Day 37: Blaming others for not seeing my point of View

 

Blaming others for not seeing my point of view?

(Read Aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I try to accuse and blame someone and another or any person at all from not and for not even seeing my point of view and how it is better. And how sometimes I would try to argue with the person to get them to understand the fact of my own truth to them and help them and force them to realise my own way of thinking. And how in reality, it’s so subtle for me to do that and how I don’t realise that  I am blaming and accusing another for not seeing my point of view. And how it gets into some painful results and resorts to wanting to argue with another person just because I have this objection within myself and how I am even not able to give it up, and how hard it is for me to even do such a thing. As if I couldn’t even realise what I was actually even doing to myself and to another person, and force them to my way of thinking and doing, and ways of life and doing, and also how things are supposed to work. And if they don’t do it,I would usually in the past and even recently for such a simple question and how I phrased it made me ask it that way that offended the other person, and if I asked myself that, I would also be offended in some type of way, just because I don’t know where it even came from for me to project and influence another by that way of context and neediness for answer by force.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent, friend, society, so called friend, so called associate, to blame my friend and impose and imprint upon him as if I needed him to be forced to my way of thinking and doing. And think how things are good in my way, but I think it is only good in my own way, but not ever considering another and what may be different from another’s interest, instead of my own interest and how it hurts me to want to waste my breath and exploit and explode poisonous breath upon myself and upon another. As if I needed to prove a point and make others do my way and do my way of thinking and way of life, when in reality and fact, it does not work that way, things do not work that way by force, unless it is only used for manipulation just to get my way for someone who is being stubborn in my assumption and viewpoint that this person must do this, and if they do not, they will be in so much trouble and how much damage I will cause to another as I have caused myself for the worst. Not realising that I am abusing myself and another person to do my way of life, and if they don’t, I will curse at them, make them feel bad and less than themselves, as i was already less than myself and wanting another to be less than myself and wanting to continuously undermine another’s response just because I want another to be doing what I am doing, and if they don’t, I’ll keep asking until they die from not answering my question. And how I need to force my way and manipulate and force it down their throat as someone else has done this to me, and how I never realised how much of abuse that I am doing to myself and to others. And how I never considered one another as I would’ve considered myself, because I never considered myself, I only wanted what I wanted. And wanted to get that out of another person just because I couldn’t give it to myself, obviously and evidently, I never could give it to myself, because I never knew how, no one ever taught me. All my parents and friends and relatives always taught me in abuse and manipulation by force, and not of consideration, and how they always did it in physical force when things didn't work out like they wanted it to be. And how I found myself doing the same thing and causing traumatic damage to others as I was caused and done the same thing to as well, not realising that I am now doing the same thing as another person had to me, parent or not. And how it was so tragic for me to experience and how it ruptured my resonance and also my mind and damaged a part of my mind as a human being, and how I couldn't process information and had to force things out of myself, and do it in abuse, and how I found myself doing the same thing to another. And even my own belongings, as if it didn’t matter to me and what I bought it for and with my own hard earned money. And how I never realised that I was also accusing myself and blaming myself for not seeing my point of view, and no matter how hard I tried to get myself to do it, I would deter myself into oblivion and into a wrong direction that never  served me best. And the funny thing was, I did the same thing to others, as I was done the same thing as a copy of a downloaded program ready to be made  as me, and how I formed it to be me. And never realised that it is now suppressed and have been repressed for so long, and never considered why that ever was, and never questioned why I wanted to force another into my way of thinking and doing, and way of life and living. Was already atrocious in act and treatment to and from another, as if one person truly was never to be considered for, because  I always thought they were truly a piece of shit, just like me and how I was. Just because I wanted to accuse and blame another for not seeing my point of view, and when I do that, I am also doing it to myself, not realising that it is so. No matter how hard I try to fix myself, the living pattern as the flesh of the ruptured strings and strands within me as electrical impulses are deriving me as unhealthy