Day 55: Not having enough money

 Not enough money

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that i have been accepting and allowing to not have enough money to do anything and everything that I want. And how I am only ever limiting myself to a varying degree and variable of equation for an unknown law that I have created for myself to be something that so  detrimental and how I am merely just accepting and allowing such an atrocity of myself just to get by and to never have enough. And how I’ve always seen my parents never have enough money and my friends as well, they would always spend all of their money and struggle, and purchase useless things that aren’t even that well to be having and how it is just being bought on based emotions and never anything else that could’ve been actually essential for the better. Instead it was bought just to have and fill their house and room up with things that they do not need and how is forever more filling a loss and a void ever more for what they do not have. And how i found myself doing the same thing, being so tired and exhausted of why I am not having enough money and how I saw my parents struggle and thought this is the normal way of living and way of living and no one will ever get far with just having not enough money and even more than enough, but most times they will end up spending it. Therefore, I would also spend my money as well, and spend so much of it, not realising what i am doing with my money and how I am not in actuality really doing what’s best for me and allowing abuse and fraud against my own self and how I would end up doing that to another in scarcity, not even realising that I’ve never had enough for my whole life, and how i was taught to never have enough, to never have more than a $1,000 USD in my bank account. And how everyone else I knew, either had $40,000 or more or just plain less, because of spending habits to be based on energy and how it's an addiction to energy strictly and no purpose at all in what is being attempted to be bought. And to soon never be used ever again, as if it was never even essential to the person of my father and mother who are useless deadbeats and how I have become just like them, in blind realization to the point where I am not where I want to be in my life. Financially and emotionally to be able to handle much more responsibility, and how i saw my parents always struggling and arguing over bills, because that’s all they ever did, and how they were accepting and allowing themselves to have the consequences of what is occurring in the life and how nothing will ever be in amount and a success for them. And contrary to belief, I’ve done the same thing as them, spending on things that i don’t even need, and never having enough money, not figuring out and doing the ways of making money to make more, but instead to just slack and contemplate and complain and do nothing with myself and how the backchat and internal conversations of lack and limitation will be forever roaring in my mind, if I hadn’t realised this atrocity and what I am accepting and allowing myself to get into and distrusting myself ever more to be in a financial down spiral. Not knowing what the hell just happened, when in fact and reality, it all accumulated over time and nothing was ever in true occurrence to me that not having enough money, was just the actual norm and wasn’t the actual abundance. Because everyone around me, friends, relatives, parents, and much more, never had enough, money was never talked about, it was always complained about. There’s always some deadbeat fool always complaining about money, and how I am living and breathing the words of not enough money, and actions and breath, words as the flesh, that I will never be able to acquire any more money than what I have right now. Being so tired of not having enough, dreaming and aspiring of having more than enough, but my words and deeds of action are not in alignment, they are misaligned, and no one has ever pointed it out for me. Even when I didn’t have enough, I had to steal and  had to do all the things to get by, and even recently, I realised that I do not have enough, and how I was so comfortable with just having enough and never more. Always accept mediocrity and not ever go for more, and just keep what I have and not go out and create, because no one I saw growing up, ever was there to teach me anything, therefore, I never knew what to do, and understood it, and understand it for myself from others, and how it works and to eventually know how to do it. No one was doing those things, everyone was poor and broke and wrong integrated vocabulary. It was a disaster throughout all these years and how it affected each and every decision that I have ever made, good or bad, it was never for what was best for all, even when did I attempt to spend all of my money not realising that it  was fo my health, but I complained that I wouldn’t and couldn’t have enough to spend on other things. And how I was lying to myself and sabotaging myself and deluding myself in arbitrary decisions and quick impulsing of ways that were not best for me, and how I never knew how to truly take self direction in myself and in the money that I’ve wanted for myself. Because I never knew how to take true responsibility for my finances and my health and especially my emotions, because everyone around me were and still are unstable, and how I am as well. Not ever considering to the point where I don’t know what it’s like to have abundance, I’ve always lived  around an environment and went to other places where people do not have enough, and how I am the person who does not have enough either. Because i never knew and still don’t know what it’s like to have more than enough and to keep creating and making value and money and to keep scaling my finances. But It was never that way, nor will ever it be, if i don’t change for real, because no one around me ever knew how to do anything, they just followed the law and the news and say it so dramatically, that we have to follow the law and never challenge anything and question anything, just because getting by should be much more easier, than just creating something real and of value, instead things were in complacency and latency, to the point where things would someday, eventually fall apart, for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents as mother and father to not realise that we were always struggling for money and had to struggle and find ways to make money at a job,  but never to create a true authentic business, where things would actually work for real. Instead of creating a business that is of a job, thinking I will make it big, but in fact, I know nothing about business, so instead, I make it as a job and have to go there everyday, and never hire anyone, and don’t even know how to hire anyone, just because I am afraid they mights steal from me, because I used to steal from others as well, and how I am afraid of someone doing it to me. And how we taught our son to never have enough money and to always get by and never do anything special with his life, and how we never have done anything real and of value with our lives at all either, because we don’t even know what real life and abundance truly is. Because we thought that nothing was available to us, therefore, everything was always in lack, limitation, and pure stupidity of our own minds and who we are and who we have