Quit checking it
(Read aloud and breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am constantly checking onto things that have not yet been notified and how I am constantly checking on things as if I am suddenly worried, when in fact and I am not. It is so unconscious and subtle and automatic within me to do such a thing automatically just to check on things that aren’t even best for me, when i should be considering the focus and attention of what is here within and at hand for me. Instead of looking somewhere else, that isn’t gaining my attention and how I am just bored and not having some type of creative purpose in real life. Just being blinded to the fact that I love having to check my email, my shipments of the packages that I ordered, my notifications on facebook, linkedin, and much other platforms that aren’t even helping me in any sort of way, if I just keep checking it as if someone has already messaged me and is talking with me. When in fact and reality, no one is talking with me, unless I have sent them a message and how I am constantly having to go back and forth, thinking unconsciously and subconsciously to the point where I perceive and feel” that someone has messaged me. When it feels like I am pulsing it for real, but in fact I am in fact and in reality, impulsing myself, to subtle and automatic distractions as if they were to be real and important to me, unless it was important or not at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have to check my notifications and email all the time, as if something is there or not, and how once I check it once, I tend to go back to it all the time. As if someone had truly really sent me something, when in fact i am fucking with myself impulsing myself to go back, again and again and again, and over and over and over throughout the day, as if someone had truly messaged me to think that this has to be important or somewhat important to check. In fact, it is not, it is nothing but a distraction and of no purpose. That it is a waste of my own purpose and direction to impulse myself to think impulsively and compulsively to think that someone has really messaged me, when in fact it is only a sound of memory and vision and subtle memories of things in the past and how i had to constantly check on things as if it was done or not. And how my parents would do this all the time to me. And how I would never realise their unnecessary worrisome, and how that had caused me to constantly check and impulse myself to do things that aren’t even best for me to create, or not create anything that is of purpose and true direction for ym success. In fact, they never cared, but their own worries, because they were only worried about me, when in fact, they were also worried about themselves, that they couldn’t even take care of me properly and effectively, at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here in reality and how I have to constantly check on things that are not even there, and if I do, it may or may be not of any true actual purpose and direction. It is nothing but a distraction for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as father and mother to constantly check on our child whether if he needed any milk, food, and/or any baby food that we have bought, or if he was crying and needed some type of care and change of anything, diaper or whatever it may be. And how we were too worried to constantly check on him as if something was wrong, when in fact and reality, there was something with us and wrong with me for the worst. And how I was projecting my constant worries and have to check upon my own child, when in fact and reality, I should be checking on myself, and for what the hell I am projecting onto my child, with my detrimental qualities for that he will never know why he checks something so constantly and even in relationships for intimacy, and/or business and friends as well. Anything dealing with anything and how that would affect each and every decision of his life and how we never knew that would be of great consequence of our decisions that were not best for all, instead it was just a traumatic experience as the breath and how we were just projecting something onto him, as he was so little, we never knew why he would always get help constantly and have to check on things that didn’t matter. And how there was no actual purpose to it. And how we would do the same thing, when both of each would come home and/or if our son would come home, we would immediately check on him and see what happened if anything. As if we wanted to bother him so much for anything, even though we had fucked him up so badly emotionally and physically, for the worst. Manipulation in such a negative way, threats in a negative way, tarnishing each and every response for what we wanted, just because we wanted him to check on us and do the same with worrisome tactics for that we have done the same thing not ever realising that we were deluding ourselves and how have deluded our child for the worst as well. Not even realising that we were nothing but worrisome deadbeats as parents as mother and father, who know nothing but to be worrisome and poor and broke and stupid and inarticulate and having to always say something negative in judgement and always talking under breath. And not ever saying it to his face, because in fact, we were so dishonest and never wanted to check on ourselves and to see what we had just said and why it was not best, and how we immediately disregarded what we would say and never challenge it and question it. Therefore, we never knew anything, nor how to do anything, and how we would blame out son all the time, I mean all the fucking time for our mistakes and worrisome quarrels, as if something needs to be constantly checked. When in fact and reality, we never had the same qualities and attributes done to us and offered to us, because truly in fact, our parents never cared for us either, nor did the previous 5-7 generations at all either. No wonder