Day 38: If you're not willing to help, then fuck off

 

 

 If you’re not willing to help, then fuck off

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I never knew how to ask for help and how to communicate effectively and ask and voice what i want, and how i was told to shut up and not talk. Just because I was such a little kid and child and baby, not knowing what is going on and why someone said to me to shut up and not talk just because I am not aware of what people trying to do to me, and say to me and manipulate me, just because I am so called ‘one and equal’ with them, being superior, although being disguised as inferior. How in fact and reality, not knowing how to do this, has caused a big effect in my life, and has caused me so much frustration and anger and subtle undermining resentment or another person, just because I am not receiving the actual help that i want and desire, that is in lack, and how i am just another person and a copy who doesn’t know what he wants. Instead I get frustrated when someone is not giving me what I want, when in fact and in reality, it is me, who does not know how to ask for what I want and in order to get what I want, I must know how to communicate it, articulately. And very well, and in fact, I never knew how, because no one ever taught me, all my parents and other people, for whatever I asked for something to either buy for me or make for me. And they would always say no, and I would end whining and jumping up and down in anger and complaining about and why what I don’t have yet, just because i am feeling this utter subtle like frustration, that for some reason, I just didn’t know why I wasn’t getting what i wanted. Because in fact and reality, my parents only wanted to feed my ego, and never explain things to me, they would always say no in a very ugly distorted face and attitude and mannerism like way. In a very disgusting ugly and dis-mannered way, as all poor people and low self esteem people do, no matter of age or any class they are in. it does not matter, whether you agree or not, you may be doing the same thing, not knowing if it is even there or not at all whatsoever. And how I would always get so frustrated over something that  am not getting what i wanted, because I never knew that my parents never taught and explained to me why and how and how and why to ask for something that I would want, because they only told me no. and that made me very angry and wanted to manipulate others now with my anger, even though it is so subtle, that i am not even acting it. And how I am asking help from my friends, it just seems as if they are not wanting to help me, but in fact, it was just triggering something within me that I never got and was never taught to learn and apply. Because I never knew how to voice my needs and what I wanted, because every time I didn’t voice my needs and wants, I always did unconsciously and subconsciously automatically and would always voice my needs at the last minute. When we’re all about to go do something else, and how I feel as if i am in the boat last, and letting everyone go, just because I don’t want to be rude. But the thing was, I never knew how to voice my needs and wants, therefore, I would always get frustrated, even when people don't want to help me and let me be by myself and restrict me from doing what I wanted. That was giving me freedom to express myself. And how my parents were only stopping me from expressing myself with freedom and martial arts, and the things that ‘ve been wanting in lack, and how I haven’t even got it, due to the lack of my foundation and skills right now. And how it feels ever so fucking frustrating that I am not getting what I want. Because in fact and in reality, I am only rushing myself to get something and to get to something in limitation and lack and how I am not there yet. When in fact and in reality, this is another form and reality of impatience as well. And also along with not knowing how to task for what I want and how it can help others. Therefore, i never know how, so I would always sit and be to myself and never get help. When I did want help and or want to buy something, people would always reject me, and somehow I never got what I wanted. And sat there ini sadness and frustration and sorrow of my own place. Feeling as if people have abandoned me, when in fact, now I am doing the same act in assumption to myself as my parents and my friends and other people have done to me. When i was little and young, now I am abandoning myself and not getting and asking for help and communicating points and messages effectively. It’s always being done in mediocrity, I never knew what it is was like to get and ask for what I wanted, without even being offended in some way or some how, and how this is coming up within me, out of nowhere, as if it hasn’t been noticed for quite sometime and has been going on for a while, even when people would say no. and how i would also ask for money, make money, potentially ask out a girl, and sooner or later, my  confidence and self esteem went shot and went down the drain, as if I don't have anymore confidence and wanted to hurt the other person for not giving me what i wanted. When I couldn’t even give it to myself, because in fact