become for the worst. That we taught our son to never have enough and to always have mid to more than a $1,000 USD and to never have more than that, and if we do over board and make more, we would end up self sabotaging ourselves and spend our money as if we’ve made it, but in fact we did not make it, we are deluding and sabotaging our opportunity and limited liquid supply of money, on things that don’t even matter, such as clothes and food that isn’t even good. It’s not nutritious, nor is it healthy, always on alcohol, clothes, make up,  purses, shoes, a fucking tv, more shoes, more supplies, more things that don’t even need to be used and how we already have enough right now. And how we never use those items at all whatsoever anymore, it’s been stacking up in the closet and near us for the wrong reasons that isn’t even what’s best for all. We’ve only done it because of our self interest and based on emotion based decisions to buy things that we don’t even need and have to keep buying more and sooner later, we may go broke someday, not even realising that we never had enough. And we never did at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to complain about bills and to say we never have enough and how there isn’t enough, because in reality and factuality, I am doing this to myself not even realising that I am fucking myself over, spending all off my money on useless shit that isn’t even essential to use and make money for and do what is best for all in the family and for others. In fact I had to only fuel it for my own self interest, and if I didn’t have enough, I would attempt to steal and make ends meet with food on the table with something to be had. And how we’ve never had enough, but when in fact and reality, i was projecting these detrimental messages and ideas to imprint my son and make him a deadbeat just like me and how he stared at me and stood at me as  I was explaining ad complaining that i don’t have enough money, and how we don't have it. Because in fact and reality, it is ME, fucking  ME, who does not have enough and how I am saying it as a we, when in fact and in reality, it is me who is self sabotaging me to ruin my finances, to complain to contemplate, to contradict, to do things that are not best, to do and buy stupid shit that isn’t even worth my money and time, and if I don’t like it, i have to make an ugly face and shake my head no quickly and go return it. And as I am driving on the way to the place, I am regretting my decision deep down, not ever  realising and noticing that I truly am not doing anything about my situation of not having enough and how I merely and absolutely accepting and allowing myself to not ever have enough, because I don’t know what it’s like to have enough, but to only get by and do nothing about it. And to never make anything real and of value, therefore, I was always in debt, and always having to pay my bills and complaining when my son would ask me for something  to buy, even if it was simple, I had to yell back at him to fuck off and not buy anything for him. Therefore, I was only protecting and imprinting and projecting my insecurities and my complaints and utter sheer anger and frustration out on my son, just because I don’t have enough money to spend on anything, because of how and what I am doing things that are not best for and to myself on things that aren’t even  best, within cable, internet, food, alcohol, cigarettes, so much bullshit that isn’t even worthy of buying. But you know fuckin’ what?, I still buy it anyway, because I love self sabotaging myself, without even realising that I deep down do not like what the fuck I am doing to myself. And fucking with myself ever more, to the point that my life will be a wreck someday. Not ever realising that that day has come to a standing halt for the worst, and along with my health. Smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol is just my main purpose and how money is not ever important to me to make something real and how my wife has to work all the time and how she complains to me as well, and how we complain that our son is not doing anything either, when in fact, he is, maybe just not enough in our own assumptions. Because we know deep down that we didn’t teach him right, no wonder he is in the position that he is in his current situation and life right now. No wonder, it tells us as well, that we are broke and deadbeats to show myself and  to show my son what it is like  to be broke and to not have enough money to do whatever we wanted to do with our lives to have fun and make more fun and build something valuable and meaningful. Evidently, it was never that way at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother and parent to my son to show him that not enough money is okay and to never have enough money is okay too and to always be a broke deadbeat loser as well. Not ever knowing why the fact that we always complain and fight about bills to my husband and how we are never able to have an actual casual conversation without having to yell and do anything that is of efficiency and fun in our lives. And how I would always complain to my son as if when he would ask me to buy something for him, but I always expressed to him that I don’t have enough, because i know deep down,  I love spending on stupid shit, that doesn’t even matter and is not essential and how I am going based on emotional based buying decisions and making so many purchases on things that i will never use and just cram it into my closet in the master bedroom. Where nothing is able to have extra space to walk around, nor would anyone perhaps be able to walk around either, and how I am so over protective of the shit I love that i never use and how I love buying it, and seeing it and doing nothing about it. As if money is not even important to me, but things are important to me and to hoard so many clothes and shoes, purses and makeup sticks and trays and pads and much more  in my bathroom and how it is like a hell hole in there. With no actual organization to the point where things are just really all over the place and how I cannot even have a clean bathroom to have things where things should be organized. But I love having a mess and how I have created my life to be a mess and to project financial  insecurity and emotional insecurity as well to my son and to my husband and especially to myself. Doing things to myself that I don’t even like doing to myself, even though i just keep doing it, because i don’t know when to stop, just because i love spending money on things that aren’t even best for me. Therefore, I always showed and expressed and projected onto my son that I never have enough money and always complain about bills and all this shit and how no one in our  family and including our son will never have enough in his life, just because we taught him unconsciously and subconsciously by observation by quick snaps of short movies and short clips of a moving scene in his head to see what is going and how nothing will ever amount in his life, just like nothing has ever amounted in our lives, than just the debt itself. And the owing back to credit cards and how now where we are many years later of my life and my son’s life to witness the atrocity I have caused myself to have and how it feels ever so irreversible to the point where no one will ever have enough, nor will i, nor will my son in my assumption and even my husband and all of my friends