Day 71: Perceiving other people as better than me

 Perceiving other people as better than me

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I have yet to realise that when and as I perceive other people as better than me,I somehow, come into a depression like possession. Not ever considering the actual fact that I am making this up, and how I feel ever so inferior to others who may be much more better and effective than as an individual and their skill set and how  they are currently rebuilding their foundation. And how i am just comparing myself in judgement and comparison as if someone is much more better than I, in fact, they are, it is only me who is putting much more impetus type like opinion to make this person to me be perceived as better than I. when in fact and reality, i am only in actuality, comparing myself in judgement and abusing myself and making myself feel much more worse as if i haven’t gotten a clue of what it is like to be equal and one and one and equal, as another. And how I remembered my parents were never able to do this, and how when as i was around with others, I would always feel this weird type of energy like substance going in within me, as this person or group of people are  affecting me, when in fact and reality, it is only me who is perceiving these people who are better than me and how i am just isolating myself off from them. When in fact and reality, I remember back in high school and earlier years, I would try to perceive other people as much more effective and better than I and cooler than I. When in fact and reality, these other people were no better than me, but now  realising now, that they were losers, but I was the bigger loser than them, because it was only me who judging me in my world and not just them and for who they are, and how they looked so cool and did things for what they wanted to do and how I couldn't even do it and nor did i ever have the actual opportunity for this marred assumption that was abusing me, and how i was letting it happened within my acceptance and allowance of the possession. And now i am letting something affect me, when in fact and reality, I have been abusing myself with this unknown ulterior motive concept for so long, and how this has happened, throughout high school and  dealing with others from other high schools and how we would hang out and go skate ad do a bunch of other t shirt and smoke and drink and do other things that weren’t really even best. And how it was not  getting better, because these people were toxic to the point where I wasn’t even able to focus and how i was switching from group to group and until then, i would eventually isolate myself. To people who were never even best for me in the first place. And how no wonder the whole time, i was trying to go form group to group to those that were better than me in skateboarding and how all of these people were shitty, and how I was s well, already a shitty person and continuing to hang out with more shitty people and until i wanted to do things on my own, I would isolate myself, and would eventually cry and how I felt so alone, because no one was truly ever there for me. And how I would do the same thing that my father do, and how i never was in actuality doing the same thing as he was, and how this was affected when and as I was only 1 month old, and up to 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 months up until being 1 years old. I was feeling so inferior to others that I would cry non-stop and how my parents never knew why I was crying so much because I feel so inferior how this energy  was so unknown to me and how I was not and never was previewed to what this unknown judgement was. And how everyone seemed to superior to me and how i felt so inferior and how no one was  even able to truly take care of me and therefore, I felt this way as if i did not ever belong to anyone, nor did I ever belong to myself therefore, i would always judge myself and isolate myself and even judge otters and someway and somehow isolate them by making others feel like they are not cool and belonging as well. And how when i changed into  a different character personality, I would end up, making others feel isolated because they weren’t cool either, and how i did not know, that i was trying and being in  attempt to be superior, when in fact and reality, I was living the living words of contradiction within superior and inferior, and inferior or superior. As if I need to only allow only those who are superior to me or way more superior than me, for those that are bad quality people, when in fact and reality, I was a bad quality person as well. And that's what I was attracting and befriending others who were also major losers as I was. And how they were no different than I, but in skill, and in mindset like characteristics that were fucking with me and how I didn’t like what they were doing to me, therefore, I continued to accept and allow the abuse to  be with them and expecting them to stop their abuse,  but I never spoke up, and if i did, I would be afraid of getting beat up, because I did not know how to fight, therefore, I never did ever speak up, nor did I ever say anything, because i felt so inferior to another so called ‘superior person’ but in fact and reality, they were also inferior as well, just stupid of course. And how I never was able to figure that out, because everything of what I was wanting was