and in reality, I never knew how to do it, it was always resulting in frustration and pure resentment and anger and how subtle it is, and how bad it is making me feel with deep anger and regret. For what I never got in my life and how things are not going fast enough in my life, wanting and rushing something that I've been wanting and how it is not here yet. And how I do not understand that things take time,  but the effectiveness to achieve it to get here would be a lot more faster, if I so happen to know and have the skills within me to completely ask and sell someone for what I wanted and also to help them as  I would like  also to be helped in equal measure in the best ways possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing as parents, as mother and father to tell my child no and say it in a ugly and resentful disgusting way, and how it was not so good of me to do such a thing to transcend a rejection to my own son and child, and never explain anything. Just because I was only  protecting my own self interest and money, and to keep it for myself and spend on things  or myself and never had an inkling to educate and fathom anything about education of money. Because in fact, I Never Knew Anything about money and how it works, I only spent it and always paid bills and never invested the money to help myself and my  child out, because I was only ever being a consumer, I mean slave. And whenever he was little, my child would ask us for things to buy and how we would take him and sometimes  when we finally had it, to him always and always asking us for things, it was that time and moment, that we stopped wanting to feed his ego and finally make him angry to make whine and complain about not getting what he wanted, and how he was jumping up and down screaming and whining and complaining. Of why he didn’t and hasn’t gotten what he wanted, because we never knew how to communicate, we never knew how to explain things to him, no wonder he is not sufficient and fucking stupid, just like us, and how we don’t even know the basics of communication. And how effective it is supposed to be, we only ruined it for ourselves, because our parents never knew either, and now also they are incompetent just like us and how children are also incompetent and an idiot  as well. Just because we never knew how to explain anything to him and how to ask for things, we only had but no other choice but anger and resentment and saying no and rejecting our child and son, in a very ugly disrespectful way. With an ugly distorted face while moving our face  so quick away, in quantum physical time, and having to say no again, even when he would ask again from us. Not knowing why or the answer of no, and why we  rejected him. Because it was he was spending too much of our money and how we blamed him and said it to his face, that you’re spending too much money and causing trouble, when in fact, he was not in that sense, but things got worse, when he really didn’t get what he wanted, he would challenge us and make us feel bad, and how I was the one who influenced him as well to do the same thing in return and make him feel less than himself before, and how he is making us feel less than ourselves and disrespecting us, just because we didn’t know what to do with him and had to give him away multiple times, not knowing why of our incompetent instability was even there, and how we were not ready as parents to even take care of a child and how and what off the things and mistakes we have done to make our child so unstable beyond belief. And how we were also made unstable beyond belief as well, and how we so happen to make a Tasmanian devil of and within our home, and we made our copy become another version of us, not realising why we did such a thing to make him angry at us and not wonder why and ask and challenge and question why we would ever do such a thing. To yell at a young boy and as our child, and make him feel less than himself, just like we were the fucking losers who made ourselves and each other feel less than ourselves, in frustration, even when we didn’t get what wanted, and somehow it all  came out to a quick explosive and ample supply of anger ready to be unleashed and released upon ourselves and each other and our child. As the idiots we are, not realising why our communication levels were so low and tragically embarrassing to the point of us expressing ourselves in anger and stupidity, not knowing why our son and child have so many unstable emotions and are not able to communicate and read. No wonder we had to give him away, and also because of our instability and how ugly and unimaginable of the qualities it is to be, that we have,  and how ugly it is to us and to our own child and to other people if they saw the atrocity was going on at home and how much havoc and trouble was going on due to me as a father and a mother who was never there for our child and son. We were only there to resent him and make him feel less than himself and be frustrated and impatient of and about things he ever wanted. And sooner or later, i as a father decided to tell the fucker, to  get a job, a be a worker, and a slave, just like me and be a copy like everyone else and get money, and never learn how to create a