Leading to oblivion
(Read aloud and breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have to reprimand someone as a person in a place of home, work or anywhere and have to lead myself into oblivion as if i needed some type of heed trouble and attention for myself and for the other person that was i was so to speak expecting give them a reprimanded trouble like gesture and manner that isn't even best to conclude to at all whatsoever. And how I noticed my parents and other people who would do this to me, and never explain anything to me but to make me feel bad about myself and project their anger and dispute out onto me as if i need some type of reprimanded way to nowhere, but oblivion itself for no reason for the being, but all nothing but irrationality for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise as a parent as mother/father to lead my child into oblivion as if my child didn’t even truly matter, because I never knew that i was truly oblivious to actual reality as well either, no wonder I was not able to truly do something for real but to act out of irrationality and oblivion as if I am not even truly aware of what i am doing and saying and saying and doing to my child and to myself. That is abusing my child, as i am abusing myself, because this and that was the actual way of how I got abused into oblivion and soon to run away from home and to tell my parents to fuck off, and now that they’re dead, it is my fault that i left and it is their fault as well, and how I am putting and projecting and imposing, imprinting, my own faults onto my own child, as if i don’t even know what the fuck I am trying to do to make a person not be away of their reality and of themselves. And sooner or later, my child will eventually do things that are not best for him, no wonder he is not where he wants to be in his life, financially devastated, in my own assumption, not able to truly have enough for anything, and no wonder I do not even have enough for myself, and how i am not able to do what’s best, therefore nothing has ever been truly, ever abundant, ever since. It has always been in some type of lack and limitation and limitation and lack, as always, to the point of no return, being so oblivious to why a thing is not going my way and how I am teaching and imposing this atrocious bullshit onto my child, and how I have no true self possession and self direction in my life, therefore my child will not have it either, and for the people to whomever he works with or does something with or goes out, he will not be able to truly lead anyone, because he does not know how to lead himself, nor others, not even a person in my own assumption. To the varying fact and degree, that his life will be no better than mine and my life will be no better than his either. No wonder I am so oblivious to the fact and lie of contradiction that this is how life was actually supposed to be, and how I thought it was “normal” but it was in fact, confused abuse, for the worst. No wonder he is so mad and engaging to be mad at me when and as if I do something that is not best to yell back at him and/or do something totally irrational for stupidity itself for the worst. No wonder I am not able to do anything for real that is best, no wonder i have to make him go away by making some excuse u and for him to not be able to participate fully and physically in this reality, instead of being in his mind. Just like I have and how I trained him and how he trained himself to be in and within his mind. As he was home alone all day in a sense, well just when he get home from school, that would be it and how I would never be home and he would do nothing and be oblivious for hours on end and eventually he brought the tv into his room, because I suppose he was tired of us watching him and being there for him. Because he knew that we were shitty parents, and in fact, we are. No wonder I was not able to teach him anything truly and of physical practical use, no wonder everything in his life and my life is impractical and stupid for what it is to be for the actual worst. No wonder I couldn't even teach him truly but to create him and make him be by himself and think that he is taking care of himself, but in fact he is not, he is just coming home and watching tv and being entertained all day just by the TV itself. And how I couldn’t teach him for shit, no wonder I was not able to teach him anything and as he was growing up, I would complain and expose my insecurities and fears and projections onto him. And how I would scare him and scare him in a very concerning and questionable way, no wonder he doesn’t trust me, nor do I trust him to do anything for real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have been truly oblivious my whole life, no wonder i do not have the money and the life and of stability that I want in my life. And how I never knew that I was being neglected or something that my parents never had and moon ever enough, I was the one to never have enough either, no wonder my life is the way it is, right now as we speak. Not enough money, unstable people around me, I am not able to increase my responsibility truly for anything but to what I am limited and in fact, comparing my time to other people’ time and what they’ve achieved as what they have created and had the support and developed to have the support for. And how I am comparing myself to others who have achieved much more while I am living my oblivious limited life, limited financial ability and skill, and how I am not able to truly communicate to create to make something for real, no wonder I am blowing myself off and cutting myself off so instantly to what I could have been creating and having to entertain myself being so oblivious to the fact and opinion of a rack and pinion of my own opinion being racked and having to make an excuse for my life, just because I never knew how much i was truly really missing out, no wonder my life is not where I want it to be. And how I have created it to be where it is today, and how my programming has never truly changed, nothing has ever truly changed for the better, things have been at a slow