we are the way we are in acceptance and allowance of the utmost mediocrity and inferiority for the absolute of all, stupidity, stupidity of worrisome that doesn’t even matter at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to have to constantly check on my son as if something is wrong, when in fact, there is nothing wrong, but there is something subtly wrong with me. And how I still project my worries and unnecessary worries when he does arrive home or calls me, or does anything to see or whatever it is. And how I am the one who is subtly worried as breath, without even showing that I am worried, it is all in my actions and breath, so automatically and in the way of my own living that is detrimental. And how I have true self direction at all whatsoever. No matter what I do, I am nothing but a deadbeat who knows nothing but to be worried unnecessarily as if I need to be checking on him ever so constantly every minute and hour of the day and even a few hours and/or days as well. Not ever knowing that I am living as the flesh and breath of subtle constant worrisome, unconsciously, and subconsciously, for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother to be constantly worried about my son and how I have to be always worried about him and check on him. But in fact, sometimes, I never would, because of all the emotions and traumatic emotions that were coming up within me, and how I am not even aware that I should be checking on myself to see what is wrong with me, instead of what is wrong with my child. When it is me, in fact, who is the PROBLEM. And how i was never in actual realisation of why i was ever not in actual realisation of i was ever in fact not here as the breath and in the physical, but always in mind, worried and traumatized over myself making up things and reliving memories and harsh emotions of the past of many years ago, not ever realising that i am living them again. Impulsing and compulsively con-pulsing myself constantly projecting my worries and fears and insecurities upon and onto him, as if I didn’t know that I was nothing but a problem to him and even to myself and my husband. What a hag i was, not ever realizing that i was fucking mu child up, as well as fucking myself up as well, not going back to the room to check on him, when he was crying ever so loudly and piercing my ears that it made me sad and have so impulsing outburst of cries and traumatic experiences that i am accepting and allowing out of nowhere, as if things will ever change, when will not, if fI don’t change myself, when in fact and reality, I never could change myself. Therefore, I never did, I am still the same person to and till this day, as a loser, a hoarder, a broke idiot, a moron, a coward, who doesn’t know anything but to say things under my breath and never to speak up, just because i am afraid of exposing my dishonesty, and how i will protect it with spitefulness and resentfulness to do whatever it takes to protect my dishonesty and distaste for life and for what it could’ve been for the better. And how i would always distract myself with my dishonesty and having to constantly check upon myself and others as if someone as well had also messaged me. And how in my subconscious mind, there are multiple levels of the conveyor belt, going up and down quickly to present me the same memory and impulse to live again as a pulse, and living fake memories and impulses that aren’t even real. And switching up and down quickly on certain levers that are going to trigger whatever is going on in my world and within me and how it is affecting me. When in fact and reality,I am letting it affect me and sometimes it affects me even without my own will, and how big of a problem that is. And how I was not ever able to realise that and it went over and over again, repeating, not ever realising that I am truly dishonest and not real as a human being as the physical and how in fact, I’ve always been here as the physical, I was just never truly ever aware of me and what is here, at all whatsoever. Putting my attention to other things that don’t even matter , and how I am not even taking care of what is here in reality that matters and is of true purpose for what is best for all. It was in fact and reality, dishonesty being taken within responsibility for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as parents and as myself to not ever realise that one small decision and projection upon myself and to my child, is and will and are of consequence of what my decisions will be as a result if it is not for what is best for all. And how it will affect me and my child and myself for the rest of my life, if I don’t ever investigate it with the detrimental patterns as breath, not ever realising why and how ambulances, firetrucks and first responders always have to show up and help me out or anything. Just because I am living detrimental qualities, and how I am doing this to myself, and how it all came from childhood trauma, and not ever having a good foundation of nothing but projections of fears, inequalities, unhealthy habits, bias ways of living and expression, and much more for the worst. And how no wonder people die everyday, no one is able to have what they should be able to get as a child and how no wonder rI myself as a parent and myself as well, did not realise that people will experience traumatic shit that will explode and hit the fan out of nowhere, in any time of the year, whether it’s spring, summer, autumn, winter, any season, no matter what it is. Someone is always getting hurt everyday, because of the mind and how it fucks everyone because of people and myself not ever realizing that we were and are still living detrimental qualities as breath, and not ever questioning why and how and what we are doing them for and even questioning them and challenging them if needed. And how we have never done that ever since, because, we were in actuality, ever truly aware of ourselves and even myself at times, at all, whatsoever.
