Day 17: Why ya Rushin' ME MAN!?

 

Go faster?

(read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when someone says to go faster to me and AT me, I feel this overwhelming rush of energy within me as i fi need to be rushed by someone else, when in fact, I am only reacting to someone and what they are saying and what they probably mean by “go faster” as. When in fact, I am just reacting to the phrase, “go faster”, when in fact I am only rushing myself and letting the other person rush me as well, as if I need to go faster, and be rushed by another in physical time, and also in my mind in quantum time. Within the irritation and irrational reaction to snap back at the person whoever said this to me as if I need to be going any faster, just because the other person is either rushing me and/or themselves just because he/she or anyone is not here within the physical and just participating within their mind as if this is some type of race to go about in life to get something. When they could’ve planned much more ahead of time, to get what they wanted in the first, instead of trying to tell me to go a little faster, by rushing me, honking at me, or yelling at me, raising their voice at me. When in fact and reality, they are also reacting to themselves as well, and if I react and participate with what they’re doing in instability. I am also now a victim to be within who this moron and idiot is, as if I am becoming that person and seeing their character as mine and how i am merging myself to feel this intensity of emotion and energy that isn’t what’s best for me, nor is it for the other person at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush myself and as a friend, parent, teacher, mother, father, associate, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, so called associate, so called friend, and have to rush this other person anywhere in traffic. In school, in a store, at home, or wherever the fuck and how it is making me upset just because this person is not going faster enough in how they’re working and/or walking and/or talking with me as well. And how he/she is just stuttering so much to the point, it is irritating me and how I can not be patient with person as the patient i my own little box and trying to invite another person to my impatient box and have to argue and say things that are not nice and loving and kind. Instead I try to make this person feel rushed and how they have no idea what I am trying to do, and when in reality, I am just trying to rowdy myself up with constant conjured energy like a non-stop going freight train. With the horn constantly sounding and loudly within me and if I want to make it go louder, I honk it louder and pull the lever more and more, as if I haven't yet to realise how I am not even controlling my emotions, but just realising and releasing them upon impulse and being so impulsive to the pulse that I am feeding with constant energy. Not knowing when to stop, because of how intense it feels as I am just accepting and allowing this within myself, and how my parents, teachers, friends, society, tv shows, tv movies, movies, and how quick they flash in a begrudging and graven image of life and how things are not in the best light as I thought it to be and assumed and hoped it out to be. When in fact, hope is not the answer, I can not assume, unless I ask with stability and common sense, instead I assume myself of this person not going faster enough. And expecting someone else to go a little faster, just because I am not expressing my needs, wants and desires that someone else is not even needing, but for my own assumption and need. And how I am not even able to express myself even when the other person is not aware of me doing this, but is noticing me unconsciously and subconsciously the conscious act to now barely realise that I am now an impatient fool who is not yet ready for anything. And constantly pro-curing such a thing that is not even best, and how I am CON(jury)juring, in my own jury of unstable participants and how they are nothing but cons and how I am participating in this atrocity as if I need to make it anymore real than it already isn’t. When in fact and reality, this is another form of wasted breath on the wrong thing and assumption of time and speed as if things need to be done right now and right here, as if I want it done faster. And not even bother to consider what’s best for all, and nor even for me either myself, that I am just another spiteful person and not realising that the people I was exposed to in the past, within my parents, friends, other parents, teachers, society, were also impatient as well and how I was not in realisation to be realising that I was imprinted and imposed to live and accept and allow this living atrocity and bullshit that I am now living. Without even realising how it has affected my life, and with others and how I have interacted with others as well, and things never got done in assumption, because it was never considered in the first place, therefore, and how things feel like they are taking so damn long just to get done. Because of my own assumption and what is going on, whether it is for business, work, job, family, relationship with others, myself and significant other, or whomever. And how nothing feels like it is getting done, and how the other person is going to person to person and  how I am not even getting a reply just because they are doing something to get more exposure or either that person is not cooperating for any deal, for any work or anything at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that i have been assuming what someone has been doing his whole time for a business deal, relationship, or anything of that matter. And how I think this person is going from supplier and/or person to person to person and how we are even dealing with the source and power of who is charge of themselves and who and what has the money and power to make a decision for others and is the main person who buys, and/or either sells to begin with. And how I am just rowdying myself up to think that this person is taking so damn long just to get