Get off of me, you’re going to break my ribs and head
(Read aloud and Breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that I was a friend, who had sat on my friend, just to play around with him as a joke. As he was just looking at something and laying down for now, and how i just decided to come by and sit on him, and on his upper back. Then proceeding-ly, I put all my weight onto him, and crushed him, until he yelled out to get off of me, you’re to break my ribs, he said like two times, but I never complied, and when he said it again, he was almost out of air. And how i did not realise that I was jokingly playing around and was in an attempt to kill my own friend, being delusional and not listening to what he was saying to me and how I had completely disregarded him and what he was saying. And how i thought he was not being literal, and was playing around and how i did not know that, but when he did tell me, that, iI finally got off of him, and he said straight to my face, “fuck you dude, you’re almost fucking killed me, asshole.” and how I was awestruck and said fuck you back, in a playful way, and how I am nothing but an abuser to my own friend, and how we’re not friends anymore, due to my obscure act and how I was just playing around, but that wasn’t going to help out for anything, nor was it going to solve for anything at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own friend to sit on me and let him sit on me, and how I couldn’t even get up before he tried to sit on me and play around like a fucking idiot as he was. Therefore, when he did sit on me, i couldn’t get up, and even moments after I said to get off of me, and how I yelled to the stupid fucker again, GET OFF OF ME, YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK MY RIBS!!, and as i yelled once more, I was losing my breath, and felt my ribs so close to breaking and how this fool, idiot, moron did not realise that he was about to kill me, and i was losing my breath intake and couldn’t take anymore air in. Therefore, I was losing my strength and could not get up, as the joke goes, I've fallen and I can’t get up, due to me not being strong enough to get my friend who was much bigger than me in size and weight. And how i was remembering this memory, as a flashback, as it made me angry and livid to tell this person to get off of me. And as I was remembering the images and the control it had over me of this mechanism like motion picture, it made me impulsively implode and explode to yell GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME, yelling at night, before I was going to bed, not realising, that this particular image had a great control over me and how It was affecting me and my life and how I wasn’t able to listen to others, as if they need to get off of me. So then until I am able to help them and not bother me and try to yell at me. When no one was yelling at me, I was only forever reliving the memory as if it were real, but in fact and reality, it was not, I was letting it happen, and how i didn’t know what to do at the time, but I was tired that day, and last night. Within that, this mind image motion picture control that I have let activate, has made me so livid that I wanted to yell and have other people to fuck off of me, and never talk with me, and let me breathe. And how in fact and reality, I was in fact, acting out this abuse that was done to me many years ago, when and as I was 11 or 12 or whatever age it was. And how I have been doing this for years, ignoring people, as if they weren’t even there, and how I thought unconsciously and automatically that these people were not letting me breathe, by impeding with something they want from me, just because I do not have either a mask, or just influencing me to buy their bullshit that I don’t need in my life. And how it was and is not worthy of my money, nor the use of it. And how these people are trying to give me something that I don’t need, that he/she may not be using in their life, and how this person is trying to in an attempt to sell it to me and be all in my face. And that is how I was operating my life, ignoring other people as if they don't matter and are not letting me breathe. When in fact and reality, it is only me who is not letting me breathe, and interact with others, as if I am some invincible person and/or invisible in a cloak where no one sees me, and that I am just going where I need to go with a purpose. And ignoring people who are not best for me, and ignoring my reality, being in full denial of what reality consists of as it is, and how I have abdicated so much of responsibilities in my life and opportunities, therefore, nothing hasn’t been truly of actual value creation from me, nor from others, and how i have truly abused and neglected it, and full ignored and was in full denial of what reality was actually here for. Therefore, I was not truly using my physical reality as my guideline within principle, and how I was only disregarding what I was living as living words, not truly living what I want, and continuously falling into the trap of ignorance, and being in denial of reality and physical reality and life itself. And how I have done the same thing to my life, and others lives, no wonder my life hasn’t fully improved and hasn’t fully fundamentally changed for real. Within that, my life hasn’t been the same for quite a while, after living those living words and those subconscious experiences, and unconscious experiences living, has gotten me to miss out hearing what I needed to hear from whatever I wanted to do and make it happen for myself. And how it has affected how I made money, tried to in an attempt to make money, and did not truly hear people out and to see and hear what another person has to say to me. Even in relationships, I have ruined and have abdicated this, and how people were reacting negatively to me, just because I was truly not able to be attentive and aware and listen to what another has to say, that is as equally important to what I have to say as well. And even at times, my words seem to not have any sort of meaning, therefore, I realised in the past, I didn’t have any sound living like words that had purpose and true meaning to them. And how i realised no one was listening to me, and how i was doing the same to others, not listening to them and to see and hear what another person has to say. And immediately disregarding what another has to say, so I can have my say that is much