When and as I see myself constantly having to check on notifications and my phone ever so constantly without a purpose for my life and in business, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to check my email and my social media of any kind constantly as if someone had left something for me to read, when it is in fact me being delusional, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself checking and doing things, without a purpose, for anything, for business or not at all, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to go back to check on something that isn’t even there without purpose doing so, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself constantly checking email, and social media constantly to see if someone has messaged me or not about anything and how I am not doing anything with a purpose for it for me and my business at all, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not questioning and challenging if necessary to myself for what I am doing that is not best, I stop and breathe and do to question and challenge if necessary, and investigate it.
When and as I see myself not realising anything about my self image that isn’t best for me, and for what I am thinking about myself and from others as well in comparison, I stop and breathe.
I realise that constantly having to check on notifications and things with no purpose and having to do so constantly. Is and was something from my parents and they were projecting their fears and insecurities and worrisome battles with themselves and to project that onto me and how I am now and was living it in the past and never knew up until this very time and how it affected each and every fucking decision I have ever made. And how i have never realised it to question and challenge it, until right now as I speak and write this to myself and to all whomever read this. And how I was always constantly checking things as subtle automatic habitual breath and step by step each and every time, not ever questioning the path I was taking myself and how i was allowing myself mathematically to do so within the equation as well, to fuck myself constantly into things and dong other things that weren’t even best for me to do, and participate ini. And how I have created most of it subconsciously and taking the ways of living and expression from my unconscious years of the first 7 years of my life and how it was so detrimental to me. Each and every decision and how it affected me, therefore, I never could ever realise why I was ever wanting to distract myself and do things that weren't even pertained to my purpose and growth. Because, i had no actual true purpose, it was nothing but deluded distractions, and that was it, nothing more. Leading myself down a rabbit hole, that was first starting when I was such a little baby, not even realising what was truly going on, but experiencing so much trauma and pain and loss of care and affection in disorderly sequences. That was conned each and every corner and turn of my life, and how my life has turned out to be where it is today, for the worst. And how my life would've been different, if things were actually changed and done for what was best, but in fact it was done in detrimental ways and abusive ways, threatening ways, manipulative and negative ways that were not best, at all, whatsoever. And now that I realise that this has affected each and every decision in my life, no wonder I am not where I want to be in my life, at all whatsoever. To people who never had my best interest, and therefore, I never had my own best interest at heart at all whatsoever either. Eve since that day was the starting point and culmination of everything, and anything that ever was in my life.
I realise this also affected me in relationships as well, in business and/or intimacy as well, nothing ever lasted, because of my worrisome tactics and actions as breath. And how I never realised that i ruined everything being so worried about everything and not ever being here within the physical, at all whatsoever. And how it also affected the outcomes of my decisions and what results I was expecting to get, and how I sabotaged it, even at the last minute or even before it started to even get a true developing result, and never went on to make anything of actual valid value, nothing at all whatsoever. And how I had to tell nonsense stories and have to express myself in stories instead of getting to the point of what matters to be at hand for something that doesn’t even matter for what is here within the physical and to take care of what is here and how I never did that ever since. Each And every business relationships, intimate relationship, friendship of any kind and potentiality, nothing was ever a true valid success at all whatsoever. It was always a tarnished failure for the worst. No wonder nothing has been in my life for the better, and that I’ve accepted and allowed it all, from that very day my parents projected that into me. How sad and unfortunate, it frustrates me as to why they would do that and how they never realised what and how and why and where my life is today, and how nothing has ever been a true success, ever since. Nothing at all, whatsoever, under any event and opportunity and circumstance, within people as well. Just nothing at all whatsoever.
