Consequence
(Read Aloud and Breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and react to and still have the negative feeling of the word consequence and how someone projected their fears and insecurities onto me with danger to and upon me. As if I would be in great trouble for being in some type of consequence due to my decisions that weren’t best, but in reality the word actually means as an end result, and how other people had made it so much of a big negative towards me and that’s how I’ve thought of it and always did things backwards and not in the right order and how my decisions and and results ended up a negatived and how I never realised that I was conning my own sequence to an end. And how this affected each and every decision that I’ve ever made, just because someone put and projected their fears at me and to me, and how i perceived it as so in such a negative way, that it caused my heart and body to jump and be so afraid of this person whomever was the actual abusing executor that wasn’t even aware of what this person was actually even doing to me. And how I perceived consequences that are bad and how they are not good, and how results and getting results of anything is bad and how no matter what of any result whether good or bad, I would still be afraid of getting an end result that would’ve been best for me, but instead I sabotaged each and every result and and everything that I’ve ever done to get the result that I’ve always wanted for myself. And how I would ruin it for myself at the very last minute for something that I’ve always wanted. And how this comes up for me, as that it is is so subtle to the point where I can feel myself but not truly being aware to stop myself in the moment, even when I am about to perform the act on impulse and not in directive pulse, and how I was directly impulsed and imprinted with fear and trauma and being afraid of having any sort of consequence and any end result of anything, no matter what it is that i do. I would always sabotage it and ruin it at the last minute, no matter how good it was or just neutral and even just plain negative as it is and how I’ve realised that I’ve made negative consequences, instead of positive consequences that would benefit me. And how I’ve always perceived the bad as bad, just because it also had the word con in it, and how I was being delusional convict of convictions and conning my own sequences to what i want to happen that would’ve been best for me. But no matter what, things would never turn out or the better, even if I do the process of a business, building of anything in my business, myself and/or anything of that nature, I would end up becoming a con artist to plot my and disrupt my own sequence that would have benefited me. And how I was just not truly aware of why I wasn’t doing things to be as the exact sequence and recipe to get a success, it would always result out into some type of failure and having to add on my own garbage in, when in fact and reality, every time Ii do add my own way, nothing seems to work out for the better, because I am at last minute sabotaging my own ways to the result that I’ve always wanted and end up saying something stupid that doesn’t even matter. Just to build some type of rapport, but somehow, i would always say some type of stupid shit and misdirect myself and the other person and especially the situation at hand, and how nothing was ever going to be of a fruitful success, at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a person to project fear and the wrong meaning of consequence and consequences and how I’ve ruined it for this person not even realising that that would affect his whole life, on matter what he does in life. He will sabotage it at the last minute, not knowing that he did it, and wasn’t even aware to ever stop himself to take self directive principle when in fact I knew deep down. I only wanted to negatively manipulate him and ruin him, because that was how other people were and also did the same thing to me, in contradiction and massive ugly abuse as if it didn't matter. And how i am now doing the same thing to this person. And continuously projecting the wrong meaning and how he will believe the wrong meaning of the word consequence as a result, when in fact and reality, I’ve made him believe that the word is bad and not good. To not get any good results out of what he may be wanting to do in his life, no matter what he does, he will never make it, just because that very day, more than 12 years ago or I’ve made it worse upon him to think that way. When in fact and realty, I’ve always thought that way as well, and have projected my fears and insecurities and anger and trauma to make him and others afraid of putting a word out there and not explaining the definition of what it means to the person, when in fact, I only knew the definition off it as negative, and never as well a positive off what it truly would have meant. And how I was projecting wrong meanings of words this whole time and abused my opportunity and everyone’s opportunity in that very room ever since that day and even in the hallways of the school and where everyone was getting ready to leave. No wonder I never made it in my lief, just because I’ve had wrong definitions to many words and especially the word consequence, and how everything should be a negative result and to self sabotage myself doing the same thing, and making others do the same thing being blind to the fact of not knowing the definition of my own energetic negative opinion and projecting my rifts inside me and to make others feel the same in distraught as if i need to making others feel unworthy and much less than themselves as how I felt myself, without even explaining it, but expressing it. In such abusive and not what’s best for all in expression. It was nothing but an abusive expression for the worst. And how I also projected so many wrong meanings to words on purpose and made everyone feel like shit and bad about the word and themselves and how everyone was talking about it at the end of the class. As everyone left and how I was not even aware of how my actions would affect so many people as little people, and how I am nothing but an abuser in the world. Who doesn’t know anything, but the curriculum of the school district and the state itself. No wonder a lot of the kids cannot read and think that if they don’t do what is best and told of them, they will always experience the consequences, but I never explained it, that they were going to experience the end results of their decisions and how no one was ever influenced to ever learn how to make a good decision. And actually learn to improve and adapt around to make better decisions, instead as the year by, as they left and