Day 51: Homework?, fuck homework.

   Homework

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to force my son to do homework and how if he doesn’t do it, I will force myself to punish him to force himself to do so under my will and out of his own will as if he needed to do it. And how I was forcing him to lean into and learn the brainwashing method of oblivion as if nothing ever mattered to him, because I thought it was the best way to go about anything, whether if the homework will ever be a good thing ever at all. Even When it came to research, he was never much of a big proponent of it, if i didn’t force him to do it, which I didn’t do that for him, he only became more and more lazier as he stopped doing homework from school, even if he did fail, I would punish him and yell at him and scold him for what he was not capable of, and how i wasn’t capable as well. And how I was also arguing and hurting and punishing him for his limitations, hitting him and destroying his esteem ever more, to the point where he was not able to get any bad grades when coming home. And how I never realised that the grading system, only grades on how much he can remember and become good at subject and possibly never use it in his real life effectively, because in fact, I never knew how to do it at all whatsoever either. And how no wonder I would always argue from my own limitation and spitefully arguing for his own limitation and to hit him and make him afraid of me and never do anything on his own ever again, as if he is not ever capable and doesn’t know anything due to my assumptions and even when I did threaten to call the cops on him and yell at him to make him feel scared of me, when in fact and reality, I was only manipulating him and emotionally manipulating him and cheating him every chance I would get to make him feel much more worse to the point where he Will obey me. When in fact, as he grew up more and more, he started to disobey me and disrespect and dishonor me, because I only abused him, and how i never knew that i was also abusing myself as well, not ever knowing that my projections going towards another, is also going towards me and how it is part of me as I am projecting it. No wonder he was not able to do the things he’s ever wanted to do in his life, even when it did come to reading, mathematics, and vocabulary, he wasn’t able to comprehend it, when in reality, I was only making him do it and watching him while I was smoking, and how i never was with him to learn how to do the assignment. Because i don’t give a shit about that, I just want him to do it, because I can’t do it, I think I know it already, when in fact, I don’t. Within that, if I did watch over him doing his assignment and if he got it wrong, I would slap the fuck out him and make him cry and be mad and upset and want to destroy me, as I have immediately and instantly destroyed his self esteem in that very moment to the point where it hurt him and how he will remember it fo the rest of his life. No matter what he does for and in his life, of any kind of endeavor, he will not like to do the homework and research and/or do anything, and if he doesn’t do it, then he will be abused by his own self and hurt himself, for the worst and to truly never make it out alive n any kind of endeavor, job, business or whatever the fuck. He will never make it in the real world, just because I abused him and made him do what he didn’t want to do and forced him to do it, while smelling the interval of whiffs of cancer smoke that I was inhaling and blowing out, as it was giving him headaches and how i made fun of him, that he didn’t the smoke to other people and and even to him. And how i am the real fucking abuser in this world, that i don’t even know that’s best for all, therefore, I always abused each and every opportunity, I ever made and occurred to others and even to myself for the worst. Not ever realising that the relationship with myself is fucked up and horrid, and horrible, to the point where i am always smoking and drinking and always depressed, and then to go out and smoke some more and to calm my emotions, when in fact and reality, I am fucking my body up more and more to the point where my health is further deteriorating ever more, no matter what I do and try at. No matter how healthy or whatever it is that i do eat, it is never healthy, I am not eve usual eating greens, and healthy vegetables and chicken and much other recipes that are healthy and organic and even vegetation to the point where things can truly be good for me, without any of the sugar contents just to be added to natures given right to the human being who has abused the planet and abusing other humans, as they were also abused and how their parents were abused and then so on and so on, and so on. It never fucking stops with the polarity, and different ways of teaching and how nothing will never amount to anything true and worthy if abuse weren’t a thing, life would be much more better. Without saying and doing  by my actions to threaten one another and make one feel much worse off than how he is right now, and to ruin his innocence and destroy his self esteem and show girly things and to make him look like a bitch. When in fact, I am the bitchy abuser myself and how I am abusing and imprinting and projecting abuse and fun making of my own son. Just like how i was made fun of in the military and even made fun from my parents as well, and how i am nothing but an abuser, not ever realising that I was fucking with his innocence, in fact i never had innocence is myself, I never did and i never will, not a chance, not an ounce ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I never was able to fight back and refute the abuse that was occurring to me and how I never was able to stand up for myself and do what I wanted to do with my life. And how I never wanted to do what I wanted to do with my life in research and to be able to learn natural and fun like creative actions. And how that was never taught to me, it was only ever abused to me and for me and AT ME, as if I wasn’t a true human being, I was only ever abused and hit on the legs, my butt, my face, my body and my arms and how it was done over and over and over and over again, like no fucking tomorrow. Like who the fuck does that stupid ass shit?, an illiterate person who does, and