ruptured electrical patterns within me, even when one shocking pattern goes into effect that has happened many many many many many years ago. And when it comes up, it strikes so subtly and sometimes so intense but still subtle, not realising that it is within me and how I am doing it to another just to be and do my own way and go after something that I have. And to shove it down everyone’s throat and including my throat as others have and how my parents have done the same thing to me, no matter of family, relative, friend, or whoever the fuck. They were all abusers, and how I am also an abuser as well, not realising that I am only abusing a potential relationship and conversation, and leadership of my own way of doing. As if another should be doing what I am doing, it is not fact that way, and it never will be. I realised that it is the wrong way to develop a relationship, a conversation, and how I conned my own verse and put in my own sensation, as if this sensation is me, when in fact, it is noting but a living lie and how much of a piece of shit I am and how I never realised that others were as well. And how they all abused me, and how I am finding myself doing the same thing and abusing others, and also abusing myself in the moment to ruin something that could’ve been created for the better and directed into the right situation for the better. Instead it was directed and led into a situation and sensation of conning my own verse for my own sensation as if my own speech patterns are me. They are not me, I only accepted and allowed them to be AS ME, as the flesh and the living word as living deeds, living actions, living as the flesh as perpetuating constant recycling of abuse. No matter how hard it comes by again for me to stop, it will always come up, if I don’t realise it right up until this very moment of this realisation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do this to my friend, and child and son as a parent, to undermine each and every response just to force something out of a force while they were just trying to avoid me and my own abuse. Just because I never knew of the fact and reality that forcing a response down someone’s throat is another way and reality of abuse. And how life is not meant to be that way, no matter how hard anyone tries to build a relationship with anyone, and/or how someone tries to abuse another by challenging everyone and arguing with everyone by unnecessary means just to get an edge and be so competitive and not see one another as one and equal. When it was all for just self interest and abuse, that’s all it ever was and has been for years on end, not knowing when it will ever stop because I was not aware of my own abuse that I was causing myself and one another, just because I wanted to hear from someone and get a response right away. And if they didn’t, I would yell at them and make them hurt and not feel heard. Because this whole entire time, I was being disingenuous and fake, because my thoughts and previous deeds as the living flesh, as me as substance as energy, never did consider another as one and equal. It was always perceived undermining another just for myself to see myself as superior and others as inferior, and mediocre, when in fact, I was the one who was also inferior and mediocre as well. And for me to imprint that upon another, is in fact, majority abuse, without even knowing what it is and how it works and why it was done just for my own self interest, not realising that I am nothing but an abuser. Not for one and equality, it was always one and inequality and abuse. How tragic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I try to force myself and force others to get a response out of another and person for whomever they are, and how I am only trying to sell and force another on forcing themselves to do what I want to do. And what I want them to do, I know that in fact, it will never work that way at all whatsoever, not knowing how another way of life and developing true actual relationships to and with and for another. As I would like to be considered as well, but the thing was, I never did consider myself, nor did others, and nor did I ever have  some type of inkling and inclination and thought to ever decide what was to ever truly be for the better. It was always for the worst, and it was always for abuse, never being nice and kind and direct, it was being bold and ugly about it, in an unprofessional way. And it never made me feel good about myself and for others, it always made me feel bad about myself and others and always judging others when they didn’t want to do what I wanted them to do. It was just within my secret mind and being spiteful within the conversations and backchat that I had and how harsh it was within me, as I was talking to myself as If I would be talking to another and thought they could hear me. When in fact, it was only me who could hear my atrocious intentions and how harsh and abusive they were, not realising that I was also abusing myself, as I was abusing another by verbal and potentially physically in ripples under the water of and as the Flesh. And how I now realise that  I was only also rupturing the movements and currents inside me to make me act the same way to another, and how much pain and havoc there is under the flesh and within me as resonance. And how I now realise this current within me, is not serving me, and how it is only hurting me for the worst of my own unified damage and abuse of realisation for the worst.