moving standing halt, inch by inch, but nothing seems to be moving. Because I am comparing myself and to time and effort to what others have achieved and for what I have not. Just because I wanted better, and how I do not have that, due to my instability and no true realisation of how life was always here, I was not. Because i was so oblivious to being attracted tot he mind energy and having to participate in it, and when as i would do something, I would experience the harsh backchat and, even during exercising as well, I would easily stop and delude myself as of something outside of me is fucking with me, when in fact and reality, I am only fucking with myself, accepting and allowing the harsh backchat. And in fact, I never knew that till right as this, has been affecting and effecting each and every decision, thought, physical movement, or anything, for my whole life and how nothing has ever been truly created for the better. It was and has always been deluded in oblivion, to where nothing will actually truly be created for real and how i never had anyone truly teach me, and no wonder I had to ‘think’ that I had to do everything on my own, because in fact and reality, my dad did Every Fucking Thing on his and never asked for my help, nor of anyone, and how I never saw him ask for help, no wonder he is not where he wants to be in his life, he is poor and broke and stupid and ugly irrational like any deadbeat motherfucker in the world. No wonder I am just like him, being so oblivious to life, as if life wasn’t already here, no wonder I am not able to be where i want to be in my life with wealth and opulence and how I‘ve dreamed of it so much, but was not able to create what I have and had in my reality right now, therefore, nothing has ever been truly ever created for real. No wonder nothing has ever been created for the better. Therefore, I was not in actuality truly realised what i wanted in my life and passed up so many opportunities not realising that I am just pre-programmed to be a slave like the loser father and mother that i have and the friends that i have in the past. And how they are pre-programmed losers and my friends and their parents, and how I am nothing but a pre-programmed loser as well, not able to truly see what life could’ve been for me. If I had truly been in actual realisation and not so oblivious to the fact and lie of contradiction as if I need to be saying yes all the time, because my father and mother would always say yes and never knew how to say no, and how I was oblivious to the fact that i was always addicted to saying yes and being so oblivious to why I couldn’t even critically think and look up something as if it were to be true or not at all. And how i was living a lot of lies in my life and this is one of them. No wonder I am so oblivious and living an oblivious life for the worst. No wonder I do not have the money that I want, because my father never truly taught me how to do anything for real, and how I never did anything with my life, but had to do things beyond my preprogramming and how I wasn't able to truly achieve what I wanted to achieve. Therefore, things were always at a standing halt for me, because i was always trying to jump the gun in life, and how that only happens in my mind as imagination, but life in real reality, takes real creation and effort and results to show, and how I was not able to face anything immediately, so I never truly had any immediate results to make something real, therefore, I was always making things fake in my mind, therefore, I was not able to truly create what I wanted for real, at all whatsoever, ever since, the age of 8-14 and 15-20’s now. No wonder I am not able to truly create anything for real. And how my life has been like this for a very long time, no wonder I have truly lived a contradictory and confusing lie that I now call to speak “life”. When in fact and reality, I am not doing what’s best, and that i am self interested and an oblivious loner in my mind, no wonder I am not able to where I want to be, no matter how much i persist and persevere and having patience within myself to do what is best, but I was not able to truly create anything real for the better with meaning, purpose, sound. Therefore, I never knew the meaning to anything and what it truly meant but to regurgitate what I read and heard, therefore, I could never live it, but to live a life of a philosopher and messenger, no wonder I was always broke and poor, not ever having money. And always filling a loss further, with nothing truly created to live and apply in my life. And how it all happened since those days of elementary school from grades 1-4 and 4 was the worst, and soon onto 5-6 and 7-8 and 9-12 and now I have graduated. It’s been some years now, 5 years plus, and nothing that I have tried to create truly in my life, for a relationship, money, fulfillment, stability, wealth of anything was ever to be created for real, no wonder I am not able to create to make anything to be real and have a wonderful better life that I’ve always wanted and seen in videos and on tv from other people. But those people were unusable and so was I, and always dreaming of it, but never creating it, because I never knew how. Because the words i knew and had wanted to know had true meaning and actual sound value for application in them. Therefore, I had no meaning and purpose to my life, therefore, I was even truly able to create anything real for the better, ever since that day I was left at home to my own vices all day long, with no one teaching me anything for real. Not event he fucking teachers, not even when I do to my friends house and and even when i was home alone, I was never able to learn anything for real, therefore, my life has never been truly abundant, therefore it was always lack of some kind, nothing ever for the better, at all, ever since that day of me being left alone at home, for hours on end. Each and every fucking god damn day, no one teaching me anything, and was oblivious to the obvious common sense fact and common sense obvious, and obvious common sense that I never had. Wonder I was staring at the tv all the