Day 75: Redefining Time

 Time

(Read aloud and Breathe)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that as a father, I have ruined and demised the definition of time to my son and how when and as a certain time would come to go to anyplace. Whether it be an airport or restaurant or any other place, I would tend to rush him, as if he needs to be hurrying up his breath and to waste it and be so quick to get things ready, he would end up missing out on what he was supposed to get and/or pack of something to be ready for his flight or any other place he would attend to arrive to, as being on the way. And how I was doing this myself, not realising that I was doing it, and was rushed the same way in the military, and how no wonder my drill sergeants rushed me and my friends and war buddies rushed me and how my parents did the same thing to me. All the jobs that I’ve ever worked had rushed me, and then I lived the living point of the words as the  flesh as me as rushing wasted breath on time of something that wasn't even worthy of my time, and how I am just wasting it on feeling good entertainment, whether it be education or not. And how my son is possibly doing the same thing in my own assumption, and how no wonder he wasn’t able to use his time effectively  and to use actual effective extreme application. And how I was never able to do that, but to rush and imprint and impose that upon  my son, even when I did wake him up to be going to school, and how it would be a  certain time to wake up, I would expose him to the light and rush him to get someplace to  get up right away and force shit, force freshening up, force piss, force eat, force his being to rush himself, by making him force rush to obligated to  take a responsibility, that he was being rushed for and now has the wrong definition of what  actual time is and how  to even use the damn thing at all. And how I had done that shit to myself, and how I am not doing it to my son, a s other people have done it to me in all ways and varying  degrees to the point of no return fro rushing with wasted breath on  something was to be meant to be bombarded even before it was bound to happen, and it was all due to my fault and low  quality of d decision and leadership from myself and to my son, what a fucking Idiot I am. And how no wonder my son, always has to rush himself to be obligated  to do something, and how I have tamed in him ways to be and act this way, that is not even him, it is just another reflection of me and how I pursue about actual time and breath itself, and rushed breath and it’s definition of being and expression of what time is and how to use it. When in fact and reality, I don’t know how to use time, nor do I even know how to do anything about it, and have the absolute wrong definition of time and have wasted so much of my life, and how I have influenced my son detrimentally in the worst ways possible about time and how no wonder, his life is not to be where it is and how I was the one who had fucked with his foundation,  thinking that when and as he would start some type of trouble, which would usually start from me. And  how I was the one who  would start trouble and then I would make up the excuse of there are 18 year olds that move out, and you’re not able to?, well I was the one to cause to deject that ability and object that ability for it to not happen, therefore, he is not  able to be self sufficient on his own, and how I was never able to do so either, and how no wonder his life is the way it is as well. And how my life is and has been the way it is for a very long time, and how I have so much regrets and wasted so much of breath and time, that  I took for granted and never valued any of it, but sequestered it into different areas of my life and always wasted time doing stupid shit, and to think that when and as my son would get sick some days, I would have to compromise my work and waste money and time, to take care of him, and how I get angry over my money, and to value it much over life. And how i am already wasting it, and how that is a bit confusing, but I am nothing but a confused fuck up, and tarnished it for the actual absolute, worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush each and every breath and in every moment that I would make and how nothing was ever truly valued, and that when and as my dad would take off of work and have to be obligated to take care of me. I saw his angry face, as he  was compromising his work and lost money for that day, and how he was angry at me, valuing money over my life as if my life didn’t matter and how nothing ever mattered to me, and how he never  cared about me, but wants me to move out and never take care of me. And how I never knew in actual  realisaton that I did not have a a good foundation to be able to be on my own, nor do I have enough of the money to be able to do what I want and how scaling and defining time was wasted for me and how I have wasted my time, just like how my father had wasted his time, his whole life, sequestering it into different areas and have fucked it up for me, and how i was imprinted and imposed to see what he was doing and how he was fucking himself over with time and wasted breath on wrong things that don’t even matter, an how I was now doing the same thing to be as the inner as the outer reflection of the fool who never had my own best interest at heart  but his own interests and that I have been truly neglected and tarnished and ignored and abuse for the worst. That when and as i would go to travel  to some place or go wherever, I would be rushed to be woken up, or even going to school, and to be bombarded and  my door opened and rushed by someone who thinks they should have some right to be rushing me, and