who never have enough either. Always spending money on stupid shit and never giving enough to my son, no wonder I am the only one in the family and a an individual who has more clothes, more food that isn’t even best, more make up, more shoes, more things, and so many more things than everyone else. And how I don’t give a shit about anyone, and how my son’s life is a  reflection of me and my husband, buying things that he doesn't need or use, to have little and to never have more. And how i am the only one who is a self interested and self centered dumb bitch and self centered asshole who doesn’t want what’s best for anyone, and to only have what’s best for me, no matter how much I have and make. I will never teach anyone nor my son to do anything, because I know he won’t listen, so I never will do anything for him, therefore, I have never done anything truly for the better for myself at all either. And how each and everything  we've done, has affected my son’s life and our lives and we have made him a person of not having enough money and to be a deadbeat and have to steal to get by and to never have enough for anything and everything at all of what he wants or doesn't want at all whatsoever. Because in fact, I don’t even know how to teach myself anything, because in reality, I don’t even know anything, but to live my life as a deadbeat slave to myself and to push my son and my husband away further and further to the point where no one will be able to have enough but me, and sooner or later, I will crash and all of my finances and emotional stability that was never even there will crumble and come down to a standing halt to never go any further than where  I am. No matter how much I am making, it will never be enough, it will never be what’s best  for all, it will always be from a self interested bastard like starting point, where no one ever have enough, nor will I myself, at all either, whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have and accumulate over time an abundance of debt and how I never even know how to truly pay it off, because I don't know what to do or even how to make it back. Because of how I’ve spent it and realised that I have put myself into debt for myself and not just for someone else, and how I saw my parents do the same thing and not ever realise what they were doing and how they were just merely accepting and allowing debt to accumulate overtime and how they were doing this to themselves, and how I did the same thing in great atrocity and means to derail and wipe my own self out to the point where I will never know what it is like to have more than enough, but to always live the living words as not having enough money, therefore, I never will, for the worst. And how I don’t even know how to make money and pay it off, I was only ever taught to get a job and that was my only route and suggestion and idea of, because that’s all my parents ever taught me to do, but to be like a slave like them is something that is truly distrustful and distasteful to experience as if I have no true common sense, because i was never taught common sense, so no one ever knew what it was, therefore, I never knew of what and of anything about money, and life and spending habits, nor was anyone sevens table stable themselves emotionally to be able to create a life that is best and abundant, however, it was not ever that way, we were always and how I was always as well in the dumps with everyone else, and how no one ever had enough and to had to spend on stupid things and even got lazy and never realised what and why ad how the bills were racking up, as if they were not important to what I was doing to myself and how my relationships were being torn apart, friends departing me, and how I was departing them as well, and how my relationship with my family got more worse and with my friends and previous girlfriends as well, got more worse. Because deep down they knew, that i was not self sufficient to be able to accept me as the proper person to be with another, especially if it is a girl t be with, and even friends who want to do things with me, and how they would always make fun of me for not having enough money and would always get yelled at when  was somewhere with other people to go do anything and have fun. Instead  I was yelled at and chastised at and was made fun of and how one person was anticipating and laughing and couldn’t wait till i got hit in the face and how he would laugh at my pain and how I was being abused by someone who doesn't even care about me. Nor himself, as if how abuse is the norm and how he never questioned why my father would ever abuse me, just because he got abused the same way as well, not ever realising he was the same idiot that doesn’t have enough either, therefore, he eventually became a deadbeat as well, not ever having enough for himself, nor for anything he ever wanted to do, at all whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to yell at my son as if he was going to someplace to the movies to watch a movie and how he wasn't home and how I wanted him home and was yelling and abusing him. And eventually when he did come home, I beat the shit outta him and made him cry to never leave me and make that decision ever again, and if you do, I will kill you, literally. And how i was acting so irrationally to the point where I didn’t even want to my son to go do anything and to have enough and  do what he wants with his life, and how I was accusing him that he doesn’t know how to do anything, because in fact, I never fucking taught him anything, therefore, he  doesn’t know how to do anything and how i was accusing and yelling at him and how i am pointing that out and how I don’t even know how to do anything either, how contradictory that is. Such an atrocity for massive idiocy and pure massive bullshit that doesn’t even make any sort of sense to why i would ever do that to my own son, just because I was afraid of being home alone and how I never could express myself to that, it was always done irrationally and abusively physically and emotionally. I never knew how to express myself but  in anger and instability, for how i don’t even know what to do at all if something goes wrong. I just panic and yell and in fact, I am the one who doesn’t know how to do anything either if something goes wrong and how I don’t even know what to do  to ask for help. So I just figure it out myself and if I don’t know how to  do it, I just give up, pretty easily, as usual. And How it has always been this way, never for any other way at all whatsoever, nothing was ever done for what’s best, it was always abused at each and every turn of my life and my son’s life, and how my abuse is now his abuse to himself, and how he will never realise that he is abusing and manipulating himself for detrimental ways that isn’t even best for him, no wonder his life is not the way he wants it to be, because  in fact, I ruined it for him and abused it. And how I was only expressing my anger and resentment towards him, because I was just afraid and agreed that I was left alone with no one telling me anything, because if he did  tell me before, he left, which he wouldn’t, he was afraid of asking and telling me of where he was going. Because my  response would not be  best to explain and express, because each and everything that I have ever done, was always in some type of abuse, it was never for the better, it was always for the worst.

