Day 69: Argumentative

 Argumentative

(Read aloud and breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that when I am trying to be argumentative, I am in actuality, arguing for my own limitation that I have yet to see as if I haven’t a clue of what it is to argue over some limitation and blame like lacking result and possession that I have yet to figure out for myself in such a quick quantum time of physical action subsequent to my limitation and blame for what I don’t have yet. And why someone is doing such a thing that I don’t like and how It is upsetting me just because someone else is saying something that i feel that is about to be a reprimand for me in some type of assumption that isn't even real, but I am making it real, as a living lie as living words that isn’t even best for me, and how no wonder I have never realised that my father would do this to me as well. Packing in and using ammo over time of my mistakes and how he would blame me for things that I didn’t even do and how he has to blame me and accuse me and always having to be argumentative with me and how I am not abusing that to myself and to other people whom I feel that are and is saying something that I do not like and how i have to be argumentative and try to prove someone wrong as if they haven’t a clue of what the hell they are saying, when in fact and reality it is just me and who I am and who I have accepted and allowed to Be as ME, as a living lie of living abusive lies that I have accepted and allowed from a deadbeat father who doesn’t even know how to truly raise a child in a household, but to fuck him up his whole life and his foundation to the point of no return, until something has come along for that which I have figured out over a year and a half ago. But never stuck with it truly, because of the living bullshit programming and  living words that I have accepted and allowed as me and how I have let it BECOME as me, therefore, I am a living lie and a living abusive being, that abuses myself and abuses others, whether in conversation, physical action, expression, no matter what it may be. And how i have yet to realise that i am an abuser, no wonder I am trying to be argumentative to argue over my limitation that I have yet to realise and have been living and have accepted and allowed as such to be. When in fact and reality, that is unacceptable from me and how I am living something that was imposed and imprinted upon me in such bullshit lies that is not benefiting me in any way whatsoever, no matter what I do, therefore, the saying goes, how you do one thing, is how you do everything. And how no one ever knew what this was and where it truly came from. When in fact and reality, it all came from living words as the being, and what one says and does automatically and has accepted and allowed to be as. And how no matter what one does to change, they will continuously fall for months and never learn how to truly forgive themselves as i have done so far and am doing so right now, and how I have yet to realise this saying as well, because no one ever knows what this truly meant until it has been pushed to be investigated for the furtherance of it’s true fundamental truth and how no one has ever figured this out, because they only say it, just to say it because it’s just a habit, but not only a habit. But rather a fact of living words, that is only holding back the individual and once he/she goes into the pattern of previous delusion, some when and somehow the individual will fall back into his/her’s patterns no matter how hard they try to do anything to become better. They are only living a revolution once changed, and soon to ever go back, all suppressed living the new programmable way of living by mind power, and always falling and tripping with physical and mind power, and how it so ingrained within the strings and strands of information that has been interrupted and instructed to destruct from the foundational issues from the early formative years that have been abused and destroyed, whether no matter that it was just a simple thing to have been said, because no one ever took the consideration to see what something actually truly meant and never even bothered to question such a thing, because everyone was so comfortable living in their dishonesty as living words as the flesh, as a delusional fuck head loser. No wonder I was the same person doing the same thing, not realising that fact, in fact, that it was so as I am living it right now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to be argumentative with my son and how I have to be blamed for something that I have yet to figure out for myself and have to immediately go into a spiteful reaction and make it really nasty and ugly. To the point where the consequence of conning my own sequence to the point of no actual return,  when the consequence is already being immediately paid for and how I have never questioned the shit that i was expressing and imposing upon my child, and how it was imposed upon me, and how no one ever helped me with this. Therefore, I disregarded everything and all solutions and had to be so quick to deny and be and become so ugly and argumentative about a subject that isn’t even my fault, when in fact and reality, it is, I am just being so quick of the actual denial that it is not so, but it is. Because I was always this argumentative fool who never knew how to question anything, therefore I would always react and say things that were so irrational to the varying point and degree where things would be paid out of a negative consequence and how nothing was ever turned around and figured out and understood, when the consequence had already occurred and how my son is paying for it immediately as well as receiving from me and my deadbeat expression from myself. And how I am immediately paying for something that I didn’t intend to give, but it was as me as living words as strings and strands of erupted and disrupted informational cords that were always there and abused along the way. And how it was abused for the same way in my childhood, and how I am now doing the same thing in delusion. Not considering the fact that i truly fucked myself over having to argue for my own limitation and the lack thereof, and how I have to always do this just to get my way and no matter how what one is doing, I always have to get my way and never understand anyone, and but to want the other to understand me first, before anyone gets a say, and how I have to abuse each and every human right for someone to even say anything and have a lack and limitation in their speech. And how i am imposing and imprinting such unnecessary irrational abuse, to the point where i am