time 100% and doing nothing but watching king of the hill, family guy, wwe wrestling, Simpsons and some other supernatural tv shows, and other military shows and a whole bunch of bullshit that isn't helping me but entertain me. Like how my father is always wanting to be entertained by himself and never with me, no wonder I have lived an oblivious life, and how my father has done the same in pure innate distraction that is just within him as DNA heredity information as words. No wonder I am the collection of those words as well, and no physical true real movement at all whatsoever, is even at all within me either. And having to want you always entertains me into oblivion for hours and never having to develop any type of inclination to create anything to be real, but only a thing of the mind and energy as the mind as mind energy, and energy of mind, itself. No wonder my life is the way it is, nothing ever truly created for the better, and how I have lived this mannerism and habit that I have not realise for such a LOOOOONNGGG FUCKING TIME. way too long, because no one was ever truly focused in my life, nor was I, no wonder I was not able to create anything to be real for the better, at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to delude myself and my child in an oblivious manner to the point where he will never learn anything to be of actual reality, and of value. No wonder i am always sick and wanting to test my blood pressure and do other stupid shit to fuck with my health, because I can’t wait to fucking die, so why don’t i fuck myself now and do it slowly and never anything truly healthy, because all i know of life and nutrition of acidic nutrition and that ever was to it, for the worst. And how I sam now feeding my child the same bullshit that i am eating, no wonder no one is easy in this family, because i was the culmination to it, and how my parents and their parents and the n theirs and so on for 7 generations for the absolute delusion and oblivion for the worst. Nothing ever created for real and of value for life at all, whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parent to never truly ever teach anything real to my son and child, no wonder he doesn’t know anything, to my own assumption, because he hasn’t created anything to be real for the better, no wonder i have truly learned anything either, but bullshit and complaining and spend on things that I don’t even need at all, whatsoever. And how it is all piling up in my room, nothing to be taught, nothing ever to be created for real. But learning and teaching unconsciously to my son and to myself and to others to buy shit that i don’t even need, no wonder I do not have what i want now, nor does my son either, nor can he read effectively to create for real for the better, and how my life was the same and how I was projecting my bullshit onto him, even he would wake up early on his own, i was the one to kindly abuse that and tell him to go back to sleep, just because I wanted to go back to sleep and how it is early and is just a Saturday, and weekend liken structure to take a rest and calm down. When life is not meant to be that way, it was meant to be for more than that, true real creation. But i was not able to do any of that, because I was oblivious to the fact of my own laziness and wanted to do things on my on and taught and made my son observe me in that sense to the stupid shit that I was doing that is not best, no wonder i am not able to truly created anything for real. At all whatsoever, ever since, he was 2 and now 25, a loser, just like me and his father. Obvious oblivious living for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that i have truly lived a meaningless and no purposeful life, no wonder i am not able to create what i want for the better. And literally how much i have missed out on, just because of that very day I was being left at home for more than 3 hours a day and at school with others in elementary school and having to want to distract myself to do nothing with my life, because i never knew what the true meaning to life truly ever was, when in fact and reality, it was my words and my purpose for what’s best for all, but in fact, I never knew that at the time, I never could think for myself, no wonder I could make anything to be real for me, nor could I even create it, I’ve always had other people do things for me, therefore, i was never truly responsible to one and equal to what reality was and who the people were around me. That being said, life for me, was never a matter of meaning, but a life of entertainment and reprimanded, abused to oblivion, not able to think for myself critically and to be able to reason and create. Nor did I ever have the true support, ever since. Nor could I even direct and lead myself, because I was never taught to direct and lead, but taught to follow and always follow in oblivion for the worst, even if I do notice things, in instant, I would never do anything about it, at all, ever since, contrary to opportunity. That was always there for me, but I was never truly awakened, nor was I even in realisation of anything at all whatsoever, when Life and Opportunity was always there for me, and how life was always here, and nowhere else. And ever since that day fr hours and hours and ays and weeks and months and years up until now, it has affected each and EVERY FUCKING DECISION IN MY DAMN LIFE, no wonder i am not where the fuck I want to be and have missed out on life and how it was always here. Due to oblivious parenting to me and the support was never truly ever there, at all, whatsoever, ever since.
When and as I see myself wanting to instantly entertain myself into oblivion, even if it is for a quick moment of a few minutes that isn’t helping me to do what is best, I stop and breathe and immediately focus back onto what must be done at hand.
When and as I see myself postponing something simply to do, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see not being committed, fully, completely, as here, and not being here to move and apply myself to create, I stop and breathe, and become truly committed, fully, completely as here.