went up onto another grade. Their lives will never be the same, due to the wrong meaning and negative type like results that would be the output of a tarnished input that would disrupt everyone’s files in their minds and bodies, how no one will ever make it out to do something real with their lives. And how I am as a person and teacher who will never make anything real, but to abuse my ways and expressions of teaching, therefore, I am not worthy of teaching, and how I don’t even know why I am even here truly at all whatsoever. But to teach, but to abuse it, without even realising that it was already there within me, before the impulse showed up and was expressed from me, ruining all of the little people’s minds and bodies, and their decisions in their lives. I literally ruined all of their lives, by saying the wrong thing and never giving any context. Because I knew deep down that they would never understand and ask questions, and how I would be afraid to answer them. Because if I did explain and give context, and they would ask questions further, I would be afraid and anxious to not be able to answer, because I never knew the real meaning of anything, and even the word consequence by itself by my own assumption for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to not realise that my decisions and my actions would result in a consequence if nothing was actually done for what was for best of all. And how I was also a proponent of that blinded meaning as well, and how there was never any sort of context to anything, because in fact, I never could explain anything myself either, nor could I understand it. And how i would act so irrationally, and in stable and pragmatic and common sense like way. It was never that way, it always abused each and every turn, corner, nook and cranny within any and every surface there ever was. Everything was always sabotaged for the worst. And how my son would never get out alive to do what is best for his life, and how there was nothing to resolve and explain about, because it was only and one and only the blind, leading the blind for the worst, how unfortunate. And even when he would do things that weren’t ‘best’ in a sense to us, we would always abuse him and make or own consequences and make up laws and rules that were totally non-existent and never were explained and express, because in fact and reality, we knew that we didn’t want to explain it, because if we did, wouldn’t know the correct answer, we would just express it irrationally and in a ugly manner, and how it project upon and onto my son that explaining things is not the best way to go about anything and if i did, he would question me and how i don’t like being questioned, because I’m so comfortable in my complacency and latency being a mediocre deadbeat, and a loser. Who will never make it either as well, and how unfortunately, I had no choice but to abuse my son, just because I thought hat was the way of tradition of someone was acting in a way that I didn’t like and how I have to abuse a copy of mine and made it just like me, and to act irrationally, not ever knowing and realising that I am nothing but an abuser, who shouldn’t actually be alive and should be jail for child abuse for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a parent to say things that I don’t know the true meaning to and if I d o end up saying it, I will act like I actually know it, and have to lie to myself and to my son. In such stupidity, as if what I am saying is actually true, and should not be questioned and challenged, if so, i would be upset and want to protect my lies and have to no and shaking my ugly vigorously and quickly to the point where I am nothing but just another copy like any other abusive person would say no, just being mad and upset over something that don't even know the true meaning to. And how I am just delusional and illusional to the point where I don’t even know what I am talking about and, and even made the wrong expression and meaning to my words and expressions that were false and faulty. That I am in actuality, not qualified to be truly even a parent, nor even a teacher at all whatsoever to this little boy and child. Therefore, I am not a real woman/man either, I am a nobody, I am nothing but a tarnished slate and tarnished abuser.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself and tarnish my opportunity at the last minute and always choke up on wrong words and their meanings and adding my own blinded expression that isn’t even true and authentic to the actual words of their true actual meaning. And how I in fact do not know anything either, and how I was taught to not know how anything, but experience and expression myself out of feeling and not by principle, it was always an expression and living of negativity and last minute self sabotaging and midway and sometimes even before, not knowing that I’ve had these detrimental qualities from people who projected this onto me and how I had accepted and allowed it. Without even knowing what the true meaning of the words and their e expressions were from others, I always depicted them to be true, and how I ended up fucking myself, at each and every corner and turn of my life, to do something better and make something truly real and of value for my life for the better. But evidently, it was never that way, each and every sequence was conned by me and how i took it on from my observations from others and how i took the imprinting and imposing from others who were also abusers who tarnished meanings to words and how i perceived and deceived myself of them. In full swing of contradiction, no matter what it was, as if some type of big weapon is swinging from one side and different various directions to and toward and back and forth to the other and each and every side and corner of wherever I went in my life. It was never the best for me, it affected and tarnished each and every decision that I’ve ever made and how my life has gotten to be where it is right now as I speak and write this, expressing my oblivion and delusion of the meaning of what words I am living that is not even best for me. And how I’ve been lying to myself each and step and breath of the way, and my life is nothing but a living lie to the wrong meanings and expressions to words and things in my life. No wonder I am not where I want to be in my life, at all, whatsoever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been living words that I don’t know the true meaning to, and how I have no actual true self direction and meaning for my life. And how I am the one who has accepted and allowed it to be created this way, just because of that very day, I never got to understand the true context of anything. How sad, and atrocious bullshit.