already paying for it immediately. Even when I do abuse myself, I pay for it already with the feeling that is so, that isn’t even real, but for that which was already accepted and allowed as so. No wonder my son is doing the same thing to me and how i am abusing him to the point where he will be constantly spying and paying and receiving this for himself, even if he knows it or not, he will notice by his own self realisation and when and if he doesn't fix it, he will be paying for the consequences of his spy on himself, as if he is not watching himself all the time doing such a thing that isn’t best for himself. And have to do things out of lack and limitation just as I have imprinted and imposed upon him in retrospect, due to my own ways of teaching and living as my own shitty problems that I have imposed and imprinted  upon the little shit as my son. And how I am the bigger shit who caused so much shit in my life, therefore, now my son is experiencing my shit and how he will create more of it on his own and will never truly ever experience true abundance by being so argumentative and have to blame with lack and limitation for someone else and how and what an individual has said anything to be that isn’t “best”. When it was just clearly common sense, or either just irrational to the point where no one knew what the hell they were doing. Because in fact, i didn’t know what the fuck I was doing either, in full disclosure and full dishonesty and honesty in contradiction as if I say this and not even bother to fix it, because i did the same bullshit to my son, and how he is doing the same bullshit that was unconsciously made up and subconsciously made it into the self sabotaging mechanism to be real and fundamentally made as a living lie, therefore, never was and never will be true, but to live as truth as a living lie in contradiction. Therefore, no wonder I was always experiencing these argumentative ways of just trying to be right and wanting to prove other wrong, just because I wanted some proof and fact to be understood, because i was always neglected and ignored, therefore, i wanted to do the same to my son, so he can give me pity and understanding and to be coming to my attention as if i am begging for attention. And how I have to threaten him to give me attention and see what I am to. And how i am fucking up my life, and how i am always immediately paying for it, without any question and discernment for the challenge there may be to be discovered, at all whatsoever. Because I have been truly blinding myself fo the delusion that i think that  i need to be constantly right all the time, and have to prove another to be wrong, and have them to feel bad and beg to say sorry and apologize like a deadbeat loser, and how my son has been doing the same thing, whether he knows it or not. And how i have yet to fix that and never address it and question it, and challenge it, for it become better, but I don’t do it, because I don’t want to be argumentative anymore as I already am, and how i don’t want to cause any more trouble than what i have caused right now and what has been deluded and diluted along the way for the worst. And how troubling and intense these nonsense arguments got, therefore, i was the one who was wrong all this time and this whole time, and how i wanted others to bow down to me, just because I wanted to participate and be stupid and illusional and delusional to the point where i don’t even know what I am truly talking about and have to rowdy myself up and conclude with an assumption energy substance that happened long ago and how I have to use that to blame and use that as my argument and blame another for my limitation and how my son is dong that and how he didn’t even notice what he was doing, because I taught that to him, by exposing my insecurities and instability and irrationality that wasn’t even supposed to be expressed. But it happened out of reaction, repeating by repetition and revolution in a re-cycled like emotional state that wasn’t even best, and how I am trying to always impose and imprint it on the little fucking shit and how i am also imposing and imprinting the bullshit onto myself again and again, and constantly thinking about it, as if I needed to make it anymore real, than just a living lie that is just plain energy, and how i am trying to confuse myself with what is right and for what is wrong to do, and how I have been contrasting myself in contradiction and mis-deeded my cross reference. Therefore, I do not know anything, but the tip of my tongue for an argument just to prove other wrong, just because I Wanted to be right, and not to be wrong, all the fucking time. No wonder i am a loser, and how my son and my wife is a straight fucking squiggly line looking fucking losers, and how no one knows a damn thing to be arguing about anything, because everyone is a self centered and self interested piece of shit, and therefore, everyone is broke and stupid as fuck. Just like me, and how my son is a reflection of my abuse, and how i have made him to be this way, therefore, he will always be like me and how i blame him and accuse him of everything for that which he is not improving and doing so for on, and how I am not even bothering to encourage him of anything, and have to accuse and blame him and argue with him for his limitations that I have imposed and imprinted upon him. When in fact and  reality,  I shouldn’t be blaming and arguing with him, that I am the one to blame that I am the abuser, I am the one who is the  abuser and liar this whole entire time, trying to prove myself right, when in fact and reality, I couldn’t even realise that i am the one who is not willing to be honest and truthful, fundamentally. Therefore, i like being dishonest, and not truthful, and untrustworthy, therefore, I will never be trusted, and how i will never trust my son and always have to argue and imprint and impose upon him to be a liar and not improving, because I am not doing anything with my life. No wonder I am trying to prove others wrong and be so argumentative and nasty about it,  as if I needed to be understood first and have to prove another motherfucker to be wrong, when in fact and reality, I am the fucking deadbeat loser motherfucker who be  proved wrong and proving myself with full disclosure of self honesty. But in fact and reality, I am not willing to do that, because my truth is my truth, and how I have to be right, therefore, I HAVE to be argumentative and be understood first, and never seek to  understand anyone, because everyone is wrong, and therefore, I am right, when in fact and reality, I am and was always and will forever be wrong for my own delusion, until i die, and