more important than hear someone spew out their bullshit to me, just so they can try to be apprehensive with me, and how i would accept and allow such ways of and means of that dimension that would soon possibly turn into a reprimand, and that I would not ever accept and allow someone to ever talk me down. No one is in no position to be telling me anything that is not best for me and with me. And how they are just doing the same, just because the same occurrence has happened to them, to perform the abuse, as he/she was and had the same consequence done to them, imprinted and imposed upon them as their flesh and resonance and living charged negative words that were not best. But that were, traumatic, for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as an uncle to sit on my nephew’s head, while I was visiting him in Houston again, and then when I was playing around with him. I sat on his head, and how he thought I was going to fart his head. But funny enough, in fact it wasn’t to him, nor I, but in that moment, it was for me and not just for him. And how we were both having a great time, but and how it was all positive and good, and how I never knew that he was going to let someone in rare situation to sit on him, as i have done to him, not realising that he was going to abuse himself by letting other people abuse him. As I have done to him, in a playful way, thinking it was positive, but in fact, it was not. And how I never realised that I was not letting him breathe, and how he would not listen to another person and to do it playfully. But I never knew in fact that it would affect how he would make money and interact and operate his life with others and for and by himself as well. And how he would possibly not listen to another and be playful about it, and say he doesn’t hear another person, nor does he see them and how all kids play this stupid game. And how it is a fun sort of game like of ignorance, and how that game is not meant for kids, they’ve only made it up and/or started to do the same thing, because of other tv shows and cartoon shows, and even from other kids who do the same stupid shit to say that this person is not here and how I don’t hear you. And or if someone is saying something that they don’t like, and would immediately, go into the stupid playful like spiteful play around that they don’t hear this person and do not want to attend to any answer and obligation of anything. Within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a nephew of my uncle to not realise and understand that I was doing the same thing, being so oblivious to the fact, that being playful and being ignorant and playing the ignoring game, is not to be played with, but to be used seriously and actually effectively. And how i never knew that this would affect how I would live my life and how I interact with others, whether they are be of an equal and one individual or not, and how I was doing that today, but just wanted to walk in and completely ignore the person and do what i wanted to do without a mask, because I don’t need it. And just proceeded to drop off a mail piece and left out the door, and how i thought the very next few moments subtly, that they were going to rip up my piece of mail and not mail it, just because I disregarded them and never did even in attempt to listen and pay attention, and as I did, she said “okay…” in a dramatic slang African American way like culture and heredity like raising to their own tonality and who they were around while growing up. And how I realised that I was doing the same thing and speaking like those people and other people, just to try to ‘fit in’, and later not listen to them but to have them listen to me, because I have more of the important say, than one another, and how no one deserves to have a s ay over me, therefore I am the ruler and power controller. But in fact and reality, I do not, I was only abusing the power I had, it affected me and how I interacted with others and to be in an attempt to make any sort of actual money, ever. And how it had affected me big time, in each and every cultivating decision that would pile up to play some type of ignorance game that I never was that was detrimental to even do and realise that disregarding someone is truly disrespectful, nor is it even good to do so, at all.
When and as I see myself completely disregarding who I am interacting with, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself being fully in denial of my reality and who is here with me and what I am doing with others or even just by myself, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself playfully ignoring someone, when in fact I am in an attempt to possibly do it for real, I stop and breathe and be aware of where I am in reality as it is and what it could be for the better.
When and as I see myself rough housing with another and playing around jokingly in denial of what is going on with others and myself, I stop and breathe and take care of what is here in reality.
I realised that when my friend tried to sit on me, in a jokingly playful way, and how I remembered the actual memory again and played it within the images of its motion and how it had some deliberate control over me. Therefore, I couldn’t even process my reality, without having to implode to explode as within and without, on that very night, as I was about to go to bed and haven’t realised how much of a controlled image of what I had yet to see for so many years and how it has been quite some time, and how this has affected my life is some way and varying degree. Affecting me in all decisions and interactions and who I am as a human being. And how it has affected how I interact with people and how I completely disregard people and go off into some other dimension of imagery and imagination and truly not being here as a reality physical substance, and how I feel as if time goes back a little too much more than expected. It is only me and the consequence of that and the result of that, of me not being here truly, than just being in the mind and how being in the mind of mines, is not going to work with anything to do what is best and to push myself, and to do things beyond my programming that which I could not even perform, because when and as those situations come, I wouldn’t be able to be aware and effective in what I am doing and who I am as expression as me, as one, as all, as equal. But it was never that way, until I have realised this up until now.