based on inferiority and wanting to perceive another as inferior and how I was never able to ever speak up. When i did want to hang out with others and how  i was even truly being  as an expression of  authenticity and genuine expression, i was  only feeling this inferiority complex that was confusing that I was fucking myself over, to the point where none of anything would ever return to and for me that was meant to be. And how i lived this inferiority and superiority like complex and turning the tables on myself and how i was not in actual realisation that i was abusing myself, like my parents abused me at 1 month to 1 years old and so on and how that was at the culminating point of how i would always cry so angrily as i did not want my mother and father to hug me and take care of me, and how i would cry louder and louder to where it would pierce their ears and then eventually, my mother and father especially would isolate me off and leave me to be and cry all day long and until i would cry myself to sleep and never do anything but cry all day in my carriage and be hungry and was neglected of all my nutrition and care and affection that I never got for long hours on end. Within the obscene absence that I was never even attended for many hours on end and how no wonder these so called ‘superior’ people were isolating me and how i was trying to be with them again and again. To try to get some type of attention that would be able to support me and how I never got it, because I had no influence and wasn’t able to speak up, and how i would keep quiet and how that was occurring to me to when and as i was a baby, I would cry so much to get the attention. And how i am trying to be quiet and never speak up, therefore, I never got the attention and was isolated, as my parents did to me, and now that i am doing it to myself how my parents did that to me at 1 month and then onto 1 years old and so on. But that was the culminating event and circumstance that has affected how I would interact with others. No matter how much I would have fun with others, at the end of the day, I would end up isolating myself and feeling so ever depressed. Not ever understanding and knowing why this was occurring within me. And how i was always going from group to group, until one day, my parents had finally cut me off from support of money, and told me to go get a job and be on my own. And so I did, they were isolating me again and I had accepted and allowed it to be this  way. And then I would go from job to job, relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship, and assuming those relationships, and connections and interactions, and how nothing was ever going my way, because I was only assuming everything and doing things  with reactions within my instability. And how i never knew that i knew  this whole time, that i was operating on my foundation and how even people confronted me to stop arguing in the back of the kitchen, some lady came to say something and how i told her fuck off, and go somewhere else and she did. Not ever realising the fact that I was always interacting with other losers who were somewhat superior to me, in some way and position, and how I was not even becoming to be superior like them, because I had only had that quantum shift in my mind to be just like  them. But my thoughts and actions  and  efforts were not in actual alignment to match up with what I was imagining in my mind in a quantum sense. And how I realize that in reality, it takes time and practice to do so and it’s much more slower, and if I don't know how to do anything, then nothing will ever accumulate to be a better success for me. For something to be truly immaculate and great for me to achieve and how I was never able to even do that ever since. And how no wonder I would always hang out with others who were never better than me and how I was always around all day with other losers just like me, and how I was always around my parents who were also losers and deadbeats who never knew how to take care of me. All they did was neglect me and tame me and how they never truly raised me, all I felt from the neglected isolations was so abusive to the point where i would be the one to abuse them as I would abuse myself, and how from that culminating point at 1month old and at 1 years old, I felt so neglected and had to cry so much and so loudly that it would pierce my ears, so therefore, I cried even louder and how it would pierce my parents ears to the point where they would both argue and yell at  each other and even yell at me and make me cry much more and feel much more worse. And how the pain was so unbearable to where I couldn’t handle my reality anymore, and even as i was just a baby and how this carried out to me in reality. When things got tough and rough for me in my life, whether it be in school, work, relationships and friendship and business or whatever it was, when things got tough, and rough for me, i would easily give up to what i thought was much more effective and superior than I and to go do something else and stop myself just because things were getting so tough for me. And how I would never be able to follow through and be so easily distracted by things that were intense and rough for me. Even when others would argue for their limitations that i have started or that they’ve started themselves to fuck with me and to ‘try to have fun’ with me, when in fact and reality, they were only teasing me and how i did not like that. And how I never knew that I was accepting and allowing people to tease me, as if it was a joke to be playing around with me and how I never liked that from others, who were so called ‘superior’ and wanting to play with me just because they liked me. Liking is not teasing, it is only teasing, because you want to fuck with me and tease me to make me mad and see how I would react to your bullshit. Don’t ever fucking do that to me, you fucking moron.