how I never heard of anyone abusing someone just because I got bad grades, and how they only expected more of me and that i was forever more being a slave to their authority and obedience to the point where i wanted to leave and never talk to these abusive fools ever again, to the point where nothing was ever the best for me, and how I was not able to learn effectively and want to have fun dong so. It was always abuse and refutation for rushing and being impatient and how  I was never able to learn effectively and/or do anything effectively in my life, it was always at sports, copying other work, skipping classes and doing other bullshit that never mattered or anything like that. It just never occurred to me that I wanted to learn anymore and go do anything else, and how I was forced to go back to school and be part of the status quo like how my father was pushing me to do the same, because he never got the same and when I wanted to drop out of university, he was scolding me and abusing me for wasting his money, when he was in reality wasting his own money for something I didn’t want to do, but was forced to do, and never wanted to go back, because it wasn’t for me, and said to the teacher, then you know nothing about business, nor anything, nor does school teach you anything real. It's all a fake and business, no one cares about anyone, but competition for grades and the female and male species to find and hook up and fuck all day and fuck all night, as if no one respected each other, but saw whatever had legs and a mouth and was able to fuck. And that was it, no one cared about anything, people always wanted to hang out with the losers and of the same kind of losers within the rest of the other losers that never will amount to anything, because I was also in the same boat as them, almost ready to get off before they all crashed emotionally at some varying degree and point, that when and if something were to happen ever so tragically, for the worst. Not realising that I was forced to do things, and was never able to do my own choices for my own choices were chosen for me, without my will and how I never wanted it, and only wanted to do my own thing and how I was forced and influenced to waste more money on school and perceived education that was never in actual reality teaching me anything. It was only ever more brainwashing me and making me repeat information that wasn’t best, and how I was forced to go back to something that I never wanted to do in the first place. It was never my ambition to do something mediocre from someone else and who is trying to force me to do what I don’t want to do, its my life, and you don’t know what’s best for me, because my father, never knew what was best for me, he only knew what was best for me, because he only saw it from others and how i have to do the same thing be like everyone else. Be part of society and the pack of sheeps and low self esteem fuckers that know nothing about life and how to make money, and how i didn't even want to be there, driving to a compound with others, who know nothing but the lead on their pencil and the ink that hits their paper and writes. And soon as it starts, their life is over, mediocrity hits, inferiority hits, because of having to go to school and to perceive education as forever more, brainwashing from the elites, that don’t give a damn about me, nor you, or anyone, nor this fucking abuser that forced me to do such a thing that was never in my best interest, nor was it for anyone at all whatsoever. Delusion or not, illusional  or not at all whatsoever, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force my son to be like everyone else and be nothing but a brainwashed slave just like me and how i want my son to be nothin but a copy of me, to be spiteful, stupid, idiotic, a nobody just like me. And how i had to force him into educating himself and how I was never there to help him, nor was i even watching him do it and see how he is doing, and to correct it, and if I was there, I would slap him and beat him up and make things worse for him, because I know he deserves better, than the abuse that I was giving him, more abuse for the better, it was never for equality and oneness, it was always for abuse and force and threats. To do what i want him to do on what i say for him to do, and if he doesn’t do it, I will wreck him and destroy his esteem to the point where he has none and how he will eventually revolt back against me someday, not ever knowing why he would such a thing to disrespect me as if I didn’t even know that I also abused and disrespected him and made him feel much more worse off than he will ever fathom in his life to stop doing stupid things that are of little minute mistakes that was never much fo a big deal, but i was the one who made it a big deal, and how that would affect him and his life fo a long time, not ever knowing why such a thing of abuse would eve occur to me, just because I thought that was the best way to punish fear into my own son and if he didn’t do what I wanted him to do, I will project fear and threaten him to do what I wanted him to do by emotionally manipulating him and cheating him at every chance and opportunity that i get. No matter how unstable and stupid I am, I will make things much more worse off for him, as I was also abused for the worst as well, not ever considering why he was not wanting to talk to me anymore and yell back at me, just because i was yelling at him to do what I wanted him to do, without even giving him any sort of context and give him blind instructions. As if I am also the blind leading the blind into oblivion, for the worst. Not ever having a true life purpose, but only for abuse, not ever considering the ramifications and consequences of why and what things will ever be for the better. Because, I know, no better than anything at all, to threaten and destroy his self esteem, his innocence, his way of life and how he will ever more and forever more remember the abuse and trauma that will cause him to do the same to his children if when he will never consider these points that i made it worse upon him. Because I was also abused and scolded and threatened as well, no wonder I had to leave and make things much more worse off for my life, and now for my son’s life to be nothing but pure abuse for the absolute, fucking worst.