I realised that I was living the living words of someone else, as they were abusing me and ignoring me and not letting me get up, and how I am doing it to others, not realising where this subs-conscious con is coming from and for what I am expressing for me to experience such a consequence that is within my inner corruption, as my outer creation corrupted reality, that is not best for me. And how reality was always cool to create, and amazing, but my mind was never able to let me, because of what I have been living as the patterns and the programming of the programs that were instilled and imposed on and within me, imprinted onto me and how In that moment as my friend was sitting on me in a joking way, I could not breathe and was completely ignored by someone was about to kill me, and how I was much more of a smaller person than he was, and how he did not realise that truly, in order to immediately get off of me, and let me breathe and actually live, as he would like to live. But now that I realise this, I understand he doesn’t want to live, therefore, his life is probably in the dumps somewhere, but whatever he does, he needs to realise and get his shit together, before something else soon hits the fan for him, and everything, will sooner or later become an immediate fuck for the worst. And how within that, I was doing the same, and let slow remedying cooked up consequences simmer slowly, until the water boiled and kept going and the water became too violent, to the point where I was slowly cooking away and boiling away my own life awareness and self awareness, where time was going by way too long to the point where no one was able to help me, and how I was just helpless even in the midst of trouble, wasting precious minutes, that could be attended, just because I wanted to participate in the mind and not be here in reality, and to do what is heeding my attention to create and attend to. And if I was never able to truly do that, which I never could in the past, as I am getting better of this, I wouldn’t be able to operate within life itself, and not just society, and congregating with others, in that context, and not just trying to be by myself, and have these ulterior motive like images and the control they have over me. And how I am remembering them, as if they have happened yesterday, so real, so surreal, but within the mind, to fuck with myself, as I was fucked with by another person who was fucked with, and how they are doing it to me and others. Now I found myself doing the same stupid shit, that’s abusive towards me and to others, just because someone has and had done to me, and now that when I realised when I contacted this person a few months ago, he was in jail, and someone answered his messages, that he was in jail and preferred not to express her delusion, and self honesty to why he was in jail, and didn’t want to express it. Because it was ‘personal’, well I would like to know how he fucked up, so I can forgive myself of it, because I know she won’t do it, no matter how much a person is willing to listen, will they ever do it?, it will only forever more, require their self honesty and actual self trust, that they’ve never had, to do whatever it takes to make their life better, and to change their programming, for the better, if they have the Will Power at all, whatsoever.
I realised that my own friend wanted to abuse me, and how I am now abusing others, as I was abused and as well as disregarded immediately and obviously as if I haven’t a clue of what is going, within and around me, and outside of me, to what is here. And how I haven’t yet to notice that, up until the very moment, of that time, that second, that minute, that hour, that day, that week, that month, that quarter, that 6 months, that year. And how I have wasted so much time disregarding things, just because I was desegregated and how no one cared about me, but wanted to abuse me for their imposing, and imprints that were not best for me to experience and how I have lived a life of obviousness, and no true life awareness, and how I was only living the oblivious self awareness that i didn’t even have. But I have missed out on so much, to the point where I did miss out on a lot of opportunities to where I could not get those back and have wasted so much breath and actual time on the wrongs that were not best for me. No wonder my life is the way, it is due to this person sitting on me and disregarding me as life, and how when I found out to where he was many years later, he was in jail, like a moron, almost equally as fucked oblivious to now type like realisation, to where and how much we both have missed out so much on. Due to neglect, disregarding me and himself, to SIT on me, as if I am some stool or chair on a bed, just resting for now. And how I don’t understand why someone would do that, and how cringing someone would do such a thing to me, as if I have done anything to this person to abuse me and disregard me, as if life never existed. And how all life has been abused by him and myself, and even from my parents, his parents, for the absolute, worst. No wonder nobody flourished, everyone was abused in some way and degree without any consequence to what the person will do on their on own, when go out into the world, unprepared, and delusional, to think we can do whatever we want, but life and reality doesn’t work that way, if we are not prepared to do anything that’s best for all, at all, whatsoever.