When and as I See myself, if and so still reacting to the word consequence as a negative and not just a result of its true meaning, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself witnessing someone expressing something of fear and insecurities and trauma upon me, I stop and breathe and challenge them with respect and in full direct communication towards the other to do what is best for me and help the other person realise their bullshit.
When and as I see myself trying to in an attempt to self sabotage the meaning of words that i don’t even know and want to add and do my own thing when it is clearly not working in a sense and way, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself having to attempt to direct myself with no self direction, I stop and breathe, and become aware of myself and to realise what I need to do.
I realise that my teacher didn’t know what the hell she was saying and how I perceived it in the wrong way, because she never gave any context and how I never took the responsibility ever since to know the word actually meant ever since. She had expressed it to me, therefore, I was only ever living my life blindly and sabotaging myself at each and every corner and turn of my life. No matter what it is and was, I just never did anything with purpose and had to only have my own way of doing, and how it was clearly not working. Even if i was negotiating any type of deal in business, and/or even talking with anyone, in my life, friend, co-worker, business partner, anyone, didn’t matter who it was. I would end up saying the wrong thing not ever knowing why I ever went off line and started saynig stupid shit that wasn’t pertaining to what was at hand and in the situation, at all whatsoever. And how my life has ended up where it is today, in confusion and pure contradiction for the worst.
I realised that my teacher(s) and my parents were also abusers and tarnished each and every meaning to whatever they said and how they were too afraid to give any sort of context at all whatsoever to anything. Because they knew deep down that they don’t even know anything and if they tried to explain to me, they wouldn’t be able to do so, because of them feeling so inferior to what they don’t know of and all of a sudden to feel ever so anxious as a deadbeat loser they were and still are to this day. No matter what they do, and if they did explain themselves and gave context, they were afraid I would question and challenge them on their bullshit, because in fact and reality, they were afraid I would surpass them by knowing more and being able to do more in my life. But in fact, they only saw me as competition and never wanted me to become better than them, they only wanted to tear me down and bring me down with them, and how I never challenged that. Because I was ever so blind to the fact that these people were not qualified to be parents of me, and how IT should've been parented by someone else who actually had common sense and stability and pragmatism, unfortunately, no one I know ever since then, actually has true self stability to be able to take care of me. And how I was never able to take care of myself either, because my parents never could do that for themselves, nor could they even teach me how to do so, therefore, I was never truly self sufficient on my own, at all whatsoever. Not one thing, all they taught me was to be abused and buy things that I don’t need, say things that I don’t know the meaning of just to sound smart and not live the information. And to do nothing with my life and to be a slave like everyone else, and never be free, at all whatsoever, and to be just like everyone else and not be different, as I should've been and stable and effective in my ways and expressions. And how it was never that way as it should’ve been, ever since.
I realise that my life could’ve been better, if I actually knew the meanings to the words and what they truly meant, and how ever since, i never did know. And everything and anything I did, was all just for show and tell, instead of telling and showing, meaning what I say and doing what I say and set myself out to do for the better. And how I’ve done it all backwards my whole life, not ever knowing the true meaning to anything, nor the true meaning to what life would've for the better, at all. How unfortunate. And how ever since, I was never able to be self-sufficient on my own to do what I wanted with my life,I was always being held back some way and somehow by parents and even by myself, as well, accepting and allowing their bullshit, and even my own bullshit as well. For the worst, no wonder my life is not where I want it to be, I just never knew, and how I was struggling to be free, but was comfortable being complacent and to blind to myself and having no sort of self direction in my life at all whatsoever. Not of recognition, not of anything, at all whatsoever.
