I don’t want to do it?
(Read aloud and breathe)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not ever realise that when I don’t want to do something, I somehow immediately self possess myself and deter myself from doing something and to make things ever so difficult for me and how I am communicating and expressing myself. Within how how i operate my life on a daily basis to where it is today, and what happened for that which was so unknown to me, that I never even bothered figure out what could’ve occurred to me, to why i don't want to do things just because if it’s going to take too much time, being forced to do so, too much effort, not having enough time to do what i want to do, and how that those cases were not even of actual benefit for me and how it was just some weird thing that I never could fathom, because in fact, I never had the actual processing ability to truly trust me and who I am as me, thinking that I am me, when i am not. And how I would make excuses that i want to take a break, not ever noticing that I am giving myself alibis to live just like how my father would do all the time, and to say things like, I’ll do it, I’ll do it tomorrow, and of course he would never do it, and expect me to do everything thinking tat I would be the actual person to be doing what I asked him to do, and instead he tells me to do it, when he’s been home all day, not doing anything, not washing the dishes, not cleaning things that should heed actual true priority, instead of fucking around and doing nothing at home all day long. As if I don’t need to be taking any responsibility but to mention to him this, and how I am as well making an excuse that i don’t want to do anything and to tell someone to do something that i am asking for specifically to do, that I am not willing to do myself. Losing ever more of my self trust, because i truly never had actual self trust at all whatsoever, because my father never had it either, I had learned to not trust myself from my father, and eventually distrusted myself more and more through my life, forever more, not doing anything worthy and of merit to actually achieve something real and of value. And how I tend to go towards doing nothing and living the actual direct living words as I don’t want to do it, with no actual valid reason, when in fact and reality, I am just trying to tell myself a lie so I can escape, but the physical has always been here, so in fact I am escaping from myself and detaching myself from the physical and even myself, as if life wasn’t already in fact, already here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a father to tell and imprint and impose upon and onto my son to not ever learn how to trust himself, nor even to do anything real with his life. Because in fact, I don't even know how to communicate and do things with real self trust, in my actual life at all either. No wonder i am not where I want to be in my life, and how I am always having to baffle and obscure my ways of communication and self trust, because there was always self distrust and self dishonesty of all kinds and degrees to the point where I don’t even know why I am not looking and willing to do anything real with my life and actually having the willpower to do what is best and to do what is for real, instead of being somewhat complacent to the point and going all over and not ever giving any proper context to make any sort of simplicity in my communication and how sometimes I am just rambling just to give another excuse after another, just so I don’t have to do anything with my life, even for the same thing to my son, and complaining to him, contemplating one what should do and shouldn’t do for my life, as if I haven’t gotten a clue of what it is to do something, instead of telling myself to not do anything and reveal what i ought to be doing with my life. And how ever since, I lost more and more of my self trust, ever since I got out of the military, even with my health, my relationships with others, suppliers, family, my own family, and how nothing would ever truly amount to what couldn’t been best for all, in fact, I was just being ever so delusional to the fact that I am truly dishonest in the way of telling myself a constant lie of how I don’t want to do something as if reality isn’t here and how it always wins and how I am failing to act on anything and make anything real in my life. Preventing some type of danger and catastrophe from coming into my life, when the catastrophe of complacency is already here and was here already before I went into the pattern of competency and latency, as if life wasn’t already here, with difficulty and so many cringeful lies and alibis to the point where I can’t even hold my tongue to say i don’t want to do it. I just end up fucking myself over and over to the point where I don't even know what it is like to make something, actually fundamentally. I lived a whole life of being fake and thinking this is who I am and who I will become and self sabotage myself at each and every corner of life, work, money, relationships, family emotionally, financially. And how things have never worked ever since, and how I have imprinted my son to do the stupidest shit from me and how I never truly ever raised him, I only ever devalued him, no wonder he is broke and poor, just like me, doing nothing with his life. In my own assumption, because in fact, I never truly ever did anything true with my life either. To the point of some type of reason that isn’t even valid and true and how I lived a life of lies, and how I imprinted and imposed my son to live those lies as he got older and older, and he has nothing in my own assumption. And how i had to kick him out multiple times due to my instability and how i have to argue with him and start trouble, and how he was also in the act as well. And when the cops did arrive, nothing was ever that simple, because I would always arouse myself difficulty