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as parents to isolate my child off at one month old to years old, to the point where we would do this for months on end and days and hours and weeks beyond belief on end. Not ever knowing when this crying and outcry of pain from my child would ever stop and how  I was never able to handle it and therefore, when things got tough and rough for me, and not just for my child, i would isolate my child and leave him within the room and leave off him to cry and never feed him. And how i would just plainly neglect my baby boy, and even when we would argue with each other as husband and wife, as both clueless deadbeats who were neglecting a child together as a first between us, and and how i never knew that our  turmoil and tragic causings of what we doing to make our experience and our child’s experience to be much more worse as we never knew that our child  was picking up on so many things  and heard so many things around his environment to where he would never be able to realise what was going and how he  would  cry so much and that would be so damn loud, it would pierce my ears and how  I would suffocate my child and make my child shut up, and how that only made it worse, to the point where i was abusing my child, not knowing and understanding that i was  doing was going to affect  him his whole entire life, no matter what he would do, when and as he would be with friends or not, or just going out to do some type of  spot, and  for that he would always somehow isolate himself off. And how we noticed that when he  was coming home and was never  able to realise his reality, and how he would always be within his mind, and not here in r reality. And how this was on multiple occasions, to where he would smoke weed and drink and come home late at night and never to be here in reality and enjoy it for what it was. And how he was only masking his insecurities and backchat resistance and how wherever knew why he was experiencing those things, because  we also have caused that for him to  do, and therefore, his life has ended up to where it  is to day on his own, due to us and what we have caused him at 1 month old to 1 years of  age. And how that main foundational year had fucked up his life for the worst. And how he doesn’t overnight that he wants, no matter how much money he tries to make, he is not able to make enough money for anything, therefore, he is broke just like us and equal and one to the quality  and corrupted DNA code of information that we have instilled  within him.  And how he is not able to speak up and do anything, and he would experience these harsh up and down emotional roller coasters to where he would be so hostile and spiteful towards us to where he would never want to cooperate with us and how nothing was  ever happening for real to ever be created of any type of experience that would be best. And how he was never apt to wanting to do that with us, so therefore, he would always isolate himself from and how  we would do the same to him and never  ask any questions, nor did we even interfere to ask anything and be of help.  But when we did, he would tell us to  fuck off and go somewhere  else, and we did, spitefully murmuring bullshit under our breath as if this mother fucker  would never want to cooperate with us. And how we never knew  this at all this whole time. And how we  were the ones who fucked his life up and how on his own, eh fucked it up even more and how we never wanted the best for him, but we allowed him to do certain things but limited him to SO MANY FUCKING THINGS THAT WAS BEST FOR HIM. and how we were never able to see that, and hinder his life and stunted his growth emotionally and physically and event financially to the point when and as he would  try to make money in any endeavor, he would never be able to keep it, ever. And how we were the main ones to advocate that and ruin that for ourselves, no wonder we were never able to sustain anything on our own and a s he grew  up to be older and older.  He was never able to  sustain his money and grow it, because we never taught him, and left him to his own vices to do nothing and isolate himself off. And how long as he would grow up to be older, she would cause more havoc and trouble within the home, and there within that, we would cause him trouble and even call the police on him multiple times and  tries to evict him and isolate him off, as have we done to him as a baby from that very 1 month time, and up to 1  years of age. That we were doing the same thing we did to him, at that time period and age, and therefore, he would be doing the same thing to himself, and how he was causing so much havoc and trouble within life. And would always deviate to  and from the fact and point of what we had done to him, and the bullshit that we have caused him to do  and how he directed his life on this foundational circumstance and event