how  it is only that shitty of a quality that is ONLY within the person who is rushing me to think that I need to be rushed to be  and go somewhere, just because my father had been used and abused in the army like a weak pussy as he was. And how he was doing the same thing to me, in his reflection to what he had experienced within the army and from other people who never had his best interest at heart at all either, whatever. No wonder I am operating my life on the wrong definition of time and breath that wasn’t truly even serving me at all whatsoever. No wonder I am not able to make the money that i wanted to make, and how  I have wasted my time on the wrong things that never served me any sort of actual value that could bring me something true to my life.and how i have abused it and even my  attention and focus on things that never was able to make anything, nor could I even think for myself, because someone had made the thinking for me and I was not truly  aware of me as the physical body as me, and not just within the physical. And how nothing was actually in effect for me to be able to direct my reality, and how I was never able to do that and cultivate my time and how my extreme application was tarnished, due to the feeling and definition and breath of the existence and expression of what time meant to me. And how it is just a mere abused assumption that i thought that was true, but was just another reflection and abused definition that I have been living from someone else who has never truly ever cared for me to be doing such things like that to me as if I haven’t a clue and how I shouldn’t be having someone to direct my thinking from someone who is plainly abusive and stupid and ugly, and has a shit attitude to be directing me about my life. And how he has no say over my life, and how he has abused me for so long, and how I have come to do the same things as he was doing to me. And how much of the instability that I’ve had for myself, in extreme abject bullshit excuses that I would live as and not realise how much my life was truly fucked and nothing was actually in even happening in my life, nor could I even properly execute, but to exhaust my efforts, about just thinking about it, and them, and never doing anything about it, as if life wasn’t here, when in fact and reality, life was always here, and nowhere, else, and how everything was always a painful consequence to me, because i could NOT process my reality effectively, nor could I execute anything to get anything done, no wonder, my life the way it is, with not enough money, not enough money to take care my health, my relationships with others and especially the relationship that i have with myself. And how I am not able to take care of anything, because of what and where I got my own definition of time and how I have fucked it up for myself. Within that, even from me witnessing this from others, as from my mom and how she would sleep in and not do anything and wait for things to be last minute to be done and how my dad would would the same thing, in oblivion and how I never trusted fuckers anymore, and how I realised that they are both abusers, thinking that my mom is better, but in fact and reality, she is nothing but a fucking moron idiot, just like my father. And how I am nothing but a shit reflection of her, and how no wonder she will never fix herself , nor will she ever change, she will always be the same. And how I am another reflection of her as according to time, money, and over indulgence, of what and when the day would end or even during the day to buy things that don’t even matter, just because I’ve got the money and how I need to fuel that for my happiness instead of using time effectively to be making money and getting things actually done for real. And howI saw my parents neglect and tarnished sand ignore their life with being ignorant and not truly aware and how I have lived my life to be just LIKE there’s in the image and motion and  expression of the  LIKENESS, as a necessity, when it is not a necessity, it  is a fucking lie. And how I have lived the fucking living lie of people who never cared about me, but only their own self delusional like self interest that don’t even matter. And how I am doing that to my life, without a true care of what life is supposed to mean to me and how I never truly valued my time, but to sequester it into different areas that weren’t even best for me, and how I would postpone until the very last minute of going to bed or going to some place. Of any task or assignment, whether, it be in the morning and how I would waste time and stare into the abyss, as if I Need to be in front of a campfire and be in front of a  sign that says to sit here and be warm and how  I would do that constantly over and over and over again. Not ever considering the fact that I was sitting in front of many fires, and until  all the fire  wood that would caputs, I would end up buying more, and sooner or later my supplies would go empty. And  even my money, and how I would do this on an up and down cycle of my own emotions, not realising that I am the one who is living these up and down emotions of cycles that i am living to waste breath on and time as if time is unlimited, in fact it is, but I am wasting it, and not using my time effectively, therefore, my life as hasn't been the very best. It has been in absolute delusion, and wasting time to be doing certain tings at a certain time, whether it be making at 6 and finishing the things I would do in the morning for my process and then wait till like  10 or 11 to do whatever or sometimes it would be the complete reverse and do the opposite and how I would waste SOOOO MUCH fucking time, like beyond belief, being so stupid and blind and delusional