have wasted my life being broke and wrong, forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that trying to be argumentative my whole life has and was always caused by my father imprinting and imposing his insecurities and stupidity and irrationality onto me. As if  I always needed to be proved wrong. Therefore, I am now doing the same abusive tactics onto others who might be wrong, and who might be right and how when i do those things to try to be right, i was always wrong majority of the time and how even that, even if I was wanting to be right, I was right, and had to make another suffer, just because I  wanted to be right, and how my truth is my truth, and how I am living my lies that i half truths that aren’t and haven’t even been implemented for true actual living change. Because I don’t even know what true living change is. No wonder this affected each and every decision for me to even be able to make any true REAL money, and how I was never able to make any money, just because  I wanted to argue with others and have to prove myself to be Right, and instead be wrong in the backend, dishonestly, not expressing any honesty and be humble and to have my ego in check.because i was so overprotective of my ego, and how i was refusing to let it go, and how i wanted to keep it, because i thought this to be as who i am and who how it made stronger. But in fact and reality I have lived lies that have made me a strong living lie, and how things will swindle to be apt for true developing truthful and fundamental change. Because i thought my truth was right, and how Everyone is just plain out fucking wrong. And how i don’t think that sometimes, but it is always there unconsciously, and how I have yet to realise it and ever question such a thing to investigate it, in order to let it go. But I haven’t been doing that lately, and until i am right now, in my full honesty to reveal my dishonesty and for how much I have missed out and how this has made me lose so much money and relationships to be cultivated and developed along the way for true immaculate living and wealthy to be truly created. And how i wasn't able to make any sort of money, no matter if I had a job or not, this fucking shit affected everything that I’ve ever done. And how i would immediately pay for the consequences, cent by cent and into dollars and thousands and hundreds of thousands of dollars. And potentially into the high figures that i could never even fathom, just because i  wanted to be right. And how this affected everything that I’ve ever wanted to do, whether it be investments, sports or martial arts, no matter what I wanted to do, business or either of anything. I would always have to be so argumentative and have to be right and have to prove others to be wrong and when I do prove others to be wrong, they would react, because I didn’t even convey it in the right way, and how i had to convey it to my own way and instead of heirs, just because i thought the other idiot was wrong and how in fact and reality, I was the one who was wrong  to start it, eve before it was bound to start from me. Mathematically and equationally it was bound to happen at some varying point and degree for the worst.  And how I was never able to truly communicate with another person without trying to be argumentative for something, for that which I was in my own limitation and lacking for the worst, not ever realising that I was wrong this whole time, even before I expressed it, because i lived being argumentative and wrong and always trying to be prove myself to be right and the other to be wrong in my own blaming limitation and lack for which someone wasn’t able to figure out, but for that which I wanted the other to beg and sat you're right and cooperate with me, so  i can make another bow down and say I’m right and for another to be wrong, when in fact and reality, I was truly deep down, wrong and stupid and irrational just to want to be right. And how this all stemmed fundamentally all from my father and how he had to want to be right and do it his own way and never figure out to get any sort of help and how I would do this and have to  say that I am right and how others are wrong. And how my way is getting me more results, when in fact and reality, I didn’t even truly get far, I only got so far and stopped along the  way, and had to always argue for my limitations and blame others that they were wrong, when I should’ve been realising that blame and lack that I was putting myself as I was expressing to another for that which I was living and abusing for myself. And how much I was missing out on, and how much opportunity i have lost due to wanting to be argumentative and HAVE to be right, when in fact and reality, I was always wrong and never did the due diligence of critical thinking to  really understand and know how to do something for real, therefore, I never did make anything real by being argumentative for my own limitations and lacking, for that which  I never could have and didn't have this whole entire time and how it affected each and every decision for people to be spiteful and ugly  towards me, as I was doing he same thing  towards them in dishonesty and  lies that i didn’t even believe, but was assessing myself over it, as if it WERE to be true. But it was not. Because I thought it was my own truth, but in fact and reality, it was my own lie as my own fundamental contradictory lie for the worst. No wonder I do not have the money and life and relationships that I want to have in my life. Because I wanted to prove myself to be right and had to be right all the time and how this stemmed from my father at the age of 8-10, that in those years or even before, I was bound to have a fucked up life. No money, no relationships, no stability, no nutrition, no proper education, no proper of anything, not  even health, because I thought eating and consuming unhealthy bullshit from others and even myself, the food the conversations, the messed up conversations, irrational conversations, with the wrong people who were NOT even best for me. And how  I had to hang out with them, because i never truly had anyone to be in my life for real, therefore,I had to hang out with irrational and stupid idiotic people, just like how i was, and have abused myself around the wrong people, and have truly abused myself for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that being argumentative has affected each and every decision that  I have ever made and always had to get myself into some unnecessary and unconscious and to subconsciously unvolunteer to volunteer for table and always had to experience the bullshit that Wasn't meant to be doing, but have accepted and allowed