and time frame that fucked his life forever. And how he will never be able to correct it, no matter what he does, even to the point where to our own assumption that  he  will  never change, because  we only  say that, because  we haven’t changed, therefore, we will never change due to our judgement, for the worst. To that, we never knew why, he  was such a troubled child, for the worst, because we have caused this to him, no wonder we always have trouble from him and experience that from fully, in negative compromising acts for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience such ways of havoc and major trouble within my life and how I would always isolate myself when and as things would get tough for me and how I would never talk about it with others. Because I was afraid another ‘superior’ like person would never ask me any questions to understand me, and how I thought no one would understand, because I didn’t understand me. Therefore, within hat, i would always assume this, because no one never knew how the mind works, therefore, they  would tell me to get over it and fuck off of it, and if I did anything towards them, they would also as well, tell me to fuck off as if I haven’t a clue fo what  was going on within me. And how I was only experiencing a possession that I was yet to be aware of, within that, that was the actual consequence that  i  was experiencing, because I never knew why and how and what and where and who and and what  was even going within me, therefore, I was only clueless and letting the angered resentful like possession come over, not ever realising where this was coming from, but automatically living it as impulse for the the absolute delusion that i was possessing myself over in this  unknown ulterior reaction that was coming over within me as the inner as  the out expression and dealing with so much  negative consequence that my reality was always in trouble and havoc at each  and every turn and corner and step that I was going into, was always trouble, for the worst. Because I was living the living possession of what  was abused onto me and imposed and imprinted within me. And how now I am acting my life out to be this way to and from people who had abused me, and how i am now abusing myself, not even realising that I  was the one who was myself for the actual worst. Not knowing why I was even participating within it, and how it has caused me great negative consequences to my life and the opportunities that I have missed out on and never was ever able to take advantage of those opportunities. Because I was so blinded by these possessions and making excuses out of them, due to their  assumptions and where and how it has affected my life up until this  very point. And how It affected each and every decision and interaction that I’ve ever made with others and have isolated myself so many times beyond belief, and  that I would never congregate  with other people, no matter how much I wanted to do so. I would always resolve back into the excuse of them won’t knowing how I feel. They Won't know  and understand me, so  I won't go, and  ask  or  reach out or do anything. And how this was also the main culminating point of where I got my isolation from as the master of isolation, fucking myself over, as how my parents did  to me as  I was only a baby and child, ever so young. Not ever realising that  I was so blinded by living this possession and living words of perceiving others as if they are better than me in some aspect, but I’ve only made it much more worse for myself, be abusing myself  as how my parents had abused me, on multiple occasions and have neglected me, beyond belief,  of how so many times, they have done it. And how  I am now doing it to myself and doing it to others, in the name of neglect and abuse and isolation, for the absolute, worst.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise, that no wonder when as I experience this perceiving others as superior than i, I would get so easily upset or just cry and never be able to realise where this was coming from and how i would experience so much havoc and trouble in my life, to the point where i am already paying for it instantly with negative reactions and, not ever considering, to why my life is the way it is and how it has affected me big time, to what had happened at being 1 month old and up to be 1 years of age old. And how along the way, so much havoc and abuse and trouble was caused by me and to me, from my parents and other people that had an affect on me, emotionally and physically, that my parents were the ones and not just only them who had stunted my growth emotionally and physically. I was also the one who did this  trouble to my life as well, not knowing why and understanding why, why my life is the way it is, struggling with relationships, money, emotional stability, connection and interactions with others, and how nothing has ever flourished, it always fell apart on me, because I made it so, not ever understanding why I was doing this to myself and to  others, this whole entire  fucking time. And how my life has been abused and tarnished and how I am struggling with relationships, communication, and interactions within those  first two, and how I was never taught to do anything. I was only tamed and abused and neglected and isolated, to where I would have to do everything on my own and never was able to create anything of  actual