business, when the business i had was nothing but a job. It was never actual real work, I never loved it,  I never liked it, I was only there to get money and do other things like alcohol and drugs and prescription drugs and also cigarettes of all killers. And how we never taught our son to be an entrepreneur, we only taught him to be a frustrated unconscious and subconscious like to the conscious act slave just like us. Not knowing why he is going from job to job, because of his instability and not knowing how to deal with people, because we were also unstable and we projected that into him and made things so much worse than anyone could have imagined that was possible. And how he was not able to communicate effectively, because we were the ones who taught him to not know how to communicate effectively, instead we taught him to snap and be angry quick and never settle for anything, and always do everything in some type of anger and resentment towards, not realizing why he has so many shit skills, because he  was never taught to know how  to do them and develop them effectively. It was always ineffective, insufficient, incapable, mediocre, inferior, and on and on and on, non-stop to pure inferiority and mediocrity. No wonder he was not able to read and articulate himself, things were so hard for him, because no matter how he tried for anything, he would always  fail and have to work twice as hard and  even sometimes, four to 5 to 10 times as hard. Just because his education and vocabulary was  so low, that he was not able to process reality and create truly something meaningful, because also even his self esteem was shot as well, even during school, and even at him. When we would disparage him and make him feel less than himself, as his friends would also make him feel less than himself and not make it, and how he would always forever be a loser and easily quit. Just because  they never quit, and also had low  self esteem and had to try to destroy his  self esteem as well, not knowing ever why they also insulted him and made him feel less than himself and how we so happens to be doing the same, without even a question why, we would ever do such a thing and lie to ourselves that we were  damaging our own son and child, into pure  ugly territories of oblivion for and of the worst. And how he would not ever be aware to help anyone, because he never knew how to help himself, no wonder he got into so much trouble, just like I did as a father, and a moron. Who was never there for my child for the best, it was always for the worst, and for an unstable future, that will cripple him, no matter how hard he tries at anything, he will always fail, because even then I would tear him down and say he can’t make it and how he will never make a million dollars. Just because  i never made a million dollars and how much of a fucking loser I am, for saying that, just because I never beLIEved that I could also achieve  what I wanted, because I was also inferior and unstable like my son was. Just because he is going after his goals and I am not, means I am nothing but a low self esteem deadbeat, just like my parents and my  wife and son are as well. In full complete dishonesty and  disparaging my own child, just like my parents and friends, did to me, and how i created it to be so much of abuse along the way, without any sort of question or challenge for anything, no matter how big or small it even was, I always wanted to tear him down and be just like me, nothing but a slave deadbeat, like every other deadbeat out there, just like me, retiring. And doing nothing with my life, how sad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise as parents, that sending our child off to school wouldn't help him either, because him being around ugly other kids and unstable kids, would also be a detriment for his life. As we never knew any better, and  how bad it would destroy his self esteem, even  one time when he had a library fair at his school, and he influenced me to come and buy him things. And sooner or later, I rejected him and said no to not buy anything and made him feel bad and less of himself just like  I was always less and feeling less of myself too, and had it no other way, and it was no different than that. Just to a varying degree, and how we never realised that even I myself would hurt and make my own child so angry and disrespect me and make me feel less than myself and challenge me and make me feel bad, just like i made him also to feel bad and less than himself, as if he was nothing, when in fact, in my own assumption, I thought he was nothing but a piece of shit and a shitty child, jut like another shitty copy  from a producing shitty copy. Just - like - myself, no fucking different. I am nothing but a deadbeat, just like my parents and my friends and how i am and have become one as well, and how my son has disrespected me so many times beyond belief, that he never had and never has or even will to have self respect for himself, because he will never know how, because I never knew how to respect myself and the women i was with. I never respected them, no wonder the divorces were so  often and quick, because all of those shitty problems came from me, not realising why I was fucked, and made