We’re going back to sleep
(Read aloud and Breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and be at the utmost delusional to the denying point of when I do get up right in the morning after the alarm sounds, I end up automatically going back to sleep. Never questioning and/or moving on ahead of being up already and getting ready to do what it's that I need to do and want to do. Instead of rightfully so going back to sleep automatically, not knowing why I would ever do these particular patterns at a living and breathing flesh like state, and how I’ve only accepted and allowed it to be, and to never trust myself within that point to even truly get up and get going or my day, instead of wasting a few more hours just to get my rest, even if I am not even feeling tired of any kind at all, when in fact and reality, it is just unexplained energy, that I am living as the flesh, not ever questioning, why I ever would do it. Even when I do realise and not realise at the same time, within my day and how there is not much going on, things seem to be slowing down and how I am not actually committing to what I am doing and wanting to do. And how this has been going on for so many years on end. Not ever knowing how hard I try and no matter how hard I try to stop myself from going back to sleep, I can not urge myself to do so, it is just who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, without even questioning why I am doing it to be this way at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to teach my child and son as a baby and growing on up, that it is okay, to get up and go back to sleep, and not realise that I have been doing the same thing that isn’t so good to do. And how it is of no true purpose and of no true self trust, it is distrust and disrespect to me as myself as the flesh and the mind as both inner and outer and contradiction. Not real life living, it is only in loserville mentality, along with my environment and how no matter how hard I tried to tell myself I would get back up, I am so used to going back to sleep like a loser, and a not so well off role model to be following and an actual example of what true leadership actually looks like. When in fact and reality, it is only what real mediocrity and what real inferiority looks exactly like, spiteful, ugly, demeaning behavior that is resentful and spiteful yelling and tonality. That isn’t so good for my child and myself to experience and live this life, that isn’t so good to be living, because I know because of me and blaming myself, and my dis-harmony, my distrust, my disrespect, my dishonor, and all the above and much more. To myself that I have never trusted myself, to get up and do the things that I want to do in my life, because truly, I don’t care about myself, I only care if my child makes it, but in that reality, I do not actually care truly if my child makes it or not, I do not care if he makes it or not, I only care if he does something and have no true standards. Because as myself, I do not have any sort of standards, I am a moron, I am a mediocre person, I am inferior, I am a spiteful person who does not know any better, but to react upon first encounter and not ever question my reaction. Because it is only what I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because my parents taught me to be this way, and how I have created all off these dimensions and inter-dimensions along the way, not ever knowing why I have created them, due to my inner war, creating more massive weapons of destruction of dark inner energy. Going around, when something is interrupted and instantly comes up slowly in an ever ugly erupting way, that shows spiteful ways of doing and being. That erupts the resonance of me and my child and my wife and other people who I have ever talked with and hung out with, relationships, business, all the above and etc. and no wonder, I don't even trust myself to do the things that I set out myself to do, just because I know the morning has nothing for me, when I in reality, cannot do anything for myself, because I don’t trust myself, I don’t honor myself, I don’t care about myself, because no one else cared for me, so why I should ever care for me, and care for others?, because I never cared truly, so I never cared about me truly, ever since. Even when it came to health, exercising, foods, liquids, and how I am ending up to smoke and drink and never give that up, just because I know that it will affect me the way it has been doing, and how I am not realising that I suppressing my emotions and my dark energy flowing like a gaseous substance within me, like a deep inner rift that’s been poisoned, and somehow, the rift opens bigger and bigger, and to be suppressed and fixed with alcohol and cigarettes to fill in the existing area of the actual substance that was already tarnished within that area and all over within me and how I express myself when things do not go my way. Or someone who is not cooperating with me, and how I am not able to cooperate with myself, and not trust myself to try to do the things that I ought to set out myself to do. Even when doing a thing that is simple, I end up saying to myself and to my child and to my wife, to do it tomorrow, and even when I want to help or someone is asking me for help, I will always say I will do it tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes. I have