and unstable emotions and how I am grappling with myself and fucking myself over and over with each and every word that isn’t even making any sense from the past that’s constantly being brought up to the point where I don’t even know why I am even here and have caused myself trouble and even my son trouble. And how it is not just him, it is the majority of me. What a loser I am. How sad. And how needless to say, I would always make it difficult for myself, and my son, and to never never mention to truly ever say anything of validity, it would always be some type of fake thing to be brought out of nowhere with no context and understanding and reasoning. It would always be something to how I expected him to automatically know and assume what I wanted him to know and assume from me as if I would be doing the same thing. When in fact and reality, it is only just me, for the utmost absolute delusion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume something that someone else had just said or didn’t give me any context to be able to understand what is going on. And how I never got that, because in fact, I just never spoke up, no wonder i am not able to speak up, just because I don’t want to do it, and just to follow someone who doesn't even truly have my best interest at heart, nor does he even care for me and have a true affection for me as a son. And of blood. And how I would constantly assume as if I needed to be following him everywhere and not be on my own and know how to do what I am wanting to do with my life, in fact it was never that way ever since, it was always me following others and seeing what they did, but in fact most of the people that i ever followed, never knew what they were doing, nor did they ever question why the things they would say compulsively and impulsively, to the point where they’ll step on their foot and trip themselves, without even knowing that they are about to, mathematically and predictably. And how I would end up somehow doing the same thing, not ever noticing that I was about to step on my own foot and trip myself as if I didn’t even know what the hell I was even saying, before the conversation was and were and will soon be ending for the worst. And how I never considered that self sabotaging mechanism and how automatic it was for me each and every time, no matter what I did and wanted to do that was big in my life and wanted to achieve and aspire to something really big and meaningful to me. Somehow I would always step on myself and trip myself and fuck myself over, not ever wondering why things weren’t going my way. Because of me as myself not ever wanting to do anything in simplicity and seek attention and support from others who were also as well as difficult to express themselves as me, and how the same was for my father. And how funny it is, that everyone in the world is like this, no matter who it is of any class, it doesn’t matter, well with a few exceptions, at least not everyone is that difficult with themselves. No simplicity, not anything at all whatsoever. Just pure impracticality, theory, and most of all, just plain nonsense and confusion for the absolute worst and waste of time, and inefficiency to all and varying degrees for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself excuses as if something is not real to me, when i am about to impulsively make it fake and not real and deny reality, not even knowing that I was living the living words of saying that I don’t want to do anything with my life and not improve and how this affect each and every decision. No matter how much I would ever persist, nothing ever would truly work in my life, not for the better of luck, it was always for the worst absolute mal-fortune. That was all it ever was, nothing more, nothing less, just pure difficulty and confusion. Nothing simple ever in my life and no ways for better true understanding of anything. And how I in fact do not know anything, therefore, I cannot communicate that effectively and simply and be direct and stable within myself to say what is needed to say in simplified terms, to make things and situations and projects and certain processes to be thorough and simple. And how I was never able to do that. It was always some type of contradiction for anything and everything, no matter what it was, in my words, my life, my expression, my daily life, how I interacted with others, what I did for business, what I did for learning, no matter what it was. I would rebel and do things my own way, just because I thought I also knew it all, when in fact, I knew nothing, no wonder I never did anything and everything in simplicity and direct terms, and of pragmatic terms as well, within stability. And how it was never any of that, it was always confusion after confusion of no pure simplicity. Just living a life of theory, as if life wasn’t already here for me and for everyone else, as well. therefore, I was never able to achieve anything real, it was all theory, nothing ever simple and of understanding, no wonder my life is the way it is, just because i thought I had to go to other people and only went to people who weren’t even credible, they were also living their life on theory as well. And not even on practicality, nothing was of pragmatic application, it was some type of theoretical bullshit. Nothing real, fake everything, fake conversations, fake meaning to words, fake expressions, fake everything, everything artificial, and how i never knew what i was doing to put myself at such a detriment in each and every word that I ever exposed and expressed, at all. Nothing ever of validity, at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that this difficulty has affected me and every decision and living word expressed in my life, no wonder I do not have the proper things that are supposed to be in my life. And how it was neglected and disrupted mathematically and within equations of predictable actions and