I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that being alone and feeling and thinking that I am alone, is in reality, me participating in my mind more and more. As if reality is not here and how no one has ever conducted any sort of truth to me and I never sought it out myself and how everything I’ve believed into needing something and/or someone to be happy and free and love. When in fact, I am relating it and feeding it all abuse and value to what is not real within here as reality, and how I think being alone and in solitary confinement is the best way to avoid everyone. When in fact, it is all a lie, and how participating in a lie that Disney ad other cartoons and movies and real life people movies with fantasy characters that aren’t even quite real. Is in fact me displaying another reality that was a fantasy to be lived as me when in fact it is not me. It is only what I have accepted and allowed to be true, when in fact it was not true this whole time, I only just accepted and allowed what I thought was true, and how I've only lived a lie this whole time, thinking it was true. When in fact and reality, I was the one who participating and living it within my mind and how I thought it to be real of being alone is in fact making myself participate in loneliness of my mind and where the treacherous grounds behave and conduct themselves as me and how they are other people, events, tv shows, movies, tv shows as movies, and society, friends, so called friends, associates, so called associates that were of possible honesty but in fact they were always dishonest from the very starting point. And within that along with advertisements and how being alone is the best way to live life, instead of being with a partner and being happy and having to need someone all the time, when I can’t even realise the relationship I have with myself has been alone this whole time, needing someone, when i never got that affection and care like I should’ve gotten. Instead it was all manipulated into oblivion and not for the best at all in my own interest at heart at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as mother and father, to help and not realise that what we were doing to leave our son to be at home all day long and not realise that he is seeing the true realisation of what it is like to truly be alone. And not have anyone at home for him to talk with and enjoy his time with, when in reality, we never knew how to express ourselves in the best ways possible and how our lives came to be this way to make also feel as if he has nobody in his life, but himself and us and the detrimental memories that never helped him in the end and further throughout his life at all whatsoever. How we never even were there to give him the best time of his life and to enjoy the many things we could’ve given to him, instead we were just all in and within our self interest and we and I myself have thought to be truly self interested people and self centered people and insecure as well. And how that had taught our son unconsciously and subconsciously and to the conscious act to act it out in slow oblivion and blindness to his act and how we will never know what true relationships will truly be. And how we thought it was just all about arguing and no stability and no development and no learning of anything at all whatsoever, it was always about arguing. Over the wrong things, that wasn’t and isn’t even best for me and for no one to begin with. Whether it was some loud music and someone over there arguing and thinking they have the light and floor over everyone and how when one person argues and complain that they never get any sort of attention, they cry and do all this weird attention seeking and insecurity act and then they go out and away from their parents like we have had done to our son and how we’ve done that to ourselves. And how we have observed this metaphorical way and real life scenario, of someone being angry and outcry for their insecurity and then runs away crying and then shut the door loudly and cry in their little humble abode, when there was no humbleness at all to begin with, it was all in victim hood act that wasn’t even best for anyone at all whatsoever. No one had a word, no one had a say, no one had the proper attention and communication, because no one ever knew how to express themselves, it was always unexplained energy, so that is why mostly of we and our son have come to isolate ourselves alone and how we will be sad once he leaves, and it is good, if he does, because we don't need him anymore and the pain will subside. When in reality, it will always be there, every-time we try to disregard our ways and doings to how we never even tried to question our bullshit. We just always expressed in anger and unexplained words as energy and through anger and arguments that we could never explain and then at the end, it was just all useless and worthless and unexplained arguments as energy. Therefore, we never were able to express ourselves, because guess what?, we were too stupid to even do so, and how our son was the same way himself, conjuring any type of energy to express himself. And he gets all conjured up with stuttering and unable to explain and how I as a father and mother have done the same to make our son perceive the same act subconsciously and unconsciously to the conscious act. That was detrimental portrayed in the worst ways possible to man and child and animal, plant and perception as that quick snapshot and image and seeing and movie like quick scene to see of arguments and how worthless they were and going back into the room and crying like a little no humble like abode loser that has nothing to look after for. Because of the lack of vocabulary that we’ve had and how we have done that to our son as well, because we never could read either, and/or even know how to teach him, so we had to put him through school, and therefore, he had friends, people to communicate with, imitating people that were just like him, people he liked, and now he is nothing but a copy of others and of course and especially another detrimental copy of us as well. Manners, ways of living, speaking, doing, subconscious unconscious acts, to the conscious act and same way how we do everything on a daily routine of waking up so late and having to do things later in the day, feeling this begrudged feeling of tiredness and gloominess as the day goes on. Just because we decided to abdicate our own responsibility to make our son feel alone and do the same thing again to himself over and over and over and over and over again, without even questioning why is doing such a thing and how we have done that ourselves as well, and how he has imitated our bullshit that we have said to him. Without even bothering to question such a thing from ourselves as well, and how we could never express ourselves fully and expressively and confidently. When we were also just as well insecure and not confident and too stupid to do anything, and how we are nothing but a pawn and slaves to the system and our own system and way of living, habits, mannerisms and how we have never question our subconscious bull that we keep valuing the point where it will be given more life as stupidity as it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a so-called cousin of Chris, and how I thought that when he would always complain about, “Oh I’m so lonely and alone”, when in fact he was with other people. He was just this whole time participating in his mind and how he would wake up late at night and eat and how i would be there for him and how he was just sad in his mind, not realising that reality is here and nowhere else. And when he asked if I cared about him, and I said, no, that made him feel like distraught and how I felt this punted feeling that I punted myself in the stomach and gut of mine to think that oh I should be feeling this way too, when in reality I did not care, I only cared about my self interest and no one else truly even mattered but my own interests and other people. And it was that day when he asked me that question from sneaking into the window just like how my cousin would as well, that it was the only way to get in the house when the door was locked. And how he would smoke and do all these things when he was feeling lonely and down too like the loser he was and still is. And when he came and sat next to me as if when he asked me that question if I cared about him, as if he was wanting to see if he could fuck me and I said no, because i knew the ramifications of how family would even be if it were to be that way. Because in reality, we were never cousins, it was a fed lie to me that isn’t even real and how i thought it to be real and was fed to me as a lie and how Chris believed it too. And how we both believed lies that we thought were true and were deemed and redeemed again and again and again as lies of reassurance just so we can feel good in our own oblivion and excuse as truth. When in fact it was all a lie this whole time, no truth at all whatsoever, within lies as truths.