truly lost my self trust, my self honor, my self respect, I’ve lost it all, and how no one in my family and my relatives and anyone else, they do not respect me, they do not trust me to do anything because I don’t trust myself truly. Even when it comes to waking up and going right back to sleep, because i know my purpose is to be lazy and soon kill my wife and myself off, when and if she is so depressed because of my death and how I ruined myself and my health, my lief and how I have nothing left for me. Because I commanded myself to beLIEve to have nothing left and want to retire, and be going back to sleep again and again and again, not ever seeing the light of day and what it can bring me, ever since, nothing has ever truly happened for me. Because I never trusted myself to make it happen, because no matter what I say, I do not end up doing it and end up deviating at the last minute and even before the task and what I set out myself to do, does not get done. And soon ever since, tomorrow will never come, the morning will never come to see what a life could’ve been, if i was the actual role model to see what getting up early everyday is like and doing, not just because I have to do it, but because I want to do it, and enjoy it, because I would actually truly enjoy my life and myself. But on the contrary, I don’t give a fuck about myself, nor my family, nor my wife, nor my child and kids, I don’t ever speak to them, I never could provide for myself so I could provide myself, no wonder a lot of people left me. And how I myself as the flesh and as the mind, have left myself multiple times, being so quick to deny that I am the person who has left myself, and never gone back to be here as life, because I don’t know what true forgiving truly is, It was always for me to dishonor and erupt negative emotions within me, when things do not go my way and how I am being asked to do a simple thing and how I end up reacting just because I am upset, and complain like a little baby, and have an ugly complaining face and immediately stop what I am doing and end up leaving. And going back to my safe place and hurt myself much more emotionally and physically and abuse myself and abuse my child and abuse my wife and abuse each and everything that I ever do for myself. Is always in some way of abuse. Abusing my purpose, abusing my life, abusing my finances, abusing my commitment, abusing my life purpose that isn’t even there, it’s actually evaporated. Abusing my relationships, my communications, my ways of life that never would’ve been better, if I had truly known how to fix myself. But evidently, I don’t care about myself, no wonder I always go back to my safe place and never confront my reactions and ugly and negative they are, how explosive, how distorting, how detrimental that is to be expressing to my child, like as if i have no sense of actually common sense and practicality. How I am just an uncommon man, practicing and living as if my life is doom and gloom of uncommon sense and impracticality, for the worst. Not ever knowing and ever questioning why I would ever do such a thing, that is so foul and detrimental and ugly to someone that is of my blood, when I don't even see this person or any person as one and equal just like me. There is only inferiority and superiority, and pure spiteful manipulation. Nothing else, and how I end up wanting to have to go back to my comfortable place to distort myself and never have anything to look forward to. No matter how good it may be, I am not willing to suffer and endure pain, because I am such a weak person, that i will never stand up to life, that I will never stand up to myself, and stand up fo a true purpose, because I fucking have no purpose. I am no one, but a character, and how I have to act ever so irrationally. Even when it did come to help, sleep, health, finances, and having to ask for money from my own son, and how that shows me as a role model for mediocrity, and an ultimate supervision of failure and inferiority. Nothing more, nothing less, just pure inferior, and mediocre performances of life, and for myself, and how my wife does the same thing just like me and how my husband does the same thing like me as well. And how my child is nothing but an imprint and impression of a copy and robotic slave that is organic as the ordained(or)glue(g) of panic as the anic of Panic and anarchy of abuse. As the organic slave, of being an automatic pattern like fool, who never will notice why this person ever were to act and be just like me, and how the saying goes, like father like son, which has been abused, because the father and/or mother or anyone, will always abuse that and make another just like a copy of them. And to be impressioned into being nothing but another copy of a robotic slave and worker and manipulated, chastised, yelled at, told to do things that are not good and what’s not best. Seeing me as a person getting water and going back to sleep, waking up and staying in bed and going back to sleep, not ever knowing why I stop my own son and child to stop from living a life of abundance, and full of energy. And how I was the one who stopped him from living a life that would’ve been amazing. Instead I taught him and how he taught himself to accept and allow mediocrity and to go right back to sleep and be in the comfort zone of life. And never to shake the boat to get