When and as I see myself being afraid of doing any homework for my business, and life of anything that I want to do, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to force myself out of my own will to do something of homework that is not best for me to do, I stop and breathe, and consider what I should do that is best for me.

When and as I see myself wanting to force someone else to do work of anything and make them do it with force and out of their own will, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not wanting to do the research for anything for my business and life learning, I stop and breathe.

I realise that my father never wanted the best for me, he only thought what was best for me and how i found myself doing things that I thought was best, without even asking anyone to know if the idea of anything was good or not and how i disobeyed and not wanted to work as a team with anyone, and how no wonder my life s the way it is today and where it has come to this very point and time, as it is to be.

I realise that I was being forced to go back to the status quo and had to challenge some person who never knew anything, but wanted to teach a class, and to tell me that my way of writing is terrible, and that your way of life and teaching is terrible as well, and you will never make it out of life. Not a chance, not an ounce of anything, and hw I was in reality that day, scolding and telling another that they are not capable of anything, when in fact and reality, that saying came from my father and how he told me that i will never amount to anything nor do anything with my life and always abuse me and grab me by the arm and hurt me as if I didn’t even learn the lesson to see what my self esteem was ever going to be high or low depending on what the abuse was and how nothing in my environment was ever even helping me, and how i gained all the characteristics and abusive ways of speech and treatment towards others and especially towards myself as i was imprinted and projected on within the fear, threats and abuse of my own innocence to destroy me and hurt me as if I didn’t know what i was doing wrong. For some little mistake to be abused and hit in the mouth and arm and leg and butt or anywhere on my body to hurt me and cause me excruciating pain and how i was screaming for the motherfucker to stop and how my uncle did the same to me, with no mercy and wanted to cause me pain and lower my self esteem to rock bottom and how he would always play with me and take me to places, but still the abuse was never enough to be taking me anywhere. And how i was never able to have a conversation with him, the only last time, I ever spent true time with him, was to go see planes at the hanger and fighter jets from the Memphis air force, where the planes and other things were being held fr show for just a late afternoon to spend quality time. But i never forgot the abuse that happened to me, it was painful, i screamed for the top of my lungs and for my life, I felt like as if i wasn’t going to be alive due to the pain and how much it was hurting me, it was loud hits and smacks from his thick belt that he took off and said to me to get ready, before he hit me more than 8-9 times, to hurt me and to make think of the mistake that I would ever make again from stealing so much. Because i never had enough, no one ever taught me anything, therefore, I had to steal and get things for my own, and thought i could get away with it, without knowing the ramifications and pure negative consequences hat would destroy me, because of someone snitching on me as my younger cousin did that to me and the same day, it a rude awakening for me. And how I never knew, right after sea-world, abuse was going to be on the rise for the worst for me, not ever considering why I was ever to be abused, and wasn’t taught to learn how to have enough and make anything real and abundant for myself. Therefore, I had to steal, because I never knew if I could ever have enough for myself, at all, whatsoever.

I realise that I never got to choose what  i wanted to do in my life, it was always given to me and then if i wasn't interested in accepting what i was given, I was abused and scolded for wasting money and time and gifts that I didn’t like. Because this was not what i had asked for, it was never something that I ever wanted, it was only something ever given to me, it was never of value, it was never of truth and care, it was always for monetary happiness and abuse along with it. That I never had enough, because everything was given to me, my life was given to me, it was never taught to me and with me and to give me any sort of context at all whatsoever, therefore, I could never enjoy whatever i wanted to do in my life, no matter what it was and how I was being forced to do such a thing, and how I was never able to choose on my own, because I never taught to be self sufficient and to be able to learn effectively do and what I want, without being emotionally manipulated by some ugly fool, and threatened and have my self esteem to be evermore and forever more, destroyed and tarnished for a future to be nothing but mediocrity and inferiority, mediocre creation, inferior creation, all of the polarity bullshit when things never were happening for me. Because my whole life was abused and painful and even my foundation was fucked, because the people who taught me, were also fucked, and were never doing anything for my own best interest at all whatsoever, and how I never knew what I ever truly wanted out of my life, and to make my life for myself truly self sufficient, instead of broke and dependent on losers who never had the best for me, nor could do the best for themselves. It was always for mediocrity, stupidity, threatening abuse, manipulation of all degrees, and how I remembered  my father taking all of my birthday money that was more than a thousand and how he bought me a laptop and personal computer to be mine, and how i never knew how much it costed, how it works, never knew anything, therefore, he mentioned to me how money works and what it is used for. And how i thought he was taking all of the money from me and never gave me any back and kept it for himself. I remember getting almost more than a 1000 US dollars for my birthday and ever since, I never knew where the other amount went when it was spent towards the laptop. And how ever since that day, I never knew how to make anything of the best of my own money, because someone else used up all of my money and how i never knew that I had trusted my own father with my own money, and how he spent it all on a laptop that wasn’t going to teach me anything, but was going to ruin me. Surprisingly, he never taught me anything, but to make me sabotage everything I will ever want and have in my life, and how my life will never be self sufficient, at all whatsoever. Not a chance, not an inkling of it, because I never knew where the money went, and the extra of it, and how he kept it from me and stole my leftover money, and that I never knew ever since, but had my eyes targeted right onto the laptop to use. And that was it, nothing ever more, at all whatsoever. Not ever knowing that my own father stole all of my birthday money as i assumed he did, and how he never paid me back or did anything, the money was all gone, I was so confused, not knowing where the money went, I trusted him to buy it, and he did, but he took the rest and spent it on himself, being self interested and took everything from me. No wonder i never had enough for my life, I never did, and i never will ever since that day, and how my life has ended up where it is to this very absolute tarnished day. My future. Because he knew that I would not know how to spend the money, therefore, he kept it and kept it from me and not ever telling me anything ever since, not even years later at all, how i never knew anything but only got what i wanted, and that was it.

