are lacking and how nothing has ever been to started and finished all the way through and not just put down for a moment and go back to sleep. I realise that it is not the best way to go about anything and be complacent as if it were the real solution and leave it as is, when in fact, it is not at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wanting to protect some lie that is not even truth, I stop and breathe and admit the truth, always and realise for what it is as it is, and in common sense and practicality and stability. I realize that trying to defend a lie that I have of someone else or someone else’s lie, is not what’s best for me, nor is it best for the other person to be experiencing anything at all whatsoever. And how telling a lie and multiple lies and protecting it, is being a true modified deceiver into an ultimate deceiver for the worst, and how no one will ever try to trust me just because I tried to express something that isn’t even of truth at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wanting to lie again to get my way, I stop and breathe and tell the truth to how we both can consider to benefit from this situation or anything, whether business or not. I realize that trying to tell a lie to get my way and manipulate and deceive another is not what’s best and how I am trying to be something of a stealer to get something from another person and for me and me only and profit only from the situation, no matter if it is for business or not. I know that it is not the best thing to go and do about anything, because doing that is only hurting myself and others more from doing anything with commonsense and practicality with truth. Therefore, it will be hard for me to even tell a lie for truth, when in fact lie and truth do not mix, it is only twisted by others to get views and manipulation for control, and that is not good at all whatsoever, especially for those do dishonest business and practices for what they do in order to make more money. And how I have found myself doing the same, just because I wanted more profit from others and not to share with another, just because I thought in my mind, I wanted to be a deceiver and how no one will ever deserve what they deserve, because they are not worthy like me. When in fact and reality, I am not worthy myself if I continue to lie to another for profit and greed and self interest, even if it is for sex, with others of a woman, or even my own woman at all whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wanting to lie and to get another to go do my way of doing and how there is no other way of doing anything, I stop and breathe and give the reason why with truth. I realise that doing that to get others to be an opportunity in my way to deceive and lie to another is not going to work, no matter how hard I try to want to make money in lack, just because of my self dishonesty is in abundance and my truth is in lack of itself. Just because I am trying to be desperate for my want and need in lack, just because I “think” I need it, when in fact, I could be doing things that are of self honesty and real truth and for what is best for all and including myself, and how I couldn’t do that, and how I realise that I am lying to myself t how this is who I am and this who I will be and become forever, and not ever to tell truth. Because no likes the truth, so I have to lie and be part of the crowd, and how that is not the right thing to go about anything, therefore, no one gets the benefit of growth, instead of benefit of the doubt for the worst, and no one, unfortunately gets anything, including me myself as well.

When and as I see myself wanting to lie to another to have them be deceived and want things to go my way, I stop and breathe, and redirect and to consider one another as one and equal giving and receiving in the best ways possible for equal benefit. I realize that lying to another is not going to benefit me, nor will t benefit the other person, especially if they are smart and/or either just plainly dumb and naive, like I used to be. And how no one ever presented me this, so now that I am realising that I was just only wanting to get my way, I had t deceive others and have this trembling feeling of I am being self dishonest, I need to tell the truth as it is, and no other way of being a psychopathic and sociopathic liar just to get my way, when my way for greed and self interest is not what’s best for one another, just because I am being desperate for something that I want and need, when in fact, I am just operating in lack and inferiority for the worst.

I commit myself to tell the truth, and truly be self honest with myself and with others and always get to the point and and say the point as the bottom line as it is, and with reason for it. So we can all comply as a team in discernment for what is best for all, and to never accept any complacency, we will realise the truth and speak it and become it and become the change and the living change to express with commonsense and practicality for what is best for all. In business and/or in life for the better. Because I know that truth and self honesty in business and in life, gets things to go much faster than ever, and for what is best for all, with my senior partners, directors, salespersons, employees, customers, clients and everyone. That self honesty always brings everyone and including myself to a whole new understanding and able and being able to learn to be, do and have more for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better for my and our super super super super success!

I commit myself to tell the truth and let it be real, and know what is not real and what is real with commonsense and practicality to myself and with others and even with my kids and wife and other people and friends, and colleagues. That to help them realise what things are and how they work and if what is reality and what is just make believe and know that make believe things such as santa for example or any type of reindeer that flies is not real, it’s just pretend. And of course we can have fun and know that it is not real, and how we can have the best time we have in our lives for true self honesty and how things actually work for the better. And to help them realise it in stability and commonsense and practicality, as it is, and straightforward, and with calmness and stability and with patience as well for the better! For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better of our and my super super super super super success!

I commit myself to challenge those with respect and dignity that whomever try to lie and deceive one another, and ask questions and get down to the point and bottom line of the situation and circumstance, whether it is in business or in life in general. And if they continue to be a deceiver at either a meeting or anywhere else, and not realize the truth, they will be disregarded with respect and dignity for whom they are and as they are. And if they want to seek the truth and realise it, then I will express it no matter what, with respect and stability and dignity for one another and for myself as well for the better.

I commit myself to become better and realise where I am and what I can do to change and become better and start making the first steps towards where I want to go and keep it consistent with focused effort in the right direction. And realise where my distractions are and starve them by doing self forgiveness and writing it out and speaking it, as I go. And to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within and me and realise them through breathing flag point stations and realise them through realisation statements to realise what I had and have reacted to that is not what’s best for me, nor for anyone at all for that time being and anywhere at all whatsoever. And within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to re-correct myself to live the best living change that I am meant to be and to become my best self and my best version of me to truly become  who I want to be in abundance with others and for myself as well. And to use the tools of TechnoTutor and self forgiveness and the journey’s and heavens’ to life blogs and along with supporting myself and receiving and giving support for myself and to others for the better. That selling is sharing, giving is sharing, giving is also what’s best for all, and how giving and receiving is good as well, with the right intentions and self honesty for all. And to live the living change, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better of my super super super super super success!

I commit myself to challenge those who try to deceive me and my team with respect and dignity and if they try to further the deceiving, they will be challenged even more and disregarded and left out. And if they want to come back, they need to be self honest and have it no other way but self honesty, and have self honesty only for the better. Because everything in self honesty always works for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!