my son to be fucked for life. Not even knowing why he was notable to achieve what he was going after. But because he was and is also operating on his foundation as a child, and how  I made him feel so less than himself, that I never wanted him to ever succeed and go past and far from me, never wanted to, never will. I want him to feel  less than himself in every way, intimacy, making money, relationships, no trust, no respect, no effective communication skills, and common sense, no nothing. Because in fact, we and I never had any of those skills, so evidently, we  left him in a very unstable like childhood and as a person who will never achieve anything big, no matter how hard he tries, he will never make it, due to my own assumptions and how we never taught him any of those skills. Now he will always be in lack, and limitation, unless, he changes himself, and makes a difference for himself, while we make nothing of ourselves and do nothing and make our future and life, a living hell on earth, instead of true heaven on earth at all whatsoever. And how I never knew, that why my child is so unstable, because I as a mother and/or father, made my own child to be this way, just because I was so unstable myself, and never had the necessary skills to even be a parent. I only fucked the broad, and/or man, just to be with him/her just because of emotions, and how this relationship has gone to shit, how nothing will ever turn out to be for the better. It will always turn out for the worst, and no one, and I mean no one, will ever make it out alive and make it big, because  we are  so set  in  our own ways, that nothing will ever change, unless w e change ourselves, for the better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself so inefficient and how I as a parent and son and child, have made my child be so inefficient and ineffective in his own life, as if he shouldn't respect it, nor should he even respect our elves either and not respect us at any cost. because we were also deadbeats, not knowing how much damage we have caused our child, and how our child has to be this way, in resentment and not having and wanting to have this life he was given and manipulated and abused so bad, so bad, it is beyond anyone’s belief, and how bad it doesn’t even make any sense, for any little thing, no matter what it was and is, and what it was like or is even like at all whatsoever. There was and is always some type of instability, all the time, it was never address, it was never questioned, it was never challenged, for every snapping judgement as how bad it was, how terrible and disgusting of why a person would even do such a thing, just because of the inability to express myself, and how I had to always express myself in anger, even if it was just so subtle and had to explode my own anger onto my child. As if he made an actual mistake or something, when in fact, he did not, I was the one, who was making the mistake and letting it be, to be accepted and allowed from my child and from myself to myself and to my child. As if the quick reaction in quantum mind and physical time to be such an automatic pattern from the unconscious to the subconscious to the conscious act, without even questioning why I even did such a thing to ruin my own child, with my own instability beyond actual tarnished and destroyed, beLIEf.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want and urge myself to tell someone, and how i only told it to myself, then if I don’t get the actual help that I deserve and want, then you can fuck off. When in fact, if that person was telling me, in another parallel view to another person in front of me, I wouldn't like that saying and insult to myself. And how I was only so angry and upset and how subtle it felt, it wasn't full on out right negative reaction, it was  just me  telling that to myself as if I was going to tell that insult to another person, jus because another person isn’t willing to help me and be with me and do something with me to and create something in business or no business at all. In fact, I don’t even know how to communicate that effectively, to the point where I can totally get what I want in the best ways possible, without having to be rejected so many times, just because another doesn't care about me, when n fact, truly and honestly, I truly don’t care about me. No wonder it bothers me, no one ever cared about me and how sad that was to me, when in fact, I never cared for myself truly. I never loved myself, I never liked myself, because my parents never cared about me, they only cared about me in abuse and instability and deep anger and resentment and regret. To how my life has ended up, where it is now, no matter good or not. It doesn’t matter. My life hasn’t gotten very far to where I want to go, and how it feels as if no one wants to help me, when I don’t even know how to truly help me, and influence others to help me and see what he/she can do to help me. When in fact, I realised, no one cares about me, i just don’t think they do, in my own assumption, because if I actually did ask, I would assume the answer would be no. and how I never knew, what it is like for someone to care about me, and to care for me, and actually wants me to succeed and make it