myself to be as so. And how I was never able to truly make anything real, but to make fake lies and fake progress around detrimental people and detrimental things and places, negative consequences around those people and therefore, I was the one who was bound to experience the  bullshit trouble, for the worst. And how no wonder I do not have the relationships and money and  life and food and way of living that i’ve always wanted, but could never see, due to the lack of my education and instability that was instilled to be accepted and allowed within me. And how I wasn't realizing that I was living to accept and allow this ALL the time and have to want to be right, and how I was always wrong and never was able to learn from Real, ever since. That  day of being age 10, for the worst. Therefore, nothing ever since in my life, ever truly happened to be created for real fundamental change  for the better, at all. It was bound to be a fuck up in each and every  area of my life, especially emotionally and monetarily and even within subsequently, financially, and how i am struggling with money  and relationships and expression  of me and what I have right now and who  I am and how i accepted and allowed it to become as me. And how my life has never truly fundamentally changed for real, it  only  recycled, into  delusional change for the worst. And how I am not even bothering to cultivate my relationships to be with anyone, because i know if I do, I’ll try to argue for my own limitations and concur to my own ‘truth’, that which was a point of combustion and a lie bound to be expressed for trouble, for the worst. No wonder i do not have what i want in my life, just because I wanted to be argumentative and have to be right, therefore, I was bound to be wrong, even before it was going to happen and  was constantly being recycled until another situation proves for me to be right and have others to be wrong, in being a mediator when someone isn't doing something right, I have to jump in and be calmly expressive in my way and how it was better. But the result sin my life were not there, therefore, i had no business doing so  to express my wrong advice  that was right to me, but  in actuality, it was wrong this whole entire time, because I never  truly had the real living change of the results that never did truly ever manifest in my life. Just because i was living the living words of being argumentative and wanting to be right and  wanting to be understood first, instead of wanting to understand another and where he/she is coming from first, instead of me trying to be right and how my truth, has to fit as one size, fits all, but in fact, it does not, and how I never investigated it. Therefore, I have truly changed in my life fundamentally for the better, ever since, at all, whatsoever. And how no wonder my life is the way it  is right now, nothing ever true for real creation and abundance for an amazing life that I’ve so dreamed of having, because i was living something that which had bodies of that was accepted and allowed to  be imprinted  and imposed upon me for my own limitation and lack to abuse myself each and every opportunity that I had forsaken upon, even if it  was good or bad, no matter what it is and w as., always found a way to self  sabotage myself in some way and sense, for the worst. And how my father had done the same thing and how I found myself now doing the same thing, without even stopping myself for real, ever since, at all whatsoever. And how it affects each and every decision that I’ve ever made for relationships, money, consumption of things that never were best for me, and it was all from advertisements, other people being a live corporation to me and how I was doing the same thing to others. As if they never truly realised what  i was doing to delude themselves as they were to me as well, and how we are living lies from the corporations and what they  want us to believe and be as, even if it wasn’t from the corporations the family conditions were to be set out to be that way for life to be misdirected and be directed into a place of oblivion, for the worst. No wonder I was never able to truly create anything to be real in my life for the better, and no wonder I am struggling with life, relationships, money, not even being able to support myself, because I don’t have the stability and  support and relationships and money. Because I have ruined it for myself, because of the abuse that I have accepted and allowed as for what was imposed and accused and imprinted upon me, therefore, I was never able to realise what was ever for the better for me, not even a real genuine  consideration, at all  whatsoever. It was always in contradiction, it was festered and pestered within me, because I was the best of me, no wonder i ruined everything for myself, and ruined all relationships, expression, money, and no wonder I do  not have the life  I want, because I wanted to be argumentative and right to my own way and liking, because i thought my truth was the way for the better. Even if I even did learn the better  truth from others, I never truly learned from it to become better, I always wanted to make it my own and argue and limit myself in  every way of breath by breath, and step by step in whatever I wanted to do, whether it be  sports, business, investments, no matter what it was. Iw was never able to be  truly self honest with myself, therefore, I never made any true real money at all, whatsoever, ever since that day of age 10 and how it  was bound to me to accept and allow and not realise that that imprint and imposement was going to fuck up my life, forever. No wonder I am broke  and have lived a life of limitation and lack for the worst. And for that and how much I have truly missed out on life and for what I could've truly implemented to create in my life for the better, nothing was for the better, ever since. And how I accepted and allowed my life  to be this way and never made any true decision for real change, and always wanted to do it my way and how my way was better, and how i thought when people said to me, that it is either my way or the highway, I always did it my way and abused others and my way as well, therefore, nothing ever truly  ever worked for the better ever since, for the worst, of all, ever since, for the worst. No wonder my life has been for the better, ever since that day  of age 10, and how it was abound to fuck my life up, for the worst. And how  i thought this was going to make me stronger, but it only ever made me weak for the worst, how disappointing and pathetic. Fucking delusional in fact.

Man I fucking missed out so damn much, because of this, holy shit, fuck dude. Wow.