vocabulary would up fucking me over, no matter what i do and attempt at, nothing ever to be of validity, ever, at all whatsoever. And now nothing was ever truly applied in real life for real to get a true effective result and to keep consistent with it to gain momentum to improve and adapt in the right ways to get actual consistent results. While adapting along the way and innovating to become better. It was just never any of that, it was such a strange and still strange phenomena to to now realise, because this affected me in every way, and all ways, no wonder i was able to make any real money and communicate simply and directly. Just because I imitated my father, and how I made his actions and other people's actions and as well as expressions and how they communicated, the school work, everything, jobs, etc. everything was placed and displayed in a confusing manner, nothing was ever actually truly simple, and how I never knew what I was doing and just went along with the confusion and difficulty, I just never questioned, nor did I ever challenged the fact of it at all whatsoever. Nor did I ever understand what life was ever supposed to be and to have a true purpose to create and make things to be what is best for all and for myself along with it, to help others, it was just never any of that, i mean fucking nothing, such atrocious bullshit. Left and right, wherever I went, I never could decide for myself. I always had to ask someone, I never had any self direction, no wonder I didn't want to do anything real with my life, no real creation, no real words, no real expression, no nothing. Even though i participated here in reality, just nothing was going my way, because i was not being a true individual, I was just being someone, because indi-vi-du-al, into a hell, there was always a hell going on within me. And how every man and woman everyone and man is experiencing a hell inside, no wonder each and every step and breath, is treacherous to not ever blindlessly see a self sabotaging mistake soon to be made, in a certain amount of time. Predictably, mathematically, to their vocabulary and what and how and why they were brought up to be this way and accepted and allowed themselves to be this way. Because they have no true direction, because their parents had no true direction, nor will they and how my father and mother were the same way. And how unfortunately, I have ended up the same way, not ever doing anything in actual understandable ways that are simple and directly to the point and not trying to say a whole bunch of stupid shit and even dong a whole bunch of stupid shit, that has no true validity of its purpose. For whatever I did, no matter what it was, it was just confusing in how I communicated, confusing in how I expressed myself, not ever knowing where to turn, because of the hell in each and every step and breath was a treacherous hell going inside me. Each and every breath and step, i was going to fuck myself over, no matter what i do and want to do and express, it was some theoretical rhetoric bullshit. That's all it ever was, nothing more, simple confusion and difficulty for the absolute worst. Nothing was ever real, nothing ever valid, just living a valid and invalid life in contradiction, in each and every breath, word, step, application of myself of action, inaction, whatever it was. And how i copied this from my complacent and loser friends that I ever had in my life, up until this very point and moment in my life. No matter what business that I wanted to do, sales, or not, real estate, stocks, buying and selling companies, whatever it was, I was just never able to communicate simply and effectively. At all whatsoever. Each and every word I would stumble and have to add more stupid shit to it, and never say anything real of validity, no wonder I am always stepping on my own dick, and foot, it was stupid. I never could do anything real and of validity, I would get stood up and left and denied calls to be made that could’ve been potential sales and money and in my investments as well. Nothing was ever to be real, I would always talk about it, but I wasn’t actually performing efficiently and proficiently for real. Just nothing ever at all, whatsoever. It just was always confusing, and in contradiction, being addicted to my own contra-evidence and expression and contra-expression and contrast that wasn’t even matching up to my own dictionary, of the words that I was living, no wonder nothing has ever occurred in my life and to me for the better at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force myself and end up not wanting to do something because of how I’m stressing myself out and thinking i have a lot to do, when in fact, I don’t know the true meaning of one at a time and always be doing one more each and everytime at a time. I just never ever knew how to do that, it was a facade to me, i never could do it truly, even if people told me and how i would say it but not do it. Being addicted to my own dictionary and way of living words that aren’t even best serving me at all whatsoever. And how my own dictionary was tarnished, from the beginning, even before I was born, and right up until right now and where I am in my life. Nothing real. Nothing true, Nothing of value, nothing of validity, ever, fucking nothing. And even sometimes when I would achieve something real, my colleagues and friends would praise me and how i was say, “oh that’s nothing”, and how downplay myself and end up later not doing what actually got me the success that I got the first time and never ever did continue and persist to do more to get more successes. And even if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten far anyway, because no one encouraged me, I never had true encouragement, nor did I ever know how to encourage myself, either at all whatsoever. Nothing. At all. Living a life of shame and disappointment, deep down, unconsciously and