When and as I see myself wanting and urging myself to blame another and accuse another for not seeing my point of view,  I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself urging myself to argue with another to see my way and do my way that I think is good, when in fact it is not, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame another and accuse and argue with another just to see my own way and it is better, I stop and breathe, and redirect to consider what would be best for them and not just me.

When and as I see myself wanting to force another and yell at another and murmur under my breath after another doesn’t seem to be considering my way, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself urging myself to control another and want to control another for my way and go and consider my way of thinking as if it was and were to be of actual perfection and how they should do it as force and abuse as well, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to force anyone and anybody, and even myself to abuse myself and others just because their way of thinking is flawed and wrong, and how  I am just trying to prove a point of approval and pity of others as if I need to have an answer right away,I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting an answer right away from someone and forcing them to answer me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself forcing myself to give an answer to someone else who is trying to force me, I stop and breathe, and redirect as a self directive principle, and negotiate to get off the ulterior subject, no matter how harsh it is.

I realise that trying to get an answer from someone else, is in actuality, real abuse, as I haven’t gotten in the past and never did realise why that was the case from me and why I even bothered to accept and allow myself to further live out this program that isn’t even me. And how it was merely downloaded into me by another abuser, who never had their own best interest and nor my own best interest at all whatsoever. And it caused me to not care and force another person to say something out of their own will, for my own will and as a result to make them feel bad about themselves for the worst.

I realise that I was just trying to make things difficult and not simple and directly to the point, and how I need to force myself to over explain myself and how I made others be forced to over explain themselves and not keep things simple either. Just like my friends and parents and relatives did the same thing to me, even the media, and also tv shows and cartoon shows, and movies. No matter how hard I tried to stop myself, I couldn’t, because I was so locked into the trance, that it felt as if I couldn’t get out and realise my own way and realise what the atrocity was that I was accepting and allowing, without any sort of question and challenge. Because I never realised what was even going on at all whatsoever for another and/or anyone to be forcing something out of anyone at all whatsoever. No one knew anything, nor did I. It was all abuse for misunderstanding, that’s all it ever was, it was never in consideration for another, nobody ever saw it, nobody ever did anything about it. Nobody mentioned anything, nobody questioned it, and unfortunately, nor did I.

I realise that forcing another to do something is also forcing myself to get something from myself and something from another, without even knowing the actual true purpose and meaning of what developing a relationship and conversation was even supposed to be. And how I never realised this whole entire time, I was conning my own verse and sensation just because I couldn’t handle the ripples and currents within me as under my flesh and resonance. And how I am and I myself, are and are trying to and attempting by force and manipulation to get and conjure currents and ruptures within another's flesh and resonance. Just to get my own way and make them do what I want without developing a true genuine and honest conversation, instead it was always by force and abuse, that was all it ever was. Nothing ever for the better, all by manipulation for energy and emotion to feel good about myself and how I found my previous girlfriend and other people, did the same thing to me. Not realising that she was also manipulating me just to get a forced answer out of me so i can give her some type of pity. And how I never knew that I was being manipulated by another woman, just for herself to feel good about herself and nothing for me. I just never knew it was like that within me and her at all whatsoever. She was lovely, but just not for me, she could never understand, so I never did either, and now that we’re friends, it’s okay, I can be with someone else, who is able to truly stand with me and not make me fall, just because she has fallen and not said anything. To voice for her help, I never realised how ashamed she is of herself and of me, to even be with me, she was not confident, nor was I. we both didn't know at all whatsoever. Nothing for the better, nothing ever for the better for all, it was always for the worst of everything and for everyone, no matter if it was to talk with a mentor, brother, family, parent, father, mother, sister, friend, significant other, husband, wife, children, child, someone else of any kind. And how it was all ruined for abuse and forced manipulation. How ugly and how tragic it was.

