I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I am afraid of public speaking and when I do try to attempt to publicly speak and voice my opinion or anything or just an input of something. I end up getting this troubling feeling and trembling feeling within me and my chest and how I am afraid of what others will possibly even think of me, when I do try to voice something. As if I am afraid and so nervous and anxious to even do something that is so simple and easy to do and how I am not in front of people all the time. So i wonder why that is the way and it is so to be for me to be afraid of speaking in front of a public view of people and how I am seeing others as one and equal to me and the image and likeness just like me. And when in reality, we are just different people with different mindsets, and just the same individual like, no different. And how I couldn’t get that time and how I was so afraid to even approach other people, and see this obscene image and flash of what could possibly go wrong or someone yelling at me or rejecting me and when in reality, they’ll be causing the scene, and I won’t. But the effect of being yelled at for speaking up is not in my forte. And how I didn't like to be yelled at when I spoke up and wanted to speak out and voice my opinion, because I thought some teacher or someone else was speaking some bullshit that wasn’t even true and how I wanted to question it, because I didn’t believe in that. I just didn’t have enough information or either what I heard was just a pure lie to manipulate me and the rest of the classroom or a group of people anywhere within the room or place that we were in to begin with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a teacher, friend, parent, random person, society, so called friend, so called associates, mentors, teachers, etc., to tell this person to shut up and be quiet. Just because I thought that he didn’t like my saying and how it wasn’t true when in reality I was lying to the rest of the classroom and made everyone, including this little child feel less than himself. And for me to tell him to shut up or yell at him to shut up and be quiet and sit back down and be seated at his seat. And how he did that and how my voice was quite powerful to be telling a little innocent child to do such a thing and for me to do that, is how I would do to my kids and how I talked to and Directly AT, and how I am nothing but a deceiver. And how I never knew how to talk with anyone as an equal and one individual and not the other way or anyplace or any how, and how I never knew what it is like to talk with another child as another equal. I only saw them as inferior, so I had to shut up him and that I never knew this would affect him and public speaking and openly speaking up to anyone and approaching anyone in his life, whether it be for business, school, public speech, or even a significant other and being able to speak up when she is not doing what is best. Or just doing something else that isn’t of merit or worthiness for her and how it is not best for her and him and how both will not realise this, because he was just too afraid to publicly speak about it with her and actually speak up and say something. Instead of being afraid and thinking that he/she or anyone is inferior. When in reality they are not, I’ve only made him inferior and how others will be inferior because of my imprint and impose upon to him and how he will do the same thing to everyone and never speak up when something is wrong or not right, or something needs to be changed of and/or for anything at all whatsoever. And for me as an authority figure and who isn’t practicing this type of thing on a daily basis, instead of to little people, I demean them and make them feel less, as if I am not less than myself. And how my thoughts have made me in the past to feel less than myself and from other people as well and how others have and will have perceived me in the very past as if I haven’t a clue of what I’ve done to others, and what others have done to me. When and as I was little as well as a child, and how my mom and dad and/or anyone have done this to me, I would definitely be doing the same as well. Just in an automatic and quantum breath and physical exposure to what an atrocity I have let go to exposed and exploded onto this child, and how my parents, as mother and father, had done the same thing to me. And how I never noticed this to a certain or varying degree, and how this caused me also as well to stop publicly speaking because I never knew what it was and is like to publicly speak when someone is saying some stupid shit, just like i did, and how I never spoke up again. And made another child do the same and how this is imprinted on many children today, and how many adults are in this way and that most have never changed to question anything to see if it is a lie from a liar that’s making the truth as the lie, or the lie as the truth, and disguising it with automatic pattern that I would’ve done anyway. And no matter how hard I try to stop myself from doing so, it will still automatically come out of me as a pattern from childhood or recently or whenever or even many years ago to that event circumstance and event in my life. Where it traumatized me and how I had to do the same out of impulse that wasn’t in my best interest, and now I am doing it to others to make them feel less inferior and not as an one and equal just like me. Because I have no desire to let others and see others see me for myself as I am, because I was taught the same way to delude other kids and children and adults and people to do the same thing and pattern. That I have yet to realise at all whatsoever, even when it came to children being picked to let go and go home, and how I held them captive and told all of them to put their heads. And do some type of 7 thumbs up, for a few to be picked and let go, and not let anyone go one