about it and how I realised my father would do the same shit, even my deadbeat oblivious mother would do the sam things, would do the same oblivious things, over and over and over and over, day in and day out. Not ever considering that she was wasting her life away, and never realising it, and how I was doing the same thing as she  as doing and how I was doing the same thing that my father had imposed upon  me and imprinted upon me, and how I would rush myself in each and every decision that i would make. And how I would do the same thing to myself in business, and rush others to doing things for my business and with my business and with me as well. And even when it came to jobs, I would rush others, and sometimes I just be so exhausted and drag my feet to be doing nothing and how others would tend to rush me. Then something within me would rush me ,when someone was seeing me that I was being slow and not working fast enough as if I needed to be watched and cultivated and rushed and always looked after as if  I can’t do anything on my own. In fact, I could, but I didn’t do anything with a true effective extreme application that was to be effective for me to actually perform for real. No wonder my life is the way it is for so many damn years, and how my parents would never do what was best for me, it was always in their own ebay interest, and how I never got to be shown the actual true care and affection, I’ve only ever got the  neglected and ignored version of that and was only attended to by feeling and never by principle. They only cooked for me when they felt good, they only did things for me when they  felt good, helped me out when they felt good, and they never did whatever it took for me to help me with what I wanted, needed or whatever it was. Whether I would be sick or not, and how I am not doing that that to myself obviously, doing things when and as I would feel like it and waste precious time as if I need to be feeling good or better the very next day just to do something, and how no matter if I had adequate time to execute extremely and effectively on what I was even doing. And how i fucking tarnish that for myself, and how my parents only operated on whether if they felt good or not to  feed me and help me, when and as if I would be sick or not. And how no wonder I have had the wrong definition of time and what it is like to help me and myself, and to only do it if  i felt good about anything and never did anything out of self trust and self honesty. Because fucking shit dude, I never fucking had the damn self trust and self honesty, therefore, I was always dishonest in some varying and underlying  waking degree, but I finally got the realisation at 17, that my coach from mixed martial arts, said to me when you want something go out there and get it, don’t wait for yourself or anyone, if you want it, you can get it. And how he was the only person who ever told me to trust myself, clearly in that saying and quote to trust myself and how no matter how much effectively fast and hard and smart I would apply that. I was always falling constantly because I was never able to truly ever live the self trust, it  was all based on some type of feeling eve since, and how I was in this up and down cycle of feeling good or not, but majority of the time, I would always make the time, but i would always fall constantly, and had truly developed some fucking real balls and self trust and self honesty ever since. But things were never really good ever since, when my instability from childhood, started to set up, when and as I would get into business, or either have a girlfriend, and things would just go fucking south  and it literally would take me off the cliff. Like something I was not in true realisation of, and eventually sooner enough, I would do this  again, each time I had a relationship, but I was never able to maintain a relationship even with others and even with myself, because I had an effective relationship with myself, because I was always separating me from me, and being in this other realm of life, that i thought to be true and effective  for me. But yet it was always ineffective. Therefore, my life was never truly for the better. And how IT was always neglecting and ignoring it and being in full denial of what was already here and how I was neglecting life, as MY parents had neglected and was in full denial of life. And how therefore, I am doing the same thing to myself, and to OTHERS, and for that, others started to disgust me and distrust me and never was wanting to be truly self honest and to perceive and see me as trustworthy ever since. And how I would never do what I would say, it would always be the absolute opposite, and therefore, at the time,I was living the living words of a hypocrite, and never was in true  alignment with what the hell I was saying and preaching. Therefore I was nothing to a deceiver, and was not truly  value of and to life. Nor was i even valuable to my own life and to what I was saying and my sayings were nothing but philosophy, trig to be a philosopher, but I was nothing but a fool, just filling a loss further, and not filing any sort of value, nor could I even apply what the fuck I was saying, because I didn’t know meaning to it. But the saying had some meaning to me, but I never could truly live it, nor were other people who were preaching movement, betterment, advancement, but  at times they would just do it with fear, and how they would do the same thing as their parents and other people, school teachers and other people who do business. We're all in the same boat, preaching movement, betterment, advancement and how no one was living the true living words that I even knew of, because in fact, I was a loser, as everyone else was