Day 16: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?! Why?

 

I don’t know what to do?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I say, I don’t know what to do, I am lying to myself and to others as if I haven't a clue of what to even do. Just because others have also influenced me as I was being influenced to knot(not) know what to do in the moment or whatever it is and my friends and I and sometimes even by myself. I am just  feeling so ever so clueless to even know what to do, because i believed a lie, that was presented to me from a very young age and was constantly impulsed constantly to me and within me as i gave more and more value to what I had yet to realize for myself and doing nothing was the cost of not knowing what to do. Because of the lie lived and accepted and allowed as truth and contradiction as if it were to be true, when the diction of contrast and contradiction, in diction as fiction, not knowing whether to choose from the two, and then I end pretty much doing nothing for the time I have set for myself to do nothing and believe that I have nothing to do, just because there is nothing scheduled, to read, or make calls or do anything at all for that matter. And how I am just trying in attempt to live my life in a clueless mane as if there is nothing to do, when in fact, there is ALWAYS something to do, when in reality, I am just blind to the fact of my well lived lie that is within me to not know what to do. No matter how hard I try to start my day on the right foot for productivity and instead I always try to do something intense and then nothing happens the rest of the day and I end up and keep saying to myself that I don’t know what to do. And end dreading my day, as if there is no one around, but myself and how I am seeing myself only just feeling tired and pitying myself into oblivion as if there is nothing to do. When in fact there is something, always to either pick up a book, or go to walk outside, study something or whatever the fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise as a friend that for me to tell my friend while we were just hanging out and one moment I asked him, hey what do you want to do?, I said I don’t know right, and then he kept saying, I don’t know either and I don’t know what to do, and ever since we were there for like 30 minutes or more and did nothing but be on-the computer and did nothing but play something to fuck with our minds and play with other people on some type of game online. And how we never came to some conclusion off what to even to do, to go outside, because nothing was outside, we never came up with any sort off idea of what to do, just because we were so bored and blind to the fact that we thought and kept believing this lie that we don’t know what to do, just because our own resources were limited, and how our money was no even there, and nothing was there. So we decided to just go to people’s houses, friends, houses, and see if they would come outside and play, or do anything, when they said no. after we got multiple knows, from typical asian parents. Sooner or later, we never really went outside to do anything, and walked back home and never did anything after. And just waited until my friend’s dad came from work to pick my friend up. And therefore at that very moment, my friend and I were impulsing each other with lies and how we have come to live these lies so long and have come to see life as boring and make excuses to see what we see as nothing to do, and how we both have lived out to say to ourselves. That I don’t know what to do, is the biggest lie on earth, is because we didn't have the right environment, nor the vocabulary, nor the support, nor the stability of anything and how we’ve come up to this very point in our lives, no matter how old we are right now. That we think that there is nothing to do, because we were just too stupid and blind to the fact, that there is “nothing to do”, constantly and constantly impulsing each other and impulsing it to ourselves and so on to the point, when we came home, we always distracted ourselves with tv or some game on a computer or watching porn or doing whatever. Like it was just not best for me and myself and for my friend either. Because we continued to do these things like this and keep it ever up more longer and more as we dreaded the day more and more, as if our environment never truly developed to be for the better. Even when I did go over and come over to his house during the summer and made it seem like we had something to do now. Because of the water balloons that we have and filled up with water and threw at each other. And got wet and that was it, eventually the plastic rubber balloons were gone, and eventually, we were basically pretty much shit out of luck, and did nothing and just ate food and that was it. We just never had any sort of option or whatever the case of what we even wanted to do. Because we just only made it as an excuse for boredom and truly never thought of anything else, and how we were just  continuing to be more set in our own ways and lies as if they were true, when in fact and reality, it was not, we were just abdicating our reality, and participating more and more in our minds, as if this were to be actual truth, when in fact. It was a constant impulsed lie, over and over and over over again. As if this were to be true, when in fact and reality, we were only fooling ourselves into oblivion unconsciously and subconsciously and the to conscious act for the worst. Therefore, nothing ever resulted in a different pattern and it always stayed the same and soon, we departed and never became friends ever again truly, we only became strangers again, as it was from the starting point, was the ending point of criticism and hoarding of who was better and who wasn’t better. Superior