I realised that I never cared for myself as I would care for another, because no one ever taught it to me, so I never realised it for myself, and nor did I ever learn how to teach it to myself. Because I have been abusing myself in the wrong ways, verbally and physically. And how my life has ended up where it is, right now as I speak and write this, how my environment was one and equal to abusers, and how I became the other and another abuser myself. Not realising that I would be the other person to do the same thing as well, not ever questioning, not ever challenging if necessary, not ever changing it, not ever considering it, because I was truly never aware of myself and my own abuse and atrocity that I have Created for myself for the worst. And now that I realise it, I can finally do something different about it, and do something about it and redirect it into something much better as for oneness and equality.

I realised how much I have abused myself, not knowing how harsh and terrible and trembling and troubling it was for me to make another go into my way of life, way of living, way of being, and expression. When in fact and reality, it was only a copy and downloaded program as me. And how I made it to be as me, not knowing it ever truly occurred at all whatsoever.

I realised how many relationships I have lost due to me, being an abuser, and how others had deflected themselves from me and dejected themselves from me and how I made my own self isolate myself, just because I thought, no one actually truly cared. But in fact, I never cared, and never did, and realising that right now, and how long I have been doing that, and how my life has ended up where it is today. Nothing flourished, nothing for the better, no good money, no good relationships, not a woman in my life, not anything of a good life, but a result of an abusers life for the worst.

I realised that other people never helped me grow, nor did I ever help myself to grow and even not have an inclination to do so, because I never knew what it was like to truly care and be here as life for myself and for others who were willing to come along with me. I just never knew. And how the consequences have shown for themselves as a direct result from me and what I have done to other people in physical actual reality.

I realise that if I keep going into that pattern and never realise it now, I am only ever  going to stop myself, and stop other people from doing what they’re doing, and whether it is for business, in life, relationships, or anything at all whatsoever. No matter what it is, if the abuse is not realised and stopped for good. So things can truly become redirected into something truly for the better.

I realise that being disingenuous is being someone that I am not, and how it is just merely a program for someone I am trying to be and put on a front as if it was even me. When in fact, it is not, I am just trying to prove to myself and another that I am fake and nothing but a loser. And how I saw others do the same and I found myself doing the same and realizing what happened in the past for the worst.

I commit myself to become more and more genuine and real  and become a better version of myself and vacate  the mind more and more of my previous thinking and integrate a program myself to what is best and act it as the living flesh. To consider one another, as one and equals and how we both can benefit from what is here and what we can truly achieve for the better, and ask questions and see different viewpoints of what one another has going on and what we can do together as  people to create something truly for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better to live the living change as LIFE!

I commit myself to ask and be genuine in my flesh as my being as my words and deeds and actions ad expressions as me, to express myself as I am to help, lead and guide and direct others together with me, for those who are willing to stand with me. To make and create something truly special for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to live the living change as life, to improve and adapt to the better!

I commit myself to encourage myself and my kids and my wife to do the same to encourage and understand why it is that we should consider and understand why another is saying something and what it means. So we both can understand each other as one and equals within common sense and actual practicality for the better. And to express myself and help my wife do the same to encourage and influence our kids to do the same in the best ways possible to help one another, no matter whom it may be that deserves it for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better to live the living Change as LIFE!

I commit myself to challenge if necessary to the abusers who try to undermine and disregard and avoid things that make sense to their own way and not even bother to consider another and if they do it to me, I will challenge and abuse back, with no mercy. With respect and dignity for another. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better to live the living change as LIFE!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me, and realise them through breathing statements to stop and breathe if a reaction were to ever come up again within me. And to stop and breathe and take direct principle as in the moment as life, and to realise the self forgiveness in realisation statements to realise what I have and had reacted to that was not in my best interest, not for the other people as well. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements and use the tools of TechnoTutor, to re-correct myself in what is best for me and how I conduct and interact within my day and with others. And do better things and become a better version of myself each and every day and apply myself as LIFE!. And to live the living change as life, for as I see myself as Life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better to live the Living CHANGE AS LIFE! Within the tools of DEsteni I process and journey’s to life blogs to rebirth as LIFE for the better!