everyone awakened, when in fact, I only shook the boat, when i was shaken myself, not ever knowing why I could never steer the boat into the right direction, so everyone can have a stable life, when I didn’t have a stable life, and couldn’t handle the storms of life, and to make what life could’ve been for me, and for my family and for others. However, and within that, I never could provide for myself, because I was so unstable, not ever knowing why I would do such a thing, because it is a part of me, it is who I am and who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and cracked up to be as a crack baby. Cracked of stability, cracked of the foundation, cracked of life, cracked of emotions, cracked of finances, cracked of relationships, cracked of nutrition, cracked of manipulation, cracked of spitefulness and resentment, and much more. And how everything was all fucking abused by me and me only, and how my son and child has done the same thing to me, disrespecting me and dishonoring me and distrusting me, because I showed him what an unstable relationship of communication truly looks like. And how bad it was to be ever to be abused and tarnished, within the family name, to be here, but not actually here as LIFE, and for it to be for what could’ve been what’s best for all. Instead it was done for what was NOT best for all, it was abused from all corners and degrees of life, so many things were tarnished and abused, and no wonder myself and my wife and my child are the product and representation of me, and no matter the patterns they have picked up from me. I have also influenced someone else to be nothing but an abuser just like me, and how to not honor and enjoy life as it could’ve been. When it was this whole time abused and torn and dragged and grabbed into directions that were never comfortable, but somehow we and I would always go back into the corner of what’s not best and be comfortable for mediocrity and for inferiority. No matter if it was nutrition, exercising, sleep, purpose, finances, and much more, communications, clothes, basic needs, and much more. Was and were all abused and tarnished and thrown right out of the window and forgotten about, no more attention on what could’ve been best, but only blind attention onto what is not best and abuse, mediocrity, and inferiority, and having to go back so easily and automatically and so strongly, that I could never stop myself, and never learned to teach anyone to stop themselves and take directive principle. Because i never knew what life could’ve been for me, if I should actually took a fuckin’ step and stand for life, therefore, nothing ever amounted, noting ever manifested, all that ever showed up and manifested and was created was all abuse and mediocrity. And having to go back right to sleep and sleep walk throughout life. Being ever so blind to the fact that life was already here, I just never and will never appreciate it, because I truly hate myself and hate my family, my wife and children and child. The people that I am involved with. I never loved myself, so I never taught it to anyone else to love themselves and trust themselves, I only ever taught everyone to distrust themselves, just like I’ve ever distrusted myself and disrespected myself and caused so much abuse and instability within my life. No matter how hard I tried to fix myself, nothing would ever amount to my own effort, because of the living breath as the flesh and program of who I am and who I have become as an excuse and who I have accepted and allowed. As nothing but a role model for mediocrity, poverty, inferiority, spitefulness, abuse, and all of the above for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I do go back to sleep, I am settling for mediocrity, inferiority, stupidity, no purpose, distrust, disrespect, dishonor, dishonorable commitment, that was realised and was immediately torn apart and thrown down the drain and to never see again. Until a few hours later or never at all whatsoever, and if I were ever to realise it again, I wasn’t so sure, if I could even truly trust myself to get up and to take a stand for life, instead of standing for nothing and falling for nothing, even if I do think I have some type of purpose, and even if I do think that I don’t have anything to do in the morning, for my day, for my life, for my purpose, my finances my relationships, my communications with others and myself. Will all be abused and tarnished if I do not ever realise my own mistake that I am dishonoring myself without even challenging myself to ever question such a thing to ever be. And how I would always think that oh I need to go back to sleep, and every time I thought that and accepted and allowed it, I was fucking myself in a cycling loop and recycling the same thing over and over, never changing what was being recycled, to stop the detrimental pattern that wasn’t even bettering and benefitting me to any scope of life and what it could’ve been for me, instead I only accepted and allowed that thought of we’re going back to sleep, and how I need to go back to sleep. I’m going back to sleep, and how all of those sayings were pure excuses for mediocrity and abuse to my own self not ever realising why I would do such a thing to myself, just because I saw it from someone else who never had my best interest at heart, ever, and how I came out to be, not ever having