or inferior, and it was always in contradiction, we just never saw and perceived each other as one and equals, we only saw each other as one and unequals, superior and inferior, and that was it. Just because of our ages and height and preferences as it was and is in the time being. Nothing ever changed, it only got worse, so we soon abdicated everything and soon ever since departed and never came back to see each other as friends ever again. Within that, eve since, we lived each others lies that we have told each other that was also impulses from our parents, media, tv shows, movies, tv shows as movies, society, friends, so called friends, associates, so called associates, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, whomever. That we were never treated right and properly and effectively, we were just taught in the worst ways possible that we thought was right, but in contradiction, it was never right to begin with at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent, teacher, random person, society, so called friend, associate, to tell this person that i don’t know what to do. And to not even come up with any sort of solution at all whatsoever, and entirely make up some excuse as if we need to be realising and not realising at the same time that we do and can't figure something out to do, instead of leaving it to chance and to be burned at the stake and neglected or the worst. And how I didn’t know that I was impulses this person to accept and allow to not know what to do, and to further live that excuse as a lie, and how not knowing what to do, is the best thing to do, when in fact and in reality, it is pure delusion, giving myself the ultimate,
DE(deletion)lu(lose)(shun)sion,. And how I gave permission to this person and for myself and all others around me that have witnessed my own atrocity that I was conjuring and making up for myself. To be impulsed and had the ultimate permission as an excuse as a lie to delete ourselves and lose ourselves and shun ourselves for not knowing what to do. And lose everything in our power and shut down our brains and be completely brain dead and immediately follow back into the rabbit hole of no man’s land, and how nothing was ever there to be created for this inferior like, superior like metaphor that everyone lies and likes to use as truth. When in fact, it is only being here and sitting here as breath and realising that that when we come up with something stupid, will we do it, or will we not do it just to fool with ourselves and not realise what is here and what is not here at all whatsoever. Just because of my environment and our environment that we are all in right now for the time being, that we are just continuously impulsing ourselves into being a still philosopher, to further fill a loss further, and be nowhere, because it has no true application for what is best for all and for who is around. Especially because I was not aware either of what I was saying and impulsing to myself as a pulse and to now live a lie and impulse others to believe what I have to beLIEve, when in fact, it was only just another lie to be lived for. When in reality, it was not what was best for me, nor was it for the other person that I am interacting with, as my child or not at all whatsoever. And when I finally found out to do something, I asked the others and myself if we and I wanted to do this, and everyone said no, some people said yes, but majority, the answer was unfortunately, no. so we did nothing and didn’t know what else to do, and abdicated our responsibility to participate in our minds, and then most of us, went home as I was at my own home and some place or where I ever was with the others. And truly never did anything but sit around and be a loser and how others will be perceive me, as a nobody, without even knowing that I am a nobody, and to think that I need to self sabotage myself any further, unconsciously and subconsciously and to the conscious act, where everyone notices, that I don’t know what to do. So I’ll be much of a participant in my own delusion and illusion of inferiority as superiority, and superiority as inferiority, as the biggest lie that I am helping others to do the same thing, just because I never knew any better at all whatsoever, for anything and everything to make life fun. Therefore, I never knew how, so we did nothing and sat there and was just staring into oblivion for the worst, therefore we abdicated to do nothing and make excuses and beLIEve in our lies as if they were to be true, when in fact, they were nothing but a lie and still is for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my reality and responsibility for making an excuse of not knowing what to do, just because things and in my environment feel as if there is in actuality nothing to do. When in reality and in fact, it is also my environment and how there is nothing to look after, it’s dead, nothing is alive I expected it to be and want ti to be in lack. When there was nothing for me to come up with but an excuse and a made up lie, just so we can further this into no man’s land and no place of prosperity and fun as it ought to be. And how I understand that things aren't always fun, when in fact that is also a lie as well. Things are always fun, just in our blinded ways to the fact that we could not realise what we did for fun, was for nothing and did it in the starting point of thinking there is nothing to do, and how I don’t know what to do. And further this as a philosopher and continue to abdicate what we have and had to fill a loss further into nowhere and no completion clear direction of what we even wanted. Because it was never clarified, nothing was clear, it was always muddy and in bland dirty water, nothing was ever for the better, or it was always for the worst, never for the better.