value for  real. Therefore, I have lived a truly mediocre and failed life, all due to how my parents treated me as a baby at 1 month old and up to 1 years old and so on. And how ever since, I would neglect to even care  for myself, neglect to even care for my relationships, neglect to even care for my finances and money growth and investments, neglect to care how I interacted with others, therefore, consequences of all kinds, of negative impact would  ever occur in my life. Because I was neglected and abused and isolated off, it all happened during and within my speech and in every word that I’ve uttered, nothing was ever of purpose, it was all useless and meaningless. Therefore, I have lived a life of abuse and neglect and isolation due to that 1 month of age and to 1 year of age, and how I was never able to do anything for real. And how no matter if I wanted to create value to make money, I was never able to do that, same with relationships, same with communications, and how I was never able to truly ever communicate. Within that, my life for whatever I wanted to do, nothing was ever of a real true valuable result, and how no matter what i would to do to create anything for real to be of a real valuable result for prosperity and/or for anything of wealth or just creatively, all of it, all of everything each and every interaction, conversation, communication, business deal, business relationship, intimate relationship, friendship, and everything else,  for finances health, you fucking name it,  it’s been there,  all neglected. And how all and everything that I’ve done with others, myself and  with anyone for anything, money or not, business or not, wealth or not, relationships or not, communications or not, ALL OF IT, WAS - FOR - NOTHING! Therefore, my life is the way it is and where my life has ended up due to THAT. and how I was never able to do anything about it, no matter how much i improved and adapt and adapted and improved, I never truly changed for  real, no matter how much I persisted and persevered, I was never able to create and  lead anything and anyone for real, therefore, my life is the way it is and how it is not supposed to be like this, for me to be struggling, life was meant to be for me, even when i tried to create that. It all fell apart on me, because I neglected it, and how ever since, I neglected everything, my health, my life, my money, my relationships, my communications, my delusions and expectations to what  I wanted that was never going to happen, due to what I wanted and how it was not happening  faster enough for me. Because  I was never able to truly direct my life as a self directive principle. I was only living a life of a follower, self indirectively,  and only living by experiences and never  truly on principle due to what had happened to me when  I was neglected and isolated and abused  as a baby and a child, kid, teenager, adult and how I am now doing this abuse to myself and how my parents still fucking abuse me. And when I do stop them, they sometimes,  would instantly fuck off, because I am becoming better, and They’re not, because  I am becoming a man truly, and to deprogram myself of what they had demanned  for me, and made me of, therefore, I am demanding myself to become much more effective and better than ever as an individual to truly  create a better life in this reality, without them and leave them to their vices, because they are some useless fuckers, that which in FACT, they are.

When and as I see myself blaming one another for what has been caused to me, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself experiencing some type of things that are getting tough and rough for me in any situation and circumstance and opportunity and event, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself perceiving others as superior than me and how I am neglecting that to judge myself in comparison to who they are and where they are in their life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself deviating from what is tough and rough for me, I stop and breathe, and keep on persisting and directing myself to do what's best to get what I Need to get done in stability as a self directive principle as here, as breath.

When and as I see myself to in attempt to isolate myself off and do something that’s not best, I stop and breathe.

I realise that in each and every  way that  I was abused, I was never able to truly  create a life that would’ve been better for me, anyhow my parents  were always in some way  trying to abuse me and make me feel much less than myself. And making me in my own assumption, inferior  and then to perceive them as superior, instead of one and equal and equal and one. And how was abused and tarnished and neglected for me, due to my own assumption and what I had perceived to be true and thought to be true, when in fact and reality, my parents are losers and  deadbeats and how no wonder i always resisted them, because I never trusted them, nor willI ever trust them, ever. And how I will leave them to their own vices  and that they will perish,  because they are nothing but abusers, and have abuse my life, and how  i am now doing that to myself, not ever  understanding and knowing realising why, I was abusing my whole life, into strict and straight oblivion for the worst. No wonder my  life is the way it is and how nothing has and will not ever change, unless I change, for real.