and still is a loser, for the absolute worst. And how this had affected me in each and every way due TO TIME, and how I neglected and ignored it from and for myself, and how i would  say these things, but waste time by not applying it, as if i haven’t a clue of what it is like to be using my time valuably, but I was never in effect and ability to be able to do that. Therefore, I wasted my preaching and philosopher, values on wasted breath and meaningless preaching words that were to be of advancement, betterment and movement, and how I was never able to do any of those things, therefore, I don’t even know what he fuck I was talking about. And I was in fact, delusional for the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mother to be wasting my time on buying things for my happiness and how I have never cultivated the things that I've since bought but never really used. But only wanted to buy it to save my time and happiness, just as so I can feel good and not pay attention to what needs to be done and how I’ve been doing things, even before my son was born and even before I met the fucking deadbeat who I am with now obliviously, still living with him, and how still with my son as if I haven't really left quite yet. And how therefore, I have truly the wrong definition of what time is and comparing it to the cross reference of what it is like to be somewhat of an idiot moron consumer, slave that hasn’t realised what she has been doing with her money for her whole life and how nothing has been in a actual working order and its effectiveness for other people to be not noticing the abuse and  atrocities thatI am doing to myself while no one has a true c are for me. And even i don't, no wonder my financial life and before emotional life was already tarnished before it came to be this way, not having enough, not being able to have enough, it’s always some type of lack and limitation within the time limit and  being restricted of my resources because I was the one who hd  depleted my own resources  to waste so much time and how my son has seen me do this to myself. And how when and as i want to go places, or he wants to go places by himself and he will mostly  and highly unlikely go anywhere on his own, because he doesn’t have the proper resources that were wasted with time and all the feel  good bullshit that I was feeding myself, like a stupid whore, going after shit that I don’t even need. But I want it to buy it anyway, because I thought it would be some type of treasure keeping hunt to keep something that would possibly be valuable one day. and  in fact that one day has never came, so no wonder I have wasted so much thousands of dollars on wasted clothing, opening a business and bankrupting it a week later, because I thought people should be coming to me, instead it is me who has had the reputation, the operation experience, and entrepreneurship spirit, and how that was NEVER within me, and how no wonder I had to close my doors, even the place I had rented and bought out, wasn’t a good location, and how I wasn’t getting any sort of business, and how I felt so embarrassed for my son to even see me for what was happening to my business and myself and for what i am doing to myself, will be wha my son will be doing to himself, to have nothing but failed businesses, thinking customers and clients and operations  experiences should already be there, but reality doesn’t work that way, I have to have the skills and abilities to be able to show myself and express myself to be able to attract those people but I did not have that resonance, therefore my son will never have that resonance in my assumption. Due to my instability that I didn’t even know what to do when it came to opening and building a business, nothing was ever of efficiency, it was inefficient, ineffective, stupid, idiot, moronic, and how no wonder I have failed in business and now still continuously to work for another moron that probably doesn’t have my best interest, nor do I either at all whatsoever. No matter what it is that I am doing to get money or not. I am still buying shit that I don’t need, and how my son will be doing the same atrocities to waste time, and resources, when and as he wants to go travel or buy something or invest in something. He will not have it, because it was due to me influencing him by my efforts and lack of limited efforts to be showing him what my mistakes are and how i have fucked my financial future and emotional future, same within destroying his future as well, as he was watching me obviously as if he didn't even know what was going on. And how I never told him the truth ever since, but he witnessed me sabotaging myself and ruining myself, and wasted a substantial loan to open up a business and expect it to be built by itself, but it does not work that way. I had to be the one who was to build it and hire great people, but I never could hire great people. Because I was never great myself at doing anything, nor communicating with others, no wonder I wasn’t able to do anything to open any sort of business, nor buildit either, and how my son will be at a loss for words and inability to do anything that he wants to build, instead of giving up so easily, when it came to opening time, and the skills and abilities and resources and the wasted time that has come to be where it is today. Nothing is in abundance at all whatsoever, it is nothing but lack and limitation, for a fucking mere self interest that I’ve always wanted for myself and always had to be secretive and hide shit from my son and husband, because I didn’t trust them, nor did I even trust myself, no wonder my business failed, and how my financial and resources have failed, due to the way how my son will live his life as well.