When and as I see myself wanting to say i don’t know what to do and not know what to do within my environment and how it is yet to be stable and productive or me, I stop and breathe and redirect myself into doing what is best and productive and insightful so I can truly make something meaningful for the better. I realise that making excuses to say that I don’t know how and/or what to do, is just me complaining and being in my own complacency as if this were to be the case of what life is all about. When in fact, it is not, and how it is more than that, and within the simplicity of it as well, therefore, I can only see what I can see now, if I don’t try to move myself a little further each and every time step by step of the way and realise what is here at hand, instead ow hat is in my mind. How there is nothing but treacherous lands that are nothing but fantasies that have yet to be forgiven, if I haven’t moved myself forward to get something done for the better. And not try to in attempt to accept and allow another’s excuse to say things are boring and how I don’t know what to do, when in fact, I do know, I just want to distract myself into doing nothing and be nothing as if I am fucking potato or some shit. When in reality, it is not that, it is nothing but a lie, going after pure painless pain of doing nothing and abdicating my responsibility to participate more in my mind, instead of here in reality. And know what to exactly do and do it, that will help me move forward instead of backward for the worst.

When and as I see myself making an excuse and say I don't know what to do, just because there is nothing going on, or something just finished, a call or an event, a video or anything at all, I stop and breathe. I realise that doing something to make an excuse is not so helpful for me and how doing that is me abdicating what is here just because there is no excitement and drive going on. When in reality, that drive and motive is from me, and not someone else, to try and drive and motivate me to do something for my life, as if someone else has control over me. When in fact, it is only the living lies that have been lying within me as the flesh, when in reality, it is on me, I am just becoming who I am not for who I am now in my own limitation as it is not me. It is only what I have accepted and allowed as me as the flesh, as a lie, so detrimental to the fact and opinion, of what people think they should be saying to make another feel bad for not knowing what to do. When it is only a coping mechanism to get some fire under someone’s ass, but insulting another in a very very harsh way, is not what’s best, even if it is a lie, or just plain truth itself to scold and be a bastard about it. Is not what’s best, as far as i can see right now as it is for what it is, as is. And how it is being presented in such a harsh way for the deed that was not even what’s best from the starting point, because the starting point of not knowing what to do, was fucked, and therefore, it being the endpoint for the worst into oblivion. And sooner or later, no one goes anywhere, nor am I at all whatsoever to begin with and end with at that very moment and time of multiple moments. And how it felt as if it was never going to end at all for anything. Nothing was conjuring, nothing was alive, nothing was exciting, nothing was alive and ready to fight for success, it was always deemed and redeemed back to reassure myself into failure again as I was before. The pattern was never changed at all, no matter how hard I tried, but things never seemed to pan out for the better. It was always for the misdirection and oblivious to the fact of what is here at hand, and how I am leaving it for granted, as I have granted opportune that i have yet to see and realise, because I could never see them at first, but now i can for the better.

When and as I see myself not doing anything and not wanting to do anything, because I don’t know what to do, I stop and breathe and redirect to find something that I CAN do and improve myself and more clear about for the better. I realise that the cost of doing is only going to leave me broke and for the worst, if I ever want to create something big for my life and for others as well, and if that ever continues, then nothing will ever be created. By movement and decision from others and from myself as the one and individual as I see myself, and how no one makes a decision, unless there is something moving and being done and something to get done. So money, food, needs arer being met, whatever it is that we want in life, nothing will be met, if there is no decision to made, especially from us and myself to make that in order to move forward and see what we can truly succeed and prosper at and with and with others as well.

I commit myself to be here as breath and know what exactly I need to do and want to do for my productivity and growth as here as I am. And notice what is within my environment and make the best of it, no matter where I am, and to be here as breath and awareness, to improve and adapt for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better of my super super super super super super success!!

I commit myself to help my kids and wife, be here as breath and always know what to do with stability and support and patience to see what life can truly offer us from our input and support along the way. And to realise this through explanation, commonsense, practicality, and fun with traveling and going to places and doing fun things, even if we are at home as well at our very built estate for the better. And to become creative and innovative to create an environment for them and for myself and my wife for better growth and productivity and fun things to do for growth, all the time, and in all ways to do. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better and to live the living change for the better as well!

I commit myself to help and participate with my senior partners, directors, employees, salespersons, customers, clients, and to help them know what to do and how to do it with guidance and support from others and for myself as well. That I know no one can literally do anything they want on their own without the decision and support of one another, as the group of people is much more better than just being the lone leader, when in fact, it does not work that way at all whatsoever. It works best with the group and everyone supporting each other, step by step, breath by breath of the way. Within The power of the 1+1=2 rule, apply it and keep adding, and look and be with competent people and we will truly strive as a corporation and company for the better for our super super super super success!, for as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better to live the living change for our and my super super super super success!

I commit myself to challenge one another if they just sit there and say they don’t know what to do, and help them realise what to do and figure it out, instead of letting them be on their ass all day. To light a fire under them, metaphorically speaking of course, to make and help them get to doing something productive and something truly meaningful for their life for the better with respect and dignity for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness, to forgive myself of what is best to me and what has been brought to attention for me, whether it is from another or anyone, and/or me, and to realise this flag point stations of breathing and redirecting myself. And to realise them through self realization statements and to realise what i had and have reacted to that was not in my best interest, not was it for others and to others as well. And within that, and this, i commit myself to write self commitment statements to re-correct myself into becoming my best self and truly become a better version of myself for super super success as life living. And to live the living change in real life with real results, real input, and real output, and along with the tools of self forgiveness and TechnoTutor, Desteni I Process, journey’s life and heavens’ to lief blogs for the better and support along the way as wells or the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to live the living change to improve and adapt for the better of my super super super super super success!