I  realise for me to be neglecting my whole life and isolating myself off and abusing myself, that my finances, my communications, interactions, and business dealings and relationships have been suffering for so long. And how I never knew why it was all being neglected and isolated off and abused and how I was doing it to myself, not ever knowing why I was tearing things down and leaving it to be not ever cultivated and pay the heeded attention to something that needs attention so either the  relationship would be best to be cultivated and not tarnished so where things would go well. But now most of my relationships have been tarnished and abused by me and how I have left them to their own vices and never supported anyone ever since. Because I never knew how to support myself, therefore,I never was able to support myself financially, emotionally and nutritionally, and nor could even do it effectively, it was  all ineffective, inefficient, distraught and destroyed at some point where i would never be able to access any relationship that would’ve been able to support myself and me for real. Therefore, I was never able to do the same in return, at all whatsoever. BECAUSE I DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW HOW. therefore, it was not taught to me, and how I never knew how to talk to women, men, or anyone, to develop some type of relationship for business, friendship of any kind, no matter if it  was with the woman I really liked, I was never able to approach anyone, because I thought they were just better than me, therefore, I felt afraid and inferior, so i would never do it. No wonder  I was never able to interact with anyone, nor congregate to be with anyone, and would always end up isolating myself, no matter what and where I wanted to do and go to a place for, I would always isolate myself, because I thought I had no one, and how my deadbeat  father would be doing the same thing, thinking he has no one, when no one wants to talk to an abuser who has isolated himself, therefore neglected himself and  abused  himself, as I know where i got it from, majority of the time. And how this fucker fucked my life up, and how  I do not respect him ever, nor will  I ever, and when he dies, I will not be attending his  funeral, whenever that day is, as he is ruining his health and life, for the worst. With that, no wonder  I feel that  I have no one to talk to and congregate with, because everyone in my assumption was low quality, because i was as well a low quality person  as well, not  ever considering why I ever  was  or not at all, thinking i was superior,  but I  was always isolating myself trying to  look cool, but I was not, I was just delusional. Therefore, no wonder my life is the way it is and where it is, struggling for money, struggling with relationships and the relationship that I have with myself, struggling with communication, and creation with my life, and how I was never able to do anything for real. I would end up making some sort and type of excuse that would end up holding me back. And how  I was letting myself do that and to let myself make that happen, therefore, my life was never going to ever get better at all whatsoever, ever at all.

I realise that no matter what relationship that I’ve ever went to  build and grow with others, whether it be a group or not, I would always go from group to group and how i was only forever the insecure one, and was not able to see others as one and equal and equal and one to me. And how I would always see others as better than me, when they are just like me and different ways of operation of life. And how I would compare my life to theirs and compare theirs to mine and how I would try to emulate it to be mine and how  I would want my life to be better, but  I was not able to do that, because  I was so delusional trying to make it happen fast, but somehow, my ways and abilities were not letting me, therefore, I was unable and had the inability to create anything and interact with anyone, because I was living this delusion and was not able to know how to create anything, nor did i know how to do anything, because  I never knew how to teach myself how to do anything to create it to be real in my reality. Because a s well as my parents never taught me anything to know how to do and create anything to come into my life and to make it real, therefore, it was nothing but jackshit inability to create anything and how my life is the way it is, for so long, and how and where it has been and has ended up to where I am right now, struggling with money, communications, interactions, relationships with others and myself, not able to understand how to  create money, but having to go back a job  constantly to make my money, and if  I end up leaving, then  I won’t have anything, just because I Want more, from my life, and how i am not able to do it, because  I think others would chastise me and scold me for what I want to do. When in  fact and reality, i am only the one who making myself inferior and fucking with myself and letting the abuse and neglect to happen, and how  i am not realising that Ii am dong it to myself, and stealing my own opportunity away from me and neglecting and abusing it and isolating it. Just like how my parents had done to me,  when they were not even helping me to grow as a child. And how now when I would want to create things to become free, I would always  hold myself back, because my parents did the same to me, not knowing why  they  were doing it, but it  was all due to competition and wanting me to be held back and not do  what i want to do, and how when I would crawl away fast, i would get held back and would cry for them to let me go, and then they would hush me to sleep and fuck with me. And how now I am doing this bullshit to myself, and how  i am fucking myself over due to what these fuckers did to me. They abused and tarnished my life, my well being, my nutrition, my education, and how i ruined my life, along the way,  and how i never knew that and knew the whole time unknowingly, that  I was operating on my foundation and was never able to truly ever create anything for  real, at all whatsoever, and how each and everything that  I’ve  ever done and wanted to create for the better, was all done for  Nothing. Mediocre life, mediocre creation, and being held back and never to be supported, but to be given love and abused to not be free, no wonder my life is the way it is, financially devastated and with everything in my life and where i live now, my situation has been fucked for the absolute worst, no wonder I am struggling with money, I have anger issues, assumptions of all kinds, problems with relationships, problems with money, problems with creation, problems with knowing how to do anything, and when things get tough for me,  I end up stopping and not actually going with it, because even when I want to do something with my life for a new business, I end up holding myself back and not going  for it to take the risk  to make my life truly for the better. Therefore, my life is the way it is, for the worst. No wonder  I was able to ever take any sort of risk to make anything true with the right purpose and drive and motivation to do something for  real and with knowingness and certainty to  create for  real. And  how  I never knew why, I wasn’t able to exert and lead myself to take risks, because  I was always held back from what had happened due to my childhood and formative years. I was abused and neglected in some way and isolated off. And how  I don’t have the  resources and connections anymore that I used to have, because I neglected all of it, and now I have no one who works with me, nor even a connection for  real. 