I realise that I was never able to focus on anything, how I would pay attention just for one moment for a few minutes and/or seconds and immediately go do something else. And how I never truly ever had a focus and support and self direction, for myself, because no one ever I knew had any true self direction around me as i was growing up. Everyone was delusional, everyone was fucking stupid, so fucking dumb, not a thing of anything, no true value nor meaning to anything truly, at all whatsoever. And how no one ever had any true meaning to their life, no purpose, no self direction, just nothing but delusional followers and distrusting themselves at every corner and turn and nook and cranny of their life into oblivion and off the cliff. Living down at the depths of no man’s land, for utter mere mediocrity, for the worst.
I commit myself to truly understand and perceive things of their true meaning and value and actual simple of the simplicity of the context of whatever situation, business, process, and understanding to higher and higher developing levels than ever before! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better as living words as the flesh as self directive principle as LIFE!
I commit myself to learn and understand and apply myself pragmatically in the proper sequence to acquire the proper developed results and how it will work best for me as the exact recipe and what it is for, to improve and adapt for the better, for my ultimate super success, and to make it simple. And to keep understanding more and more and applying myself in the physical as being and becoming the Master of myself, therefore, I will be the Master of my Fate for my ultimate super success!, for as I see myself as life and life resonance as the flesh as living words as self directive principle as the principal of and for LIFE!
I commit myself to challenge those if necessary respectfully and with dignity and integrity, and honesty, if a person doesn’t know what they’re talking about and to ask stable simple pragmatic and common sense questions and communication itself as well. For That makes sense and to help get more context to what this person in this meeting for a business deal and/or of anything to get the proper context and understanding to be fully transparent throughout the process for the better. Especially as I am becoming to develop and become better and effective to be able to do better and bigger business, along with starting where I am right now as where I stand and apply myself and support myself and to give and get the support from and with others as a team and a family for our ultimate super success! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality to improve and adapt for the better as self directive principle as LIFE!
I commit myself to help give understanding and context with my wife and kids and how they are able to understand and have the true meaning of things and how they work and what they are for and why it is there. And to keep encouraging them to do better, and always become better, always for the better, along the way to help them realise to become self sufficient as i am supporting them and how my wife is doing the same thing to help them and also each other as a couple as husband and wife for the better. Within the education at home and how they are able to learn so much more effectively within the proper and effective stable support, that we’ve gotten along the way in our process to where we have become and continue to become better, for the better as LIFE! For as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness as the living words to understand self directed within the directive principle as LIFE!
I commit myself to acquire the right and proper effective and efficient nutrition with and for myself and for my family and for others and how important it is to have the proper right basic needs to be met. Along with the stability and support along the way in our processes, as where we are and what we will become for the better as LIFE!, for as I see myself as life and as self directive principle as the living words as the flesh as LIFE!
I commit myself to become to communicate much more and more effectively and efficiently than ever before, conveying my message clearly and simply at developing higher levels than ever before. And supporting myself and getting the support as well as giving the support as well, as I am becoming better and better as well. Within improving and adapting for the better, for as I see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and in reality as the living words as the flesh, as self directive principle as LIFE!
I commit myself to write self forgive and self corrective application, to forgive myself of what is not best within me, and to write stop and breathe statements to when and if a reaction were to come up. To take self directive principle in the moment and direct and take care of what is here in the physical reality, whether for business or not at all, wherever I am. Then onto realisation statements to realise what had affected me and who was around that wasn't doing what was best and how I was there to witness as well. Within that, I commit myself to write self corrective and commitment application statements to recorrect myself into what is best for me and how I interact with others on a daily and regular basis. Within the tools of TechnoTutor, and the Desteni I Process within self forgiveness and self corrective application, and applying myself with the support and giving the support as a team and participating within the group. And understanding the power of the group and to participate and apply myself to do so, and to become the best version of myself each and everyday for the better, for as I see myself as a self directive principle as the living words as the flesh as LIFE!
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