subconsciously not knowing ever why, I was living this way in all ways and in every way, how I ate, how I spoke, how I expressed myself, how I did anything with others and myself. Even if it was just a simple task and interacting with others, it was never the case for me to do something real with my life and make it for the visions and aspirations that I want to achieve. Just nothing ever true was made from me, because I was always out to stop me, without even knowing that I was out to stop myself no matter what I did, even at random times. Not ever knowing when the next step will be so unpredictable, but my vocabulary was going to predict me and myself into oblivion, no matter what I do and want to achieve in this world, nothing would ever be real from me. Just theoretical, rhetoric, and all of the above for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go and model other people just because my dad couldn’t even do anything to teach me anything of value and validity. And how it had to model others who had difficulty and confusion in their life, no efficiency, no proficiency of anything and how i learned theory and rhetoric from others, adding on a whole bunch of ranting bullshit, complaining about other people and their relationships. About themselves and how much of a loser they were, when they didn’t even know what they were doing to themselves, at all whatsoever. And how i did the same thing, sabotaging myself, talking about others, adding on extra shit, and relationships and having to compel to add and to be too enthusiastic and out of reality and into my mind to what is not even here in reality to make something actually worthy and of value for the better, at all whatsoever, nothing. And sooner or later, I would end up isolating and confining myself in my own mind and never associate with anyone, but me and myself, and not even getting the proper help to who are actually effective and efficient in how they do things and express themselves. Even when I did find those people, how I asked for help and wanted to do the things that I wanted to do and improve it and adapt within it. And somehow, I never did exactly as they had mentioned and taught to me, I always wanted to do my own thing, and along the way, self sabotaging myself, like my father was doing, i mean, all the fucking time, he would always do it, fucking himself over, and how i would be doing the same thing not ever realising that i was imitating a deadbeat who was running his life and doing stupid things that weren’t helping him and how i was nothing but a copy just like him, not even questioning, not even challenging it and why I ever expressed myself as such a fool as myself as him. And even complain in a whiny voice and dragging my words and even sometimes making it so cringing to experience from an outsider, and how I never knew that i was being abused and brought up to be this way, raised with abuse, and devalued for the utmost atrocious of the atrocity of bullshit, for the worst.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself when and if i didn’t know how to do anything and eventually didn’t get the results that i wanted, and how it never bothered to get help for it, i always wanted to help myself. Because I thought no one would understand, in fact, they never did, even if I would explain to them and get help, and when i did get the advice, I would never do it, just because I was so comfortable in my own complacency and not doing the exact way it was being mentioned and taught and expressed. I just still thought my invalid ways were better, when in fact and reality, it was not, nothing ever real. Even to ways of ugly looks and demeaning looks to express myself in such defamatory ways to devalue myself, because I never did ever actually truly value myself at all. Nothing at all for real, at all whatsoever. In all dimensions and inter-dimensions, were all fucked, at every corner, and turn, every nook and cranny for the worst. And how I would meditate over this for days, weeks and weeks on end, losing my self identity, that I never had, thinking it was me, when I was never me, even up this very time and moment of my life and of living breath and expression. And how I never did what was best for me, I just never knew anything to do what was best to be of real validation and results to be in my life for whatever i wanted to do, it was never to be for the better, at all. Whatsoever. And even into wasting time and not realising that I was always here, I was confined and conforming to my own mind as if things were terrible, when in reality, it was me who was experiencing terrible things inside me and how i never knew, ever why, until right now as i speak and write this.
When and as I see myself wasting precious minutes and breath of time in physical reality, I stop and breathe and beware and do what is needed to do that is available and create things to be available for my life for the better.
When and as I see myself not improving and adapting to apply myself to make and get something real in my life and in my business, I stop and breathe, and realise what i need to do, do it.
When and as I see myself starting someone and not finishing it, just because I want to make up a lie and say to myself, i don’t want to do it, due to time constraint and effort, I stop and breathe, do what i need to do and do it anyway to achieve what I set out for myself.
When and as I see myself being a slave to the mind and binding by it’s false lies and laws and equations that aren’t best, I stop and breathe.
When and as i see myself urging myself to say something stupid and not keeping it simple and direct with common sense and stability, I stop and breathe, and redirect the way to simplciity and directly to what matters to create a result that will be best to achieve with success.
When and as I see myself not speaking up, I stop and breathe and do so to speak up with common sense and pragmatically.