I realised that I remembered as I was crying loudly,  I was rushed to the bedroom and put there and abandoned and how someone had slammed the door on the  way out and  how I cried even more and more. And that I was abused and isolated and abandoned to where I would never, ever again get any sort of real connection, and how I am doing that to myself as it was done to me and how I was rushed to do so. No wonder i always wanted to go home fast and rush myself home to isolate myself from others who were around me when I was working at a job and when operating a business or doing a business and wanting to go  home fast. And how I saw others do that to themselves, because they are abusing and neglecting themselves to be a dead end job, to not want to be there and have to rush themselves home with no purpose, but something of a delusional act in my own assumption. And how I found myself doing the same thing to myself, and when I would be at home, I would be doing nothing but  watching youtube videos all day  or either watching and jacking off to porn  with  no purpose to my life. And how my life has ended up to what i had done and created on my own due to that culminating event and circumstance on multiple occasions, and how ever since, many years later, I was and still was never able to create anything for real of  any sort of value and type, at all, whatsoever. No wonder my life is the way it is, nothing but a living lie, and  how each and  Every Thing, that I’ve wanted to do, and create for, was all done for Nothing, neglected, abused, isolated, abandoned, rushed to no purpose to be at a place to isolate myself again, as i was always isolating myself in every breath and step and action that i ever took to do anything in my life. And how no wonder my life is the way it is and where it is. Financially struggling, no relationships with anyone, nor even for myself truly,  communications and influence is at a halt and isolated off, and abandoned. No true  intimacy with myself and not even a partner that to have in my life to truly create for real, that I’ve always wanted, but was never able to do, because of me isolating myself and how I was stealing and abusing and tarnishing and abandoning and isolating myself from opportunities that would arise and was always there, but I was so blinded to the fact  that I could never see them,  due  to the instability that I’ve been living as living words that I was able to see truly through the veil, and upon multiple and multiple veils that were holding me back, to what I was living  as  a resonance and life, for the worst. No wonder I was never able to truly create and make anything to be real at all whatsoever, and to make it truly actual For Real. all due to what happened that very day and what I've been operating  on, is my foundation  from that main formative year. And how it happened in my life, not even realising that I was doing it, for so many days and weeks and months and quarters and years on end, nothing was ever realised truly at all, whatsoever. Neglected, abused, tarnished, isolated, abandoned and rushed to a  place with no purpose to isolate myself off again and perceiving others as much more superior than i, no wonder i do not have the relationships with others and myself that is fun effective, no money truly, and struggling with it, communications, that is so insecure, not able to convey my message across, and how it’s all half ass in explanation and expression, and conveyance. And how even in the interactions, as  well.

I realise that my parents never truly supported me, they neglected me, abandoned me, therefore, they abused me and how I am not doing that to myself in  full delusional affect, for the absolute negative consequence, for the worst.

I commit myself to see as redefining insight and direct vision as expression of myself to see others as one and equal and equal one. And to truly see one another as no different but just like me, and how I can truly change and adapt to improve my programming for super success and of creation. To improve my communications, the relationship that I have with myself and with others, learning how to do things and implementing them and congregating with others to do so. And understanding and knowing how to do things and know how to make money and invest it and keep it and keep scaling it. Same with my business and how I create things to be with a true purpose, and to do each and everything of creation that I do and want to do with interest to create  value and benefit for myself and for others along the way. And to truly develop a better relationship with me, and for me, so  I can truly be fulfilled and to create a life that I was meant to have and only have high quality people in my life, and help others to see this and join in for those that are  willing to stand and be with  me and therefore,  I will be with them to stand and take on the world to create a life that’s best for all for the better. For as I see myself as life and redefining words as perceiving others as equals and one one and equals for the better as self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to when and as I learn things on how to create much more money and building much more wealth within my business and learn how to build a business and to create it to truly be valuable with others and hire and recruit high quality people to my business and to support them along the way.  To truly become better and effective individuals  as I am becoming a much more  effective individual as well. And to build myself and others and lead myself and others to be effective and truly become an anomaly like entity within the system to recreate the system, breath by breath with a  purpose, step by step with a purpose and integrate our thinking to create physically in real life for what’s best for ALL! For the better!! For as I see myself as life and redefining words with others as one and equal and equal and one as self directive principle for what’s best for all as LIFE!