I  forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a friend to anticipate and laugh at my friend as he got in trouble and how I was ever more anticipating excited to see him get hurt and abused. Just because he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, just because he didn’t ask, nor was even wanting to say anything to his father, nor me, therefore, I couldn’t even express and have any concern either, because I was only concerned and focused on my own self interest, and no one else’s well being at all. And  how  I only cared about me and no  one else. And how I never knew how abusive his father was and how i wasn’t standing  up for him, I was only against him and made  it worse upon him, I joked at him  and manipulated him in the worst ways possible to make him  feel bad about himself,  therefore, he wasn’t a person to be a friend of, I would joke around and say I like you, just because I joke around with you, because you’re a good friend, but in fact,I was only ever abusing him and making fun of him in a joking fun way. Which only ever made his self esteem drop ever more, for the worst. And how I’ve realised that I am in actuality and reality and fact, not a good friend, nor do I have good intentions for him, and nor for myself and nor for my family at all whatsoever. And how my parents and my mom and  sister do I even care about me, nor does my cousin either, no  wonder we never made anything true and of value to be with my friend at all, I wasn’t actually a good person, I was only ever an abusive person that just wanted to have fun. But I didn’t realise I was hurting him and laughing at him as well. How unfortunate of me, and how I will never change for the better, at all, whatsoever, under any circumstance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ever have the true attempt to raise what is best for me, nor for anyone else, because I never knew anything about how to do it and  to have the best intentions for myself and others. Therefore, I was left to my own responsibility and had to do everything my own, and no one ever supported me, nor did anyone care about me, so eventually I never did  either, and how I had to steal, just  because I didn’t have enough money, and never could, just because I was only ever more going after energy, and to feel as if i could make a decision as if I do have more than enough money, when in fact and reality, I do not, i am only double thinking and as if i do, when in fact and reality, this has affected each and every decision to where my life has come to arrive to where it is right now as I write and speak this. My life hasn’t turned out for the better, and how i compare myself to others and how others are having somewhat of a better life than me, when in fact and reality, I am only evermore comparing myself to people who don’t even have enough and seem to have things going for them, but it just  doesn't seem enough, and how i never knew what  it is like and it was like to have more than enough and to always keep having more in abundance and to do what's best with it. It was never at my imagination, it  was never at my own disposal to use, it was never at thought and at hand, it was always empty and lost. And how my life was going to be the same, recycling and up cycling again in circles and circles over and over and over and over again. No matter how hard and smart I try to do something, I will somehow sabotage my success, even my own complacency and failure as well for the worst. And I have lived a life of dishonesty and sleep walking throughout my life being broke and poor and deluded of myself, no matter what I wanted and aspired myself after, I just never could be able to figure out what I wanted for my life, and how my life has never changed truly for emotionally, financially, relationships, business relationships, and much more, my place of living and environment is full of complacency and exhaustion of no true opportunity, nothing at all, whatsoever. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have a purpose for making money and doing anything, and how I would never have enough money or more than enough. Therefore, my life has never turned to be for the better of anything, and how it’s currently in lack and limitation, no matter how hard and consistently i try to go for something, things seem to never amount. And I would just participate in my mind and feel sad and depressed and mope about my financial situation that  have created for myself that isn’t even best, and how i am the one who needs to change and realise that if I want change in my life, then i need to  change me and to change my world where everything is available for the better. And how in the past, I had to steal and even recently, just because i am not truly ever having enough for my life, and if I keep doing this condition after telling my to stop doing that, no matter what i do, I will always be at some type of lack, and limitation, not ever realising that I was living the  living words of not ever having enough money for myself to do anything and have anything to be do and have anything and everything I want. Therefore, nothing ever since that very day of 7 or 8 or 9, ever turned out for the better, it turned out for my life to be a long living detriment forever.