When and as I see myself deviating from the truth and argue for my own limitations and not see what I am about to do and pay for the consequences immediately for my own delusion, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself deviating from doing what's best at hand  and have to argue by contradicting an impulse for pulse, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself trying to argue with someone just to be right about a business dealing or my own limitation and lack of focus or whatever it is, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to be argumentative to the point where I have to WANT to be right, and have to speak up and  sell my advice  for the results for which I do not have in my life, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself having to lie to experience my own truth, that isn't even true to my own contradiction like lies that I think is truth, but is not, I stop and breathe.

When and as  I see myself giving up so easily for my own limitations, I stop and breathe.

When and asI see myself wanting so easily to give up and go into my limitations previously that I had already investigated and forgiven, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to become argumentative and blame others for my own  limitations just because I feel that someone is trying to prove me wrong or make me feel bad in a certain weary way, or angry type of way, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself automatically trying to stop myself and stop other people with me trying to be right for my own way and truth  of anything that I want to do for myself and not for and with others, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to  take and steal from myself and from others, for opportunity or anything and kind, whether it be an object or not, just because I don’t have enough and have to take another’s rights and belongings away, I stop and breathe.

I realise that for me to always try to be argumentative in some type of way, is only me trying to argue and not  reveal the limitations that I do have and how i am deep down, dishonest about what  I do have and don't have in contradiction if I have the result and thing in my life. And when I do express it, It may be good and right, but I do not end up living the living words and change that I express, whether they be good or bad, no matter  if  it was good for positive growth and realisation for the better. But I was never able to realise it, therefore, I always fucked my opportunity and therefore, fucked my opportunity to work others, due to me trying to be argumentative and already paying for the shit that I expressed and how I never knew that one thing I was doing, was how i did everything, but in fact and reality, it  was all living words that was fucking me over. No wonder i was not able to  create anything to be real for the better, ever since, at all, whatsoever.

I realise that whenever I would always try to be argumentative, like literally nothing ever worked out for the better, it  was always for the wort, and how I was paying for the consequence sand the receiver was receiving my bullshit and how we were both paying for our consequences and receiving it differently at the same time, in full contradiction and combustion of opinion for opinion and nothing for what’s best for all. It was always some type of bullshit bound to happen, and it was going to happen, mathematically and equationally, even before it was  going to even occur, just one word and/or phrase to be integrated in a way that the other was going to think that was wrong and howI did the same way in thought and understanding, that it was going to be erupted on the  frequential band of strings and strands of the information that never did truly ever register, therefore a combustion occurred, and how everyone was paying and receiving the consequences from others and most importantly themselves, for the worst. And how I was that person doing that bullshit that never made any true real sense at all whatsoever, ever since. No wonder I do not have the relationships, and money, life, stability, that I’ve always wanted and and have dreamed of, but I was only experiencing myself  as a self centered asshole and bulllshitter, therefore, I was never able to truly create anything that was bound to be for what’s best for all, ever at all whatsoever. Nothing of real true value, just plain bullshit, just something for nothing to be trouble in my own mediation for my unknown limitation and blaming act that wasn’t best even before it was bound to happen mathematically for the equation to occur sooner or later. Because I was in fact, already living it, not knowing when the situation would ever occur for me to be argumentative and have to have my way to be of truth and correct for real for my own way and not for the other, ever at all whatsoever. Because it had to be my way and never  for the other, and how it was always for my own self centered self interest and how i was always experiencing some type of negative consequence, left and right, and at all angles in my life. Health, relationships, wealth, stability of any kind that was to be all tarnished for the worst. Nothing was ever for the better, I was always experiencing havoc and trouble at every  corner and turn of my life, no wonder  i was never able to have the things that I ever wanted, because I abused it all, due to me wanting to be right, therefore, I abused it all, and never was able to have anything be created for real, and for the better, ever since. Nothing at all whatsoever.