my own best interest in my own heart, because I never had my own best interest, I never trusted myself, I never cared for myself, I never respected myself, I never honored myself, I only disrespected myself, distrusted myself, dishonored myself, abused myself, and let myself to be this way, because i thought it was normal and how and what of this being who I am and this is who I will become in mediocrity and inferiority. With no purpose, with no real drive of anything, nothing at all whatsoever, nothing real, nothing of substance, nothing of tangible, nothing of anything. All tarnished and immediately evaporated, once it was disregarded and thought about, and disregarded again, i kept fucking myself, over and over and over again like my own tongue and thought to fuck my mind like a dildo, and go back to sleep, and my own comfort zone, being alone and doing nothing for a couple hours. And soon when those couple hours are up, I wake up and turn them into more than a couple of hours of deviation and dishonorable and disrespectful and distrustful commitment, that was ever to be there and never see what could’ve been for me for the better. Instead it was all abused for evil and mediocrity and inferiority and stupidity and pure abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to snooze the alarm of life and what could’ve been that was waking me up to realise what was best to have my attention on as an opportunity for growth. Instead I snooze it and go back to my comfort zone of the dark ages of being asleep and be nowhere, but in dreaming and being and laying there, in mediocrity and inferiority, as stupidity, along with myself, and/or anyone, as if i don’t have true commitment for myself. and/or for anyone that I ever worked with at all whatsoever. Even when I didn’t know how to stabilize myself, it would always resolve back into mediocrity, with nothing to solve, to leave it as is, never question it, never challenge it. Just to believe and lie to myself that I am what I am, this is who I am, and this is who I will become as mediocrity, how foolish. And how I would always snooze the alarm and I would always end up fucking myself and other people, just because I never knew how to help myself, so eventually, I never helped others, because I never knew how to help myself first so I can help others along the way. And how I was so blind to that, not ever realising why I was ever doing those things to myself, and accepting and allowing this to be me and to be my fate, when in fact, it was not ever fate, it was always for mediocrity, nothing ever more than that, nothing ever better, it was always disregarded and soon to ever evaporate and be disregarded and never paid attention to it ever again. I only wasted my attention on what was not best for me, nor for anyone at all whatsoever, for the unscrupulous and tainted commitment, that was disguised as abuse. Nothing more, nothing less, just accepted and allowed as is, nothing was ever questioned, nothing was ever changed, nothing was ever applied, nothing was truly for the better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I was never truly clear within myself, and my decisions and what i really wanted out of my life, because the living words and programs that are and were within me. Are not best about and for me, because I only saw what I saw in my environment and accepted and allowed it to be true, and there was nothing to ever be changed at all whatsoever. And how I never questioned anything, because i was clear within me as myself, nor was anyone in the family clear within themselves, nobody cared, so I never cared, nobody trusted themselves, so I never trusted myself, and how my life has ended up where it is today, with distrust, disrespect, dishonor, and mediocrity and inferiority. And how none of those things that I saw, were even best for me, for what I thought was true and that extra rest was deemed to be with no purpose, it was not driven, it was not purposeful, it was not what was best for all and for me, so I never considered it. I thought it was for who I am, and this is who Ii will become, because it is me, when in fact, in reality, it was all nothing but a lie all of it. Distasteful disrespect above and beyond, as above, so below, for the worst. Because i was always merely distracting myself with something that I thought was true and never could be changed, no matter what and how i think about it, if I don’t change truly within, then nothing in my real physical experience will ever change, if i don’t change me. Therefore, as well, no one else knew how to change themselves either, so when i saw them performing and accepting and allowing mediocrity and inferiority, and stupidity and complacency and latency, i thought it was best to do the same thing, but I never knew and even had an inclination that it would ever benefit me at all. I just never knew, because no one I ever knew, ever trusted themselves, truly at all. So within that, I never knew how to be clear within myself, and even when I did try to help myself and get help, I would always revert back into my old self, and patterns, as i was always evolving and recycling the things that I thought were true within me, when in fact and reality, they were outright plain lies for failure and mediocrity. Nothing ever, for success, it was always deemed and redeemed to be for failure, for the worst.