When and as I see myself urging myself to add on stupid and dumb shit onto what doesn’t matter to the situation, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself conforming to my mind and how I need and want to be there instead of here in reality, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself hurting myself to perform an atrocious act that isn’t best, I stop and breathe, and direct myself as self directive principle to do what is best.
When and as I see myself urging myself to do something that is not purposeful to achieve and create anything to be real and only just rhetoric and complacency and theory, I stop and breathe.
When and as i see myself urging myself to going off to distract myself to something that isn’t of worthiness to my purpose and creation at hand and path, I stop and breathe.
When and as i see myself not applying myself to do something for real, and in real physical reality and just in my mind, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not always to be creating and making something real and of validity for real, I stop and breathe.
When and as i see myself not being here and urging myself to not be here in physical actual reality to create anything to be real for the better that is good and of result, I stop and breathe.
When and as i see myself not communicating simply and directly to the point and urging myself to do so to fuck myself, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not focusing on the task at hand and having to want to urge myself to distract myself from what is not even here to create and complete to get a real result consistently, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to not want to do something for real, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to not want to level up in my life and remain complacent and contemplating it, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not living the changes for real, and urging myself to do so in contemplation and complacency, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not doing what’s best for real, indulging and urging myself to do so in contemplation and complacency, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to fiddle with my fingers and being bored and not doing anything real and of production and productivity, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not making something real and of validity, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging to be addicted to the mistake that I made, that wasn’t best and how it didn’t get me what I wanted and help the other person as well, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to be idle and doing nothing, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to do nothing and be idle, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to conform to invalid creation, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to lie to myself to not want to do something to make something real and of a productive result to become better as an individual, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging and wanting to lie to myself to deviate from what’s best and getting me the result that I am wanting to get in consistency, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not doing anything to be real and authentic, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself being inconsistent in my efforts of creation as a physical result and improving result, in what I am doing for myself and/or with others, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not pushing myself and stopping myself to not make anything real in consistency for the better, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to lie to myself that the validity of life and physical life isn’t here and how there's nothing to do to create, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself wasting time with others and especially myself and not doing anything of purpose and creation for real to improve and adapt within it, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself lying to myself that the validity of life isn't here, and just in the mind, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself bullshitting myself that life isn't here and how there is nothing and how I am being complacent about it and contemplating what I should do to create, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself conforming to what is not here in reality and just within the mind, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself not doing something and urging myself to go in the wrong direction slowly, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to conform with people who are not doing anything all their lives and having so much confusion and difficulty in their lives, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself conforming to what's not there, I stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself urging myself to conform to a mistake that isn’t real in real life, and how just in my mind to create it to be real, I Stop and breathe.
When and as I see myself saying and in my head that consequences are not real, I stop and breathe.
I realise that my father never taught anything real, but theory and contemplating into complacency and sometimes just going right into complacency and just completely bullshitting around and being idle like a deadbeat blind chicken loser. Not ever questioning why my life was ever to be this way, and how it has ended up this way. And how each and every decision that I‘ve ever made had affected me to be like this, to not want to do what could’ve been actually done, but was put off with wanting to be a loser and have to conform to the mind and not do anything with my life at all whatsoever. For that, when I had imitated him and knew that he wasn’t able to provide and told me in a sense to fuck off and do something else with your life. And I went to other people to get help, but instead those people and friends were not effective and just confused and delusional about life and their non-existent purpose. And how I somehow conformed to their way of delusion and illusion, way of living and expression as living words that are not best for all life, not even my life either. Because he knew he never had a best interest at heart in me, nor did I ever have my best interest in me for myself truly to trust myself and care for myself truly at all either. No wonder I don't care about myself and am always conforming to lies, ‘oh I don’t want to do it’, because I am lying to myself and living the lie, for so long, not even questioning why and challenging why I was doing so. And how I never questioned the deadbeat either, nor even challenge him either, at all whatsoever.
I realise that when I was wanting to learn from others, no one had a true inkling and lick of knowledge of anything true and best. Therefore, Ui did the same thing in confusion and difficulty for the worst. Not ever wondering why I was communicating ineffectively and inefficiency and having to add on extra shit and say nonsense that was to be nonexistent to the purpose to the situation and what was to be talked about in great confusion and negative productivity and time to be wasted that isn’t even worth it to be, at all whatsoever.
I realised that i was and still living my life in confusion and no direction and how I say i have direction, when in fact and reality, my actions and feeling is not lined up with it to be logically, it is misaligned and contradicted. For the worst. No real result of anything, nothing at all, whatsoever.