I commit myself to not allow anymore abuse, and to ask effective questions, and if the person does any more abuse, I will put them in their place respectfully, and disregard them, All Equally, no matter who you are. I will only Respect you, as an individual, no matter what you are to me, friend, family, business colleague, or anyone. However, i will support you along the way 100%, and giving and delivering of myself and to myself and to with others 100% of the way, to those WHO DO deserve it, and not just anyone to be given any sort of 100% giving and delivering and respect from me to a person who knows no better, than to complain, and threaten and compare me or anyone to doing anything in the world. Within that, I commit myself to show that those who try to compare an age group to someone else, and they’ve been doing, that they are not worthy of that statement comparison, and how it is only based on people’s foundation and heredity training, I mean taming, whether it be stable or not, it may be not be effective as he/she has come to think of it to be. That people can’t just go out and do anything on their own, their foundation is not properly set, therefore, you have to take care of the person until they are better and effective to be able to do anything they want on their own. But most parents are too fucking delusional to realise such a thing, that, if s child is not properly and effectively trained and raised with stability and care and proper affection, education and nutrition, then it will not flourish in the environment that he/she has been placed and have be dealt within the current forced handed down cards, instead of being given the proper right effective cards to use. Within cooperation and collaboration to grow together as parents as mother and father with the child, and if that is not in effect, then the child is done for. For as I see myself as life and living words as self directive principle with self awareness and life awareness living as LIFE!
I commit myself to become to communicate much more and more effectively by becoming better in how I speak and utter each word, and it’s tonality in certain situations, whether it be business, work, interactions with my wife, and kids, and how I am becoming truly much more stable within myself to express myself in the best ways possible, for what’s best for all. For as I see myself as life and living words within self awareness and life awareness living, within and as Principled Living for what’s for ALL!
I commit myself to take care of my kids and to help them understand of what to do with common sense, and how to do it, and I show them as I am doing it, and being patient with them, and how they can learn and become truly effective in their first steps and formative years of life. To truly be able to have a stable reality and life living within a parent like me, and same with my wife, to help her do the same by becoming much more effective and supporting her as my kids 100% of the way, no matter what, and helping her trust herself more and more, so we can all truly become an equal and one cohesive unit as a family to have a stable and effective environment to flourish for the better. From learning what abuse is, and that we’re not going to do that, we’re going to have a stable fun and effective learning environment, and learning how to do things, and that when mistakes happen, it’s okay, we will learn together and understand and know what to do next step. Within that, to help them learn and understand the context and explain he/she of how a certain thing works and how to do so, while increasing and improving their vocabulary, as I am doing so each and every day for the better. Same with helping my wife to do the same and as well to help herself, when she does have the time at home when and as she is taking care of the kids and doing what’s best for them and with them. For as I see myself as life and life living words, and redefining words as practicality within common sense, and living self directive principle within principled living for and as LIFE!
I commit myself to be able to be here and listen and be aware attentively with the best expression for what’s best for all to be here and help others, within my business that I own and work with, and are operating with much more effective people. And wherever I go to do business, whether it be the post office or not, or just sending someone to do so, and suggesting things to do, and reason why and to work with everyone in the best ways as and like a family and a big unit together, having different responsibilities that need to be taken care of in the best ways possible to help one another in how things operate in our business and how to make it much more effective and to create a system to how we do things and to make it like an assembly like of certain information or products or services to be going down a certain amounts of departments or all departments, to see what and how and when and where and who and why for the information and product/service to get to, to make things much more effective in serving each other and helping each other to fullest in our expressions and to keep doing so with principle within the right starting point of giving as I would like to receive for what’s best for all. And to communicate with each other effectively and clearly, getting things done fast and accurately, and if a mistake has been made, it’s okay, we’re engineering the mistake to a fast effective solution. In the best ways possible, and if it is much more bigger than that, then we need to completely do what’s best for that, and pay attention to needs our attention to do what is best for us and the people around us, and including our environment as well. For as I see myself as life and living words to adapt and improve and improve to adapt for the better life living words within directive principle for what’s best for all life!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me, then onto writing stop and breathe statements, that when and as a reaction would and were to ever to come up, I will stop and breathe, and be here and take care of what is here with the directive principle as Life! Within that to realisation statements to realise what had affected me in ways of what I did realise and did not realise that wasn’t there, but was always there in that particular context of its occurrence. Within that, I commit myself to write self corrective and commitment application, to show that inner change, without any immediate outer change is a lie. And to make the inner change real, and the outer change physically real for the better. Within using the tools of TechnoTutor and congregating with others within my business and those that are stable and much more effective in my industry and what and how I am doing to improve myself and my business to lead myself and others to true achievement and fulfillment within true developing flourishing abundance. And to create that to be as so, of real manifestation and creation for the better. For as I see myself as a true commitment in its fullness and expression to do what is best for all, as a self directive principle, leading myself and willing myself to do what is best within principle with others for the better!