When and as I see myself trying to go back to sleep just when my day is about to start when I do wake up, I stop and breathe, and get my day started and out of bed, and go into the bathroom and get ready and freshen myself up for the day.
When and as I see myself wanting to snooze my alarm and two of the buttons of my alarm or either one button and try to automatically urge myself to go back to sleep, I stop and breathe and get up and out the door to the bathroom and freshen myself up and get ready for the day.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing mediocrity in a comfort zone like place like my bed and my mind and in my office/room, I stop and breathe, and snap out of what was not best for me and do what it is I need to do for my success and for and with others for the better.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing less than from myself and not achieving more than I could have, I stop and breathe and immediately, see what it is for myself to do and do what it is that will get me further to where I want to go for my business and my life.
When and as I see myself laying in bed a little longer than usual, I stop and breathe, and get up and get my day started by going into the kitchen and/or the bathroom to freshen up and get my day started.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing others to be less than themselves, I stop and breathe and challenge that with respect and dignity for the other person, clearly and articulately.
When and as I see myself not doing the things for my business and for my life that got me to the party and to where I am right now, I stop and breathe, and immediately refocus and do what it is that I need to get to the momentum going more and more, step by step, and breath by breath along with the support as well of myself and from and with others as well.
When and as I see myself urging and wanting to destroy myself and my own home, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself boring my life into oblivion not knowing what to do, I stop and breathe and do one thing first, step by step and breath by breath to get momentum going and going further.
When and as I see myself having the thought of I’m going back to sleep and we’re going back to sleep, I stop and breathe and leave the room immediately to the bathroom and/or kitchen to freshen up and get the day started.
When and as I see myself deviating from something that I had myself out to do, I stop and breathe and redirect myself to do what I set myself out to do and do it anyway.
When and as I see myself not trusting myself to do what I set out myself to do, I stop and breathe and refocus on what I need to do and do it.
When and as I see myself witnessing myself and/or another person dissuading me to go back to sleep and do nothing, I stop and breathe, and challenge myself and/or the other person with respect and dignity.
I realise that telling myself, we’re going back to sleep, was what I got from my dad and my mom, and how they told me to go back to sleep, without even a reason. Just because it was early morning and how I had accepted and allowed the mediocre excuse to be as me, as who I am and for me to become this as me, when in fact and reality, it was the biggest and stupidest lie I have ever accepted and allowed to be true. And how it ruined a lot of my opportunities in life, no matter what it could’ve been for me to truly achieve and release for the better, but evidently and consequentially, things never turned out for the better. They always evaporated, once I disregarded it at initial encounter and how it went on and on and years on end, not ever knowing why it was like this and never questioned why that I ever accepted and allowed such a thing, and never did learn how to provide for myself. Never did learn how to trust myself, never did learn how to take care of myself, emotionally, financially, nutritionally, and that was all abided by abuse from a person who never had my best interest at heart, which was my father and including myself. And how i realised that, he doesn’t actually really care, he dishonors, and distrusts, and disrespects me, and himself, and his wife and everyone he has ever met and talked with and to and at another person. As if they didn’t ever deserve any sort of respect and honor at all whatsoever. Because he never had honor, trust and respect, nor did he have it for me, and nor did I ever have it for him at all whatsoever. Fucking nothing, and same with for myself, nothing at all, whatsoever, literally nothing, empty, forfeited, tarnished, evaporated, disregarded, for plain actual stupidity and mediocrity for the worst.