back to us with a simple contact to be able to sign and not try to contract so we will end up not getting anything and the rest of the parties get everything, including the experience of the profit. And how profit was desired moreover life, and how life was never considered from the starting point, because the starting point was fucked to begin with. It was there all along, when in fact and reality, this is all an assumption and rowdying myself up with unnecessary energy, and how I am not even asking what is going and having to be much more impatient with myself and thinking and assuming the answer to myself. When the answer could’ve been found, if I just made the first move and asked the person or whomever to make a contact with the main person who I am dealing with or anywhere for that matter to get something done for business or not at all whatsoever. Whether for hanging out with friends, or not, whatever it is, if I don’t ask, I just simply will not get anything at all whatsoever, and how assuming anything and everything, will only ever hold me back into oblivion and conjure up unnecessary preventable anger. That wasn’t even in my best interest to be assuming anything this whole time, just because I’ve never done before of anything and how I am just making myself feel and conjure this energy up within myself and not consider another as one and equal as myself, when I am just being another character and emotional content and context of what is not even me. It is pure bullshit, something that I have accepted and allowed from seeing someone who had done this as well to me, and/or another person in public, a video, a movie, tv show, tv show as a movie, advertisement and much more. To the contrary of what I have accepted and allowed that was not even best for me, but I did it anyway, naively not realising that I am nothing but a reactive robot still in my ways, no matter how stable I am getting, there is so much, but sooner or later, I will become much more stabler and get out of this trance that isn’t even real within me. I was just being impulsed to live the pulse later in, and no matter what happens in my life, it will come up again, if I don’t try to forgive myself of it by speaking self forgiveness for the better. And forgive myself of this atrocity, that is not even me, it was just what I have accepted and allowed as my own ILLusion, and De(deletion),lu(lose)si(shun)ion for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a cartoon character, from disney, or any character from the cartoon world, that I have to rush another and point and show my finger and/or implement to threaten another. Just so they can go faster and not make this mistake ever again and to obey to my commands as if I need to be wanting to threaten another by rushing someone and how my creators never knew any better, because in reality, if they created me this way. My creators were also people who were rushed and also spanked and threatened as well from their parents and how my parents have done the same thing as well. And how I am only being made to depict a message that is hidden and in plain sight, where no one is even bothering to be able to see what kind of stupidity and atrocious act that is happening. Without even realising what is here at hand, when in fact, it is another form and reality of me being fed the image and to feed others my image and movements to prevail others to realise that this is the best way to treat other, when in reality, who knew how a cartoon being presented at a young age. Would do so much damage, in relationships. Whether it is relationship with money, people, parents, significant other, ourselves and/or with anyone at all whatsoever, and how has caused so much of the damage today of the powerful assumption of not wanting to understand that things take time. And having to want things now, just because of myself and the children were also impulsed and fed the pellet to not realise that when they aren’t getting anymore. They want more, and get impatient and waste breath on assumptions of real physical time and wanting things now, as if no one deserves a life of being patient and urgent, when it switches around. To be impatient and urgent, all the time, instead of understanding what true patience and proper effective urgency truly ever really is. Because this whole, it has been abused and how I was just being manipulated as a cat, a rat, or anything, a person or whomever to pulsed and act this way as if it were real, when it is just uncommon from uncommon personality, as it is from the common man and woman. Made to be and made things to be of uncommon irrational sense, and how nothing was ever solved to make for the better, it was always for irrational reactions and impulses that are not even the person themselves, nor is it even me. It was just made as well, to accept and allow and present to others in an emotional and intense like way for others to be imprinted and imposed upon, for them to act and to impose upon another. And how a parent, of a mother or father, to say, “what has gotten into you?.” When in reality, it was the irrational act from someone else or either from a movie, or either from the parent to teach them such an inferior act, not knowing how it would impact the child. And how all children in the world are like this, no matter adult or not, fucking spooky isn’t it?, it is not, it is fact, varying on the household. And how no one will ever change, as if the change will only be irreversible just because of what is here, and no one has the roper support, nor the vocabulary to even notice that I am imposing this upon other children and millions upon millions of people have been exposed to me, and in various ways, cartoons or not. Whether good environment or not, whether if the parents were educated or not, their fears, insecurities and assumptions, are well off to imprinted in a quick explosion whenever if something were to happen to the parent of mother and/or father at a situation for some type of impatient to be exploded and made much more worse upon the child. And sooner or later, they’ll be acting, without even knowing it.