I realise that I would always somehow gain my way to create an abusive expression and relationship with myself and how this all came from my father and how I never knew he was always abusing himself and how when things were never right. He would abuse me and make me the clean slate to be abused and tarnished as if and I he wasn’t already abusing for  ourselves already, because my foundation was already fucked and he was going to fuck it up more. And how I was going to do that for myself as well, and swell it up to up and down and down and up, in many various ways where I’ll never be able to create to amount to anything truly for the better. Just because I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and how my father would always want to argue with me and limit me for what I wanted to do, and how he never really taught me anything real, he just argued with me and abused me and wanted me to do things his own way. And eventually take care of the deadbeat whenever he would get sick and do stupid shit to sabotage his life so I can be there for him, which I will never there for him, because he was never for there for me when I needed help. Because I understand that he didn’t want to impose anything on me. Therefore, he always abandoned me and isolated me, and how I did that to myself and argued that for my own limitation, no wonder this bullshit played in each and every area of my life, health, relationships, money, fulfillment, and how all of it was abused, tarnished and thrown away and tried to be refined and regained back, but nothing ever worked. Because I never knew how to incorporate it into my life, but when Idid, those patterns were always there, and how I never did and wasn’t ever able to create true living change in my life. Because I was living my own ‘truth’ as a delusional impacted slate that was never going to be able to create anything for the better, and how I felt as if I was never going to be able to create anything to be  real for the better. My life was always havoc left and right, always trouble, because i was never in true realisation of what I was doing, because I was living trouble and havoc and being argumentative automatically when my truth would get challenge and the lack and limitation that I’ve had that isn't even helping me, therefore, I was just being delusional and stupid about my own truth and how i thought it was working. But no matter how hard and persistent and persistent, I was to create something cool and better for myself and never for others at times, I was never able to create anything for real, at all whatsoever, ever since. Nothing at all whatsoever for the better, nothing, ever. That’s how you know fucked up I am, and how  i was never able to create anything for real, I was blinded by this, and how i lived it in every area of my life, no matter how subtle it was to be, I had to be argumentative for EVERYTHING, like literally. Nothing was of stability, it was all irrationality, no matter how positive or negative it was, it never benefited me, therefore, I was not able to create anything of real value to be used for the better. I was always devaluing it, and destroying and abusing each and everything that I’ve ever done in my life, and even the interactions with others, I was not able to truly create a life  that's best for me. I was only forever more creating a  life that was abusive for me, because I was doing and living a life of abuse that my father had done to me, therefore, I abused each and everything in my life, each and every relationship, and interaction that I’ve ever made. No wonder I am struggling with my life, money, relationships, and everything that I have missed out on, and how it costed me so much money, and  relationships and happiness, therefore, I am living a life of abuse, and the result that i am paying for, no wonder i am not where I should’ve been truly  for the better in my life at all whatsoever. And how it was abused for the absolute, fucking worst. From an abusive  father who did this to me and how I am now doing it to myself and to others and even when  I am not around with others, I am doing it to myself all the time, in some way and to varying degrees and patterns that are not best for me, at all, whatsoever. And therefore, how I was never able to create anything of value, ever, at all ever since, fucking nothing, nothing real, nothing of value, nothing for freedom, it was all abused. And how I was the one who held myself back and accepted and allowed this to be AS me and how I have become it to be AS me, and how I never knew why my life was the way it is and how this as well, had affected each and every decision and make up for interaction to create anything to be true for cooperation at all, ever since. Even when there were no results in my life for real. And how no wonder I accepted and allowed it to be and become as me, and how I thought I was never able to truly change for real, even when I did express it in my message, but II was never able to the new profound wisdom like message, therefore, I was able to live it as living words. Therefore, I was just only living wisdom that wasn’t truly ever lived for real, in delusion for the worst. And how therefore, nothing was ever to be created for real and of value ever since at all whatsoever.

I realized that no matter how and what I did and wanted to do, everything was abused, like man I never truly ever created anything to be for real for true living change and creation. Therefore, my life never really fundamentally changed, it was always the same, recycling the new wisdom to never believe, and realisations that I’ve had. Therefore, I was living instability as wisdom thinking it made me strong and who I am, although I experienced harsh un-irradicated backchat that was swarming my head and mind and body, therefore, I could ever truly create anything for real, even when I would postpone things until i would  experience some type of shit to be hit and splattered by the fan and now I am paying for it, as my life was never truly going to be ever changed for real, and for the better, at all, whatsoever. Therefore, it was fake wisdom, fake change, fake living that was to be of ‘wealth’, ‘opulence’, of any kind and whatever it was, I was not truly living what I was saying and created and learning, therefore, I never did implement it immediately to my life and creation for an endeavor like purpose in my life at all whatsoever. Nothing was of actual realised purpose for real in my life. It was all bullshit, nothing was ever for the better, ever since and how this was all composed since the age of 10  and how it affected each and every decisions and interaction with anyone, whether it was for intimacy with myself, with others, business, friends, colleagues, potential opportunities for  business and how I wasn’t able to be prepared because i didn’t have  the right people in my life, because i pushed all of them away, that were going to be best for me. And even for the people I had yet to meet and didn’t even bother to make the effort to meet those people that were going to be  best for me, therefore,I never truly ever made the effort to do so, ever since. Because I felt so self conscious, therefore, I never made the effort realistically, and never trusted myself to move in each and every step as my breathing and heartbeat at all  whatsoever. I was delaying my breath, and my heartbeat to be setting in one place and never moving with a purpose to create for real. No wonder my life has Never, truly ever changed fundamentally, for real, ever since. Therefore, nothing was ever created in my life for real by me, nor did i ever get the help, because I thought I had to be right all the time and always be right, but rather, I was always wrong, and was  wrong even before, i expressed my message and immediately denied the advice that I was seeking that was bound to help me. And how I wasn’t at the same time, able to process and live it for real. Even from people who had true living change in their life, and  how i wasn’t even doing anything about it. How disappointing, and how my life is the  way it is, in struggle, lack, limitation and how i was trying to be argumentative to prove myself to be right, even if it was positive and/or negative, no how matter how subtle and good or bad it was, nothing was ever, for the better, ever since. At all, whatsoever. Fucking nothing, but bullshit and that