When and as I see myself contradicting myself to not realise that I am trying to enter myself into an oblivious situation of confusion, and within reaction following along within it, I stop and breathe, and realise that it is just confusion and direct simply and practically for what’s best.
I realise that ever since that day I was left alone for hours and hours on end, with no one to attend me, I was bound to live a life of no meaning and purpose, as it was already there to begin with, before I even knew it, and how it was taught me to me by own observation and energetic environment that I was creating for myself. Therefore, I was never truly living a life of meaning and purpose, therefore, I wasn’t truly aware of myself and life itself, as life was always here and around me. I was just never in true realisation that it was my environment that hindered me and as well as the people of my parents and friends who never knew how to do anything, nor could they even teach me, nor could I truly and effectively either at all whatsoever.
I realise that ever since, I wasn’t able to do anything for real, it was all for nothing, trying to do things beyond my pre-programming and and how everything was just in mind, therefore, I couldn’t create it in the real world. Because I had no meaning to myself, my words, the meanings to them. And how when things never went my way, I was always trying to argue for my limitation and lack that i didn’t even have, therefore, there was always some type of trouble and havoc in my life, therefore, nothing was truly ever authentically created for real, and how my life was always in a crank oblivious way and how much I accepted and allowed myself to miss out on, just because I thought being in my mind was better. And no matter how much I persisted and persevered, nothing was ever created for real, because I was just going beyond, what I could not do and was not truly stable and sufficient for. No wonder I was living and operating on my foundation to create a life of oblivion to nothing ever being created for real, ever since, at all, whatsoever.
I realised that I have never got to really live an abundant life, that being said, it was always limitation and lack and lack and limitation, and having to always argue and be argumentative to argue for my own limitation as if I needed to prove a point that I am right and having to not realise that I was not capable of truly creating anything for real, therefore, my life is not the way and where it is supposed to be that I would like it to be for the better. At all, whatsoever.
I realise that I was always try to argue my point and to prove everyone wrong, and disrespect everyone, even myself, and how my parents have done the same to me, and even other people who would interject and abuse the catastrophe that I was creating within confusion, and how I wasn’t in actual realisation of what it was to that I was trying to argue about, when in fact and reality. I was truly living the living words of limitation and lack and blame and within limitation, because I never truly had a life for the better, no wonder I was not able to truly create anything for the better at all, whatsoever. Ever since. And how just oblivious the blinded fact that I am not truly effective, at all whatsoever.
I realised that I was always argumentative and always trying to prove that I was right and never wrong, and misinterpreted what I was seeing and witnessing and processing. Therefore, I was always wrong, and wanted to be right, even if the other person was wrong or even right themselves. And being so oblivious to the fact, I was truly wrong for the worst.
I realise that I was always trying to be argumentative and oblivious to the fact that I was left alone and when a situation would arise after being left alone for hours and hours on end, trying to argue for my limitation and the lack thereof, that I’ve had. With that, I was oblivious to the fact that I was blind to it and living detrimental words that aren’t even best for me that projected towards blame and guilt and accusation, no wonder they have projected this onto me and now i am doing it to others and as well as to myself, no wonder i am not able to do what is best and to live the living words that are best either. Because I was always just oblivious to the fact of wanting to be right and led into oblivion as I have done numerous times for my own limitation for the worst. And how I was just oblivious to the fact that I was not trying to make something valid, I was always trying to prove myself to be invalid for a long long time. No wonder I never noticed I was so oblivious to what I was saying and doing and lying to live a life of opulence and wealth, because I wasn’t even truly creating it for the better, at all whatsoever, anyway.
I realise that when I was giving value, but I wasn't actually doing it myself, no wonder I was giving advice as a philosopher, therefore, I couldn’t even create anything for myself and how others who were succeeding and I were not. Because I was not living any of the words that were best for me, no wonder i couldn’t create for real, but others had something to create for the better, but if they don’t do it, it wouldn’t be any good, and same for me either, if i didn’t do anything that i was saying and feeling so self conscious about it. Would have myself esteem plummet to the ground and never be able to truly create what ought to be best for me, but even within that, I was not able to truly make anything real, but be oblivious to my own contradiction that i really don’t know how to do anything, and how my parents and I myself have led ourselves into oblivion for the worst, at the bottom of the abyss of the mind, everything useful but perceived as dead. And how life and reality is deemed to be not here. But in fact and reality life and abundance was always here, it was just my mind and how that day of days on end, I would be left alone for hours and hours on end, not able to do anything for real. Because I never knew anything, nor could anyone attend me to help me with anything, therefore, I didn’t even know what to ask for anything, nor how to even do it, at all. No wonder my life is the way it is for the worst.