I for myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that when and as resources are wasted and not built up to a certain amount of time, and when it does come to time to invest or buy something or whatever opportunity has arised. All the wasted effort and time and resources have been depleted and how I have watched and witnessed my parents do the most stupidest shit to themselves and how they are doing it to me and how I have witnessed my mom fuck herself time and time again financially, and emotionally buying shit that she doesn’t need. And how not building up the proper effective resources to be able to get to where she can able to have something up until this time, and how she has nothing left but to a slave consumer job to go to and how I have done the same and how I haven’t nothing and have spent 50% of my money that I could’ve have as actual profit. But  I decided to compromise it and myself, for the goodness and sake of my feeling and thinking something outside of me is going to change, but when in fact and reality it is I, who has the change to and ability, changes me and to use self honesty within that. But I never had actual self honesty, nor the self trust, because my parents never had the fucking self honesty, nor the trust, and how I would never have it as well, from watching and witnessing people who were destroying their financial life and emotional life, and how I was going to be doing the same thing without any question, nor challenge, to be seeing what  i was doing to them and even myself, even buying things with their money and how I never did knew ever how to make anything for my own. So no wonder I had to be taking from other people as my parents and how I thought they were taking from me, when in fact and reality, I was the one who was taking from them and also as well, I was in fact, taking from myself, because I had realised the opportunity to create on my own, becauseI was never taught to create create on my own, therefore, I felt like I had to always depend on others and how to not be independent and make my own decisions. I never have any sort of pattern in my resonance and being able to do that. Because I always had the utter crutch of dependency, on people who never had my best interest at heart and mind and have always fed me bullshit and even the instability and same with the abuse as well, for the very much ineffective and inefficient, worst. No wonder I do have the money, nor the resources to be able to do what I want to do, and how I don’t have anything, nor the proper effective skills to be doing anything at all whatsoever. No wonder my life is the way it is since, the very age of 12 or 13, when I witnessed the fuckers ruin themselves, at and from the very beginning start when the bitch wanted to start her business, my father abusing my time and making me get up at times and rushing me when and as I didn’t like him doing that. And how I am not doing those things to myself, not realising that I was living the living expression of abuse and tarnished living from my parents and how they wanted to impose and imprint that on m, without any fucking question, challenge or realisaton of anything and how I did that to myself, ruining myself as if my life ever since has never gotten better, due to what I was imposed and imprinted on. And how much time and the definition of that time, that I have wasted, and even within the resources that I DO NOT fucking have, because of what i define time as, and how money is to be spent within that time frame, just to get a certain thing that is going off the shelf, it’s one left, the words are red or some shit, and how i was influenced by buying those things, just because i “thought” I actually needed them, but I never needed them but was only manipulated by the advertisement on Ebay or Etsy or any other place to buying from and how I never was in actual realisation of I should be doing with my time and money and  resources, that I have depleted, same with my mother and father doing the same atrocities that fucked my life financially, resourcefully, and even time and breath effectiveness, has come to be ineffective and inefficient, and have depleted of my resources that I will never have unless I change for real and rebuild it with the right starting point that’s best for me. Within that, I truly have the wrong definition of what time is, money is, resources stability, it was instability, unstable financial resources, and skills and wishy washy wishful thinking that things have to come to me, but when in and fact reality, reality does not work that way, it requires my effort and cooperation and leadership to do so, within effective communication as well in order to build an actual real business. But it was too soon to be given up on, forever more, so easily, as if building something should be given up on and never  to go forth with it, no matter how daunting and hard it comes to be. I was never able to truly persist and persevere no matter how much I did persist and persevere to create my life to be where I wanted it to be. But my foundation wasn’t letting me, so therefore, I was not truly able to do what I the FUCK I wanted to do, therefore, my life is the way it is, depleted financial capital, depleted resources, depleted network, depleted life, no purpose, no money, no nothing, not even the best relationship that I should be having with myself, and how no one has it with me wither, nor do I have it with them either. And how my life was never going to get better, if I don’t do something about it with extreme effective application of myself to change truly for real with self forgiveness and self corrective application and participating within the group and the system at local, to state, to government, to nation, to international and to soon, the world. And how my life has been the way it is and how it is to be, since those imposement and imprinting from those people who are now just strangers to me, since I was at the age of 12 or 13, and ever since, my life was bound to be destroyed for the worst by and even 5-7, and it was bound to be destroyed, by those people who never had their own best interest in themselves, nor will they ever truly understand to have that within me, because they, do not give a shit. And how i never truly did, either at all, whatsoever.