When and as I see myself in attempt to try to steal something that I don’t have enough money for, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not having enough money and not doing anything about it to get and create more and make more, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not making any money to have more than enough in my life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not doing anything to become to have more than enough money on a consistent and daily process, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wasting precious time to not make any money and for whatever I am doing at hand, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not creating and making anything real of value, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself ever more limiting myself to emotional stability and financial growth of any kind, I stop and breathe.

I realise that my parents never could provide for me, therefore, I never could provide for myself either, no matter what I did and tried at, it was always hard for me, and a big struggle as well. To the point where I would try so hard at a business or anything, and somehow, it doesn't work, because I don't know how  to do anything to grow anything, or build anything. And how I was just taught to be merely clueless and faulty in how I communicated and expressed myself, therefore, I would actually amount to anything true for myself at all whatsoever. No matter what it was, I never could create anything to be real and of value, at all whatsoever.

I realised that my parents always complained about bills and how things were just never enough, therefore, I never had enough and had to complain about bills and argue to others and at others when and if i did ever get over charged for something. And how i am literally doing this to myself without even noticing that I am self sabotaging myself, just like how my parents did it to themselves, like morons who were just blaming something outside of themselves that was going on, when in fact and reality, they are the ones who are to be the blame of, because they’ve caused it themselves and how i saw them do the those things that weren’t even best for them. And  how I found myself doing the same thing, just in oblivion and never questioning and challenging why I was ever living this way and how poverty like and poor like it is, for the worst.

I realise that my life was never going to change that day, once everything was already ruined as the starting point and was the actual ending point for the worst. And how my relationships never lasted, money never lasted, I never knew how to make anything real of any kind of value and  caliber and scale, no one ever taught me, nor did i ever know at all whatsoever. And how nothing was ever to the direct source, it was always in some type of contradictory bullshit as always and as usual, it was never for the better, nor was it what was best for me, because my parents never knew what was best. So I never did know and had to figure out everything all on my own, and things never did work out as I wanted them to. Sooner or later, my life would come to a standing halt of unworthiness and lack and limitation forever.