by one as one and equals together. And how I never really realised that I was conducting these children as mini-slaves and prisoners of the modern day prison and how I have come to now realise that I am the prison guard. Who is teaching one another seeing another as inferior and not one and equal to me, and how I am the one and unequal superior to have the say, and no one has a say over me but me. I only did this out of my self interest and that no one deserves to have a voice other than me and myself only in my own abuse and blindness to the fact that I never did let another see me as an one and equal. And unfortunately, it never came out to be that way at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to destroy the innocence of my child, student, teacher or anyone of myself with one another, to make myself much more superior and let others feel less than and inferior to themselves as a nobody but just another prisoner and pawn in a classroom. And to be able to leave when they want to leave and not let anyone be able to leave anything and/or basically do anything to leave as if no one had a right to do so, it was always different and never for the better, as things do change to be different, sometimes it’s changed to be different for what’s not best for all, even if no one likes the rules or administrative rules at all whatsoever. And how for me to lead and be a principle of anyone, a teacher, a school, a business or anything at all, a parent, or anyone, to make one another feel less superior and of no ingenuity to make others feel better with others and truly be with them. Not realising they won’t have the best future, because I know they won’t have the same as we have it here at this institution and place, that I thought to call home.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to yell at my child to think that I am much more of a superior and to see another as inferior and how this little person will feel inferior and not know what the hell just happened. Because of what happened and how he was wanting to speak up, because of what he wanted, and how I never knew the best way to be speaking with my child, other than yelling because that was my only expression to be with, and that I never knew any other way. Then to express myself explosively and fascinatingly in a negative way that I never even bothered to change at all whatsoever to begin with and for what it is and was at all whatsoever. And when I saw him cry and cringe and shut up and was looking directly at me with a sad face and puckered lips ready to cry and put his arms to his eyes as he started wipe his tears away and cried loudly, and I so evidently, held him and he cried he even more. How a detrimental thing that I have let my child and this little person to be yelled at for being to speak up, just because I never had the chance to speak up either. So i automatically and impulsively did the same thing and never knew the ramifications of my consequence of decision to make this person be affected and effected just like how I was affected and/or effected for the worst in the form of yelling to make another be quiet in explosiveness just because this little has spoken up because of my inadequacy as a parent. And how I never knew what real parenting was for stability and development, and that I only knew that development was the way my parents had taught me and imposed and imprinted upon me as posers and imposters to think they are qualified to be a parent. When they were not at all either to begin with, because their starting point and my starting point of parenting and automatic patterns were already there the whole time, and it was fucked from the get go. And it was irreversible because this was the only we knew how, we never could express ourselves in the best ways possible, with stability and understanding, instead it was snapped and done for and emotions were hurt, innocence was gone and out the window. As if it had legs and ran away, when in reality, it was just an automatic pattern of my mind image and flashback memory of what I could be doing the same no matter how I tried to stop myself from exploding my trigger that I had to myself. And how I could not even bother to speak up just because I didn’t like what my child had spoken to me as if I did a wrong thing and had to yell back and had something very hurtful and painful to hear to such an innocent child of mine, and how I was never innocent myself either. Therefore, the devil came out of me in an automatic pattern onto my little child to later experience that this event and circumstance will be a quick devil imprint image and emotional sound that was expletive in his meaning and how my meaning was quite different than what he meant. Because I never could explain it to him, I just didn’t have the right vocabulary and understanding to explain, because the only best I know and knew how, was to yell and snap back. Just because I didn't like what I heard and didn’t expect to expect from my child at all whatsoever. Therefore, from the starting point, I was never qualified to be a parent in the first place, however, I am afraid to say that I am grateful, if it weren’t for my blindness to the fact that I didn’t do that, my child would have never been here. However for me to do all of this and yell at him and make him feel inferior, and feel less, and have a different definition of what just happened in his own view. And how i apologise and hold him or disregard him, in realty, I am nothing but a deceiver. And that is it, nothing more, nothing less, as is, not doing what’s best and only did it out of impulse and never thought it through before letting the intense automatic pattern to come out within me as a person for who I am not but i have accepted and allowed that wasn’t in my best interest. Nor was it for my child or anyone at all whatsoever. And how it was not what was best for me either to begin with either.