When and as I see myself fearing being alone and nothing is here, and how no one is here, I’m not here, because I’m trying to participate more and more in my mind, I stop and breathe and realise that I am here and everyone is in the physical and life as well. I realise that the lies people have told me that were so called to be true and how I thought they were to bet rue, when in reality I’ve only believed in intensified lies that were valued more and more and more and more and again and again and again to the point it became me as my own creator that isn’t even me of those question qualities that aren't previous question up until right now as you and I read this and write this as we are.
When and as I see myself participating in my mind as being alone in energy within the treacherous grounds of no man’s land and nowhere to be, I stop and breathe and realise what is here as breath and awareness as physical life resonance and reliance upon myself and with others. I realise that trying to get approval and reliance on others is just another lie and how I have come to believe that being alone is the better way of getting a relationship and being alone will make me sad and how i need another person, when I have myself right now and how that person will come along at the right time. Or if I have that person right now, then I need to consider them as one and equal like me, and no one judge of any kind that isn’t best for all of anyone, nor is it for me. And how we and I need to be here and nowhere else, thinking these cartoons and media, society, is all a part of us as creation, when they are all created as lies deemed and redeemed again repeatedly as lies, when we thought to believe they were truths and never questioned why we were just feeling so alone all the time in minds and heads as if reality did not exist. And to go about the emotions and suppress what isn’t here and how we couldn’t even express ourselves for the better, we only made it worse and nothing for the better. That being alone is okay, and for us and myself to not develop a better relationship with myself, will never help me, nor will it help anyone, if I don’t get the help and ask for the help either to begin with from the starting point at all whatsoever, because I didn’t know how at the beginning, I just couldn’t process it, so that is why I truly ever felt alone, and it was all a lie and within my environment as well.
I commit myself to be here as breath and realise that i am here with everyone and myself as life and awareness and resonance to reach out if i were to need any help within the process of wanting to help another for better and how I can and am helping myself as well to interact with others. Instead of mindlessly surfing the internet and being all over the place, with nothing done, with nothing read, to be here as breath and awareness and see what needs to be done and do so in a common sense sequential way for what is best and how I can truly become better within myself. Within the tools of TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and Desteni I process and journey life blogs and heavens journey to life blogs, rebirthing myself into the person that I was and was meant to be and to live the living change as life awareness and physical awareness as life. For as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve ad adpat for the better.
I commit myself to be okay, if no one cares, I care enough for me and the people that I am associated with and how it is the relationship that I have with myself to be developed to be stronger and stronger for the better. And along with others and developing a much better communications like relationship and to show love as expression as doing what is best for all and including myself especially for self care as well. To develop the mind capital to stability and development, along with finances, capital, business, relationships, and much more and how it is and can be improved and adapted along the way for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to be there for my kids and wife and to help them with the proper attention and affection of what it is like to be with another person as a parent and father and mother for the better. And how building true expressions and communication for the better of all that is involved as family, and to absolutely be there for them, because I know we had parents that were not there for us, so it is absolutely imperative that we be there for them as well, and realise that they are also one and equal to us, just little people for now. And how we can give them the better life for the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better for our super super success! And being able to improve and adapt along the way to help our kids become better and for us as well for true stability and provide for them and my wife as well.
I commit myself to challenge those who try to feel alone, when in fact, they are only participating in the mind and giving it more value to the unexpressed energy that isn’t even good for them. And how they are treating it like god, when in reality there is no god, but themselves, and there is no outer being, but us, as ourselves. That this whole time we have come to believe what it is that is lies and how it is not true at all whatsoever. And to challenge that to others respectfully and with dignity for the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better.
I commit myself to write self forgiveness and to forgive myself of what is not best within me and realise them through self realisation statements to realise and breath when and as I see myself doing something that is not in my best interest, I stop and breathe and redirect the re-corrected and corrected change. And to live the living the change through self commitment statements and to be here as life, because there is much more to life here, than just in thee mind itself, where others try to think it is the best way to suppress and move out without forgiving themselves as the fools they are for right now and if they never change, so be it within their resistance. And to use the tools and support of the groups and TechnoTutor, Desteni, the journey and heavens to life blogs, and self forgiveness tools as well and the books along with it as well. And to truly become the best version of myself each and every day for the better and improve and test it out, no matter what happens, doing it tactfully and for the better of my super super success. For as I see myself as life and life resonance awareness to improve and adapt of the better!
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