I realised that my parents don’t really care about me, they only cared about their own self interest and how much in denial of reality and how much of a bastard they are in their own self interest and reality. Where nothing has ever been available for them and how  that has happened to me, and how they didn’t know what they were doing, nor did i, I just was so clueless, didn’t know what to do, nor  could I even help myself to do anything I ever wanted to do  in my life, it was always at a limit and of lack as usual, it was never for the better. It was always for better or worse, it was never for what was for the  best for me, therefore, I never knew ever what it was like to ever have more than enough for myself, in fact, it  was always at a limit, because that was how I always saw it, therefore, I never could ever see further, because my parents never saw the same thing, and how I so happened to do the same things as them to  certain varying degrees to my own way and detrimental ways that was not what was best for me, at all whatsoever. And to never have enough, ever since, food, money, nutrition, education, and stability, I never had any of those things, therefore, everything was always at a limit and lack, and never enough, never, at all.

I realise that other people don’t have enough  either, and how they were also struggling as well, and how i was also in the same boat and situation with them, no matter how hard I tried to do anything, it  was always at some type of limit, I just never could realise why, and how and what it was. It was so delusional to me, illusional as  well, not  ever knowing why I didn’t even have  enough money, food, books, education, of anything, clothes, shoes, watches, anything that was cool looking to use that was essential. It never was the actual case for me. Therefore, life was always never having enough and always getting by and never more at all, nothing at all whatsoever. And how my life has come to be where it is, today. And how I couldn’t ever move out and make a business real and work. Things were always at a standstill as usual, it was Never for the better, it was always for the worst, never challenged, never  questioned any of it, at all whatsoever, until realization of it as of right now.

I realise that whatever I did, there was always some type of limit on what I was able to do, it was never for more, it was always for less and mediocrity, and absolute failure. And how I never got to experience any kind of bliss and fun and creation of anything, it  was always being sad for something, not knowing what it  ever was and how it ever occurred to me to what i was even feeling that wasn’t serving to my own best interest and benefit at all either, whatsoever.

I realise that I am about  to have another year empty handed, not ever knowing when I’ll be  able  to create actual real true abundance for myself, ever at all.

I realised that I have lived a life of mediocrity and poverty as a modern day slave with nothing to have and use for abundance at all, whatsoever.

I realise that I am not capable of creating anything real, no matter what I do and try, everything will somehow be a limitation and lack, therefore, not  ever having enough to  use  for  myself at all whatsoever.

I realise that others have not have a better life as well, and how it is  similar to mine, but  they are different situations, and that if others do not realise this sooner, they  will, before ever fucked for the worst.

I realize that if I don’t truly change now, then my life will be the  same  like it has  been, each and every year, ini recycling cycles of going nowhere, no matter what I do  and not realise, nothing will manifest for  the better, at all, whatsoever, under any circumstances and events with others as well.

I Realise that I was taught to never have enough to never surpass my parents and to be nothing but a slave copy just like them  and everyone else, being held back  at any moment and time, no matter what it was and is. And how there was always some limitation for me, because it was imprinted and imposed and projected onto me, without any realisation from  them, nor me, it was all pure bullshit being witnessed as the  greatest  atrocity that any parent and delusional fools that are deadbeats will never have anything valuable and special at all, whatsoever.

I realise that I was also the participant who did those wholeness and accepted and allowed it to myself and for myself without any realisation to stop myself from what i was doing that wasn’t best for me, but i never could do it, because I was not truly aware of myself, nor did i have a self possession and self direction over myself. Nor did I even  know how to lead myself, neither did my parents know how to lead anybody, nor themselves either. Out of any potential ways of mess, and  ever since, nothing has ever changed for the better, at all.

I commit myself to understand how to create more than enough money and to always show myself that I can absolutely have more, as long as I apply myself and do what is best for me and also to help others around me, depending where I am and what I am doing for business. To manage and take a look at my finances on the 1st and the 15th of the month and seeing where my goals and objectives are and what  I’ve achieved so far within gaining the momentum and actual consistently everyday and  every breath and every step to will myself to do what is best to trust myself in Every-Way. Improving and adapting myself, by becoming more and more of The Executive of Self, and I will be the Master of My Fate, along with the help and support of others and to support myself to see the consequence before it happens and take self directive principle as the principal to direct myself to do what is best and of integrity and honesty. To understand how to surround myself around people who are actually making something real and of value happen in  the real physical world, because the physical always wins, and it will always win. That I must become one and equal with the physical and to improve and  use my environment to my ultimate advantage t o lead others and work with others so I can able to achieve what  I want to achieve as well, by  helping myself first and always associating myself with people who are actually doing something real and of real actual impact value in this world and around us. For the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words and self directive principle in reality and in awareness as LIFE!