big, no one ever encouraged me, I always had to encourage myself. It always felt like other people always wanted to tear me down, but they only wanted to help me, I just never realised the true meaning of giving and receiving help and all facets of giving and receiving. I just never knew how and why and what it truly even was, within that, I never even knew why, I hurt myself sometimes, when I don’t get what I want. Because I don’t know the true meaning of asking for help, because I thought I could do everything and anything ALL on my own, and never ask for it. Just because I thought another would tear down what I have created and made, and how another will never question and ask why i create something, somehow my creation was never voiced, because i never voiced it, no one ever voiced it either, they would just tear me down. No one I ever knew, ever built me up, I just felt like no one ever cared about me, I was always on my own, doing my own thing, but somehow, I just never got far, no matter how hard I tried. Things were so hard to make of me, and create in real life possession.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to and urging myself to disrespect another person and yell at them just because I am not getting what I want. And how I am conjuring and creating energy with me to be frustrated, upset, resentful, angered, and turning into some type of possessed demon. And how I never knew how to ask for something, understand and learn how to properly give and receive, it was always done in lack and limitation, and pure reaction and negative reactions of anger and negative feedback. As if I won’t ever see that  person ever again, due to my own assumptions and blaming others, when in fact, it was all me, and how I was imprinted and imposed with this atrocity and mess, not ever questioned why I ever hurt others and made them feel so much less than themselves, and how I never felt any more than myself, I only felt ever so inferior, and made myself feel less than myself. Just because I  wanted another to feel less and be insulted with resentment  and ugly emotions that aren’t what’s best for all, it was always for some type of starting point of what is not best for all, at all whatsoever. And how it makes me angry at myself, how bad I lost my own self respect and self trust for myself, because in fact and reality, it felt as if I never had it, in the first place, at all. Feeling like a victim, when I am not, I only accepted and allowed the feeling, that isn’t even real, it was only projected and imprinted and imposed upon me, just because others were like that as well, and how they would disregard me and never pay attention to me. Because no one, I ever knew, actually truly cared about themselves, nor even for me. And how I never knew what it is like to ask for help, and how I would get these utter and subtle like back chats, saying that, it won’t work out, you’ll be rejected, no, fuck off, and so on. As if it was real, when in fact, I only accepted and allowed them to be real and never questioned and challenged my own thoughts and t get rid of them at once. It was never for the actual better at all whatsoever. And how bad it hindered me for my future success, and present success, because it  felt ever so limited and in lack for the worst, because of the self abuse and previous past abuse from others. That I never thought would hinder me later in my life, and how bad it would be for me, not knowing why it was ever there, within the backchat, that would come every one then, denying  the fact that I Don't have  backchat. Even when things do get intense, for exercising and arguing when things do not go my way, not ever realising truly even why, my backchat was ever destroying me and hindering me, so much, beyond my own belief. How tragic and tarnished my future would have ever been, if i had not realised this now and how painful and resentful and angered I am over it. How subtle, how trembling it feels, how much anger i feel to express upon one another, to hurt another, just because I thought someone had hurt me, when in fact, I was only perceiving  it to be that they hurt me, when nothing actually happened, but a mere mistake in tonality and the way it was said, that i thought to myself in assumption as is. And how I never knew how to properly and effectively ask for help for anything, never could, because I never knew how, and how frustration it was for me to experience and how angry I got so subtly, but it never showed, I just stopped and breathed, but somehow, it was so intense, and breathing wasn’t just enough. So I had to write and speak this to release this, and forgive myself, in full blatant honesty in great detail, because I’d rather not miss a breath, so I can truly be free for the better.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to ask for help and then getting frustrated, just because no one is responding to me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself getting frustrated and angered just because no one is responding to me to help me about something or either have a conversation with me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself feeling like no one cares, it is because I don’t care about myself, nor anyone, I stop and breathe