When and as I see myself wasting my time on things that I think I need to buying, just to always new things and not realise how this will affect my resourcefulness, I stop and breathe and do not get it and increase my effort to create more money, and my skills to become better so I can be able to buy what is best for me and not just that.

When and as I see myself wasting my time on ineffective and inefficient things that are not growing me as a person to increase my skills and abilities and my stability, I stop and breathe, and stop doing what is not best and immediately turn to what is best for me to do to increase my skills and abilities and my stability within becoming more and more resourceful within that and along with the realisations as well.

When and as I see myself rushing myself and having the wrong definition of time and having to rush myself to go to a place, inefficiently and ineffectively, I stop and breathe, and take my time and do it effectively planning ahead of time and executing with extreme  effective application for the better.

When and as I see myself in attempt to want to buy something new and to feel good and deplete my resources  of what I want and should be having, I stop and breathe and do something else that is better and resourceful than just buying something that doesn’t necessarily have any effect to be making me any money at the moment, no matter what it is, for now.

When and as I see myself trying to in an attempt to give myself a back door in my self forgiveness of anything, I stop and breathe.

When and as i see myself trying to in an attempt to buy something to make me feel good ro whatever it is, because of time constraint upon the advertisement and how it is just only one left, for what I do not have yet to have enough of, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself giving up so easily to wanting to build something and wasting even a minute or a second or an hour to be resting and not building continuously to create something truly valuable and better, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself not using my time and being aware of my breath and time effectively, and how i am using it inefficiently and ineffectively, I stop and breathe and realise what the fuck I am doing and immediately get to finishing what I was doing and do it with extreme effective application.

I realised that my childhood was tarnished by people who never had my best interest in mind and nor did they have it in themselves, and how I somehow have come to behave and believe the way they have been operating their lives and who I have to come here and here I am in my life. Depleted of resources, depleted or money, and depleted or relationships, and how that is never going to come back into my life, unless I do something about it to rebuild my life, that my parents and how I have witnessed them destroy their relationship with themselves and i what they did and what they’ve done to themselves and how much irrelevant impetus they have caused themselves. And how I was in attempt to ruin that for myself as well, without any question and challenge to why someone was actually doing something that wasn’t best and how I never was in relation to challenge and question if anything of my living efforts that I was not cross referencing with self honesty and self trust within myself to see what my parents as people were doing to ruin their lives, an how I was bound to as well, to ruin my life and do things that are not best for me. Even when it came to money, and having to buy things that aren’t even best for me and how I never realised that I was doing the same things that my parents were doing and these fuckers have defined time and money as, especially time. And how they have depleted their own resources and money and how their lives are not where it is supposed to be and how i was bound to be the one who would also as well destroy my life financially and emotionally from the get go and start from people Never did care about me, and tried to show me superficial love, but in fact it was abuse, all this time, and how i never knew they were trying to do things out of abuse, and never out of true care and affection,  it was abusive love, in fact. And how they have never realised that, but it was that way, and has been that way, especially with the deadbeat father, who is just a stranger to me  and who is basically a nobody, and deadbeat who just stays home all day and never does anything with his life having to retire with little to nothing to his name. Which he has nothing to his name and how he is barely surviving, and how i am the same way currently. Due to my habits and ways and impulsiveness to buy things that are not even best for me. Therefore, I do it anyway, because I think I need those things.