I realised that I never cared for myself, nor did my father, nor did my mother, nor did my friends ever care about me, so I never did actually truly care and trust myself for real. I only distrusted myself in so many areas, and in so many points, beyond my own capability of cognition to even know thatI did those things and other people who did those things and how I copied them. And how I am nothing but a collection of characters and copies of another, as an organic automatic pattern like a robot, who has no purpose for anything. And not even bothering to wake up in the morning and make an excuse that I have nothing to look forward to, and how that what my father did, every time he woke up, he never had a true purpose for anything. He would always disregard and make excuses that there’s nothing to do and how life is boring, when he made his life boring, his foundation was boring, his outlook and view on life was blinded and boring. How sad and ugly and tragic that is, how foolish that is, how mediocre that is, how stupid that is, how much of a piece of shit of a person that is to be, how inferior and stupid that is to accept and allow such mediocrity that is. Nothing was ever for the better, it was always for the worst, it was always for mediocrity, it was always for inferiority, it was always for complacency, it was always for latency, and so much bullshit as a fucking loser as he was, and still is, and how i realised that I accepted and allowed most of the things from him and my mom, the same way and from others and even from the media, for the worst and for the mediocrity as breath.
I realised that I never what true caring actually truly was, it was always for abuse, it was always mediocrity, it was always for failure, it always for instability, it was always for manipulation and harsh snapbacks, and harsh criticism and spiteful tonality. Even when things weren’t actually going right and bickering back and forth and threatening me just because I didn’t want to do what he wanted me to do, and how he cheated me, he made me feel unworthy, and how I thought was to be true, and made it true to me. From someone who never had my best interest at heart, he never cared, so I never cared, he made me angry and spiteful and resentful and ugly in the ways of my own attitude, and how I saw life and lived life. It was never for the better, it was always for the worst, to rot here on earth, and live in hell on earth, instead of heaven on earth. I realised that I was learning from someone who doesn’t care, someone who is spiteful, ugly in personality and look and character. Someone who was teaching me to be nothing but a copy just like him, and to react negatively and irrationally, and be rational sometimes and never all the time of being rational and have common sense. Instead it was always for uncommon sense and impracticality and pure ugly distorted abuse. And how my life turned out to be the way it is right now as i see, as the consequence emerges more and more each and everyday for me, nothing has ever turned out to be for abundance, it was always for lack and limitation and the utmost, failure. Nothing was ever explained and taught to me effectively, therefore, I never learned anything, I had to do everything on my own, because he never knew anything, but showing me his mistakes, and how I made those mistakes he did, to be in debt, have bad relationships, be a bad person, be a victim, be a loser, be a nobody, have no purpose, be spiteful, be resentful, don’t know how to sell and persuade and communicate effectively. It was all abused, I never learned how to provide for myself, I was only taught to depend on them, because deep down they knew that they didn’t care about me. They only wanted me to be dependent on them and never be self sufficient and independent on my own, therefore I would always go back into my comfort zone and be the way I have always been for so long, not ever questioning why I was struggling so bad, to whatever I did, it was always for some type of fucking failure, struggle, mediocre performances, distrust, disrespect, dishonor, and so much more of the atrocious instability. So much bullshit, can you fucking beLIEve that?, because I never knew, that my life was a life of instability, unstableness, emotional distraught, spitefulness, resentfulness, and being ever so dependent on unstable people that never knew any better if something hit them in the head, hard as a brick, financially, emotionally, nutritionally, health, injury, and etc. And how I never could see this from people who never truly cared about themselves, even when they do say they do care, but they actually really don’t, they only care about mediocrity and inferiority, and instability and mistakes, and to never fix anything and to leave it as is. And to never resolve anything and to accept and allow a mediocre life, as to how i am living my life as a mediocre life and full of inferiority, beyond my own belief and capabilities. That was tarnished by me and what I saw and accepted and allowed myself to see as true, when I didn’t even know what was truly going in my life at all whatsoever.