I forgive myself as a parent in a movie, person, ideology, tv show, movies, tv shows as movies, advertisements, and much as a person in a real life or cartoon depicted movie to yell at a child and person. To make them feel less and go away and how I was only exploding my anger onto this little child and to make him/her to go running and crying into their room or bathroom and cry their eyes out and realizing that this is all nothing but an act. Nothing but a lie to imprint and impose others to be imposters to help another parent or teenager or anyone to do the same thing and how I never realised that my creators and directors told me to do such a thing and to make a child actor to scream and cry for what I had done. And how I would never have done that to a child, and when in reality, I was manipulated into doing this particular to yell at a child and throw him/her to the ground and make this person feel less than me as if I wanted to kill or hurt them very badly as how I was threatened the same way. Within that, as I picked up the gun and pointed it to the child’s head and forced the gun hole towards her head and made her move her head into the right direction of facing right and how I was threatening to shoot her and kill her. How my subconscious mind is fucking with me and making fun of me and hurting me as if my unconscious is just aware and pulling strings upon me to act this out within a scene of what was in reality, just an automatic pattern to make a make believe thing to be paid to act, when in fact, it is real, and could be done again when children are in the scene of my life once and again and how others who see this movie as well. Will end up doing the same, even if they do have kids or don’t have kids at all either, no matter rapist, or either a pedophile that would be doing such a thing to threaten one another to be a detrimental parent once and again at all, or even participating to get a ransom just because i wanted money for my own self interest. And only wanted money in my own threat to another human life, and how my parents never taught me to come into this world to take out another life, just because of money and for the love of money is the root of all evil, and of all living and how we need to take advantage of another living life to be killed and threatened. And to be held captive in my arms or in a cage just for my threatening self interest and how I never got anything I ever wanted, so i have to threaten another for what and how my parents treated me. And so I will do the same in ransom of just food or anything to my own control, monetary or not at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent within a commercial to have someone else’s child or my child to not have anything when he spoke up in the scene and when I said no. And subsequently yelled at him, and an in instance of the stance of what was even going to happen, was that he was going to have a fit and cause a scene, as if was a single father in the commercial to be realising that this is no my child or my child in my own assumption as it is for what i is. And how when he caused a scene, and started yelling and screaming and crying, I was in fact, looking around and was embarrassed and wanted to abandon the child for the stupidity that I am ini and my own assumption as it is for what it is in this horrific detrimental situaton that I have caused myself to be in without even truly realising it at all whatsoever. When in reality, this commercial that i am in, is people should have done it with a condom, instead of doing it raw, when in reality if people were not or are not ready to have kids, you should have done it with a condom and dumped your seed into this little plastic bag that is able to fit over the man’s penis as mine or anyone’ is for me to be doing such a thing. To expose the other people at large, that you should do this, if you’re not ready to have kids with anyone or just adopting one yourself, if you aren’t even bothered to be ready to have one or multiple kids. When in reality, this is another form and reality of don’t have kids, unless you’re ready and know how to properly teach them, and if you do, and are not ready and just did it out of convenience, then in reality, we are all pretty much fucked for the worst. Even if they cause a scene or we cause a scene to say no and/or make them cry and pout just because we and I said to put that back and we complain for not being fed the pellet to get more dopamine of being polished more and more with a neediness and attention of things that we and I never got in our lives at all whatsoever from the starting point was the ending point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father and daughter to speak up and yell and not express myself in stability as if no one had a better way to express themselves in stability, instead it was in our own interested stability, as instability. Of explosiveness and hurtful words and emotions that had wrong definitions and different meanings that are so fascinatingly offensive and hurtful, that no one of each other could ever realise what we were doing and arguing about. And how other people never tried to stop us, even a cop was nearby and didn’t even bother to do anything as we were riding through a school zone as it was and were to be at that very moment and time. Just because we both never had a good relationship together with each other, nor for ourselves at all whatsoever. And for me to yell at my daughter to think she is less then and for me as a girl to yell at my father to make him feel less than me, just because he was and is trying to make him feel less than me and feel bigger than him. Is in reality, inequality of self interest and explosive expletives that were not what was best for each other, even how this would happen at home and all the time, when going somewhere, to