Therefore, I realise that my mom was the same way and how I had to compromise my money and resources and have done the same thing as she had done to fuck her self financially and emotionally with so much instability and how i am doing the same atrocities that she and her deadbeat husband has been doing to make me ruin my life. And how I was watching and downloading what they were doing that was NOT best, and how I was bound to do so, not even a question, it was there, i was oblivious to the fact that my life was going to be destroyed financially and was going to have the wrong definition of money and resources and TIME, itself, and how wasted it is going to be. Due to the timeline and events of what was NOT built properly and effectively. It was all ineffective and inefficient to where I will not be able to truly build anything, but to easily give up and close my shit down and never do anything with my life, being a close thinking and doer, just like my mom and my father. Who are just nobodies now they, are losers walking around with a pestering mind and how negative and broke they are, how disgraceful for someone  to be doing those things to themselves without even realising that they ARE doing it to themselves, without any question, challenge or whatever the fuck it is. And how my life is and way it has been for a long long fucking time, since 12 years or even younger, when I started going back to elementary to it 5-7 or somewhere, I was neglected of my sleep and had to wake up early the next day, and could not wake up, and how my father had to come to wake me up and rush me and how I didn’t like being rushed. And had totally the wrong definition of what time and before and it’s cause and effect of what has been built up all the way before  of what is bound tot be actual result of an ongoing basis that was going to be in effective and inefficient due o what i was never going to be able to realsie and understand that my life was bound to be fucked people who NEVER  gave a fuck about their lives and how i was bound to be the same one, being truly ineffective and inefficient in who I am as expression and what I live as living words that were not going to be what was best for me. No wonder my life has been where it is and the way it is for a very long time. And how nothing has truly ever changed fundamentally financially and emotionally depleted of resources, BEYOND  belief, and how my future has truly been destroyed, by people have ruined me, and how I have ruined myself along the way, not realising that I was one of the advocates to ruin my life and how my life is the reflection of their abuse and blinded realisation, that they’ve never had. Therefore, my lief bound to be the same and reflection of theirs in my own creation, and how I will never be able to build anything for true reality, and I have to rebuild myself to do what is best for all, because the fuckers never cared so I HAVE to care and do it for real to have a better life and never allow any abusers, not even them. And how my life has truly been ineffective and inefficient due to my witnessing of the abusers and tarnishes of what how my life has truly become to where it is today, depleted of time, resources, relationships, especially the one relationship I have with myself, and how money and having the WRONG definition of time, and how it is just a reflection of what my parents defined as time and buying things that were never going to serve them to make more money, but if it did they, were going to spend it anyway, and how I was going to do the same thing as well. With pure stupidity, and how my dad would just spend it stupidly on stupid shit that he didn’t need either. It would be a never ending revolving abusive pattern and cycle, that would and will never end for anyone to be realising that abuse happens every day in this household, to anyone and anybody to others or not, to themselves or not, it happens, because no one has ever realised why one’s life is the way it is, due to the instability and being blinded by that, within the living words of what one is living. And how i am and that person who is living the abuse, same with my father, same with my mother, and how they are nothing to me, but strangers and idiots who just live here, and how I shouldn’t be here in this situation, but I have to, because I have no place to go, but here. So i have to rebuild and get out of here and be free, by starting with me and people who have principles and are doing what’s best for all life to do what is best to create an abundant life for the better, truly.

I commit myself to redefine my time and to build my resources and to do it effectively and efficiently where when and as I would come to have enough or more than enough for an investment otr anything that I want to buy as a book to read or anything that seems interesting and practical to buy with common sense, then I will do so within what’s best. To understand how the cause and effect would come to buying things or sell things, whether it be in business or not, relationships or whatever, and how I will understand how to do that effectively and truly understand the mechanics and movement that is and how to do it truly from the perspective of always using common sense effectively. For as I see myself as life and living redefining words of time within principled living as LIFE!