I commit myself to be there for myself and fully give to myself and deliver to myself fully within 100% and give to my life and express it in its fullness and expression to thrive and create and lead to victory and great achievement for myself. And to truly create a reality that is best for all life, and to create big business, and to be focused on becoming much more effective and congregating with the group(s), to create  and be self honest and self  trust worthy  together to take on the world, and keep going and to truly have innate and innovative and creative drive to create much more than ever before. And to truly have the innate leadership to be developed and cultivated for actual super success for the better! For as I see myself as life and redefining words as life and for what’s best for my life and for all life and in interactions and communications, and relations with myself and with others as self directive will and self directive principle as LIFE!

I commit myself to be there for my kids and my wife to support them and her 100% of the way, no matter what with stability. Within leadership of care and affection and to help them  have fun in this reality with my wife and how to help her as well, become much more effective and useful as I am as well, and to be here together with great affection truly create an environment that is for super success and fun for our kids and for ourselves and to truly live a life fulfilling and full of creation of value and meaning and purpose to it. And to be there for them, when things are not going well, and to help them and support them, and same with my wife 100% all the way, to care for her and let her be effective and lead herself, as I will support her and help her to do the same on her own and to help me when and as I would possibly experience something that isn’t best and to  stop the possession and be here for life and create this life truly for the better. For as I see myself life and living words to be redefined as life and for life and what’s best for all, as self directive principle and self directive will, 100% of the way for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to be here  in full awareness and to where my reality truly is, and to  truly  be aware of what I need to do and do it immediately, in purposeful and immediate physical action. With using the Neothink method and to be here and create as here as breath by breath, step by step of the way with purpose. And along with using other tools that are in my life that will help me  become much more effective as I am taking on more and more responsibility to, pushing past my limits of all kinds and have multiple upon multiple breakthroughs and to do this  for myself and with  others for  my and our ultimate super success in our creation for real. That as the  saying goes, if  we want to make the future better and to predict it to be as so, we must  create it and invent it  from us and with others  that are willing to  take  a stand for what’s best and do what’s best for all, and to do so with a REAL purpose and meaning and to be strict within principle as principals of our lives for the better!  For as I see myself as life and self directive will and principle as redefining  words to be here as breath to express and  create life in its fullness and expression to make  it to be what's best for us and for all, for LIFE!

I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself to will myself to do so, to truly become free and release the veil(s), that are no longer best for me and in my life, and within this, I will write stop and breathe statements to when and as a consequence is about to appear, I stop and breathe, and be here as self directive principle and to  truly be here to take care of what is here to create for what’s best for all. Within that, to realisation statements to realise what was wasn’t best  for me and for what I hadn’t realised before and what kind of consequences has led my life to be where it is today and what it is today and what  I have and what I don’t have in the time being and within the accumulation of what happened thus far to where I am right now, as I speak and write this. Within that, I commit myself to write self commitment statements and to correct myself and apply the immediate correction of the internal change and to commit myself to show that showing internal change without immediate outer change is a lie. And to make it real  immediately as I am changing internally and to do so right away with purpose and meaning and true  actual direction for the better. Within using the tools of  Self forgiveness and self corrective application and self commitment  statements and TechnoTutor and within the groups who are taking a stand  for what’s best for all and are moving themselves, not to  oblivion, but to achievement and true self perfection to create a life and world around them an end eventually into economics of the system and the government itself and to create a  cleaner and educated environment for what’s best for ALL!, for as I see myself as life and redefining words as self directive  will within self directive principle to truly create real wealth and opulence and stability for our super ultra success  to build a life worth living that is Amazing for the better!