I realised that I was conforming to stupidity and entering loserville each and everyday, not ever wondering why I wasn’t doing anything real to create, because i was in fact, living the living words, that weren’t even best for me, nor was it best for anyone who was associating with me either. Nor were they at all, and how everyone i ever knew and talked with, it was all a dry and dead purpose and no direction, no soundness, no life to it, nothing at all, whatsoever. And how now that I realised that, I was doing myself a big dishonor and favor of deluding myself into oblivion and how i didn’t even want to be there, but i did it anyway, because i didn’t want to be alone and isolate myself in my own solitary confinement of the mind. Even though i was, while i was with people, not ever knowing why i was acting in those ways, staring into mid space and being idle and sad and depressed not realising that I am possessed by something that isn’t me, but I am living it, as me, a living lie, for the worst.
I realise that I would always compromise myself in every opportunity and situation into oblivion and say to myself that i don’t want to do it, nor do anything to truly trust myself for real.and how i've only been persistent and persevering to make something real, but I was only living something that isn't best for me, no matter how much my thoughts and words were deterring me that i was living. I was just never ever since, truly consistent and trust worthy of myself and from others, no one ever trusted me, therefore, I was never taught to instill and trust myself for real, in every way, nothing ever at all. No matter what i do, and have done, it was all for nothing.
I realised that I was conforming to 50/50 and sometimes 50/0 to end up with 0, instead it was never 100:100 ratio, it was all sometimes done and never done. And most of all, my efforts and effectiveness were all, for nothing, for the worst.
I realised that when my parents finally said no to me that i couldn't do anything anymore, i would complain and be angered and shake around my arms in anger and was so possessed in a evil devil like manner, and throwing a temper tantrum and fit that i didn't get what i wanted. And how they never explained to me why I wasn't able to get what I wanted. And how ever since, I never went on my own truly independent and self sufficient is how to get what i wanted for me and to make myself a living and be free, instead that was never the case. And tarnished on so many levels and degrees for the absolute fucking worst. How unfortunate and sad and depressing that is for a parent to be doing that to me and/or to any child in the world, and ruining their life, not even qualified to be parents and parent the child. That in fact, not many people are even qualified to parent a child to be self sufficient truly for the better, at all whatsoever. And how it is all done, for nothing and for the great detriment of humanity, humans will never make it unless they are educated properly and in stable and common sense pragmatic ways that are best. No punishing, no yelling, no lying, no nothing of any manipulation that is negative, threats of any kind, nothing should’ve been like that. But instead, no one ever knew how to do it, and how my parents did the exact opposite, and how they fucked me up for the absolute worst. No wonder I am not where I want to be and aspire to be in my life, many years and wasted years later, since the age time frame from 8-10 and then onto 12-16 and 17-20, 20-25 and so on. And up until right now, and it was done all, for nothing. For great detriment on me and himself and everyone I’ve ever known in my life. That my life was fucked up by people who were not prepared to do anything of value, they destroyed my life and my foundation, and how I was also the participant in that process as well, no matter how hard I tried to compete and achieve at anything, nothing ever real. And all yelling and complaining for nothing. And how no parent in the world is prepared for this truly, no matter what they do that they think is best, it is not at all whatsoever. Delusional fools. You will perish for the worst of your foundation and along with everyone else who is complacent and contemplating on what they should do for the better, but they’ll always conform to negative detrimental patterns, and never change for real, because in fact, they don’t know how to. No wonder they will never, and i mean never, ever make it in life for real, unless they change and do what is best for all, with self honesty and integrity for the better.
I realise that as if no one has seen me be in complacency, but is me who is witnessing myself all along, not ever questioning me and challenging me to do what is best. And how no wonder my life is the way it is in lack and limitation for the worst, the absolute worst in great detriment and ingenuity for the worst.
I realised that when i picked up a book and realised after a few pages or more and far into it to a certain extent, i would end up saying i don't want to do it and put it down. Instead of using the information and applying myself in real life. And how I say my parents and friends do the same thing picking up something but no focus and attention to do what is best to make something real and learn something for real and apply it in their lives. Therefore, i never did it either, having to easily put down something as if it was boring to me, when i had no meaning to my life, therefore, i did put things down so easily, and even if they are to work and benefit me, I would still quit easily some way and somehow, not even realising that I was stepping myself and tripping myself unintentionally, automatically, without questions and challenge, at all whatsoever.