was it. Everything I’ve ever done was pathetic and nothing was ever for real, and when it came to be revealing myself that nothing ever changed for real, i cried myself pathetically, comparing myself in embarrassment, because i disappointed myself, just like how my father did to me, and how I am abusing that for myself not realising that I was always here in reality, and have been programmed to be just like within the problems and irrationality and consequences  of my father, and everyone else, that I’ve ever met that had shit problems as well. No wonder I am imprinted and imposed to live like the problems just like my father had imposed upon and onto me and imprinted upon and onto me. Therefore, my life was going to be forever fucked, forever. With no real change, therefore, I was never going to change, no matter how much I tried for anything, I wasn’t able to live the true living change for real. I was only faking it, as if I was living it for real, but in fact, I was not. How delusional, and pathetic that is, disappointing, in fact. And how this affected each and every decision that I’ve ever made and wanted to create in my life that I wanted that was best for me to be free, somehow, i was never ever able to create anything for real fundamental change, therefore, it was all mediocre, and stupid for the worst. Therefore, my  life is the way it is, struggling for my own limitation, argumentative for my own limitation, lacking in my own limitation, nothing was  ever created for the better, therefore, my life that I have created along the way from a broken foundation and destroyed foundation was fucked for the worst. By a  person who never had my best interest in mind and at heart, even when he would say  I love you, he is lying to me, he only loves himself, fucking piece of shit, what a fucking liar, an abusive liar, and how i have created my life into an abusive lie up until the age of  25 fo the worst. Not knowing that even before at the age of 4 when I was abused and now to 10 and so on, I am now abusing myself and my life, just like how my father abused me, even when I was only just curious to learn. It was abused for me, therefore, I was never able to create anything for  real. Ever since, at all whatsoever. Disappointing, in fact. No wonder I am struggling with money, my health, my relationships, and with myself, and how i live on a day to day basis, with no money and having to steal  just because i don’t have enough, just because I wanted to save and have to argue for my own limitation to something unlawful to myself and to others. Therefore, I  am not truly deserving of a better life for what I have done and was done to create this life to be the  way it is. And how it has been a disappointing and rocky journey, thus far. So many painful ways to live that weren't benefitting me at all, whatsoever. Therefore nothing ever created for  real, and allowed others to lie to me, as i have been lying to myself, because my father always LIED to me, and how  I had to lie to him and to others, because I don’t trust them, therefore, I don’t even trust myself, not even truly, in Every Way, at all, whatsoever. This household was nothing but a controlled fascist like  community and how i have done that to others, in my own ways of unknown laws that i was living and couldn’t even change, because I “thought” they were true, and how i got reprimanded for them, even I did reprimand myself and thought I was going get reprimanded by others, but I was just assuming the  underlying feeling of energy coming up within me. Therefore, I was bound to argue for my own limitations before bothering to stop myself for real. Therefore, I never had any true living change for real, because it is who I have become for the worst, therefore, it is not even me, I'm only living a lie that is bolstered and steered into the wrong direction ready to go off the cliff into a flooded hot boiling abyss to die with nothing, just like my father and how his life is the way it is now. For the absolute, worst.

I commit myself to be able to reason systematically and well in a stable and articulate way and become more and more calm in how  I respond to what I do not  agree with and therefore, to not give any  sort of  tacit  approval to what is not true  to me. And  to ask the right  questions that  are of validity and of common sense, practicality. For all parties to understand  and for me to understand more of where and what this has come from, even from me and questioning in a stable and effective way to where I’ll understand what I am not accepting and allowing and immediately redirect to do what is best, and disregard what is not best. For  as I see myself as life and life resonance as living words, to adapt and improve for the better, within self directive principled living for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to help and encourage my children to be able to negotiate and help them do what is best, when and as they are growing up to be much older, and support with stability and reason and for what’s best, and to encourage and teach them with reason and stability. Within critical thinking to research things and actually look them up in their reality and reason from there and be curious to ask questions as well, and that it  is okay to do so, there’s nothing with it. And helping become much more effective with reasoning as I explain things to them and how things work  in a stable  way and calm way, for them to understand as they are growing up to be much more older and effective  in their worlds to make their own decisions and to have a truly effective reality. And if  they need any sort of advice, I would be willing to always support them within that, and for that, they will be able to think and reason critically and effectively for themselves and for their environment and what they want to do in their lives. I will support 100% as they are growing up to be much more older and effective for the better. Within helping them reason systematically and do it effectively and how to do it and encouraging them to speak up and  explain when he/she is not understanding what is going on and how I will be able to do that with them and not just for them, to help them understand and to learn with them, helping he/she do so in the best ways possible for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as living words to adapt and  improve for the better, within living  as self directive principle for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to be able to  negotiate and persuade much more effectively to where parties will be able to understand what he/she may be doing that is good and wants to further the opportunity, into operations, and to be able to make a deal. and/or if he/she is not cooperating to want to make any sort of deal, then to help the parties understand over time, with the way I negotiate and persuade and learning from people who are Best at it, from both ways and how I can learn  from anyone, to know what to do, and know what not to do, and  to really understand that fundamentally and immediately implement it into  my reality and skill to improve and adapt within that. Whenever I am within negotiations in my business and in my life for whatever it is that I want and helping others  to get what they want in the best  trusted ways  possible for the better. For as I see myself as life and life  living words as the resonance to adapt and improve for the better as living words, as self directive principle for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to be able to realise and live and perform how I am able to communicate much  more effectively and become much more calm and stable with forgiving myself and self correcting myself and applying myself to be as so. As the correction, and live  the change  by adapting and improving immediately in my reality, and how I can associate and direct my ways of living and interaction with others in the best ways possible, to be able to gain and express cooperation and leverage within and for all parties  involved, whether by upon interaction, of an introduction of any kind that is proper or even coming upon to approach  professionally in an environment that is  best for everyone to higher and developing levels of  life and society than ever before. For  as I see myself as life and living words as self living directive principle, for and as LIFE for the better!