I realised that every time I pushed that alarm button to snooze and go back to sleep, I didn’t know that I was accepting and allowing another day of mediocrity and tiredness and dreading my own life and my own day. Just because I never knew what i was even doing, even when i had forgiven myself of something that was pertaining to what happened before, and how i thought it was just a one fix go, but when in fact and reality, there are many more points or even a few or more, depending. Not knowing what my programming and foundation will hit me with next, not ever realising that that when and if I would ever lose my self trust within myself, because I never had self trust, nor the respect, nor the honor, no of fucking anything. Like zilch, i mean, just fucking nothing, literally. And how I would always make up some type of justification and how others would say the same thing to protect me and say something to make me feel better, even when I was being self honest, but being delusional at the same time, and not ever fixing what could’ve been best, but I never knew how. So I never did anything at all, whatsoever.
I realised that every time I snoozed that alarm and my own life to what was alarming me that was either good or bad of any type of opportunity, and how I never took any sort of responsibility, it was always for irresponsibility. And every time I snooze it, I am looking to live another day for mediocrity and stupidity, and failure, and inferiority for the worst. Not ever caring truly and authentically about myself and about my life and about my finances and relationships, because I never knew how to care, and how to do it, therefore, I never asked, because I was just, never aware. I was blinded by my own self for my life, I never knew what was real, I never knew of anything, I never knew of how to do anything, to provide, be self sufficient, educated, honorable, trusted, to trust myself, to respect myself, instead it was all tainted and disregarded. Nothing for the better. Always for the worst, nothing else at all BUT that, how atrocious and ugly and foolish that is. Because no one ever cared about themselves around me, so evidently, I never cared and went along with it and never challenged why that eve was to think for myself, but to be dependent on something else to wake me up from life, and how I realise I was being taught to be de-pure my life, purify it with dirty habits, of money, health, communications, relationships, and knowledge and education. All tarnished, all ruined, all tainted for mediocrity and inferiority, that is it. Nothing more, nothing less, just accepting and allowing as it is, how sad. I was taught to never value my time, I was taught to waste it, I was taught to destroy my life and be like my parents and everyone else that I ever knew that was deemed to be poor and broke and in poverty just like me. And how i was taught to accept defeat and tarnish it with mediocrity and pure failure, wow, how atrocious, how sad, BULLSHIT!
I realise that I have been accepting and allowing a life of mediocrity, every time I press that button to go back to sleep and sleep during the day, and dread my day, tiredness of unexplainable energy within my day. No actual purpose for my day and my morning and my life, my business, my finances and much more to that that has been abdicated for irresponsibility and mediocrity as I have accepted and allowed from myself is how I accept and allow that from others, so I can accept and allow that from me as they were me, and as I were them. When in fact that is just for pure failure and mediocrity and stupidity for its ulterior motive of abdication and a ticket into a loserville like environment for the worst.
I realised that when I never truly cared and tried to care in contradiction, my life never got better and so did nothing ever else in my life, money, relationships, communications, the relationship I have with myself, my previous relationships, health, exercising, nutrition. Was all tarnished and was all drained down with the tidy bowl man, because he never anything either, so he was equally as fucked or even more fucked than i was, and how i never knew I was the tidy man bowl man, flushing myself down with the other characters and delusions and illusions with it, and how i seen other people as the tidy bowl man, and the tidy bowl woman, flushing themselves down into oblivion just like I did, on tv, media, tv shows, movies, advertisements, cartoons and all the bullshit that isn't even what’s best for all. Nothing but programming for failure and mediocrity, that is literally it, nothing more, nothing less, just accepting and allowing pure purified and distorted distraught like, atrocious Bullshit.
I realised that every time I wasted my day and woke up a few hours later from going back to sleep and snoozing my alarm, I was in actuality, abusing my life and the way I don't like living it, but only accepted and allowed it to be that way and have it no other way than that. And accepting and allowing another day of missed opportunities and a cloud head and mind. For pure eminent disgraceful failure, not ever questioning why that ever was from me, at all whatsoever.
I commit myself to as I get up and hear the alarm of life and what shows as opportunity to seize the opportunity and take it with full on self responsibility and self trust, and self commitment to do what is best for me and for others and for myself especially to help myself get where I need to go. And always do it without any exceptions, to do what I say and do what I say, and lead others to do the same as a living example to improve and adapt for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality, within living the self corrective application and change as LIFE!