I realised that I was conforming so easily, and never even to stop myself and direct myself to do something else that will lead me to momentum that is best. Instead i never did any of that, I just did nothing and all for nothing for the absolute worst.
I realised that I was hiding my self honesty, because I had no self honesty, I only forever had self dishonesty.
I realised that I have been living the detrimental words that were and is not best for me, my whole entire life, no wonder I was not able to communicate, express, apply myself to do something and be creative for real, and make something truly real for the better at all.
I realised that I never truly ever, had a purpose for my life, nothing for self direction and self possession within a purpose and meaning for life, at all whatsoever at all.
I realised that I never truly ever followed through even if i was experiencing some type of trauma and set back, I just never came back to be consistent truly again with true authentic momentum at all.
I realised that I was conforming to life's lows and highs and never following through principle as life, it was always based on energy and just plain feeling, no principle at all whatsoever, no wonder I never made anything, truly at all. Whatsoever under any circumstance to be for the better. At all.
I realised that I was conforming to life's mistakes and dwelling on them and enver overcoming them, and to have no true support within that for real, at all whatsoever.
I realised that I never ever truly ever saw the obvious, I only saw it in oblivion for the worst.
I realised that if i never got the support of anyone, I would’ve never made it out for the better, not even alive, though that i am alive, it’s much better to be here than anywhere else, to do what's best for the better.
I realise that I was leaving a lot of things up and left to chance and not for opportunity and principle at all whatsoever.
I commit myself to speak simply and directly and with common sense and right to the point. Making things simple, compelling and very nice to hear and actually to do something about and make happen for the better. For as I see myself as life and life resonance as self directive principle as the flesh as living words as LIFE!
I commit myself to become much more effective and efficient in how I express myself in my words, and as myself as an individual, leading myself and others into proper planning with people, strategies and tactics and execution within priority of cash within the companies I will be running, including myself and with others. Making things simple and connecting with the proper sequence that is pragmatic and simple to execute the tactical plan, step by step and scaling our operations and how I am and each of us as individuals, as equal, as one, pragmatically for our super success!, For as I see myself as life and effective and efficient as self directive principle in expression, in every way and all ways!
I commit myself to become much more of an effective communicator, keeping things simple and directly to the point and compelling. For as I see myself as life and self directive principle as living words, to improve and adapt with effectiveness and efficiency for the better as LIFE!
I commit myself to speak with my kids and my wife simply and directly and compellingly, in direct simple terms and with the proper effective and efficient context so that they can be able to understand with context. For whatever of how things work, what we do, and what things are when and as we are learning from books, the computer, the world, and the living life around us. Plants, bugs, weather, cars, and much more with stability, pragmatically, along with common sense for the better. For as i see myself as life and life resonance in awareness and as self directive principle as effectively as ever as LIFE!
I commit myself to express myself to my employees, software, chemical, mechanical, and technology engineers and chemists and scientists, lawyers, accountants, salespeople, senior partners, shareholders, and directors, with simplicity and direct compelling leading communication. So simple and direct and to the point where they’ll always want to do it, and to lead everyone and help everyone lead themselves and each to victory, to create a world that is best for all, clean energy, clean food and water, basic needs, education, environment for the better. To create and scale up and up and along the way, to create a monopoly by becoming so super wealthy, to control the markets and change the world, with 1+1 principle simply with persistence and perseverance and tactically along the way for the better. For as I see myself as life and as self directive principle in direct simple compelling expression and self leadership and leadership itself for LIFE!
I commit myself to write self forgiveness and self corrective application, forgiving myself of what is not best within me and how I am living my life as the living words as flesh. Self directing reactions as self directive principle with stop and breathe statements to when and if a reaction were to ever come up, and take self directive principle in the moment and take care of what is here in reality. Realisation statements to realise what and how these living words have affected me detrimentally my whole my entire life, not even realising that I was living something that isn't helping me to move forward in my life at all whatsoever. With that, I commit myself to write self corrective application statements to recorrect myself to what is best for me and how I can become much more effective and efficient in my business and in my life. How I express myself in words and as myself as an individual with others as well. Along with using the tools of TechnoTutor to live the information to improve and adapt for the better, along the way for and as LIFE! For as I see myself as life and self directive principle to become the best version of myself each and every day, improving better and effectively and efficiently than ever, as LIFE!
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