I commit myself to will myself, to forgive myself, to correctively apply what I learn and the corrective application immediately, within the internal change, and to immediately apply the immediate outer change in my life  to truly see  the results. And to adapt and improve how i am and who I am becoming for the better, by becoming more and more of truly the  best version of myself, to truly purify myself, to recreate myself, to  truly create an abundance for myself and with others our lives and to create that real fundamental change for life and  for what’s best for All Life in Equality and Oneness. And to raise myself with  others and congregate with others to become at higher levels within the economic system and how we  can become to create wonderful and Amazing lives, by doing what’s best, and to change how the political system is, and how things work along the way, within the economic markets and systems and currencies and how those work with fundamental ways of how it works by breaking it down. To its fundamental operations and mechanisms that it works by. And how  I can  do that within my business, as a starting foundation and  adapting and improving along the way in How I specifically do business and to be able to communicate much more effectively and understanding and knowing how certain things in my business works and what and how i can do it better, from learning from others and what I do  on my own to immediately implement the change, as letting my physically be my guideline to do what is best and to able to create a life and business for my ultimate and super success. For as I see myself as life and living words to adapt and improve as life, and within self directive principle to do what is best for all life, for the better!

I commit myself to become more and more to  make much more money, moving myself and giving and delivering of myself to and with others 100% each and  every time in the best ways possible, to  truly create a reality and world that is best for all life, including my life for the better, especially with others  as I am moving myself within my own interaction and with others as well. And to truly understand how to create more value and improve my product/service to much of a big  difference each and  every time that I am selling and persuading others to buy from me and work with me. Within working with me as a person and what I am envisioning for a world that is best for all. And to make things work no matter what, and adapting and improving and improving and adapting  with great innovation and creativity and speed effectively in what I do. And to do it with others, that nothing great  was done all by one in the world, that it   was with a  group of people within a company that believes in what’s best for all life and to do so, with strength  and persistence and perseverance within, being patently persistent, in doing what’s best, and persevere  no matter what to get things done,  as if time never existed. And to do it all and so, effectively and efficiently, proficiently, for the better. Within improving operations and how I am operating my  business and to lead and encourage others to do so within their departments and divisions and areas  of their environment to do what  is  best all over  the  world, to where we  reside  and take care of what is here in our realities and around us for the business for the better. Our legal and accounting and engineering operations and sales and terms and connections  and contracts to be attended to and to help all employees, salespersons, senior partners, and all directors  work like there is no tomorrow, and to be able to create to make something with  our business truly specific and best for all, with the right  developing leadership of myself and with others and communication of  higher and higher levels of business and life itself for the better. For as I see myself as life and living words to adapt and improve and improve adapt for the better, within being and living as self directive principle for and as LIFE!

I commit myself to will myself to forgive myself  and self correctively apply myself immediately to the  change that I have forgiven that was not best for me to live and what and how it has  affected me thus far. And to  stop and breathe when and as I see myself doing a pattern of consequence that isn’t best and to live and take care of what is here as self directive principle as  life. Within realisations that and for what was not best for me and what  had affected me greatly for and from whomever was involved in the scenes at that time and age or whenever it was. Then onto commitment and corrective  application to apply immediately into my life, as real living change for my ultimate and  super success. Within using the tools of  TechnoTutor, self forgiveness and self corrective application, to become to create a reality that I will begin and become to conceive that which I could see that was fathomed to be possible for me and to create it to be so as possible to create a reality and life  to be amazing and to do what is best for all life with patience and perseverance and persistence to truly  create  a life that is best for all!. For as I see myself as life and life resonance living words as my actions, within and as self directive principle to communicate and express myself in the best ways possible, for the better as LIFE!