place, and having to react negatively and snapping back easily from each other. And sooner or later, the toxic father as myself and how I am not exposing myself but trying to help her calm down, was not the best way to be yelling back and to make her shut up. Which is pure stupidity and not what’s best with reason at all either and no one knew how to forgive each other, but to express and yell in the not so best expression at all whatsoever. As the starting point was the ending point and continue to thrive in the wrong direction and off the cliff for both of us to never even bother to come to an agreement of anything and understanding to get both our points across as father and daughter. That I was in the wrong seat of authority and never did see my daughter as one and equal, and even how I saw my father as a daughter and girl and young woman to never see my father as an one equal. And that we never could come to an agreement, because it was always yelling from my wife and how my daughter had come to do the same and from her friends as well, and as well as my friends as well. And how we both came to similar realisations of explosive negative content in our expression as words that never came to stability, but inarticulate expressions as unstable people that never truly realised the test of time and breath to learn the very lesson that was yet to be realised at all whatsoever. If we ever came to agreement, all would be well off to be of better effective expression, evidently, it was never that way at all and it ended bad with me being kicked out, as a father or daughter, or wife or mother, single parent or not. To make someone leave because they are not agreeing with me and having more of my disagreement as a father and a daughter and young woman to be yelling at each other as family blood. That should’ve let out bloodshed as if it were a thing, when in reality, that was just our own assumptions to be let out for what was not even true, and how we could never come to a stable conclusion of understanding and stability. Instead it was pure instability for the worst. Nothing ever made it out safely, nothing ever made it out to stability, it was always unstable, nothing was there for the better, we never could come to agreement, it was always bickering and intense bickering of disagreement between each other as father figure, and daughter figure. To these made up imprinted and imposed on characters that we both seem and come to redeem again as reassurance of our lies and made up assumptions that were never real in the first place, they were just made real, because of misunderstanding and pure lies as it is. Therefore, we could never come to any agreement, it was always in disagreement and both of us were so quick to deny each other’s argument and truth and had to input another disagreement and viewpoint to make each other feel less than in order to shut each other up so no one could feel better than me and how i would feel much more superior, instead of inferior as I am as one and not another than another. For that, this was all a lived expression of misunderstanding and thinking that we both and all need to do the same and ruin our own relationships with each other and for ourselves mostly importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves, is pure shit. Not even knowing how to change it, because this was the only way we ever knew how, and the best way we knew how, when in reality, it was not the best way at all whatsoever.
When and as I see myself not wanting to speak up and be afraid of even saying anything, I stop and breathe, and redirect myself into proper and effective speaking up with my own stable expression for the better. I realize that being yelled at was just another reality and form of another person not liking what I have said and how their hard fast rules are not what’s in my best interest at all whatsoever. And how no one ever tried to agree with me, because they've always had some opinion and wanted to cause friction with me and how I wanted to do the same in return to cause conflict and misunderstanding just because i wanted to be right and never wanted to understand challenge another back as if I didn’t have a voice either myself. And for someone to do to me, is just not what’s best with me and to make me believe in my own mind and for my own mind to believe this definition of, “oh, shit - well i guess I shouldn’t speak up then.” When in reality, that is a fucking lie, everyone should be speaking up, including myself and everyone, everything is just an assumption of in-articulation when someone is just angry to express themselves and how they could never express themselves in the best ways possible and hw I found myself to be doing the same thing when no one agreed with me a while back and even sometimes, or even rarely, just recently. And how all of these commercials, and incidents and scenes and encounters of these scenes, were all just misunderstandings, even the condom commercial, and all this other shit. Is just another depiction and story to tell someone if you are not ready, do not do it. Even if the energy is coming up anyway, the person i’ll do it out spite of their desire and impulsive urge to fuck anything that movies and has legs and a mouth and other body parts than its own. And how I realised all of this is nothing but a misunderstood propaganda and of a prop stood up as a grand opening to see what we can impose upon ourselves and imprint if it not forgiven for the better, therefore it is not us, nor is it me at all, and how we have lived the biggest lie on earth to not publicly speak because of misunderstandings and miscalculated responses just because we never could ask why with reason and reason with our understanding that we never had in the first place, because the starting point was the ending point, that fucked everyone, including me.