I realised that my cousins next to me never said anything and just sat there and never bothered to say anything until the very last minute as I was going around and taking the knobs that go on cabinets. And when we got home, and how i put all the knobs into my sea world killer whale plastic container, they eventually found out what I was hiding and knew that I had taken it from the store where we were at and didn’t even bother to say anything to me while I was there, because evidently, they were just being oblivious until the very last minute, and how I never what was going until I was in the room getting punished and destroyed of my life and the pain I was enduring for the worst.

I commit myself to become to enjoy homework of my own business and to investigate eventually delegate these tasks off to other people as I will participate in doing so as well, to do proper and effective learning and business and education for myself. Along with the support and how I can truly be patient and learn the information practicality and effectively take it in and absorb it and apply it in real life. Integrating the information, words, and definitions of my learning and to choose and to have super success, succeeding along the financial skies and the abundance it brings to my life and with others for the better!, and to have fun learning and effectively applying myself and leading myself and leading others to do the same and do their jobs much more effectively while they are working with me, for whomever is working with me in my company of employees, salespersons, lawyers and accountants, engineers, bankers, chemists, scientists, senior partners, directors to learn, choose and succeed for my ultimate super success and our ultimate super success! And researching the information and how it works and how it is applied and do so with the best tactful ways possible within the team and for myself to do what's best for all and for myself for the better. For as I see ymail as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, within living the self corrective application change as LIFE!
I commit myself to become much more self sufficient and independent, and to lead myself and lead others and to help others lead with me and how we can make things much more better than ever before for the better. To learn how money works, how to make and create it with value and to beget money within it, and to keep being persistent and make business and learning and education fun within becoming super ultra wealthy and super ultra rich for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, for my and our super super success! Within living the self corrective application changes as LIFE!

I commit myself to become to have and help others to have much more and become self sufficient for myself first and how i can help others do the same and keep myself accountable within the support as the group, and not the by myself as the individual, that great things are always done with others and I have certainty in that, and I will do so to get all the support and give it all I can, by taking full 100% responsibility of what I do and don’t do, and always go after doing something that is best to create and be creative and innovative for my and our ultimate super success!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to encourage my kids and my wife to have fun learning and applying ourselves and to give context to how things work and what they are and how they are and why it is that way and what we can do about it for the better with common sense, practicality and easy application. Step by step and breath by breath along the way, within stability along with proper nutrition, and books and the tools we have at home to learn such as TechnoTutor and other fun books to learn that are informative and safe to learn for them and for their mind to develop and become truly self sufficient for himself and to become much more better along the way with the support and encouragement for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to become to know how to make more and more money and scale it each and every time and to make certain accounts to make it grow within my investments and to help others who are willing to do the same with stability and common sense and actual practicality for our super success. For as i see myself a life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better!

I commit myself to write self forgive and self corrective application to forgive myself of what is not best within me and realise them through flag point statements to stop and breathe and to take full self directive principle before the consequence comes and to take direction into the moment to do what is best for my best performance for the better. And to realise the self forgiveness through realisation statements to realise what has and had affected me big time and/or of anything that was not best for me at all whatsoever. Then onto self commitment statements to recorrect myself along with the tools of Self corrective application and TechnoTutor, and along with the support and applying myself and supporting myself as well. Within the Desteni I Process to become much more stable and efficient and effective and creative for the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt to the better!