I realise that I would follow instructions and do exactly as told and instructed to have success, but I didn’t know how to do it, therefore, I would always agree and be addicted to yes and be so oblivious to it. And end up hurting myself, injuring myself in some type of way, by sports mostly and even in life, academically, business, etc. i wasn’t able to truly create anything to be and exact, because everyone was leading by oblivion as well, and how i wasn’t able to see what any of the delusional fuckers were saying, because they never knew what they were saying, they only had their context, therefore, no one ever cooperated with them, no wonder nothing ever got done, at all, whatsoever. For the best results and to be and become truly effective for the better, and missing out on very very simple things that could’ve been consistently and realised in the best context possible to understand instead of just a one time say, without any explanation and having to figure Every fucking god damn thing on my own. And how no one knows anything, at all, whatsoever. Nothing but dummies, and how i was that person as well, in full dishonesty for the worst. Being argumentative was in my nature, as I have created it, and how others have blamed me, and how I had to do the same thing to my parents as someone has done to me. For those that are unstable and fucked, I eventually did the same thing someone else did to me, not releasing that I was abusing life and being so obvious to the fact that nothing was ever going to be created for real for me, at all, whatsoever. Ever since that day of being led to oblivion and left alone for hours and hours on end, at a very young age of 11 for the worst.
I commit myself to lead myself with a purpose and meaning and learn to gain and apply information and apply myself physically and to truly create what I want here in reality, by starting off with the first step of where I am. And not just what that is that I want to create that is ambitious, by creating what is available here and what I can do that’s best with what I have and give myself 100% each and every time, effectively, and efficiently, in the best ways possible. To truly create what i couldn’t possibly fathom and imagine. To create that which was always possible for me to achieve, no matter the odds that are against me; willing myself to forgive myself, willing myself create a life that’s best for all for myself and others, willing myself to do what is here for real, and practically, willing myself to do and apply myself for real and make love and money creation in this for real. Within living by principle to do and create a life for what’s best for all for real, no matter what, with and along with the support from myself and from with others for the better for real. Living by Principle to create a Wealthy and Opulent experience of principled living with others and myself as well for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness living and sticking to breath as self aware living, within self directive principle living for and as LIFE!
I commit myself to attend to myself and support myself and as well as asking effective questions in order to receive the best proper help. What is that I am not clear and not just trying to figure it out all on my own. And if i do figure it out quickly on my own, I will apply myself physically immediately to give 100% of myself to do what is best for the better. Practically and common sense like for the better, to truly create a life for the better, step by step, breath by breath, and giving of myself 100% physically practically and emphatically for the better. For as I see myself as life awareness living and principled living as self directive principle to lead myself with a true and meaningful purpose for the better, for and as LIFE!
I commit myself to encourage and be there for my kids and my wife and how we will be able to take care of the kids and how to attend to them and help them with education of what tools we are using as TechnoTutor effectively and in the best ways possible. Within the organic nutrition and education and doing the education with real application to learn how to truly apply and achieve creative practical things in the real world and with commonsense and stability for the kids to understand where and what and how things mean and what they stand for and what we can do that’s best. To truly understand what we can do for the better, in this reality and lifetime to truly create a fun learning experience from me living by principle for what’s best for all life. And of course attending my wife when and if she needs any possible of anything and helping her become sufficient as well, and to work together and become better together through our processes and in business for the better. For as I see myself as life awareness living, within self directive principle living, as principled living, for the better as LIFE!
I commit myself to create more and more for the better effectively and efficiently with the right support, stabilizing myself with the tools that I have that are available at all times to me. Such TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self corrective application, within applying myself for real physically in real life. Within that, I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application to forgive myself of what is not best within me, and for what i live as living words, then onto stop and breathing statements. To stop my consequences instantly before they happen, and to take self directive principle and live by principled living, to become effective in my reality, and be here and stick to breath by taking care of what is here for the better. Then onto realisation statements, to realise what is not best within me and who was there and who was around and what has affected me that was not best at all whatsoever. Within that, to commitment statements as self corrective application to recreate me to truly change my character to what’s best for all, to truly become a REAL Person by Principled Living, to do what is best for all. Giving myself 100%, delivering 100%, in the best ways possible in this reality for the better, within using the tools of TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self corrective application. To create myself, to purify myself, to perfect myself, as life, becoming the best version of myself each and everyday to the best patterns that are best for all life, including my life especially for the better. Within the support groups and people as well in participation for what’s best for all life, for as I see myself as self awareness living within self directive principled living within having self possession and direction for the better as LIFE!