I commit myself to understand how to use the cause and effect rule, within the outcome of the time and where it will lead me, and to do so with my application of effective extreme application that will be best to do. And immediately apply myself and lead myself to create value and money along the way. And to create much more and improve my skills and abilities and not just focusing as well on the money, but to improve my skills and abilities, and the profits will come, as I am applying and moving myself, and living the preaching words that I do say and not just say them before I do anything and think that I am some philosopher. And sooner or later, the money will come in so fast, abundance will in some fast, I will have to get better resources along the way, as i moving and connecting with others and being here and genuinely  doing so, authentically giving and delivering of myself 100% of the way, no matter what happens and to do so patiently and persistently, patiently and perseveringly, in the best ways of effective extreme application possible to make each and every minute valuable and hour and day and week and month and quarter, 6 months to date and 1 year. And to measure how my life will be able to be with extreme effective application and leading others to do the same and help others realise that they should value their time and how to consider how to do it and do so, and see how their life will change drastically for the better, within offering the tools of Desteni I Process, and same with TechnoTutor, because they both go hand in hand, and to truly have an effective and build an effective life, with the support and helping one another truly develop the internal will power to express it within having and expressing on the outer, and doing so immediately, for them and not just for me. So we can all truly create a community and locality, and world, nation to nation, internationally, for a world that’s best for all, for the better. For as I see myself as redefining words and living words as self directive principle for living what’s best for all and as principled living and express for the better.

I commit myself to help my kids understand the value of my time and give them my time and energy and same with my wife and how we can truly give to them and  help them, while being there for them. And being truly attentive and with the proper care and affection that we are here together as one, as equal, as equality and oneness. To help them get the proper rest when needed, the proper nutrition when needed, the proper education all the time in the best efficient and effective ways possible when needed. To truly create a fertile environment to truly be created actual success and for the kids to flourish, to same with my wife and myself and when we invite our colleagues over and how the environment is so opulent and beautiful to where life is always amazing, and we are truly making it better with our living words and actions that are best for all. Within that to helping them understand and myself and my wife, to know how to do etiquette, and communicate  effectively, and of course to explain things to them and how it works and how certain things are and what we can do currently right now and what we can do with our efforts and the leverage of others, and not to do just the things we want to achieve and a accomplish just all by ourselves, that it contains with other people, and that we are truly inter-dependent on each other to truly create this reality to what’s best for all, for the better, for as one, as equal, as equality, as equality and oneness. For as I see myself as life and redefining words within principled living and expression for what’s best for all as self directive principle!


I commit myself to write self forgiveness to forgive myself, and compress the time for the possession that is not best within me, and when and as I see a reaction coming, I will write stop and breathe statements to stop myself and breathe and take self directive principle as life. Within realisation statements to write and realise what has affected me and how I am living my life right now, whether it be natural so to speak and in a heredity type like way that I have yet to notice for quite some time. Within that, I commit myself to write self corrective and self commitments to recorrect myself and live the living of the correction that is best for me and how I interact with others and what i do for my business as well. Within using the tools of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application, and using extreme effective application with cross referencing with self honesty along the way. Same with my work and how i operate my life and with others, then to using the tools of TechnoTutor as well to create my self to become truly effective and efficient in how I express and build myself and my business and how I interact with others and communicating with others and how and what I can do to truly become effective in my expression and creation for life itself for the better. And congregating with others who ARE effective and keep out the abusers and never let anyone back in who is not welcome, nor worthy of our time and breath and energy for what’s best for us and for them. And within that, I commit myself to truly create a beautiful and opulent life for with who I am becoming to build myself, to recreate myself, to purify myself, to perfect myself, with self honesty and self trust along the way with extreme effective application from myself and for with others for the better, patiently and persistently, patiently and perseveringly, for as I see myself as life and redefining words as within principle and principled living as the expression of me as living words as self directive principle for doing and creating a world that’s best for all life!