When and as I see myself pitying myself and having some type of pity party and for someone to talk to me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself getting frustrated, just because someone is rejecting me to tell me the truth to help me, and refusing to help me just to lead me to another person for help and then they don’t end up doing the task to help me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself saying I don’t know how reality works, I stop and breathe and realise it is me who should improve and do something within reality to create.

When and as I see myself saying and urging myself to say stop that to myself or anyone, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself getting frustrated over something that I’ve made up of what someone has made up or has potentially done to make me upset, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself thinking about living a wasteful life, I stop and breathe.

I realise that getting frustrated over not asking for the right and correct and effective way of asking for help, was in reality, me just getting frustrated, because I thought that no one else cares, so i have to care. But in fact and in reality, I didn't care about myself and for the help i was looking to receive, within that, it was much deeper than that.

I realised that my parents never really cared about me, they only and always responded in negative tarnished ways and never could explain themselves and explain to me, they always rejected and dejected me from even asking why, because they never could explain to me something and even why it ever was at all whatsoever. So every time I did want to ask for help,  always got some rejecting answer that was negative and how I felt so uneasy and so subtly angered and a bit resentful, and somehow I never questioned it and challenged it, since I was insulted by a person of two or more, who never had my own best interest at heart. And how I found myself doing the same thing to myself, not even wondering why, it was hindering me to ever go even further and explode my anger and resent upon a person for not giving me the right answer that I want in complaining and whining, but in another form of anger and resentment.

I realised that no one ever truly cared about me, when in fact and reality, I never cared about, so I never did show my care and affection towards and to others in help, because  I never did know how to truly help myself as I was helping another. I never knew what it was like to be self sufficient, and how I was only taught to be self insufficient and inefficient and ineffective and incompetent and how it has hindered my life, in all ways, and how it has made me so angry at my own life. And even from my own parents and so sickeningly of what they did to me, in remembrance of seeing and investigating what it was that they did, that didn’t even make any sort of sense at all whatsoever. And how it affected me so big and so massively in the worst ways possible and how unimaginable to what and why anyone parent and within the child would be abusive like that, and then when they do grow up, the child ends up being abuse to their parents and then, much later on, it abuses itself, their friends, their relatives, their belongings, their things, their parents, their life, and soon enough. They have hindered each and every opportunity that ever came to them that was good, but somehow, as it is to be obvious was all tarnished and ruined from the very starting point, even before the relationship was introduced, to no matter what it was, money, intimacy, business, work, family, friends, no matter what it was. It was all fucked and tarnished from the very starting point of all. And how it will go throughout their life, until they realise that they are one who is hurt, hurting others, from the very source of their parents, and how they took the life of the subconscious acts and unconscious detrimental acts to and in every part and area of their life, destroyed, tarnished, ruined, from the very starting point, no matter how good things are getting, or even no matter how bad things are getting. It will seep into every area of their life, no matter how hard they try to revive the relationship, it will be needy, it will be ugly, it will be intense, it will not be right, they will isolate themselves, soon enough, suicide will be an option, running away from home, jail, welfare, working at a low paying job, not able to think, always whipping out anger on everyone, not knowing and even questioning and challenging why that ever was from themselves, and how they interacted with others. And how they realise how bad of a big mistake they have made for what they did not mean to say, their ego will mess with them and fuck with them forever, until their very last breath along with pain and regret and disdainful disrespect for not a well so lived life of distraught, and pure atrocity. And how bullshit it was, how not so worthy it was, how tarnished it was, even from the very starting point of all, before it even happened, no matter how and what they do of anything, it will all be and always be tarnished, unless someone points it out for them, and if they’ll be willing to listen and change for real. And make the changes, and if they don’t and continue to disregard each and everything a person says in unawareness and disregarding  everything, whatever it is, help or no help, offering of service, or anything, no matter what. They will live a life of shit, and harsh pain and regret fo so many  opportunities lost, due to low self esteem  from the foundation from the parents and on their own unconscious and subconscious creation to the conscious act, not ever knowing why it eve happened and how their life is either on the streets, poor, on welfare, not having enough, living a dead end life, dead end job, dead end career. And sooner or later, when they come to the end of their life, they think of all the regrets, all of everything, then they’re sad, dejected, rejected, dishonesty sets in, anger sets in, not speaking up about  it, a shit life has been lived for so many years. Due to regret, and a not so well learned and nurtured childhood, and no support of anything to go and be led into the right direction was sought for and introduced for. It was never that way, it was and would always be led into the direction of mediocrity, and inferiority. Nothing ever more, nothing less, but pure inferiority, and mediocrity. That's It. and when they take their last breath, they are done, no more life, no more of anything, no nothing, all done, regret has been finished for the last 7 minutes of their life as their brain goes on and on, of their whole life flashing back at them. As the first 7 years were tarnished, and now the last 7 minutes are flashed back to them, while they lose their resonance and presence to be gone, forever.