I commit myself to change my environment to what is best for me and who is working with  me alongside to have an environment to come to where it is best for creation and momentum to keep going. And to develop more and more of the momentum within myself, and always operating from principle as the principal with whom as well as the principal is also working with me as well. And how we can  see different things and realise  to each other what we can do together as equal, as one, to do what is best for all, to have more than enough, and to Always have more than enough money to be able to have the ability to have more nutritious food, education, supplies, books, encouragement and much more for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words, and as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to put and integrate my goals and objectives and to help whomever may want to participate to put their  goals and their objectives into the education software TechnoTutor and write it down on paper and in front of us and myself as well. So it can be seen and witnessed every hour and day, looking at what we can pragmatically and practically to  achieve what we and I want to  do for the better. To always mean what we say that is of self honesty and integrity and to do what we set out ourselves to do and we do it, by principle and always by principle as the principals of life life for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness as the living words to improve and adapt  for the better as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to be okay with having more than enough money, always and to always keep it growing and scaling it to bigger heights than ever before and to never back down and to never stop. Doing it with a purpose and actual true integral meaning  to do what is best to achieve our goals and objectives for the better. And to never settle for less of anything, always striving for the best, to make my environment, and myself and who I am with to strive and do the best, for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness  to improve and adapt for the better as living words as the flesh and self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to be laser beamed focus on what I  am doing at hand and to let others know and myself know that I am focused and when I am done, we shall do what is best and to chat together and to help others do the  same as well, and work with  the other person and/or people as well. Making and improving and adapting things in organization where things in our reality will be available for the better, for as I see myself a slide and life resonance as living words as the flesh in reality and in awareness as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to block out distractions and stay focused in my environment and where I am and to truly enjoy what is here and what I can do to create much more than ever before, by applying myself to what I have written down. And to become one and equal to what  I do want to attract, and who that person and/or thing or objective/goal or anything that it is, that I must change and apply myself in the physical to become someone to be admired for and inspired by, and to keep going and improving with it he support and supporting myself as well as an absolute individual. To understand and see who I need to become to attract what I want to be one and equal to, and to become the best version of myself each and everyday, willing myself to forgive myself, willing myself to do what's best in the physical world and reality, improving my vocabulary, my communications, in the best practical ways possible to keep doing  it and improving it, within my skills as well. And to develop Great Skills, and develop a Great Will, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better living words as the flesh as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to be aware of myself and in my reality to know that my actions do  affect one another, and they do affect me as well, and how i become to make better effective decisions that is best for me and for everyone and in my environment as well. To what heeds for attention that is best to do, regardless of how I feel, I will do it with integrity and honesty, and operate from principles as the Principal as LIFE. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness as the flesh as living words to improve and adapt for the better as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to become to create a life worth living and amazing with being disciplined and focused n the best ways possible and doing what is best for me and to be aware of what  I am accepting and allowing and if it not best for me, I will stop and breathe and direct myself  to do what is of integrity and honesty for me and how I can advance and grow as a person as well. And for whomever is working with me, I will support them and encourage them, and to support myself as well in the process for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better, as the living words as the flesh and as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application to forgive myself of what is not best within me and in my actions and experience in living reality, to stop and breathe when and as if a reaction would come up to take self directive principle as breath and life to direct myself in the moment and where I am for what is best for all and myself especially. Then onto realisation statements to realise what had affected me and what I had done and who was around me, that wasn’t doing what was best, and how that affected me to this very day. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment and self corrective application statements to apply and live in the physical world and to change myself for real as the breath, step by step, breath by breath, as my actions must become like my breathing and taking care of what is here in reality for the better. Within using the tools of TechnoTutor, Desteni I Process, the self forgiveness and self corrective application, and along with the support from others and supporting myself and others as well for the better. And to become the best version of myself each and everyday for the better, willing myself to do what is best, willing to forgive, willing to trust myself in ‘Every-Way’ as equal as one to become what I want to attract and to become one and equal to for the better as LIFE! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in reality and in awareness to improve and adapt for the better as living words as self directive principle as and for LIFE!