When and as I see myself wanting to rush myself and having to react to another person trying to rush me, or either I am rushing myself in assumption, I stop and breathe and redirect with calmness and breathe, and ask why this person is saying what they are saying with respect and straight to the point with simplicity. I realise that people who are trying to rush things, are only assuming that time is against them and wasted breath and sequences of the decisions are against them. As I have beLIEved in the same thing, as if it were to be true, when in fact, it was just a mere lie that I was feeding myself with fuel as if I wanted to drown myself within it. When in reality I was just trying to drown myself in this energy that isn’t even me, but for what I am accepting and allowing that is not what’s best for me.

When and as I see myself assuming what someone is not doing or what they are doing is in reality me feeding myself another lie that isn’t even true, I stop and breathe and redirect and ask the person what they meant and/or what they’re even doing, that seems to be taking some time, for whatever it is, business or not. I realise that assuming something that what someone is taking so long on project, conversation, text, call r whatever, is me trying to rush myself and conjuring unnecessary and could’ve been preventable energy to be re-directed into something that’s much more better than participating in something that isn’t what’s best for me to go after. When things do take time, the larger things are in business, the longer it takes, the longer the assumptions will be to not be able to let go of. When I should realise that I need to stop myself and let go, because I am just trying to rowdy myself up, just to have something to happen in a light-speed time, when that negative energy was just conjuring within me and in my body  and torso and then coming from my unconscious to the subconscious to the conscious act. For what I am doing to be and become this impatient character is not me, it is only what I have accepted and allowed from others and from myself and for myself to live and act and pulse this out of me. As if it is me, when it is only a lie and assumption that is not what’s best for me, nor for anyone, if I were to expose myself to this impatient act. Therefore, no one deserves to be experiencing such assumptions. There should be something to investigate after, because taking more of the hopium drug will only hurt me more, and make me angry and upset and make others upset as well, and it will ruin the relationship or whatever we were even dealing with in the first place. Because the starting point, was and is the ending point, if it not what's best for all, and if it's not what’s best for all, there will be damage and consequences to whomever and I myself to let such a thing happen and further let it lead me along a path as a psychopath and sociopath. Circling around and echoing arguments and assumptions in my head, in a treaded path, that is so deep, that it feels so impossible to ever get out. And now that we are here to realise this to get out truly for the better, this pattern can be stopped for good and for the better of all. And how I feel if I don’t get it done faster enough or with anyone, I am only fucking with the relationship with myself for worst and nothing will ever get done in a timed fashion manner for and of efficiency as it is.

When and as I see myself wanting to rush another and be impatient myself just because I want something done, I stop and breathe and redirect what is to be done and encourage the other person and myself to get going and get things done in the best ways possible, with stability and calmness. I realise that trying to rush another, is in fact, me trying to rush myself in assumption to get past the deadline or even before, just because I want something done sooner than just waiting depending on the project that we’re dealing with or I am dealing with or whatever. And how being impatient will not get me very far, it will only make me experience the situation much more worse that is in my own assumptions and reality within my mind and self as if it were to be actual truth, when in reality, it is a lie and just sought after to make others much more angry when things feel as if they are not moving as it is supposed to be. Whether it is important or not important at all whatsoever, and how it is asked as well in addiction and addition.

I commit myself to become more and more patient within myself and how I am interacting with others and how I conduct my day and how I am saying a certain thing to revolve around patience and stability. That I understand that things do take time and everyone should be respected within it and to get down to the issue and get things done in an efficient manner and poised within myself and with others for the better. And to truly become patiently urgent, and when things arise to flourish, I will act upon it in urgency and right away with stability and calmness within my decision to make it for a super success!, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better to live the living change as life!!

I commit myself to be patient with my children and wife, to help them understand and to be very patient with each other and for each other, and when things are needed to get done, they will get done in the best ways possible for what’s best for all. And consideration for all, within my family and my wife for the better, and how we will have so much fun doing a lot of fun things on the estate and even when traveling as well for the better and to truly become creative and innovative within ourselves and for ourselves for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to live the living change and to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to help my directors, senior partners, salespersons, employees, customers, clients, buyers, sellers, to be of patience and when something arises to be presented, physical in the physical substance, we will act upon it tactfully within patience and urgency. That is of stability and how I will guide them, help them, challenge them if needed to do so, if someone is wanting something to be rushed out of their own assumption, and to help them to stop and breathe, and challenge the person, respectfully and with dignity for the better. And how we can truly build ourselves as a corporation, and company, to grow for the better, when it comes to business deals, accounting, paperwork, or any type of unnecessary could’ve been prevented litigation's, we will handle it in the best ways possible a stable team for the better and along within the training as well. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better and to live the living change for my and our super super super super super super success!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me and how I interact with others of what is not best within me, and to realise them through breathing statements and realisation statements and redirect myself into stability and life as here as awareness in the physical. And within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to re-correct myself into what's best for me and how I interact with others and conduct my day and for what I am doing at hand with others or not with others in the meantime and be here as breath and as awareness. And to use the tools of TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self commitment application to live the living change and forgive myself of patterns that are not best within me and to re-correct and live the living change for the better for my super super super super success! For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better and to live the living change as life and awareness for the better!