I commit myself to check things with a purpose and focus and attention to what is best for me and with others for whom i am working with and whomever is working with me as well. And how it is best for me to be aware of doing things as breath with awareness and with purpose to do things with the proper and effective direction for my life and how I can improve and adapt that and change around things if it is not best at all. And if it is, to keep improving and scaling to become much better from where my situation is where, and what it can become and plan and/or do it right away and never wait. And if I am somewhere that is important in a meeting or wherever, I will write it down and investigate it, and do so for my business, and personal things to do, and whomever I am working with to notify and help out for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better as self directive principle for and as LIFE!
I commit myself to teach and show my children and my wife to help our kids and ourselves and each other to be self sufficient and with support along the way, and to check on each other with a purpose and within self direction. Within being as life and in the physical and nowhere else, but here as life and taking care of what is here in reality for the better. And how we can have so much more fun in reality and helping and encouraging and only letting them watch things that are best for them that isn’t impulsing them and of course to treat our kids and each other and ourselves with stability and for what's best for us and to be aware of it. And to explain and have context should be understood and understandable with common sense and how to do it effectively and efficiently for the better. Within that, to be aware of what we say and to always be truthful with them and ourselves and to each other and to never lie, and to always explain and to always say the truth with context, wherever we are, with awareness in reality and of ourselves and the environment itself as well. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words and as self directive principle as LIFE!
I commit myself to check on things in my business and to give it proper focus and purposeful attention and focus with purpose and self direction and to lead myself and others to victory and success. To become better and effective in what we do as a corporation, to all those who report to me and who work with me as a team, and a family together for the better. And scaling certain aspects and paying attention and giving and allowing ourselves and inviting ourselves to have the proper effective focus to what we are doing and to do what is best, and if it not pertaining to what we do, we will reject it respectfully and i will do the same as well, with common sense and pragmatic and practicality for the better.f or as I see myself as life and life resonance as the living words as the flesh, as self directive principle for and as LIFE!
I commit myself to give attention and focus to what matters most in my life, and how it is advancing me to get to where I want to go for the better. To and to achieve and keep the momentum going in my business and my life, within giving and receiving the support and supporting myself in the process as well, and within that to trust myself in every way, in all ways, to do whatever it takes to do what is best, and to keep the momentum going. With the proper and effective purpose and attention to what matters most for the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance as awareness and in reality and in proper efficient and effective sequence as self directive principle as LIFE and living words as the flesh!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application statements to forgive myself of what is not best within me and to write stop and breathe statements to stop myself when and if a reaction to were ever come up, and take self directive principle within the moment and direct myself and to take care fo what is here in reality. Then onto realisation statements to what i have and had reacted to and what had affected me and who was there, and to realise what was not best and realize it and be fully self honest and detailed about it in my process. Within that, I commit myself to recorrect myself and correct myself into what is best for me and how I can become the best version of me, each and everyday for the better as the living words and as the flesh. Within using the tools of TechnoTutor, giving and receiving support and supporting myself, The Desteni I Process of self forgiveness and self corrective application, the power of the group and its support as well. To help each other succeed, and to understand and know that it is who we are that cannot do a thing for another, but to take responsibility for it and to encourage others and each other to take responsibility and to work as a team whether indirectly and/or directly as well for the better. For as I see myself as life and life romance as the living words in awareness and in reality as self directive principle as the living words as flesh, within and as self directive principle for and as LIFE!