When and as I see myself wanting to disagree and yell at with another just because of misunderstanding with anyone and/or my kids some day with my wife, i stop and breathe, and redirect into a calm table response that is of common sense and logic and understanding. I realise that all common and uncommon as people would say, misunderstandings, come from childhood trauma and random scenes and encounters from childhood, recently or anywhere from another person. Media, tv shows, tv shows as movies, movies, cartoons, advertisements, commercials, movie scenes, tv show scenes, real life scenes, and how they impose such a big lie to make one another and the public at large to witness such an atrocity that people should be expected to act this atrocity that isn’t even real, we thought that we needed to impose this on and imprint this on to me and all of us to think this is the best way to go about anything. Even when it came to speaking with others, for business, deals, parenting, talking with kids, other people kids, other adults, and even our friends, that we so called “to see them as friends.” When we have imprinted and accepted and allowed this picture and quantum like movie picture to be me and others and for everyone to see and realise it to be true, when in reality, it was and all nothing but a facade and fad to hurt the public to believe lies of inequality and to develop instability. And within that, as a result, it ruined our relationships with others and most importantly, it ruined the relationship we had with ourselves, for which we never had, because we weren’t taught the best ways to express, instead it taught and imprinted as expression of explosiveness and negativity that were not supposed to be experiencing. But it was meant to be that way, because our parents never knew any better, nor did we.
I commit myself to publicly speak and become better and better and improve with it and at it with others and for myself, developing that relationship I have with myself and how I can see one another as one equal individuals. That these people are just like me, just different mindset and attributes, living conditions, and also environment of where we live. And how it is important to change that, step by step along the way with understanding and to speak with others, for business and seeing one another as me as one and equal as life. And how no one is different, but the way we live and think and talk and do and feel on a daily basis of and about anything. And to see things as they are, and to make the first step to real living change for the better, as I deserve it and everyone else deserves it as well, for those who are willing to step up and stand up, for what’s best for all and for ourselves with proper understanding and stability within development and along the way. When there is development, we must rely as well, upon stability and adapt and improve along the way for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance awareness and breath to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to challenge another if they try to impose and imprint another lie upon me or anyone, as if they’ve got a say in attempting to make me feel less, when they have no clue of what equality really even is. And to challenge them with respect and dignity for who I am and for who they are as a person as well. And if they continue to disregard their blindness to the fact they cannot realise their deficiency, they will never make it out to realise what is here and at hand. For as I see myself as life and life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to help my kids, wife, employees, directors, senior partners, customers, clients and salespersons and much more to help them speak up and voice what needs to be said and to help each other understand what is here at hand with stability and common sense of understanding. And how we can truly come to further ourselves in growing as a family and/or a company/corporation as we are, and how we can come to agreement and be truly transparent and fully self honest with care and affection, proper attention, proper effective support. To where we can do training together, personal one on one talks and to help each other improve and see what life can really offer us as we shall put out input and in order to get the best output we would like for the better. With creativity, innovation, and to think differently, for what’s best for all, and for ourselves to cooperation and collaboration for the better. For as I see myself as life and life awareness resonance to improve and adapt for the better for our super super super super super success!
I commit myself to help my children to speak up and be able to voice their needs and wants and desires as we as parents as father and mother to help one another understand with stability and reason. With proper care and affection and attention to teach them the effective and best ways of understanding of stability to communicate within the tools of TechnoTutor, books, and much more. Going outside and playing and helping them understand how things work, so they can understand better of what they are doing and have at hand and how we can help them see the world around them much more differently and better than we had it when we grew up for the better. As we desire better and improved and adapted stability for them, as we are creating it for ourselves for the better as well, for as I see myself as life and life awareness and breath resonance to improve and adapt for the better!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me and to realise them with breathing statements and realisation statements to realise what I had reacted to that was not in my best interest and tell it out in full detail as it is and breathe. No matter how intense it is. And within that and this, I commit myself to use the tools of TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self commitment statements and Desteni I Process, heavens and journey’s life to blogs and support and books. And understanding the power of 1+1=2 and so on with 1+1+1+1+1 and so on to truly become unstoppable with others and for myself as well. And to re-correct myself into becoming my best self for the better and improve and adapt each and every way along the way for the better for my super super super success!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance to improve and adapt for the better as breathe and awareness as life to be for the better.
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