I realise that my parents never cared, the people  I so called looked up to, never cared either, no one ever  cared for me, so I never cared for myself. And how i found every hinder in my life,  that never helped me, I only accepted and allowed them, because I Thought, they were me, but in fact, they were lies, nothing of truth, all lies, my life is a living lie, full of abuse, pain, hurt, resentment, anger, sadness, sorrow, regrets, wasted time, wasted life. Feeling like as if it was a Wasteful Life, and it was.

I realise that a well lived tarnished life  and wasteful life is not worth it, and how it should be redirected and recreated into the best direction for me and for all. And it will take step by step, breath by breath, within the group, and never just the individual by themselves. There always must be help, so we can all move forward together for the better!

I commit myself to understand and know how to communicate and ask for what I want effectively in the best ways possible with common sense and actual practicality, that is compelling from me and to other people who are witnessing and perceiving me. And that,I know this will make me feel better about myself and how I can develop and communicate relationships in business and in life for the better. And to be able to direct and lead my relationship and other people into the right and best direction with others, truly for  our and my, ultimate and super success! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in  reality to apply and improve and adapt for the better to live the living change as LIFE!

I commit myself to care more and more about myself and learn to care about myself and how I am able to also as well, care about others and give help and receive help from one another. In cooperation and collaboration as one  and equal individuals, to create and to truly make something meaningful and purposeful for the better for LIFE! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, and to live the  living change as LIFE!

I commit myself to encourage and help my kids and my wife to do the same to voice and understand how needs and wants and what  we want and explain it in common sense and practicality of what we want and how we want it to be for the better. For actual  efficiency, and learning to voice our needs and  wants, specifically and effectively, and to take actual responsibility for it, and to do it with understanding and to all facets and simplify it in the best ways possible of understanding for on another understand me and themselves to consider  how effective communication is from early on and  developed and supported along the way for the better! And to explain things to my wife and also to help her do the same with me and and with the kids to help them understand what their wants are and how to ask for it, with proper and effective understanding for  each and everyone that they do come into contact with, especially when it is usually us everyday, and some other kids when they do grow up to be older and become much more  self sufficient as we have helped and prepared and supported them to be for the better as LIFE! And to help them speak up with common sense in a calm and practical way that they can understand and can be able to apply and develop along the way with the support as well. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, and  to live the living change as LIFE!

I  commit myself to challenge those who try to dis-empower others to try to not speak up and say anything and to challenge them with respect and dignity for the individual, no matter who it may be, and if they abuse their opportunity, Ii will give them no mercy at all whatsoever. And to be careful, if it is one of my employees, directors, or anyone, and todo it in private if needed, and public if necessary, doesn’t matter who the fuck it is. Within that, I commit myself to lead and encourage my employees and directors, salespersons, senior partners, to voice each other's needs and wants and do it effectively, to help encourage everyone to help each other as one and equals and individuals together. And to grow as a corporation to bigger heights than ever before! To lead, scale, communicate effectively, lead and scale, improve our skills and adapt to all situations and always get  help and if they do it by themselves get support and do so, no matter what, we’re in this for global domination and monopoly for what is best for all! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better and to live the living change as LIFE!


I commit myself to understand how to  get help within the group and not just myself, and that great  things are always achieved with the group, and to help each other vacate our minds and achieve so much more here in reality than ever, before. And how we can all voice our needs and wants so we can improve each other and adapt, and to truly really achieve super success together! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to  improve and adapt for the better, and to live the living change as LIFE!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself of what is not best within me, and realise the self forgiveness statements through stopping and breathing statements to realise what and if any reactions were to ever come up. To stop and breath, and to take self directive principle of myself and where I am and what I am doing, and within that to write self realisation statements to realise what I had reacted to and what I have reacted to, that was not best for me to live. And within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements to recorrect myself and to live the living change as life, and recorrect myself into what is best for me and how I conduct my day, myself and how I interact with others as well. And to use the tools of Self Forgiveness, TechnoTutor, the support group, and the Desteni I Process, and the journey’s to life blogs, and the books to read and apply in real life for actual physical productive results, for the better! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better, and to live the living change as LIFE!