I commit myself to do and perform things in my business with no exceptions, and to do it anyway and do what I say and mean what I say and do it anyway. And realise that I must trust myself, more and more with respect and honor and dignity for myself, and also to do these things ini business and in life for the better to get much more done than ever before. No matter how I feel, to do everything tactfully and perseveringly for my ultimate and super success!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better! As the inner change, as the outer corrective and physical application as living change as LIFE!
I commit myself to wake up and see life and what it is and what it can offer and what I can learn and apply how to truly give more and more, and pacing myself faster and faster and scaling it and leading myself into higher levels of application and self trust. And lead myself and lead others to do the same, along with my directors, senior partners, accountants and lawyers, salespersons, engineers, suppliers, customers, employees. So we can truly see what life can truly be for the better, in real actual abundance and leadership and actual self trust for more and more for the first time ever and keep the momentum going faster and scale and pace it faster and lead it into super success and to become super wealthy as for myself and for with others as LIFE! For as Ii see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, within living the self corrective application change as LIFE!
I commit myself to have and develop a purpose in the morning for my day, my week, my month, my quarter, my 6 months, my year, and the years ahead into 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, years and ahead and above and beyond. Along the way, step by step and breath by breath to achieve much more than ever before, and how I can really pace and scale my routines and developments of myself and for my business and life, relationships, finances, capital, revenues, account receivables, sales, and much more. Innovating and creating, increasing the pace and leading it to go into new territories and into a new realm of life for opulence, wealth, success, being around with other super wealthy people just like me and how we’re all growing together for our super success and for a life of what is best for all in the world. In our acts, in our words, in our sentences, in our ideas, in our application, and in our living change as LIFE!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, within living the self corrective application change as LIFE!
I commit myself to encourage my kids and my wife to do the same of having a purpose each and every morning to enjoy the day and have something to do, and enjoy and have fun with, and how we all can learn and be able to do things in stability, common sense, practicality, helping each other understand what we want and why we want it and how we want it. Through common sense and actual practicality. For what is best for all and to help them go to bed early when it is appropriate and to be there for them and be present and to help become truly self sufficient, but t help them in the beginning of life to learn and have fun, with high level education at home, doing what is best for them, helping them reason, and think what is best. Understanding agreements for themselves and how I can give the proper effective context to that, and for what it is that they’re wanting to do and have fun and learn with. To learn about money, life, and much other things, plants, and all life forms, to be well understood and how things are in the world and how people are being taught, and what we can do to the opposite of what others are doing, and do it with stability and common sense and actual practicality. Explaining to them how things work and what reality is like and what we can to truly grow for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better, within living the self corrective application changes as LIFE!
I commit myself to challenge those with respect and dignity to those who try to abdicate responsibility like a fucking loser, with respect and dignity for the individual. And to help them realise with common sense and actual practicality, directly for the person to understand that this commitment and self trust within me is clear, and to help others become clear within themselves to understand what it is to do what is best for all. And to do that, step by step, breath by breath, consistently and persistently and perseveringly, each and everyday, constantly, no matter what and how we feel, and no matter what is going. To improve and adapt, innovate, to what is here in reality to create much more than ever before, and how cool reality and life can truly be with our creation, innovation, support within the group and to keep persisting, no matter what, even persistence and perseverance can overcome nature itself. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better as LIFE, within living the self corrective application change as LIFE!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me and to realise them through breathing statements to stop and breathe and take self directive principle and be here in realty to create for my super and ultimate success with others. Then onto realisation statements to realise what was not best within me and how I deliberately accepted and allowed what was not best and realise why and what and how I have and had reacted to what was not best within me for what I have accepted and allowed as life. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements and self corrective applications to apply in the physical life and realm, and pertain all of it to do what I say and mean what I say and do it. Along with using the tools of TechnoTutor, the journey to life blogs, creations and heavens to journey’s to life blogs, in addition to the support groups and individuals for myself and with others as well. And within the Desteni I Process as Life, within the will to forgive, and develop much more self trust and self commitment than ever before!. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, within living the self corrective application change as LIFE!
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